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More Royal Rumble Thoughts...

Royal Rumble Winners Who Didn’t Win The Title:

1995: Shawn Michaels (Lost to Diesel)

1999: Mr. McMahon (Lost spot to Austin)

2000: The Rock (Lost to HHH)

2008: John Cena (Lost to Orton)

2009: Randy Orton (Lost to HHH)

2010: Edge (Lost to Jericho)

2011: Alberto Del Rio (Lost to Edge)

2014: Batista (Lost to Bryan)

2015: Roman Reigns (Lost to Rollins)

2018: Shinsuke Nakamura; Asuka (Lost to Styles, and Charlotte, respectfully)

1995:

Diesel should have won the title at ‘Mania after winning the Royal Rumble, instead of hot shooting him to the top way before he’s ready.

Perhaps Michaels winning the rumble as the number one entrant would have more meat on the bone if the match was an actual hour and not a shade under 40 minutes, and the two most known heels (Owen Hart and Bob Backlund) both eliminated prematurely by Bret Hart. They didn’t even make it to the ring before he took both of them out.

Why couldn’t HBK take out Backlund and Diesel go into ‘Mania as the challenger? Have Shawn turn on Diesel, injury him a month before the rumble, return and win the title?

1999:

A silly occurrence, nonetheless utterly harmless.

2000:

So fucking stupid The Rock didn’t walk out of WrestleMania the champion. But we learned when push comes to shove, The Game goes over. Hard.

2008:

First off, this should have been Ric Flair’s Rumble. He was retiring and deserved to win the rumble, main event WrestleMania (which he’s never done) and go out on top. Either against John Cena, Randy Orton, Edge or Triple H. Maybe HBK if you can pull off the storyline. The point is, Flair deserved more than this. The Vince forcing Flair our storyline made no sense and he played no role in him losing his final match. Bullshit. Utter bullshit.

2009:

Randy Orton should’ve been champion for a year and thus ineligible to compete in the royal rumble. The winner should’ve been C.M Punk, Rey Mysterio or HHH, or Cena.

2010:

Edge returns and wins the rumble as a babyface. Why? Because fuck you. This was Michaels’ last rumble. Undertaker was the World Heavyweight Champion. The story was right there. Goddamnit!

2011:

Double goddamnit. Fuck Del Rio! This era of the rumble winners sucking ass keeps getting worse. It wouldn’t have been so bad if Del Rio wasn’t slated for the opening match in Edge’s last dance, and doing the J.O.B for the Rated-R Superstar forever devaluing the status of the rumble winner.

2012:

Triple Goddamnit!!! Fuck Sheamus. Fuck him. Worthless prick. Triple H’s handpicked dude and he sucked up the joint at ‘Mania when WWE tried to embarrass Daniel Bryan by having him lose the title in 18 seconds and instead gave birth to the “Yes Movement.” So I guess we can thank him for that. Bryan will never main event a WrestleMania again. We can thank the fuck up at ‘Mania 28 for giving Bryan his moment he longed deserved and can never be taken away from him.

2014:

I’ll tell you what, Batista as a face champion could have worked if they programmed him with Brock Lesnar. The combination of Batista awkwardly slated as a face to be the one who’ll dethrone Randy Orton, C.M Punk abruptly leaving the company after the Royal Rumble, and Daniel Bryan not even participating in the rumble making fans so pissed they booed Rey Mysterio(!) made him dead meat to the faithful.

Batista vs Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania.... Damnit we were so close!!!! If Sheamus didn’t beat Bryan in 18 seconds, if Triple H just did the job to Lesnar at ‘Mania 29, that is probably the main event the next year.

2015:

I dislike Roman Reigns. We’ll see how his new heel persona grows and am currently intrigued. But him positioned as the white meat babyface old school legends are constantly propping up is vexing.

