elmozzosays - Tumblr blog

[elmozzosays]

25 July 2023

After writing my essay about my journey into fitness. A lot has happened in my life. Got a part time job at a small bar/restaurant a coworker helped me find. It's been good there and I just bang it. So far I got to know the rhythm in 3 weeks! Working out has been sightly reduced cuz the middle of my week, I worked the whole day on Wednesday and Thursdays. I make sure I eat well and all the walking and going up and down the stairs seems to keep me on the move.

On another note, Summer has gone quick. It's already mid Summer and haven't gone to the beach. I has plans today but started raining! My luck.... Will leave that for another day I guess. To another workout this afternoon, then relax, maybe editing and listening to some records tonight.

Just got this tablet to write more often here. I always say that and I even lie to myself about that. Time to lay down what's going on in my life. By the way, there's this girl I really like. I even told her today what drives me to her is her personality. It's killer. I know she likes me but her preferences are different than mine. Her evergy and vibe makes my day even better. At least she knows that now.... She blushed.

Days at work (on both jobs) has been good lately. Keeping that good energy. I only have Mondays off. At least this part time job gives me some extra cash to relieve my current situation. It will be better I know. Til later

[elmozzosays]

The One Second Decision

I meant to write this a couple days ago. I did announce it over twitter but life and plans for the better happened along the way. Found a day when I could sit down and put down a couple of paragraphs to detail my 1 second decision. But what is it? it’s not what you think. I am fully aware about my preferences. Stay here and I'll further explain: 

November 2022: on fully working season. Every place at the food industry is blooming with constant pressure and long hours to work. At that moment I was well, eating whatever I could find, going with friends after work for drinks and sightly resting. It took a toll. Some people started to notice something in me that I was not fully aware: I was gaining weight. People’s opinions about me are not relevant, but when more people noticed, it was something to analyze. 

By the end of the World Cup, I was invited to shoot a baby shower. Some coworkers were invited. I was extremely exhausted and basically went home and passed out in bed. I had missed calls by 2 girls who were there, wondering where I was. A chance missed. Something could've sparked there but it is what it is. 

At the beginning of 2023 a surprise boost at my workplace occurred (from January to March is dead season) but this one was different. I was glad but my mood, physique was getting at a low point. All these months of every day drinking were affecting me that I secretly dealt with a minor depression, not even my friend who I hang out the most knew. One of my coworkers gave birth and she insisted to visit her and I had to decline several times. I later revealed to her the real reason and she understood. it wasn't bullshit, it was some serious stuff. 

Reaching 40 made me realize a lot of things. I need to make serious changes, especially body wise. One day after taking a shower I look at the mirror fully naked and realize something: A change must be made. I look disgusting! beer belly, no muscle, weak. On Thursday, March 16 a decision was made and it only took 1 second to make it happen: I embarked into a commitment fully to myself: Improved everything about me, leave behind all sorts of addictions (drinking) and start on a new regimen. I always had dumbbells laying around the house. Bought them a long time ago and used them from time to time but nothing serious. This time, I set the rules. Started with 3 day workout of 40 mins with weights, quit drinking (mostly) meaning I don't drink every day like I used to. Also, change my eating routine. Left aside what my body don't need. Now I see food as fuel. 

Ditching those bad habits was as simple as 1,2,3. I must admit, I gotta thank my Military school background for the early mindset I was given back In the early 90′s. That still happens to this day. Discipline is my ultimate drive. 

I have made the 3 month mark since I decided to change. It was hard at first, but like my sister told me, It’s better now than later. People stared to notice the change and it’s not accident: the effort I'm putting now, will reflect tomorrow. It’s a long ride, but every step counts. My minor depression went away, I no longer feel sad or anxious about stupid shit, determination for what I want to do shows up every day: I perform better at work, eat right, rest better and an overall change is reflected. 3 months ago, none of that was present. None. 

I am also more confident. Clothes that didn’t fit, do now, my waist shrunk and now update in jeans must be made. I feel slim. no more embarrassing beer gut and for the first time, wearing a t-shirt feels natural. 

For you reading this and want to make a change for yourself: it’s never too late. We all start at something that’ll later develop into a normal part of your life. Do it for you, not for others. This change I made also risk leaving some people behind, including my 9 year friendship (on that on some other post). It was a hard decision, but it wasn't contributing anymore. 

Thanks to a decision not hard to make, I am on the other side of the fence. Focusing on what matters, on what's important: Myself. 

[elmozzosays]

January 9 2023

Another year went out so fast. 2022 was a good one in many aspects, some highlights. Moneywise, tight as fuck, but could paid off all my bills. 

