elysiuminfra - Tumblr blog

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been replaying da:i and here’s some doodles of my inquisitor. her name is aster (short for asterion), she’s a mage, she’s 40 something years old, she’s bitterly divorced from her shitty ex husband that’s mad that she’s now a woman of influence, and she has a very weak moral compass. she’s sick and tired of pretty much everything all the time. very crotchety middle aged woman. not at all army-leading material and capable of disastrous decisions

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Pixar can keep fucking its employees like this because its one of the only major animation studios that remains ununionized btw

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Dear Friends,

I write to you with tears in my eyes and a heavy heart. After 188 days of displacement, constant fear, and struggling to survive, we managed to escape with our lives and reach Egypt. But the pain didn’t stop there. Just yesterday, we lost my children's grandfather 💔, not due to direct war, but because of malnutrition and the lack of basic life necessities. We couldn’t save him, just as we couldn’t save our home or our dreams.

The rest of my family is still trapped in the war, suffering the same harsh conditions that led to the passing of my children's grandfather. We are here trying to build a new life, but we have lost everything. We lost our home, and my children were deprived of their schools and universities. Even my eldest son, who worked so hard to build his future, lost his job and saw his dreams shattered.😔

We are now in desperate need of your help. We seek to secure a safe home that will provide us and our children with basic needs. Life in Egypt is extremely difficult, and prices are soaring beyond our reach. All we ask for is a chance to rebuild our lives and secure a better future for our children.🙏🏼

From the depths of my heart, I ask you to stand by us in these difficult times. Your support means hope and life to us.🙌🏼🇵🇸

https://gofund.me/59e9578a

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Sometimes I remember that "I'm so fucking normal right now" is a line from disco elysium. like that's such a sentence from a tumblr post to me but no. harry du bois said that. out loud. he would do numbers on here

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some dumbshit

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what the fuck ever

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you've all betrayed me

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i have been in community with profoundly developmentally disabled peers and peers with brain damage my whole life, bc i had a childhood diagnosis. i have also been leftist my whole life; my mother was a marxist and raised me that way, and while their politics were absolute dogshit, they were lefty dogshit.

my entire life, i have seen leftist educators throw mentally disabled people away as "lost causes" because they couldn't engage with the material the way it was being presented. leftist outreach and education does, genuinely, have a massive lack of accessible material. to be blunt, people are not interested in retrofitting their leftist outreach to be accessible to people who learn best through episodes of sesame street.

as in, i have repeatedly faced outright laughter and cruelty over the idea that this could be a priority. or even something that we consider doing at all.

"people who are that mentally disabled don't need to know about these things," the kindest interpretation goes. ("people who are that mentally disabled don't interact with the world, anyway, they're all in institutions or monitored 24/7 by their parents," the uncharitable underlying assumptions go. "they wouldn't be a worker who needs a union. or a library attendee. or a member of the community garden. or a volunteer at the food bank. or or or")

the people i have seen this hurt the worst, over and over again, are profoundly mentally disabled people of color whose lack of access to accessible antiracist education is causing real danger in their lives. institutionalized disabled people of color who have learned racist ideology and behaviors from white authority, whether they were adopted by white families or incarcerated in care institutions run by white staff. who are treated lower than garbage by leftist educators, who view them as "lost causes," as unworthy of time and effort and attention, as deserving of their abuses because they... what... internalized the abuses that make up every aspect of their lives since birth?

i see people saying things in this conversation like "disability isn't an excuse for racism or transphobia or whatever, people have the obligation to improve themselves." oh, believe me, i have seen again and again how many privileged disabled people utilize their disabilities to punch down on others, try to escape accountability for their punching down by citing disability. but individual weaponization of identity is just that: weaponization of identity.

