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[eloquent-and-opinionated]

Overturning Roe v Wade

This is something I had never thought I would never be writing. I am honestly still stunned. As a woman in America, I never thought I would ever feel so absolutely enraged at our policymakers.

The facts are reduced to this: Dead bodies in America now have more Bodily Autonomy than pregnant women.

Yes, you read that right, dead bodies are now more free than the millions of beautiful, bold, breathing women in this nation.

If that doesn't make you feel sick to your stomach, you need to reevaluate what you find truly valuable. Because if we allow this, we are saying as a nation that we find clumps of cells more valuable than the lives of adult women.

And you cannot pretend that this decision won't kill women.

Now, buckle up, because this is going to get long.

They say it's about babies, but if it were then why do we have so many hungry children in America? Why isn't there free universal healthcare or childcare? These are things that actually protect the lives of babies and children, but our policymakers say that those things are too expensive.

They say it's about 'taking responsibility'. But why do we still fight against comprehensive, science-backed, universal sexual education? Why isn't there free, universally available, birth control? Free condoms are too scandalous but homeless, hungry babies aren't?

My first pregnancy was unplanned, when I was still struggling to figure out college. I was fortunate and had my families support to fall back on, so keeping the pregnancy was viable for me. I am thankful every day that I was able to have my daughter. She's grown into a bright, powerful young woman. But if I hadn't had my family to fall back on, I could never have afforded to have her. Not even to pay for the pregnancy while insured- nevermind the cost of formula, clothing, furniture, etc. after her birth. I would have been lucky to come up with the money to have had an abortion! Many women do not have the privileges that I had/have. I cannot imagine being forced into that position. What kind of life could I have created for her? I would have had to rely on public assistance programs- which is often something these same so called 'pro-lifers' also try to make cutbacks on. "Get a job!" they exclaim. As if it were that easy.

Raising a child successfully requires a lot more than just a job, as any mother, or father, (any parent really) can attest to. Childrearing is a huge emotional labor that is put on parents who are expected to be grateful for it at all times! But let's be very real here: Every single parent will, at times, feel like they cannot do it any longer. They will cry, break down and get so, so angry. They may even have moments of regret that they even embarked on the journey of parenthood. And most of the parents that feel these things will have had their children on purpose and can (most days) afford to support those children. Now imagine being FORCED to become a parent. Imagine how much harder that emotional labor becomes when you didn't even get to choose it. Or when you can't afford it.

Birth control fails. Condoms break. Pills interact and cancel out each other. 99.999999% effective still isn't no chance at all. Birth control often costs money, which may mean someone can't afford it. An unplanned pregnancy is not necessarily an irresponsible act.

Then there's ignorance. America doesn't have a universal, comprehensive sexual education system. So, naturally, there are some people who honestly just do not understand how pregnancy even happens. Talk to some ER or Planned Parent Clinic staff about some stories, I'll bet they have at least one unbelievable tale about how two teenagers thought pregnancy happens or doesn't happen.

Adoption is a great option. For some. But it doesn't solve all the problems that come with an unplanned or dangerous pregnancy.

Some pregnancies endanger the life of the mother. Actually, all pregnancy technically does that, but there are some cases in which the choice is for the mother to die or to terminate the pregnancy. Full stop. No other options.

Ectopic pregnancy is a pregnancy in which the embryo implants itself in one of the fallopian tubes (this is sometimes also called a 'tubal pregnancy'). As the embryo grows it inevitably bursts the tube, causing internal bleeding and other complications which almost invariably lead to the death of the mother unless there is surgical intervention- that is an abortion.

There are also pregnancies which result in an embryo that cannot have any meaningful life outside the womb. One example is called Anencephaly. As I understand it, this covers various developmental problems in the brain and skull. Most commonly, it means the fetus has developed without a large portion of the brain. Obviously, we need our brains in order to function. Most textbooks will say that Anecephaly is not compatible with life, as most infants born with it die within hours or days of birth. Abortion is offered as an option in these cases to spare the parents the pain and trauma of carrying such children to term. Now, can you imagine being forced to carry a child to term that you know will die within hours of being born?

There are far too many medical conditions to discuss them all so I'll move on to the financial burden.

America has a for-profit healthcare system. Inevitably that means American's pay a premium for medical care, pregnancy and birth included. The average price of having a baby through vaginal delivery is between $5,000 to $11,000 in most states (according to a quick google search). Now, as a married adult with a family, I do not have 8,000 USD sitting around to drop on an unexpected pregnancy. And that is just average medical costs for the delivery itself! Pregnant women visit the doctor and have blood and urine tests frequently throughout a pregnancy. Then, if they plan to keep the child after birth, they have to buy diapers, clothing, baby furniture. They have to pay for vaccines and child health screenings. And if they do not or cannot breastfeed, FORMULA!

A 33oz can of non-brand sensitive formula costs about 19.99, plus tax. Some babies need specialty formula, which is more expensive. An infant on only formula can eat as much as 32 ounces of formula in a day. For diapers, it is estimated that in the first year a child uses about 2,000 in the first year alone. Diapers vary pretty greatly in price depending on size and brand, but for my family it's about 26 dollars for around 120 diapers right now. That amounts to about $430 in diapers in the first year. Clothing also is highly variable in price, but in the first few years of life clothing is bought frequently. Children grow. Fast. That means a lot of money spent on clothing, even if you thrift it! Our carseat cost over 300 dollars. The crib was another 200. Bassinet was 100. Bouncy chair about $70. Changing table/dresser combo was around 200. Tummy time mat was probably 40ish. It goes on and on. Children are expensive.

Now, finally, there is the tole even a healthy pregnancy can take on a woman's body. While pregnant there are whole hosts of symptoms and possible complications. Nausea, food aversion, weight gain, vomiting, cravings, emotional changes, dizziness, lightening crotch, braxon-hicks contractions, etc. Then there's gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, and hyperemesis gravidarum- just to name a few more common complications.

Labor isn't easy either. My mother was in labor for 32+ hours with my sister. I got lucky with my daughter, it happened quickly, but I still tore. Believe me when I say that stitches down there are not fun. I also lost a ton of blood, they considered giving me a transfusion. For my son, I was induced. The contractions were a lot more intense with the induction, and less effective. Still had it fairly easy with only 10 hours of labor. Tore again. More stitches. Ouch.

You bleed for a long time afterwards too (sometimes you can spot for as long as six weeks afterwards!!). It's draining all on its own and now you are also expected to care for a tiny human that eats every two hours! Your body is never quite the same again either. Even archeologists can tell if a female skeleton has given birth by looking at the hip/pelvis bones.

And yet, women's bodies are capable of this miracle. No matter what your faith or creed, there is a unique mystery the process that we can't deny. Perhaps that is why we get hung up on this idea that we are saving babies by banning abortion....but are we really?

Because those babies have costs too. And sometimes that cost is a woman's life. A fully grown, actual human woman's life. Not a clump of cells that has the potential to be a human. I've had two pregnancies, and have two healthy children, because I made the choice to keep them. I love my children, and I'm deeply grateful that they were both born healthy and safely. But given the choice between a pregnancy and my own life, I would choose to live.

Knowing what I know about the wonder and fear of parenthood, I would never feel like I could make this choice for anyone, ever. If we can trust women to bring life into the world, can't we trust them to know when not to as well?

And really, that's all this requires. You have to understand that you do not have the right to make life altering choices for another adult human being. Even if they make choices that you would not necessarily make.

Love to all my sisters out there, both with and without children. I respect and honor your right to choose.