First week, productive. It did seem it’ll die down business wise, but it’s been surprisingly moving, not a dull moment. Weather wise it felt like LA in January. I wish NYC didn't feel as cold as today. 

Also, this week was full of good moments with coworkers going out having some pints and talking. Venting out how your day was a with them and have a laugh can be quite therapeutic. Laughter can be good for you. 

This year I won’t slack off on posting here since I would love to document on how my days will be in 2023. This year’s theme is: RECEIVE. For too many years I've been giving too much, now is my time to receive, no only material things (in which I’m nos asking a lot, just the necessary) but love, health, opportunities, chances, support, company, a shoulder to cry on and sincerity. This will be 2023 for me. 

2022 left too many stories to be told (will throw a couple of stories here and there) but for now, some rest for me. It’s been a great start! 

[elmozzosays]

April 7 2022

Next post will be an extensive writing on someone that’s going thru a difficult time. I do hope she shines after the clouds above her head clear out. 

Days are going good. too much to write, I just need to find a moment alone to get everything out of my mind . take care. 

[elmozzosays]

March 6 2022

another weekend ended. Man, this year if flying by fast. It felt like mid 60′s and the smell of Spring was definitely up there. I really wanted to hang out with at least someone who made this afternoon worthy. i decided to visit my very good friend 70. Hung out, watched a movie, ate pizza and kind of caught up on things lately. I somewhat envy that he gets to have his place (he shares it with a coworker/room mate) with no parents at all. Awesome right? 

i don’t know if women are interested at all in me. I do have an oddly but unique personality. I have to admit, I own it. This new bartender was really nice and approachable, talking really close and did not seem to be weird around me. Very confident and pretty. This time around, I am not having any expectations because this occurred to me in the past. Pretty typical, then all my hopes are on the smoke. Next. It’s been that way all my life. I’m just doing my thing and if develops on something, cool. If not, I wont be crushed. 

Forgot to say my best friend called me last night. We just spoke under an hour and she got quite mad about an issue she just had over a week ago with an airline. She just traveled to Colombia to visit but ended up catching Covid, her arrival to the States took a while because she couldn't get a negative result. Although she advised me and told me not to judge her (how can I) she did coke in order to get a fast negative result in order to speed up her fight back. I thought it was hilarious! I get to think she has way more stories that I, and this one topped it. 

Another week starts with only having one day off, then on a roll. Need a good night sleep for sure. Did not have a smoke and only drank one beer. All I needed.

later 

[elmozzosays]

March 4 (afternoon/night) and March 5 2022

Arrived at work feeling off. Even one of my coworkers noticed my lack of motivation and told me why i was too quiet. I explained. Later on, night seemed to improved and some wine was starting to roll because I wanted to lift my spirits. It worked of course. There’s that thing alcohol causes to you when consumed: extremely joy and sense of being in the right moment. Other people joined. It was a nice night. Saw my crush and could talk and joke around with her. I don’t think she noticed i was “happy” cuz of the fix, because I act silly anyway. 

of couse this all has a opposite effect: the hungover. Being Saturday and knowing it’s a busy day, i could only beg It is slow, Nope. it was not. It rolled on its usual clusterfuck but I got done. Before leaving, one of my friends told me it was his last day there and found another gig. I was happy for him. We went for a few pints and enjoyed the afternoon/early night. Gonna miss your presence and great vibes Joso. 

Sunday, I know what to expect. hope i could have fun later with some other buddy to wind up the week. It’ll be close to 70 degrees, at least the weather won’t suck. 

later 

[elmozzosays]

March 4 2022

Friday, the feeling corporate people look forward to, not me. As I grow older and working on a somewhat shifty (and shitty) industry (food and beverage industry) the days seem the same. I could go out drinking with buddies on a Monday not caring if the next day I have to work. It’d feel like a Friday night. 

Yesterday the whole team had a supposedly 5 min meeting (it was like 10 really) about the work we do inside of a restaurant. In the whole meeting, not even a “thank you guys for you ward work blah blah blah” it was more about complains. Next to me, it was this girl who serves as my model when I go photograph, basically pointing every flaw i had as my boss was babbling. I was like what the fuck? i basically ignored her at that point. I hadn't had that since hight school in the early 90′s. Cannot believe that shit still haunts me. I will have a talk to her about that off work premises because that crossed the line. 

