Permanent Hiatus Notice / Goodbye
Okay, so after a few days of serious deliberation, and weeks of surely-annoying lack of activity, I've decided it's time to make a choice one way or another regarding this blog, and the future of my roleplaying in general. Long story short, I'm quitting. This is not an easy choice to make, I've been going back and forth for a while considering how much I don't want to disappoint everyone here, but at the same time I have to balance the idea of my actual inspiration. In essence, I've been unable to get any bit of inspiration for any of my characters in any way, and though likely nobody cares regarding the whole story, I just need to get it off my chest a little so that'll be under a read more.
So, no need to read past this point if you don't want to, and I wish everyone a happy life and that you all have fun with each other. Like Antigonius from Winter's Tale it's time to take my cue to exit stage right and be pursued by a bear—(( wait, what? )) Anyway, tragic endings of Shakespearean characters aside, I am happy to have met you all, and to have written with you, and since this blog hit its 100 followers sometime this week I might as well end on a good note and give a fun lil bias list in honor of all y'all who are still around. I'll miss you, but I feel that between marriage, a baby on the way, and a host of various other stressers which are pressing upon me (( half out of hormones I've no doubt )), it's best to turn to the things which I am quickly finding myself entrenched with anyway: writing for myself. Therefore, if any of you see stories with ships which you recognize/friendships etc... raises hand mea culpa. I can't help it, I've been around for nearly a year and a half (( might already be a year and a half I have no idea, I've been rping for nearly 5 years so... time flies )), and I'm sure my characters will love to show themselves after all this time in stories. Can't help it.
But without further ado … about nothing … ahem the Bias List:
@sorrowssinger, @feralandfair, @edhelaran, @rondo-tarmenel, @warriorswithin, @bouncingbeleg, @chieftess-of-the-haladin, @dolamrotha, @first-son-of-finwe, @fcrestmaiden, @loyalservants, @neverparted, @sindaran, @voidxsm, @ardaisms, @forgemaiar, @lightofthetrees
Not many, I know, but these are the people I would suggest highly in all admiration. they’re great at what they do, and their characters are among my favorites, so if you don’t know them you totally should. You won’t regret it.
Again, let me say how awesome you've all been, and how I hope you will all do very very well in all your endeavors. To all of my shipping partners, it's been amazing to rp with you, and I can assure you I'll likely carry all my crackships with me in fond memory. I'm sorry for leaving you, but I feel it's necessary. Good luck, you guys.
If you wish to contact me, I can be found at my personal @thefrenchiestgoldenfry or on Discord at Nana#6882. Just to make it clear, I will not be returning, and so... Farewell, wherever you fare till your eyries receive you at your journey’s end.
-Nana
To explain in full my decision to leave, I figured I'd put that here for those who wanted to know, and also so I can just let some of it out so that I can close the door completely.
As you've probably noticed, I've... not been doing well in a sense of getting things done on here. I started with a huge amount of drive, but slowly my idealistic view of Rping has given way to baggage which I have started carrying around with me. I've altered my rules a number of times, had to deal with anons, watched people who I liked around disappear, seen frustrating debates, been told how to do things on my blog, and frankly... I get way too involved, and one by one stuff has been taking a toll on me.
I guess I never should have moved stuff, thinking back, as it kinda set in motion a grouping of characters together in a way I didn’t consider, and therefore caused them all to be knocked out with one blow.
The final straw has been Aredhel, to be honest, who used to be my main muse, but now she's barely around for me to think about, let alone write. I guess she's been so involved in my process of this for so long (( being my first Tolkien muse to take on back when I was part of a group )) that without my ability to write her, things fell apart. It's my fault, to be honest, I made her too weak to start with, too soft, too gentle, too... able to be pushed around, I guess, as I fell trap to what some people seemed to want from her. That being said, when I finally got around to changing her back to my original idea, it seemed to make things worse and within a week I regretted it, due to how it altered things with other characters. And so, bit by bit, Aredhel kinda disappeared into the shadows, and with her my inspiration to write the characters, not just here, but overall across all my blogs.
In addition, I got married back in September, and I'm now in my first trimester of pregnancy so my emotions are all over the place (( but mainly in inordinate stress. )). Therefore, things are happening that I just don't have the time I used to, and so that became a strong factor as well.
Anyway, ever since, I've been on a slippery slope. One second completely fine, and the next second completely unable to write out even a sentence. I tried to distract myself, take on new people in effort to find that one character that would click as much as she did—but I've not found a single one, and in that I guess I got myself more bogged down. Aredhel is my baby, and I guess that her disappearing into a corner took all my motivation from me despite my best efforts. Yet, strangely enough, I found myself capable of writing outside of RP, and writing her outside of RP. In just stories, where I don't feel the pressure of owing things, or anons, etc.
That being said, over the last two weeks I've been completely AWOL for the sake of my thinking, and in it I've been doing a lot of just plain writing. It's hard, in a way, because I've been Rping for so long, but in the end here I've found myself more relaxed than I've been in a long time. I've let the babies rest, and in it I've found new inspiration which is great to have again.
And so, a few days ago I considered just leaving—and now here I am. Again, I'm sorry for whatever disappointment this will cause, I'm sorry that like others I'm now leaving this community which I love very dearly, and phasing out. But in the end I think it'll be better for everyone. Me, because I'll be relaxed; and all of you because now you won't have to worry about replies I've not answered, or wondering if I will etc, etc.
So yeah... that's it. It's more detailed than that, but I think that's sufficient. Just didn't want to leave any questions for my full absence if there were any...
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