WWE pushed Roman despite fans demanding they abort, even going as far to squash the hopes and dreams of a returning Bryan gunning for the title he never lost. Instead, WWE persisted and got cold feet at the eleventh hour creating a memorable moment with Seth Rollins cashing in his Money In The Bank contract to abscond with the title.

But that could have been done on Raw the night after, or a week later, or at the next pay-per-view. This was done at ‘Mania because WWE was scared their new champion was going to be booed out of the building. So he gets his ass kicked by Lesnar, and eats the pin from Rollins.

In 2016, the WWE brought Triple H out of retirement to win the rumble and the world title in the process. Roman beats Trips and reclaims his title at ‘Mania. Personally, I’d rather have Jericho be the one to play the dastardly heel and keep Hunter in retirement. Jericho can make stars, Hunter can’t. The Authority sucked and was poor man’s Shield.

2018:

Shinsuke Nakamura didn’t go on last when his match with Styles was the most over with fans, and didn’t even win the title. Instead he turns heel, loses his rematches with Styles and never sniffs this moment ever again.

Asuka ended her NXT tenure having never lost the title and was hotter than ever. Then she’s fed to Charlotte Flair and despite her being the heel is embraced by Asuka even in defeat. Yuck.

You think about how Styles’ long reign ended suddenly, and how Charlotte transitioned from her John Cena Queen of the WWE Universe role to a backstage player on a full-time status this being her last stand utterly sucks because it set the precedent that no matter what, whenever Flair returns she’s eating one of the women’s champions. Asuka paid the price for years losing this match. Nakamura surely did twice-fold.

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Sasha Banks Wins, Asuka Loses Because She Cares

Nonetheless, at Hell in a Cell, the reformed team of Banks and Bayley hit rock bottom. Bayley was embarrassed by her rival Charlotte Flair and lost her title in a clean submission. Banks submitted to Becky’s lethal “dis-arm-her” and the two seemed poised to hit the skids as they did in 2018. Miraculously Bayely won the title back from Flair five days later. Sure, it was from a roll-up. But after a while if you’re Charlotte and the only times you lose is through fluky pins then you come across more of an idiot than being protected in my eyes.

While Banks toiled in the background recovery from injury she later returned and acted as the Robin to Bayley’s Batman. Except now they’re heels, so the analogy should be Harley Quinn to Bayley’s Joker.... If you’re reading this and didn’t laugh I want you to know I’m not here to impress you.

As time marched inevitably forward, Bayley ran through the Smackdown division and soon became the best champion the WWE. As the pandemic ravaged the world and most notably the United States the duo rebranded themselves as “The Golden Role Models.” Beating back challengers Lacey Evans, Nikki Cross, former champions Naomi and Carmella. They even won back the tag titles they themselves are responsible for birthing. All signs pointed to a landmark summer for the duo culminating in an epic SummerSlam match.

Wait... Sasha beat Asuka for the Raw Women’s Championship? What, Why?

Yes. Via count out in a match where there was no champions advantage (long story) “The Boss” (not Tony Danza), “The Blueprint” (not the album), and for a brief time “The Landlord” captures her unprecedented fifth championship on the red brand. For the time being, it appears the much anticipated sequel to Bayley and Sasha’s barnburners during their stints at NXT are on the back burner.

How do I feel? Surprised is one word. Asuka is a workhorse and ages like fine wine in the ring. And while her subtly has been robbed thanks in large part to her poor booking as Smackdown champion and ultimate losing of the title to Charlotte Flair on the go home edition of Smackdown before ‘Mania, she carries herself with the most poise.

On the flip side, while Asuka has her titles from not just the WWE to be proud of but also her accomplishments in Japan, Banks enjoys no luxury. Her last singles championship win was 1,076 days before yesterday. Unable to scale the mountain of Charlotte a broken hearted Banks admitted to everyone the daughter of Ric Flair is superior to her, and then proceeded to take a beatdown from Nia Jax. And we wonder why it took Banks this long to return to this stage.