the power structures at play are what they are. it is a noble and admirable goal to want leftist outreach and education to be more accessible to all. if that is truly your goal, you must eventually reckon with the existence of people who do, actually, really need it presented in a picture book. or an episode of bluey. or a conversation where you only use examples of people they know in real life, using things that happened to them personally. the existence of people who cannot grasp forms of abstract reasoning, who need information presented as rules, or as guidelines, or as categories. the idea that yes, fully grown adults who need daniel tiger to explain racism to them are human beings who not only deserve access to that very thing, but who also deserve to be a part of leftist spaces and benefit from leftist organizing. are people for whom it might be INTEGRAL they get to be a part of leftism. are victims of racism themselves and suffering without access to antiracist spaces and community and support.

and you will need to reckon with the abject cruelty of your peers who laugh and mock the very idea of this. you need to reckon with the fact that a lot of people you respect, a lot of leftists doing genuinely good work, will respond to this by making fun of the people you're serving, even outright telling you their violent fantasies about these people. that is the experience of organizing in leftist spaces for profoundly disabled people. that is why so many of us burn out so fast. there IS a structural problem with mentally disabled people being seen as disposable and not a part of community. and it is EXTREMELY present in leftist organizing and outreach efforts.

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PLEASE for the love of the universe read anti-colonial science fiction and fantasy written from marginalized perspectives. Y’all (you know who you are) are killing me. To see people praise books about empire written exclusively by white women and then turn around and say you don’t know who Octavia Butler is or that you haven’t read any NK Jemisin or that Babel was too heavy-handed just kills me! I’m not saying you HAVE to enjoy specific books but there is such an obvious pattern here

Some of y’all love marginalized stories but you don’t give a fuck about marginalized creators and characters, and it shows. Like damn

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Be honest, are you a bad person in any kind of way? I've been finding out about gross stuff that a bunch of blogs I really liked did and I feel icky :(

yeah in most ways. Good luck out there

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one day i will make amphimal into a webcomic. it unfortunately may take a while because i work retail full time, but i don’t think i could live without making it because the story lives in my brain. but yeah! i really like jekyll & hyde as a nuanced story about addiction and the nitty gritty of that condition. about the willing loss of control and inability to get it back once it’s gone, no matter how hard you try. sorry to ramble but i appreciate your comment :)

i wish i could get paid a livable wage to draw whatever the hell i wanted but i have zero wishes to monetize (most) of what i want to make. maybe if I put my heart into it i could make a graphic novel to sell, but that’s low on the priority list, and not at all sustainable. in the ideal world anything i make would be put online, for free, for anyone to read. i never plan on making a business out of art, though no fault to anyone who does because it’s hard out there, but i just don’t personally enjoy the idea of trying to sell a product. i just want to make my little stories without worrying about whether or not someone will buy it. i have a lot to say with art, and I know what I want to make will only resonate with a very niche audience. not possible to make money off of, even if I wanted to. anyways good morning

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hope rides alone

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CLIP STUDIO IS ON DISCOUNT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

get it

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The list goes on and on –> (x)

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i was watching video essays digging into AI and what people who advocate for AI generated music and art think about it. i could not wrap my head around why on earth anyone would want to cheat and skip all of the fun parts about making something. it's because all they care about is profit, popularity, or some other personal gain. AI artist dudebros see it as a way to gain something, they don't make it for the love of art at all. it's not a mindset i can fully understand but it does make sense. they see artists as people who are in it to make money, since alot of the time an artist's job IS art, because they themselves want to profit off of AI art. but they miss the whole point of why artists are drawn to their mediums and it's because we love the process. at least in my case art defines the way i see the world entirely. it's not something i could ever just put down. i LOVE art and i don't think i could ever stop making it, even when theres no profit incentive. like ohhh i get it now. THAT's why they're so insufferable. AI artists literally only make AI generated images for some kind of personal selfish gain rather than for the love of the medium, and then attack actual artists trying to make a living. same with AI generated music. it's all for the money, for the popularity. is this obvious to most people? definitely. but i genuinely could not fathom why someone would want to just..... skip the blank canvas. they don't want to go through the "imperfect" stages of making art and get right to the finished product. but i'm of the belief that with enough training yourself, enough time and patience, anyone can learn to draw. but they just don't want to put in that kind of work. its very sad