I do go against all “leadership” well, to call that leadership is an elegant way to call those people. They are inept. They know it. I will continue to do my thing and i’m sure everyone else will.  Had a great shift but towards the end had to clean up what those corporate drunks left. Credit to my shift manager to tell them party was over. I was past midnight. 

in between all that, I saw my crush for like a minute and didn't even acknowledge my presence. Cool. It’s like it hasn't happened in the past and i am already used to it. If my friends are there to joke around, enough for me. i am starting to ignore things like that and focusing more on myself. If I ever catch her along, no more conversation bullshit. I think I gave myself too much with no credit. 

Friday will be celebrated like any other day, there’s no special day of any of those days of the week. One day at a time. time to have fun.

later... 

[elmozzosays]

March 3 2022 “It’s been a while”

I left this space abandoned for no reason because i had a lot to say all these months I left this unattended. I should’ve laid down at least a couple sentences. i’m sorry. I will not promise anything from this point on since i always write the same vague and false statements. I just wanted to catch up with you. A lot has been happening since the last time I wrote here. Changed jobs, felt lost, got my mojo back and everything in between. I really hope you are good. In these times, I live one day at a time. The only thing that’s keeping me going is Photography and Music. People come and go and I don’t compromise til i see the other party doing the same. 

Much to say and write. In a couple of weeks Spring stars. That’s exciting since Winter is not my favourite season. i also started Lent, this time around I’m giving up soda, sugary drinks, sweets and sex of any kind, meaning either enjoying it with a woman or doing it solo. Hope I can complete it. 

Going to work in a couple of hours, new week of work stars, hope to see my friends tonight to cause riot and bring good vibes to a rather lifeless place. 

til next one 

[elmozzosays]

December 14 2020  “Where have all you been”?

it’s been almost 5 months since i have written anything here. Right after my last post, things have gotten sort of back to normal in the sense of the streets not being so empty anymore. This 4 month “lockdown” had taken a toll on almost anybody. Read: almost anybody. I have encountered some people who weren't affected from the pandemic. Rather, they’ve a update from their old lifestyle. Lucky them. I ain’t jealous, i’m just making a point. 

By around September I was running out of money to cover for my bills. I was living in per diems, taking loans and also honoring them later on. I was being optimistic that something will pop up soon enough to start making money again and not run out of it. Luckily, after too many promises, my current boss associated with a restaurant owner, partnered and i am mostly working as a barista inside of a restaurant/bar scene. Never in my life I imagined doing so, but for the better it has turned out good: Met new people, most will be totally forgivable but a few will be important for me to care. Imagine on crazy days, bartenders offer you drinks on the house, I was like “this is what i’m talking about”. I told my friend Rebecca: I am basically getting paid to drink”, this stuck to her. Gotta tell you something: I am very good at making original phases and/or sentences for a few people to understand and make sense, she is one of the few. This job has helped me to get back at things but now working 6 days a week. I am not going to lie: I miss having 4 days off to wander around town but it was getting me stuck on this lifestyle full of drinking, eating junk and feeling miserable. 

Like all jobs, things slow down at almost the end of fall. Still, the pandemic has not gone away and every day basically a shot of luck. For me, as long as it covers the month, i will be alright, it sucks not to have income and i am very certain some people have it worse than i do. Now hours have been cut, and as of right now, things will become somewhat dull til march when Spring starts it season. All I can do is hold on and hope for the best. 

This past 5 months have not been at all worst but one thing happened: On my birthday (September 11) I almost got killed by a truck while biking. I am lucky to be alive and the only things that was affected was my bike. Since that day, i have nor been able to ride and i honestly miss it. It was the only thing that was keeping me in shape, mentally and physically. I want to get it ready by Spring and I will need a few things to get it ready. No worries: I will be back riding. 

last week, I finally (and this was like a year on the works) visited my best friend at her place. She kept on insisting but since the pandemic stated all plans were put on hold. I will not lie to you: It gave me a sense of calmness seeing her at a stable place with her husband (who i got to meet but via facetime we spoke a few times) and her daughter. God, I was literally praying all these years so she can be stable with someone good after dating and getting together with basically losers and addicts. From what i saw, her husband is someone good for her, has it together and basically giving her peace of mind. We all had a ball and I think i could say to myself “mission completed”. From all the guys she dated, I never met her old dates because i knew those guys weren't good for me, til now. When she told me “What do you think?” my response, in Jaime fashion: “Mirna, don’t fuck it up!  He's a good guy” I hope she got the message across. 

Other than dealing with everyday situations, these 5 months have been a better part of what the beginning of the year was up til September. It’s almost 2 weeks before the year ends and i am totally sure we all want that: to turn the page, learn from this year, digest it, process it, and move forward. 