Asuka was well protected in her defeat. Having the match one until the titantron showed footage Bayley beating poor Kairi Sane to a pulp. The petite former one half of the tag champions weakly cried for her friend’s help, her head being slammed into the door of the garage. Nearly having the match one, Asuka had reduced the bully Banks body to a near corpse. Fraught with panic she limped to the back to save her friend only to be too late. Cradling what is essentially Kairi’s corpse, Banks and Bayley hug each other in the ring holding their respective championship belts.

A fitting end to a feud The Boss throughly dominated when you stop and think about it. Gaining her first victory on The Empress cleanly on Raw in a inter-gender tag team match. Got one over on Asuka at Extreme Rules, absconding with the Raw title despite not legitimately winning it. That didn’t stop Sasha from parading herself on both shows acting as the champion.

Bayley and Sasha deserve credit for getting one over on Asuka in creative ways. Ever the opportunist, Banks net early on winning the title through count-out or disqualification. Working Asuka’s damaged left leg early, and later unsuccessfully framing her for hitting her with the title belt. The ref was smart to the ruse and ordered for the match to continue.

Asuka was the better wrestler, and was as cunning as we come to expect from her. Unfortunately, her rivals were that and more.

My reasoning behind why I believe WWE did this is they believe Asuka chasing Banks with the additional element of revenge is a better story to tell for SummerSlam than a slapdash feud between her and Shayna Baszler.

They also likely want Sasha vs Bayley to take place in front of fans and not wasted in the Pandemic Era. Plus Sasha and Bayley have been proved to move numbers when the ratings on both shows are in the gutter. The last second change to the PPV match was to bolster the Raw ratings and it follows the trend of WWE holding title matches and blowing off feuds on free tv recently.

For all we know, Asuka will defeat Banks at SummerSlam. Or, settle for costing Bayley her title versus Nikki Cross on this Friday’s Smackdown. The conclusion to their feud is up in the air.

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Alternate Super Bowl Matchups

