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[elsenthal]

Dresses and skirts with pockets, too. Tysm.

Dick: Why are women so confusing?

Stephanie: I don't understand why men always complain about women. We're really not that complicated.

Dick: Then what do women want?

Stephanie: Dunno. Depends on the day.

Dick: Are you serious right now?

Stephanie: Yeah.

[elsenthal]

"Why don't the people of Gotham just move?"

Because it's a massive East Coast city but the property values are probably like $200 a month for a three bedroom apartment, and most Gothamites are like, "Hey, Bane never swore to break my back."

And here's the thing: you're not just moving out of Gotham City. You're moving into the rest of the DC universe. And it has hero-based power scaling.

Oh, Metropolis looks fucking great. But it gets invaded by aliens and robots and demigods, because Superman is there.

Wonder Woman's tangling with gods.

You go to Central City, and some Reverse-Flash motherfucker runs backwards from an alternate future and kicks your balls off at the speed of light.

You could move to the West Coast, and oh, an entire city just gets exploded by Cyborg Superman or some shit.

How about you move to Indianapolis, or Cleveland? Haha, no. They have no protector during the alien invasions, and you're in Cleveland

So stay in Gotham. Sure, you have lunatics, but you know that if you had a gun, you at least have a chance against the Joker or Riddler. Mongo of War-World would crush you. But Gotham just has creeps, and you know you have a chance. Even Bane, R'as Al-Ghul, Killer Croc, and Mr. Freeze are just slightly altered dudes. Oh no, Poison Ivy is going to kiss me to death! Who gives a shit, you kinda wanted to go out that way anyway.

There are super-intelligent telepathic gorilla warlords in Africa and the Greek titans are real and chained in the abyss

[elsenthal]

I am PLEADING for you to show us what got Damian Robin forcefully Twitter silenced

the only tweets he ever got to make… it all happened in like an hour. his siblings all congratulated him for being the fastest to get an account taken away. bruce almost gave him his account back but first he asked if he’d learned his lesson and damian said “i will only threaten the lives of villains” and bruce decided he’d wait a few more years

(masterlist)

[elsenthal]

I’m Birds of Prey’s biggest fan, but I’ll be the first to admit that yes, Harley doesn’t really look like the Harley from the 1990s Batman: The Animated Series.

While they do look completely different, I think the biggest change is the colour palette.

Do you wanna know who she does look like, tho??

I said, do you wanna know who she does look like though??

A splitting image of Harleen Quinzel.

And since she’s no longer Joker’s henchwoman anymore, it makes sense that she’s finding her original style instead of the Jester Outfit regardless of how iconic it was.

[elsenthal]

Jason Todd’s less known skills  appreciation

Jason’s an expert at 19th century fashion.

He’s actually a rather skilled hacker.

Jason is knowledgeable when it comes to wiring and security systems.

Also can steal not only tires but cars too (wich is probably tied to his knowledge of wiring systems, you know, he detached tires of probably the most secure car in the world).

Knows how to play baseball.

Jason can lip read.

Knowledgable of poisons.

Can vomit on command.

He’s multilingual:

knows arabic

russian

german

and probably some more but I can’t find right now.

Skilled at driving various vehicles.

[elsenthal]

I know that everyone decided that Jason is exclusively a humanities nerd, as fanon tends to fixate on one thing like that, but in actuality, the one class we have ever seen Jason say he’s doing less than stellar in is history.

Batman (1940) #413

Assuming he actually needed that extra credit and wasn’t just being a loser for fun, this means the one class we know Jason struggled with at any point was a humanities class. Now, I often see fics have Jason mention not being good at maths, the sciences or with technology, which I think is inaccurate considering that this panel shows how he mastered skills involving the above to Batman’s satisfaction in six months.

Batman (1940) #410

Side note: Jason’s a nerd with a 94.8 GPA that probably gets pouty when he gets 95% instead of a 100%, so his history grade probably isn’t even bad. Alfred literally said the paper Jason wrote for this extra credit assignment would impress his teacher. Alfred Pennyworth. Also, they literally solve the case introduced in Batman #413 just because of Jason’s interest in history (Bruce says so himself), so. My conclusion is that Jason Todd-Wayne is a nerd and that’s all I wanted to say.

[elsenthal]

A babysitter's guide to the bats: by Jason Todd

If, for any reason, I am not in Gotham, here's what you will need to know to keep the local bat population from killing themselves off.