JG 

[elmozzosays]

July 27 2020

it’s been like 2 weeks since I did post something here. Have not done anything interesting but lots of riding. Last week, a heatwave was around for 4 days -the 4th one was very humid even I suffered a bit of that- but all in all I had a great time going places. Exploring my neighborhood, going to the beach but only to smell and stare at the ocean, more riding and getting to know the south part of Brooklyn (which is huge).

The riding also brings aches due to the lack of stretching and perhaps the constant dialing i have done to my bike for the last 4 years. I still cannot get it the way i want it but I feel i am almost close. That is the only downside of building your own bike. Short distances are okay but more than 10 miles in, I start feeling discomfort, especially hand and feet numbness. On July 10 i broke my own record riding more than 40 miles but dealt with discomfort and some pain but the satisfaction of completing the workout was priceless.

For the longest, my right knee is giving me trouble. I have done the best possible to condition it by riding sightly slow and/or changing my gear ratio to pedal more freely without pressure. Every now and then I have to wear a knee brace so I don’t feel pain while riding, but eventually goes away on a day off cycling. I wonder if this ever happens to pro cyclist or the common person just riding for fun. In my future plans is to get a bike with gears to ease the pain if I ever get to it. Hopefully

Just writing a few paragraphs here to see if everyone is okay and enjoying the sort of strange summer on these pandemic times. I really hope you have more fun than I do, but i am not complaining.

til the next one,

jaime

[elmozzosays]

July 8 2020

These past couple of days the weather have been really odd. I miss the humid summer days. Instead, mostly cloudy and two days of heavy rain. Where do all this come from? I prevented me from riding Monday afternoon –I was really looking for my afternoon ride- but it would’ve been a very bad idea. Not only because riding on heavy rain is so unpleasant, but I do carry some gadgets. My now old messenger bag is half insulated since I got rid of some of the waterproof interior to ease its own weight. I recently got a smaller version bag because I tend to carry fewer items on summertime. My now old one has sustained all weather conditions but since modified, I am afraid that some heavy rain might ruin my computer or camera. Those things are not cheap.

 Normal rain I can stand either walking or riding, no problem, light rain I can tackle any day. Umbrellas are a symbol of fashion and they will not take the abuse of blistering winds and pouring rain. I can tell you about many occasions those things failed me, causing my distress to even leaving them on the sidewalk. I even has to carry long ass umbrellas for nothing! I believe a good jacket or raincoat should do, but some purists will contradict me. Whatever is easy for you my friend.

I still haven’t made it to any local beach and I would rather do that between weekdays than weekends. As this pandemic still going on, I prevent crowds to a maximum. Six months later, this is still throwing me off. All those 2020 plans went straight to the toilet and mostly (if not) all of us had to improvised on this new normal. I really crossing fingers that all of this will come to an end or at least eases up to a vast, because I will not put another year like this one.

 As mid July approaches I am still waiting for a heatwave. Most of you will hate me for this but a hot summer has to happen. It’s been forecasted by next week but as strange as the weather can be, you’ll never know. I still have to ride to places I have not been; I know with a cycling partner this process could have been done but in the meantime, I’m going solo. Let’s see if I can get to some of them instead of having them inside my brain.

 Til next entry!

 -jaime

[elmozzosays]

July 7 2020 “Money can’t buy happiness but calms the nerves”

Let me open a parenthesis first by saying I have been absent on writing for the lack of motivation. The last thing I want to do is feel obliged to do so and/or write uninspired material that the reader will become bored to death reading my journals. To get this out of the way, I know I promised almost an every day entry but you wake up different, not knowing what the day could bring. I will say this: I will rather bring quality topics instead of a vomit of paragraphs with no substance.

 Alright, July –supposedly to be the hottest month of the year- I have been enjoying it for the most part. Summer is my favourite season and I tend to squeeze it til the very last day. Also, six months out of this strange year have gone quick. Very quick I must say. It thrown us off very unexpected in all aspects, money being one of them. If I would have known about this a year ago, I would’ve saved up to be prepared. Since the pandemic, I have been working only part time, cut at least half of my salary –still thankful I have a job- but this month proved that finances are a bit short. I have been having few episodes like this, the very last time was when I was unemployed but luckily I was covered for a few months til I was employed again. This is when family comes together. My dad is been very supportive on this matter and is not letting me sink on this boat. Of course, I have to play my part too and start looking for another source of income anytime soon. My very best friend found freedom and reinvented herself doing deliveries, meaning she’s her own boss (which she enjoys) and control her work time as she pleases. The last time I video called her, she seemed in good spirits on that decision.  I’m happy for her because in a sense she always wanted that freedom and I know how hard working she is.