Alternate Super Bowls

1966: (10-7) Buffalo Bills vs Dallas Cowboys

1967: (13-0) Houston Oilers vs Dallas Cowboys

1968: (27-12) Oakland Raiders vs Cleveland Browns

1969: (31-21) Oakland Raiders** vs Cleveland Browns

1970: (31-28) Oakland Raiders vs San Francisco 49ers

1971: (3-26) Baltimore Colts vs San Francisco 49ers

1972: (23-13) Pittsburgh Steelers vs Dallas Cowboys

1973: (16-10) Oakland Raiders*** vs Dallas Cowboys

1974: (16-10) Oakland Raiders vs L.A Rams

1975: (19-15) Oakland Raiders**** vs L.A Rams

1976: (16-7) Pittsburgh Steelers vs L.A Rams**

1977: (30-24) Oakland Raiders vs Minnesota Vikings

1978: (28-10) Houston Oilers vs L.A Rams***

1979: (31-10) Houston Oilers vs Tampa Bay Buccaneers

1980: (24-21) San Diego Chargers vs Dallas Cowboys

1981: (30-7) San Diego Chargers vs Dallas Cowboys**

1982: New York Jets vs Dallas Cowboys

1983: (24-10) Seattle Seahawks vs San Francisco 49ers

1984: (21-17) Pittsburgh Steelers** vs Chicago Bears

1985: (17-15) Miami Dolphins vs L.A Rams****

1986: (27-10) Cleveland Browns vs Washington

1987: (23-17) Cleveland Browns** vs Minnesota Vikings

1988: (23-3) Buffalo Bills vs Chicago Bears

1989: (26-13) Cleveland Browns vs L.A Rams*****

1990: (19-6) L.A Raiders***** vs San Francisco 49ers

1991: (24-20) Denver Broncos vs Detroit Lions

1992: (35-13) Miami Dolphins vs San Francisco 49ers

1993: (21-14) Kansas City Chiefs vs San Francisco 49ers**

1994: (10-7) Pittsburgh Steelers*** vs Dallas Cowboys

1995: (19-13) Indianapolis Colts** vs Green Bay Packers

1996: (16-13) Jacksonville Jaguars vs Carolina Panthers

1997: (16-13) Pittsburgh Steelers vs San Francisco 49ers***

1998: (24-23) New York Jets** vs Minnesota Vikings

1999: (29-26) Jacksonville Jaguars vs Tampa Bay Buccaneers

2000: (24-16) Oakland Raiders****** vs Minnesota Vikings

2001: (29-3) Pittsburgh Steelers**** vs Philadelphia Eagles

2002: (19-0) Tennessee Titans vs Philadelphia Eagles

2003: (38-17) Indianapolis Colts*** vs Philadelphia Eagles

2004: (13-6) Pittsburgh Steelers vs Atlanta Falcons

2005: (24-7) Denver Broncos vs Carolina Panthers

2006: (38-31) New England Patriots vs New Orlean Saints

2007: (31-17) San Diego Chargers vs Green Bay Packers

2008: (14-0) Baltimore Ravens vs Philadelphia Eagles**

2009: (18-17) New York Jets vs Minnesota Vikings**

2010: (41-16) New York Jets*** vs Chicago Bears

2011: (10-9) Baltimore Ravens vs San Francisco 49ers

2012: (34-10) New England Patriots** vs Atlanta Falcons

2013: (24-10) New England Patriots*** vs San Francisco 49ers

49: (35-23) Indianapolis Colts vs Green Bay Packers**

50: (24-21) New England Patriots vs Arizona Cardinals

51: (40-20) Pittsburgh Steelers vs Green Bay Packers***

52: (3-20) Jacksonville Jaguars vs Minnesota Vikings***

53: (26-18) Kansas City Chiefs vs New Orlean Saints

54: (40-7) Tennessee Titans vs Green Bay Packers

Most Super Bowl Appearances:

9 - L.A/Oakland Raiders

8 - 49ers

7 - Steelers

6 - Cowboys, Rams

5 - Oilers/Titans

4 - Packers, Patriots, Eagles, Vikings, Jets, Browns, Colts

3 - Jaguars, Ravens, Bears, Chargers, Chiefs

2 - Broncos, Buccaneers, Panthers, Dolphins, Bills

1 - Lions

Teams of the Decades:

2010s: Patriots

2000s: Eagles

1990s: Egalitarian Era

1980s: Cowboys and Browns

1970s: Rams

1960s: Raiders

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Alternate World Series Matchups (1969-2019)