Tim has to be fed and watered daily.

Do not leave Cass alone for more than 36 hours, you might find half the world's governments systematically dispatched if you do.

Damian needs to be hugged at least once every two days. He will not ask for these hugs, but Robin starts getting real close to murder if he doesn't get affection, and a murdery Robin is something Bruce and Tim cannot deal with right now.

Bruce can hypothetically take care of himself, but won't unless it's easy. Make sure the cave is stocked up on energy bars and protein shakes. He likes dark chocolate best.

Do not let Dick forget to sleep. He gets acrobat-y when tired, and if he breaks one more chandelier Alfred might actually quit.

Cass forgets to eat real food sometimes. She can no longer survive off tree bark, but will try anyway. Leave some blackberries outside her room or on the bench below the maple tree in the back and she will eat those instead.

Make sure Steph spends time with Alfred. They both get lonely without their bi-weekly tea and gossip hour.

DO NOT LET DUKE RUN MISSIONS. HE FORGETS THAT THE REST OF THE TEAM IS MORTAL.

Keep an eye on Babs, she has the means to dismantle every intelligence agency in the U.S. and is very close to finding a motive.

Sometimes Bruce and Tim forget that they run a company. Makes sure they read their emails every once in a while, the board is ruthless and can smell weakness.

Tim is allergic to walnuts. He doesn't remember this. There is an EpiPen in the hall closet.

The no-metas-in-Gotham rule does not extend to Diana Prince. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. You couldn't actually get rid of her if you tried. There is no Wonder Woman contingency plan. Don't look for it.

Titus has to be fed while Damian is at school.

Always make sure Red Robin has his third backup rebreather. He's recently decided he has a deathwish.

Batcow is NOT allowed in the manor. If Damian tries to convince you she is, he is lying.

[elsenthal]

What do you think a Batfamily sitcom would have?

It'd be Modern Family style where they occasionally speak directly to the camera

Bruce would monologue like, "Yeah, this family can be chaotic and unpredictable, but I think that's representative of life in general and it's good for us in the long run. We have so many different personalities under one roof and every day, there's a lot to learn from each other and more to love"

Then it cuts to Jason who's like, "From the looks on your faces, Bruce's been monologuing"

Their A-plots consist of typical sitcom things like Damian figuring out how to make friends at a new school

But then the B-plot is something seemingly unrelated, like Dick buying a used fro-yo machine

And then they converge in the end, like when Dick puts the machine on wheels to pick Damian up at school, and suddenly Damian becomes the coolest kid ever with free frozen yogurt

Steph has a glittery purple batarang hidden in every episode

Cass stares into the camera like The Office

They do big crossover episodes with the Superfam and Flash Fam sitcoms (remember when Disney Channel used to do that?)

The Superfam and Flash Fam shows also have different laugh tracks, and at one point Kate says, "Can you guys please get your laugh tracks outta here?"

The first season finale centers on Bruce buying a table that gets stuck in the door. It includes trying to shave off the doorframe, greasing it up with a giant block of butter, and getting Clark and Diana to push it—all to no avail. The whole time, the kids don't care as they simply go over/under it, ignoring Bruce begging for help. They end up leaving the table there and eating around that for the rest of the series

Frequent locations include: Wayne Manor, Damian's middle school, Wayne Enterprises office, Duke's high school, Batburger, the Gotham police station, and the library

Barbara hacks a whole episode from her bedroom

Despite Tim being one of the quieter characters, the whole fandom loves him

But also Tim's way louder and more energetic when he makes cameos on other JL families' shows

In one episode, they put a camera on Alfred the cat and watched him go about his day

There are special performances by Green Day and Taylor Swift

Thomas and Martha's deaths aren't shown on screen, but it's revealed later in one of those episodes that tackle serious topics

The theme song is a mess because it's just Titus bashing his paws on Garage Band

Each episode starts with a chaotic climax scene that then pauses as Duke's like, "So you're probably wondering what's going on."

There's one swear word allowed per season and someone always beats Jason to it

The laugh track Alfred chuckling in British

[elsenthal]

If Batman and Spider-Man switched rogues galleries none of their villains would last more than ten minutes against the new enemy

[elsenthal]

I saw your post about Jason and Jane Eyre. This is an old hc of mine that probably needs to be updated, but thought you might like.