 With all the events going on this year, I am still grateful to have my core. Without them, I’ll be just lost and confused. I’ll say this: any group of people stick with you in the good times, but when bad and strange time approaches, who’s there? Only family. Learn to appreciate them, they are the only ones who’ll stick with you on thick and thin.

 Til next entry

 -jaime

[elmozzosays]

June 22 2020 “Summer is here”

Summer is the season I always look forward to since January. Here in the Northeast part of the country, From November to April, weather is so cold, I still ask myself how I have put up with it for 20 years. The fist time I did experience cold polar temperatures was on January 22, 1997. First time visiting America. The excitement -I think- and a jacket prevented my bones to freeze. Remember this, I come from a humid and tropical city that feeling something like this, was very new. I have felt mountain cold and the feeling is way different. Still, I have learned to cope with blizzards, very low temperatures, freezing rain and winds that can blow trees off from their roots.

From January on, the anticipation for Summer becomes somewhat stale. Cold months are usually long, not much daylight outside and you just don’t want to be outside much longer. People living in tropical weather, portions of the south and California (especially them) get to have awesome weather almost all year long. Man, I envy them, especially since I ride, I could almost not rely on mass transportation to go from place to place. From May to September, I do rely on my bike and my physical condition to endure such long rides. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy them but the price is paid once a long ride has been completed. I tend to carry the necessary for the long adventure including my camera. I have to document the places I visit right? Here in this big city, is a bit hard to keep up in shape since everyone is all about work, work, work. I used to go to the gym in a regular basis but since schedules change and work places come and go, that dynamic changed all along the years, so cycling for me is the only option I had, I also started (slowly) lifting. I did a short session plus rode after it. Felt pretty gratifying doing so.

On the summer months, I do take care of my diet as cycling requires me to eat well to maintain a good fit body in which I am still working on it. Water intake increases, carbs are left behind and when eating a big meal is usually what my mum cooks. On every ride completed, my legs taking all of the beating but the satisfaction is absolute. I miss riding with company though but I have disciplined myself to go solo. You can go anywhere without hearing opinions and some other complaining, Time does not exist and I only rely on myself. How sweet is that? If I ever want to have a future cycling partner, It better be a woman next time around. Although they do no recommend to drink before or during such conditions, after is not a problem. Here in NYC they have something called 5 Boro ride or something like that. It covers the 5 boroughs in NYC to complete the 40-mile ride ending on a daring last ride to the Verrazzano Bridge in Staten Island. I always wonder how bad could it be. That bridge is not bike accessible thus the only way to cross it is thru this tour. Hope someday I could be able to do this, either solo or with company.

The Summer months -which are only 3- go very fast, that’s why I have to squeeze them to the fullest potential. I do have places I want to go in which I have not visited -all within the city- and hope I have the time and the strength to do so. Til next time and enjoy Summer!

-jaime

[elmozzosays]

June 17 2020 “When it comes to physical endurance, everyone’s different”

Wednesday arrived and it is now my last day of work. I used to have two 12hr days (Mon and Tue) and Wednesday was always the day when I could say “what a relieve!” day. I mostly worked the PM shift in which it allowed me to sleep a nit more and recharge. This pandemic changed the whole dynamic, for better or for worse, especially money wise. Thus far, I have been able to be okay with that -I think my lucky stars are on my side- Knocking on wood for that. I somehow got used to that schedule, mostly working on my own, something I trained myself to do months prior before leaving that other job I had. At this point, I do not know if I could work 12hr shifts, especially alone, For over a year, it’s been quite a struggle for me (mentally) to cope with that. Before the pandemic, I was hanging in there, but at first, man, i threw me off. I was used to work with amazing and cool people around that that in the past, putting up with a weekend did not seem that bad, especially when working with my friends. Ah, those times.... I enjoyed them a lot but it won’t come back. I have so many memories and stories from that time I will break down on this platform in the future. Let me get back on track here, when it comes to people, physical endurance is different in everyone. Let me explain why.