Alternate WS Matchups 1969-2019

1969: (4-2) Atlanta Braves vs Minnesota Twins

1970: (4-2) Pittsburgh Pirates vs Minnesota Twins

1971: (4-3) San Francisco Giants vs Oakland Athletics

1972: (4-3) Pittsburgh Pirates** vs Detroit Tigers

1973: (4-3) Cincinnati Reds vs Baltimore Orioles

1974: (4-3) Pittsburgh Pirates vs Baltimore Orioles**

1975: (4-3) Pittsburgh Pirates*** vs Oakland Athletics

1976: (4-1) Philadelphia Phillies vs Kansas City Royals

1977: (4-1) Philadelphia Phillies vs Kansas City Royals

1978: (4-2) Philadelphia Phillies** vs Kansas City Royals

1979: (4-3) Cincinnati Reds vs California Angles

1980: (4-3) Houston Astros vs New York Yankees

1981: (4-3) Montreal Expos vs Oakland Athletics

1982: (4-3) Atlanta Braves vs California Angels

1983: (4-1) Los Angeles Dodgers vs Chicago White Sox

1984: (4-3) Chicago Cubs vs Kansas City Royals**

1985: (4-3) Los Angeles Dodgers vs Toronto Blue Jays

1986: (4-3) Houston Astros** vs California Angels

1987: (4-2) San Francisco Giants vs Detroit Tigers

1988: (4-1) New York Mets vs Boston Red Sox

1989: (4-3) Chicago Cubs vs Toronto Blue Jays**

1990: (4-2) Pittsburgh Pirates**** vs Boston Red Sox

1991: (4-3) Pittsburgh Pirates***** vs Toronto Blue Jays

1992: (4-3) Pittsburgh Pirates vs Oakland Athletics

1993: (4–1) Atlanta Braves** vs Chicago White Sox

1995: (4-3) Cincinnati Reds vs Seattle Mariners

1996: (4-3) St. Louis Cardinals vs Baltimore Orioles

1997: (4-0) Atlanta Braves vs Baltimore Orioles***

1998: (4-0) Atlanta Braves*** vs Cleveland Indians

1999: (4-2) New York Mets vs Boston Red Sox**

2000: (4-2) St. Louis Cardinals** vs Seattle Mariners

2001: (4-1) Atlanta Braves vs Seattle Mariners**

2002: (4-2) St. Louis Cardinals vs Minnesota Twins**

2003: (4-2) Chicago Cubs vs Boston Red Sox***

2004: (4-1) Houston Astros vs New York Yankees

2005: (4-2) St. Louis Cardinals*** vs Los Angeles Angels

2006: (4-2) New York Mets vs Oakland Athletics

2007: (4-2) Arizona Diamondbacks vs Cleveland Indians

2008: (4-2) Los Angeles Dodgers vs Boston Red Sox

2009: (4-1) Los Angeles Dodgers** vs Anaheim Angels

2010: (4-1) Philadelphia Phillies*** vs New York Yankees

2011: (4-2) Milwaukee Brewers vs Detroit Tigers**

2012: (4-3) St. Louis Cardinals vs New York Yankees**

2013: (4-2) Los Angeles Dodgers*** vs Detroit Tigers

2014: (4-3) St. Louis Cardinals**** vs Baltimore Orioles

2015: (4-1) Chicago Cubs vs Toronto Blue Jays

2016: (4-2) Los Angeles Dodgers vs Toronto Blue Jays***

2017: (4-2) Chicago Cubs vs New York Yankees***

2018: (4-0) Milwaukee Brewers vs Houston Astros***

2019: (4-3) St. Louis Cardinals***** vs New York Yankees

Teams of the Decade:

1970s: Pittsburgh Pirates (3 Championships)

1980s: Toronto Blue Jays (2 Championships)

1990s: Pittsburgh & Atlanta (2 Championships)

2000s: St. Louis & Los Angeles (2 Championships)

2010s: New York, St. Louis, and Los Angeles (2 Championships)

Most Championships

St. Louis: 5

New York: 3

Houston: 3

Pittsburgh: 5

Boston: 3

Dodgers: 3

Mets: 1

Toronto: 3

Cubs: 1

Minnesota: 2

Philadelphia: 3

Cleveland: 1

Seattle: 2

Atlanta: 3

San Francisco: 1

Oakland: 1

Cincinnati: 1

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Rebooking The Raw Women’s Championship

Was bored. Decided to rebook the Women’s Title. Always felt Raw was overwhelming with talent and Smackdown was drowning in mediocrity. All potential champions met their ends running into the brick wall known as Charlotte Flair and remained on her brand. It flummoxed me.