I feel like Jason really enjoyed 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea as a kid. It’s all about exploration and adventure. It’s about trying to find freedom while being stuck somewhere. Captain Nemo trying to fly his own flag and be his own person. But truth is, Captain Nemo will never be free bc of his thrist for vengeance. Ultimately that’s why he didn’t leave the boat. He died because he couldn’t leave his need for vengeance behind.

Now imagine Red Hood Jason finding the book and rereading it. Then half way through he goes “oh no. Nonononononono” “IM TURNING INTO CAPTAIN NEMO”. After a few more breakdowns and scream sessions, ends up scrapping his revenge plan against Robin. He still kills abusers and dealers. He still has issues with Bruce. He still ready to kill Joker the second that bastard comes free, but he wasn’t going to drag Tim down with him. Jason didn’t want to drag himself down either. He had a second chance at life and wasn’t going to waste it.

After a few years, Alfred asked Jason, once more, why it took him so long to come home. Jason actually gave him an honest answer for once.

Jason: “I actually had a whole revenge plan laid out. It’s was pretty good. Then I realized I was going all Captain Nemo. So I ditched it and decided to be Ned instead”

Afterwards whoever someone asked Alfred for his favorite book, he would say 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

Yessssss!!

I’m adding 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea to the Jason Todd Book Club reading list.

Genuinely love the concept of grown-up Red Hood Jason reading any book with a flawed protagonist and going “Oh no! Oh God no!!! IT’S ME!”

[elsenthal]

Comparing Dick and Jason’s early days with Bruce is so funny, it’s just the opposite of what you’d expect. 

Jason: “wow, I get to live in a mansion!” “and now I get to be Robin?!” “this is awesome!” “let me get to work on that homework now Bruce so we can patrol later” “being Robin gives me magic” :D

Dick: “my parents are dead” “Mr. Wayne is never around” “everything is terrible” “i’m going to sneak out of the house” “Batman, let me kill a man”

[elsenthal]

Bruce: Who was it?

Dick: Who was what B?

Robin!Jason: yeah, what are you talking about?

Bruce: Which of you stole Green Lantern's ring? He won't shut up about it and specifically mentioned a "batbrat," [he pauses and turns to glare straight at Hal for the phrasing] so who was it?

Jason: Why would either of us take it? Maybe something scared him and it fell off. Probably saw a pencil or something.

Hal, in the background: HEY!

Dick: Yeah, honestly, if I had the same weakness as a Scantron test I'd be scared easily too. That's just sad.

Bruce, Trying So Hard not to laugh: If you confess and give it back I'll take you both out for pizza and ice cream.

Hal: WHAT?!

[Dick and Jason share a look and shrug]

Jason, holding up his hand and showing the ring on his finger: I did it, N distracted him for me.

Bruce: Well done. Excellent teamwork. I'm proud of you both.

Hal: Excuse me?! You're encouraging this?!

Bruce: of course? They're practicing practical skills and utilizing teamwork efficiently to do it. You're the one who needs to work on awareness. If you can't pay attention to the immediate space around you enough to prevent a 13 year old from stealing the source of your power, you're the one with a problem here.

Bruce: Robin, give him back his ring and both of you gather your things. I'm thinking a pizza with all the fixings sounds great right now.

Dick: Extra pepperoni?

Bruce: Absolutely.

D & J: Sweet!!

[elsenthal]

Arkham Inmates: *trying to sleep*

Robin Jason Todd: *banging pots and pans*

🎶 I ain't got no sleep 'cause y'all! Y'all ain't gonna sleep 'cause a me! 🎶

[elsenthal]

Thinking about the post of Jason dropkicking Bane off of a skyscraper and Damian pouting about it. Like it’s so funny to me because Damian will get his revenge. And the best way to get back at Jason for taking Damian’s chance at revenge is to take Jason’s chance at revenge too. So Damian kills the Joker and does not understand why Jason is now hugging him and tearfully declaring that Damian is his favorite member of the family. Vengeance has failed on this day

Perfect. I’ll take it

[elsenthal]

Task Force Z #3

[elsenthal]

Oh Billy, you look so small right there…

[elsenthal]

Jason: had extreme interest in academics and had the highest academic achievements as a teen

DC and fandom: actually he’s dumb , Tim is the smart one

Me : how so???

Y’all: well…. Tim is preppy🙂 and rich(ignoring he wasn’t that into school and most likely a skater kid)…. Jason is from the streets and stuff……

Me :

so you admit it…..you’re classist.