When we are young, we can endure anything, even pain is non existent. As you age, everything becomes visible and pain is your foe. I am 37 now and picking up cycling 5 years ago has made a great difference. I miss lifting weights though (something i have to pick up soon btw) cuz by doing so, girls notice. That’s a total guarantee right there. Back then, a regular customer noticed I was pumping iron, it was a total compliment, Your sense of confidence goes way up as well as everything else. I just been procrastination on that but definitely I must start soon. I also changed my eating ways. Not every one has the same metabolism, I see some people eating a lot and being as skinny as a pencil. I cut my consumption of carbs as well as watching what I eat every day. I consume fruits in the morning at work and I do not usually have a big meal til 6-7pm at night. i try not to eat very late, the alcohol intake has been greatly reduced to 1-2 beers. I do start to notice my body functions better, my general mood has vastly improved all around. I wish I did this way early but it’s never too late. My anxiety has dropped since having a real talk and actually opening up to my best friend, She was the right person to contact, since she has experienced that in the past with those mood swings, Her clever and so on point advice was a determination for me. I will always be thankful for that. Friends like that, I cannot let down and (I hope she knows) she has my back and total admiration.

Okay, with all this physical activity plus almost being standing up at work, it takes a toll on me at the end of the day. Cycling has tackled stress since the beginning and the excitement of Summer time makes me ride even more. I even installed my basic Garmin system on my bike again to start tracking miles plus calories burned, speed and cadence too. The only time to rest is when I sleep. That’s recovery time for me. I am positive with weight lifting, I will add more endurance and bring that confidence i need on my image. I used to work with a cool guy who was also a cyclist but was very fit. He used to give me pointers on what to eat and supplements to take between and/or after workouts. It was good to me surrounded by that positive energy. Miss that guy.

Those are the 2 main activities I can actually do. Unfortunately I don’t play sports (I used to back home), Tennis only on vacation, I cannot run because of my knees and swimming (which is a great recovery sport) only is practiced when on vacation. Did I mention I learned to swim on my own? Most people who watched me were jaw dropping. Ha ha. Listen, it is never too late to start moving and by doing so, you will feel and look good. Girls -or boys, if you are all women reading this- will turn their heads to you and see you how you look. Trust me, it’s worth it. i do have an actual bet on myself: I will want to look good by the time I reach 50. So far, so good but I can do better than what I’m doing now. When there is room for improvement, I am there. Til next time, friends

-jaime

[elmozzosays]

June 16 2020 “Are we going back?”

Definitely we are now living on stranded times. 2020 caught us by surprise but it was not the surprised we all wanted. On NYE, everyone -including me- had the concept and started to embrace the idea that 2020 will be the year, the year everything could come together. Oh man we were so wrong. Within 3 months, all I had in mind crumbled in pieces because COVID showed up and took the whole world by storm.

So far, everything has happened: deaths, unemployment (although I have been cut from my days, I am very thankful am still working), confusion, uncertainty, doubt, stress, anxiety, madness, discontent, adaptation and countless of other circumstances. All of us have our own story, some with a bit of luck, some not. Some had the luxury to work from home, all paid and still complained, while others were making enormous efforts to find income and not complaining. I do believe this pandemic has brought up our true colours, perhaps for the worst. It leads me to think that way as I see it on my every day life. I will remember September 11 2001 very well for the rest of my life. It marks us all New Yorkers in a way that had left a scar in our spirits forever, it is also my birthday that til this day common people do not believe. Why would I lie about that? I bring 9/11 because for a mere 2 months, New Yorkers were there for each other, to each other, with each other, showing compassion to one another, something I have not seen. Unfortunately it did not last long. Another example that tragedy bring us together, but why do we have to wait for something like that to occur in order to keep us tight as a human race? Even on Spider-Man (the movie) showed how NYC was as one “If you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us”.

Not only a pandemic was enough for us, police brutality exploded and cause indignation to the masses that people could not take anymore. As a result, a series of chaos, looting and riots happened within a week after a police officer killed George Floyd. I remember the 1992 LA riots, but it ceased after 4 days. The 2020 version, not only happened in NYC, but every place possible. It brought fear in all of us as I consider -I still do- this city very secure to go around. I have read about NYC being a very dangerous from mid 70′s to the mid 90′s, to be more specific, the 1980′s were high on crime rate. I can’t imagine living in those times. The NYC subway being a number 1 target for criminals, there were 35 felonies every day happening there. nowadays, is a different face. Graffiti plagued inside -on cars and stations- on the city subway system, some even had to be armed themselves in order to protect themselves for getting mugged or at its worst case scenario, killed. Over the past 2 weeks, I have seen and read various articles about those times, and few photographers have documented and it takes you to a place in time as you see those pictures. The only one I could ask about that specific era is my aunt. My granma (may her soul rest in peace- also lived on those weary times but I could never asked her since i was not aware of what i know now.  Pictures were the only proof -also people’s testimony from that time of what i could gather- that holds still. By the time I visited America in the winter of 1997, that image was past tense as trains were effectively fast and reliable and the crime rate was not as bad as the last decade. I have only been a victim of it once when i was coming back home from college and -this is an experience that led me to trust my 6th sense- and on a wagon I was left alone with 4-5 thugs and they attacked me demanding money. The first thing one of them thew at me was a punch and knocked my glasses outta my face. I was just shocked but nothing severe happened as they took nothing from me. They just wanted to vent their violence at an easy target. Now I know better. It’s very simple to attack someone when you are with a group, let’s try it one by one and see who’s real here. They’ll wet their pants as I tend to have no compassion when being attacked. Don’t let the demon out of me, I swear you will not see the light of day next morning.