Sasha Banks - 4/3/16 to 8/21/16 (140)

Charlotte Flair - 8/21/16 to 10/30/16 (70)

Sasha Banks** - 10/30/16 to 12/18/16 (49)

Charlotte Flair** - 12/18/16 to 4/2/17 (105)

Bayley - 4/2/17 to 8/20/17 (140)

Alexa Bliss - 8/20/17 to 4/8/18 (231)

Bayley** - 4/8/18 to 6/17/18 (70)

Alexa Bliss** - 6/17/18 to 8/19/18 (63)

Ronda Rousey - 8/19/18 to 1/27/19 (161)

Sasha Banks*** - 1/27/19 to 1/28/19 (1)

Ronda Rousey** - 1/28/19 to 4/7/19 (69)

Becky Lynch - 4/7/19 to 3/25/20 (353)

Asuka - 3/25/20 to 7/19/20 (116)

Sasha Banks**** - 7/19/20 to 7/27/20 (8)

Asuka** - 7/27/20 to present day

Average Title Reign Length: 105 days

Points of Divergence:

Sasha Banks defeats Charlotte Flair, and Becky Lynch in a triple-threat at WrestleMania for the Women’s Championship

Banks is defeated by Flair at SummerSlam like in OTL.

Banks regains the title in her hometown of Boston at Hell in a Cell.

Flair finishes the feud by coming out on top in a forty-five minute Ironman match at Road Block PPV.

In February, Bayley is challenging Flair’s reign and looks to be closing the gap even with Dana Brooke’s constant interference on behalf of Flair. In a submission maneuver in the middle of the ring. Unfortunately, Banks his Bayley in the back of the head with a crutch and the match is thrown out the window as Flair retains.

Bayley and Sasha fight for a number one contendership to Flair’s championship at WrestleMania. Looking to curry favor with Flair, Brooke interferes and beats both combatants up. Charlotte is incensed Brooke doubled her odds of losing the title and ends their partnership. The stage is set for a Flair vs Bayley vs Sasha ladder match at ‘Mania.

A hidden stipulation for the match is the losers have to leave the Raw brand for Smackdown. This is because Smackdown’s talent pool is laughably shallow and desperately needs heavy hitters.

Bayley wins the ladder match and goes on a three-in-half month reign until Alexa Bliss defeats her at SummerSlam.

Bayley is the winner of the inaugural Women’s Royal Rumble elimination her NXT Asuka last. If Asuka was to go over Flair at ‘Mania I’d gladly pencil her in as the winner. But WWE had little intention of taking the strap off of Flair and was going to put somebody over Bliss. Rather have it be Bayley than Nia Jax.

Bliss is defeated by Bayley. In TL she isn’t injured by Nia Jax and sidelined as she’d be feuding with a recently turned face Brooke. At ‘Mania 34 Bayley gets Bliss to submit clean to the maneuver she had Banks tap to at NXT Takover.

However, her title reign is not long. Though she proved able to hang with UFC Champion Ronda Rousey at MITB, the winner of the ladder match for a title shot Bliss decided to muck up the match by cashing in mid-match. Ronda has Bayely pinned when Bliss tosses her off and gets the victory. Ronda responds by beating Bliss until security is forced to escort her out. Battered, bloody Bliss raises her newly won championship high. In the back of her mind she knows she’s poked the bear.

Ronda exacts revenge and goes on a tear running through the Raw Women’s Division. A returning Banks challenges Ronda for her title and is given one at the Royal Rumble. To the surprise of many, Banks gets Ronda to submit to the Bank Statement. Disgusted at the crowds rejection of her, Ronda attacks Banks while her back is turned and defeats the champion to regain the title the night after.

Becky Lynch wins the Royal Rumble. Flair defeats Asuka for the Smackdown Women’s Title.

Ronda is beaten by Becky Lynch submitting to the Dis-Arm-Her.

Becky proceeds to go on a tear. Defending against Kairi Sane, Alexa Bliss, Sasha Banks, and defeating Asuka at the next year’s Royal Rumble. However, Asuka earns the right to challenge Becky again at WrestleMania and gets her revenge. Becky submits to the Asuka Lock and announces a week later she is pregnant and can no longer wrestle.

