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We looked inside some of the posts by elysiancatharsis-blog and here's what we found interesting.
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Notes Per Post
12
Likes Per Post
12
Reblog Per Post
0
Reply Per Post
0
Time Between Posts
3 days
Number of Posts By Type
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14
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3
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Fun Fact
BuzzFeed published a report claiming that Tumblr was utilized as a distribution channel for Russian agents to influence American voting habits during the 2016 presidential election in Feb 2018.
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I woke up overwhelmingly depressed and suicidal I think if I move from this bed I will break apart into tiny shards
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i am ashamed of so very many things: myself, my parents. the place i grew up and the things that i've done. my naïveté, mostly, as well as my search for approval of everything.
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hey kids, my mother is looking for a new and improved child to replace my entire existence. if interested, let me know. no gender preference. must be highly intelligent, as well as mentally and physically strong. perhaps you'll receive the good side of her.
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she keeps talking to herself and her emotions are a storm what if i become her what if i become her what if i become her (i'm already halfway there.)
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i have gotten myself in a spot and i'm not quite sure how or what i'm going to do about it this time like everything and every time else in my life, this is going too fast, too uncontrolled
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11:11 and i wish for better, longer times with the people i love and the ability to do it unhindered i wish for stability and happiness without the threat of falling into the depths of my mind where i'm screaming and alone in a soundproof room with no openings i wish for some semblance of normalcy i wish for a lot of things that i'm afraid will never come true because the last time i had something i wished for i managed to blow it into oblivion right after it collapses
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i know my body is physically failing once again and i know i have nobody to blame but myself when i can't breathe from the pressure on my lungs or when my counts are whack but good lord, wouldn't that be so nice?
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This is to the boy I appreciated, adored, and then proceeded to borderline harass when it ended: Disclaimer: This was intended to be a full-on apology without excuses; However, it became fairly opposite that almost immediately. It's not like anything I say is ever read, though, so it's fine. I have to admit that when I texted you, I wasn't sober in any means. I was drunk and I was high on a number of substances. However, this should not and does not excuse my behaviour. I missed you and I felt emotionally vulnerable (this is typically due to my mentality shifting from one state to another; i.e., from manic to depressed or stable, stable to manic or depressed, etc.). I never remembered the interaction (could you call it that?) afterward, but if I had a distant idea that it may have occurred, I had my friend check. To be fair, my friend is the one who suggested I message you in the first place, and he even sent the first text or two (I can't remember) but I doubt he intended I do it shitfaced or alone. The thing is, I don't remember anything. It got frozen and shut out of my memory. For the first few weeks it would linger but I was always drown out everything however I could, as fast as I could. I was incredibly lucky there were no searches on campus that entire time. I'm assuming things ended for a good reason. Whether I had anything to do with it, I'd find it safe assume that it was pretty major - after all, it is me. If I didn't, that's a huge shock. I recall vague details but they feel as though they're fabricated or from someone else's memories. I miss your presence, however I wish nothing but positivity for you and success in your life. What else could I say? I could and would never intentionally wish harm or negativity to you. I think you're amazing with a brilliant mind, heart, and soul that'll be going amazing places to do amazing things. I think you have a fantastic sense of humour and that you've got velvet words. I think so many things of you but I doubt I'll ever know anymore, right? If I ever got that chance, I think I'd be blessed. I truly am sorry.
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my mom really just tried to hide the fact that she drank a full bottle of pinot grigio she's a recovering alcoholic and i'm overly observant, what did she expect?
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last night i dreamt of strange songs from regular bands and several bus loads of people i knew, including myself, being abducted. i never save myself, but always those i care about and the ones they care about.
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I'm listening to the most beautiful boy ramble on about his understanding of his own presence as a being on this Earth and he got so into it but never finished because the original people he sent the "late night lecture" to weren't listening. I'm listening to this absolute child of God think deeply about the concept of deep thought and how torturous it is and all I can think of is if I ever meet another boy with curly hair and beautiful words, I should turn around and run and never look back. Right now, though... This boy has hair straighter than a book's binding and contains stumbles in his speech. He has morals and purity, as much as I can tell, and by God has he not gotten annoyed by me or any of my contrasting practices.
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I took so many pills that night because I couldn't handle what was going on. For the longest time before and quite often after it happened, I was entirely positive that doing so was what I wanted. I guess that was my mistake, because despite the fact that I wrought absolute havoc on my body, nothing really happened. The interactions I created, particularly at those levels, should have shut my body down, but they didn't. I chose the least effective method and ended up attending school the very next day. I regret it, the fact that I lived. For some time after, I fell into questioning how much I really wanted to die. Really, if I was going to fail so often, one would come to the conclusion that I truly did not want the ultimate outcome to occur. I do, however, wish to die. I cannot imagine a world with me as a member. I just need something with more permanence. Just one.
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