Since then, nothing has happened to me but got to be aware every time. No city is very secure but NYC has come a long way since then. I really do not want this great city to come back to those times. God forbid. Violence can get tense especially when is against people vs authority. It does look good on the movies but in real life, not so much. Til next time,

-jaime

[elmozzosays]

June 15 2020 “It’s not over yet, but I wish it would be”

Hello people out there! it’s been a couple of good days and so happy to be back on writing mode. I was supposed to write something last Wednesday but the journal got so uninspired and out of context thus I decided to erase those few paragraphs and start with something new, something recent.

We are still on a pandemic mode but in NYC, it has drastically decreased the amount of infections, a very different scenario from 3 months ago. That does not mean it all back to normal, at least not yet. I have seen on the news (on any form) people are gathering already without the fear of getting infected. Remember, NYC is at Phase 1 still, but I’ve already seen folks with no masks and not giving a total fuck about it. I will be honest here: I personally dislike using it (I have to wear it at work but when riding, I do not). On public spaces, it is an enforced law that most small business owners need to see you wearing a mask when entering their establishment. Rules are the rules but either some do not get that or are playing stupid and dumb.

Yesterday yet another (this time peaceful) protest happened not that far from where I reside. This time around, the LGBT movement was organizing this and tyo show support, you have to be dressed in white. It seemed the way protest must be: peaceful and organized. As far as I know, there has been no arrest. My plans for a afternoon ride were postponed for this mere reason, since crowds and I do not combine pretty well, does not matter the occasion.

I am often asking myself I most people do not care about the seriousness t\of this pandemic. Most of them are what they called “Millenials”. The ones who use technology as a mail tool and totally ignore past tendencies, are not aware of past events and think their word is their last to be listened. I those people were to send back to my time (the pre-everything when it comes to technology) they’d struggle a lot. I was fine and content on living in a world where it was not invaded with technology. My sense and use of imagination and creativity were at its high mode and not even having much, was enough for me. I sometimes wonder if having it all has hindered my ability to create. That’s one of the main reasons I do not use a cellphone to take pictures, rather challenge myself using a real camera.

This will be a short post because as the days go by, it seems this pandemic is being controlled (for what it appears to be) but we must take the precautions so it does not come back. In China, there’s an evident raise of the virus again because people thought it was all good. I definitely do not want another 40 days of confinement. I miss what i  used to go to public places with friends and have a good time, traveling, and going around. Summer is almost here and it will be a different one, at least for me. I will still enjoy the weather for sure. I’ll write you later,

-jaime

[elmozzosays]

June 9 2020 “The “crush” effect”

As promised to you all, I’m about to lay down and explain the reason we all have crushes in our life, even if you have a significant other, you still have a crush, we all do. It’s undeniable, no one can say the contrary. From real people to celebrities, crushes are part of our lives. This applies to men and women, either heterosexuals and homosexuals, the effect applies the same. I am about to describe all the crushes I used to have and currently do (all those i can remember anyway) and on typical Jaime way, I will keep their names unknown. 

It might have been 1990 or something like that, military school which I hated to the bone. From ‘89 to ‘93, Those years were absolutely awful, I was considered the misfit. Imagine, no friends, people making fun of me (at the time it wasn’t called bullying but I was a victim of it) for the way I look to the economical status of my parents to anything the could pick on. Looking back now, I wish I could punch those idiots in the face, no wonder I accumulated so much wrath from those years and heavy music made that an easy process to smoother my anger. The only credit I could give military school was the sense of discipline. It formed my core as a man and without it, I could have become a deranged individual. Anyway, on the crush subject... My first crush happened when i was 7-8 yrs old and she was my teacher. Oh my dear Lord, how beautiful she was. Blue eyes, tall, dark brown hair woman and at the time she was expecting. Very weird huh? by that time, I was already charging my sexual appetite at that young age. Let’s be real: once you start having a crush on someone, sex becomes involved in the process. I might have been very young to what sex meant at the time but the adoration I have for her was undeniable. She might be in her 50′s now if my math makes sense, hope she retained all the beauty I saw back then. Alright, same school, but  a bit grown was this young girl I used to like. She might have been a couple years older (let me make a break here: I have always like older women, not that old but a few years ahead of me) I never made it evident that I liked her but tried to make conversation. On my vague memory -in which people admired because of its accuracy for time and places- this one, I have traces of memory. If the year is correct, it was 1992. I could barely remember her name now, but her face I can picture, shew was tall too (which I liked). As a student, she might have been the only one I laid my eyes on... but then again, it was just that, a simple crush. 