At Extreme Rules, Asuka accidentally blows Green Mists into the referees face. Trying to grab Banks in her submission maneuver, Bayley crashes her tag team championship into her back. Bayley tries to drag the writhing referee to perform the count but he isn’t cooperating. She steals the referees shirt and proceeds to count the one, two, three for her friend. The call is upheld the next night on Raw as Sasha is the Raw Women’s Champion for an unprecedented fourth time.

On the July 27th edition of Monday Night Raw, Asuka regains the title in a ladder match. Shayna Baszler interferes by bulldozing through Bayley when she tried to hit Asuka with the belt. Baszler hands Asuka the belt when Sasha tried to abscond with it despite losing. Asuka is ambushed soon after and the stage is set for their SummerSlam match.

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What-If Wes Welker Caught It?

Super Bowl XLII didn’t feel like that - primarily because I was an avid Patriots hater in those days and didn’t switch my allegiances until the 2011 season. I rooted against the Patriots from when my football fandom christened in 2003 and saw them win thrilling Super Bowls and dread the beginning of every season as every Sunday I’d pin my hopes on a scrub quarterback to pleasantly surprised me and beat the all mighty New England Empire.

Why did I switch sides? I simply decided to. I grew up in Massachusetts so it wasn’t like I was cheating on anyone. My initial favorite team was the Tennessee Titans because my first video game was Madden 2001 had running back Eddie George on the cover. Being the ultimate wuss I played the game on the rookie level and ran HB draws ending with number 27 high stepping to the end zone.

We spent years in New England pontificating the end of the Tom Brady era. At the ripe age of 36 we didn’t see him playing still into the end of the decade. After the traumatic loss in February of 2008, seven months later Brady tore his ACL and the name Bernard Pollard became infamous in New England forever. What should have been a three-year window with superstar wide out Randy Moss closed after one full season. Our Porsche became a Volvo. Our 16-0 squad lost their QB, installed who later turned out to be a below-average talent and went 11-5. 2009 was a reclamation year. A transition from the Tedy Bruschi era on defense into the core resembling the 2014 to 2019 years.

The next year Moss was gone and the Patriots offense became reliant on Wes Welker. Old friend Deion Branch returned to his old stomping grounds. Lawrence Maroney became the law firm BenJarvis Green-Ellis and Danny Woodhead. Rob Ninkovich and Brandon Spikes and Jarod Mayo anchored the defense. While the Patriots gave up the second most passing yards they had skilled players on the defensive side to turn up the heat when it mattered the most. This is the invention of the Matt Patrica ever frustrating “bend don’t break” Patriots.

When everyone was in a panic about Tim Tebow coming off his 3:16 playoff heroics, the Patriots didn’t flinch and throughly beat him down 45-10. The Ravens were not intimidated and nearly won the ball game until unknown Sterling Moore knocked the go-ahead touchdown from Lee Evans arms leading to Billy Cundiff missing the chip shot that would have sent the AFC Title Game to overtime. The Pats were back in the big game. Finally. Time to rewrite the wrongs.

Up 17-9 in the third quarter it felt like they’d do just that. All they needed was to milk the clock and score another touchdown. When the score became 17-15 with little over 4 minutes remaining, all the Patriots needed to do was bleed the clock. Brady drops back from the Giants 44 and throws it deep for the sure-handed Welker and stretches to his physical limits to snag the ball inside the Giants 20 for a gain of twenty-six. The Pats bled the clock down to the two-minute warning and kicked the field goal. Their defense held on and no Mario Manningham tip-toeing could save the Giants.

Except that didn’t happen. He dropped it. Redemption wasn’t ours and we are to go to our graves not redeemed for our past sins.

Oh the pain. The pain of it all!

So what-if Wes caught it and the Pats won?

We have ammunition to fire back at Giants fans - other than the fact their franchise is utter trash right now.

Brady would win MVP of the game, eventually he’d have five Super Bowl MVPs and seven rings to his resume. Outside of the obvious Ariana Grande jokes seven rings isn’t that much different from six. It’s just nice to have.