1994 arrived and I was merely 11. I moved to a school near my house which it was very convenient. Never took a bus to go home, a 20 min walk was more than enough. There, on one of my classes sat a girl very attractive. She sat in front of me. Her name I remember but not much of her face though. Weird right? She was brown-skinned and her hair was dyed blond but i know she was a brunette. This is something that have plagued my life for the longest: i was a very shy kid. Having said that, it might have hindered my ability to date back then, I'm sure. This shyness... it took a very long time for me to get rid of it. I will credit life itself for making me get out of the nutshell. Sometimes the hard way shall shake you better. Most of my time in that school (from 1994 to 1998) was amazing. I do remember it fondly, This english teacher I had around that time was so tender to me, I think she saw me as a kinda son love, but it felt kinda different to me. She always smelled nice and since I handled the basics of english, it wasn't a problem for me. When it was about to choose careers, the school i was in did not have the one I wanted, that meant to transfer somewhere else. That also meant saying good bye to my friends in which mostly I hung out after school with. All that went straight to nowhere once i went to my last school back home. I stayed there for over a year til I came in to America but my stay was not pleasant. I was like going backwards to the military school days, except for the bullying part, at least here they were respectful. On any school I was in, I was never a popular student and neither I wanted it to be, simply because i despise the attention. I never like to be the center of attention of anything, til this day. 

On that particular school I never found someone attractive. I don’t know why. I’m lying, This teacher i had was such a babe. i know every male student wanted to get to her pants. She was only there for a short bit though. What is it with teachers and myself? That kinky aspect comes to my mind when I actually remember them with great fondness. Alright, time travels and let me mention a girl that actually caught my eye and for this reason i believe in love (or crush) in first sight, if there is such a thing. it was on my second job which I lasted for 5 years or so and because of her mum, I got that job. She used to work at the Bakery section right next to mine (which was Prepared Foods) and she approached me or something and there she was. Obviously younger, full of life and very cute. At that time, she must have been in her early 20′s, whilst i was past my mid 20′s. She introduced herself with kiss on the cheek and that very second, I was on cloud 9. For a couple of weeks I was like that til my friend at the time told me she already had a boyfriend. Ugh, I know right? When I saw the dude I was like WTF???? This can’t be. The cutest girls always with the ugly  looking dudes. Anyway, the crushing happened right there but later I found she left her boyfriend and dated another one right away and became a mum. End. That crush just lasted a couple of months to be honest and move to someone else. I also had a crush on a girl that worked on my same team. Someone told her I had a crushed on her but she was totally cool and told me straight that friends mode could work since she was dating already. Another one on the fold I guess. 

Til this day, I never dated any of my crushes since doing that, the crush status is lost and immediately you become attached, which is a good thing. On the 2 last jobs I held, I had countless crushes but all were just in my head. The rule here is that your crush is not supposed to know you have a crush on that person. If that person finds out, you got crushed because the chances of dating that individual are slim to none, at least on my experience. If you have a different one, congratulations. I still have crushes but 3 sections apply at least to me: either she is married (or boyfriend), lesbian or ignores me. I still haven't been able to break those 3. Take this for an example: My current crush, she is married (I saw her ring before someone even noticed she was married and i also saw a picture from her wedding day) but I still like her. She makes me nervous when she arrives. I miss her long straight hair, her face and how she is shy on the eye when we talk. I know on my weird mind something else happens, but in reality, that’s not the case. Because of the pandemic, I have not seen her because she has to work from home. I hope I see her someday, at least for my own pleasure. 

There you have it kids. This last paragraph will be save for the common celebrity crush. We all do have them. From magazines, tv, movies and music, we fall deeply in love to whoever your crush is. We even might not meet them in real life but that will take the magical crush part to the ground. We all imagine them perfect, larger than life and a perfect fit for us but in reality they are just like us, having a better job or better status. Now, the question that will remain unsolved is (drumroll) I wonder if any girl I have crossed paths with, had a crush on me. I will never know that and better off I guess. The mystical part of the crush thing is this one. You will never know who has a crush on you. Til next time! 

-jaime