Giants probably kick Eli and Coughlin to the curb sooner and land Andrew Luck or Carson Wentz.

We’d have to live with the fact a murderer was on our Super Bowl winning team.

I’d get to enjoy the America’s Game episode recapping the epic Ravens playoff game with Vince Wilfork, Mayo and Welker.

It isn’t easy being first class. Like the one percent in this country there is no enough for us. We want more and more until our lust for more consumes us all.

More importantly, Welker, a man who gave his body, his life to the game would have a ring to keep him company while his body betrays him because he played the savage ballet. Nobody deserved it more than him.

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WrestleMania 34 Sucked

In the end, we can all agree WWE never gets it right when it comes to booking their talent. Given can’t miss circumstances they epically whiff. At the height of their mediocrity was WrestleMania 34. Four years removed from their most inspiring ‘Mania, they returned to New Orleans steeped in stagnation. Roman Reigns is still chasing the championship, and it’s occupant Brock Lesnar, much like WrestleMania 31. To make the situation even more eerie, Daniel Bryan had returned from a neck injury, except he isn’t laying claim to the title he never lost like last time. Fans aren’t given even the brief glimmer of hope he’ll elbow his way into the title picture as he is shoved into a tag match with Shane-O as his partner.

The most exciting elements WWE had going for themselves at this time was Shinsuke Nakamura and Asuka. Both fan favorites and enjoyed much success in Japan. Each won their respective Royal Rumbles and were supposed to win, but neither of them did. Asuka submitted to Charlotte Flair. Nakamura was pinned by A.J Styles. The entrenched champions held on to their belts, and while Asuka would eventually climb the mountain top, Nakamura hasn’t sniffed the gold since that faithful night.

The first mistake was WWE taking the rumble for granted. The Royal Rumble isn’t simply a battle royal, but bigger. It is a program where you establish a new star that’ll main event your biggest pay-per-view and win the world title. It isn’t Money In The Bank or a lesser PPV. It is WWE’s second best and directly impacts the first. Having both winners strike out and neither main event is demoralizing and set them back.

Why WWE decided to tread water and resurrect the Reigns feud with Lesnar I’ll never know. Nakamura needed to challenge Lesnar for the belt and win. But Vince doesn’t believe the fans will buy a smaller man overcoming Brock’s size advantage. Vince wants his product to appear real, except for when it’s not. He’s full of shit is what I’m saying.

Roman could have faced Styles in a face vs face match, either have Styles turn or retain or relinquish the belt, it doesn’t really matter.

Instead, Nakamura turns heel and proceeds to do nothing ever since.

As for Asuka, she’s the only champion to leave NXT without taking a pinfall meaning she left the brand still their champion. Riding an undefeated streak she was sure to unseat Charlotte - except no. Perhaps this too was a mistake. While no doubt a dream match, WWE wasn’t interested in making room for the top of the women’s division. They can make stars, but only want to make one every five or so years.

Asuka didn’t have to face Flair. She could have challenged heel Alexa Bliss for the title. But instead we’re treated to a hypocritical anti-bullying angle with Nia Jax because WWE wants you to believe they aren’t an industry built upon bullying people.

Hell, if you weren’t going to do anything with Asuka’s undefeated streak why even have her leave NXT the champion? Why not let Ember Moon pin her and see if she can capitalize off ending her streak? It’s better than just having her first lost be to Flair. Or fuck it, don’t have her win the rumble. Do something special for the first women’s Royal Rumble and have Sasha Banks win the whole as the number one entrant, beat Alexa Bliss, then drop the title to Ronda Rousey a month later at Money In The Bank.

I mean why not? What did Asuka gain from losing to Flair? What did Nakamura gain going after a face like Styles and losing cleanly? Zero. Zilch.

“But who does Flair wrestle at ‘Mania?” Why not Carmella? Or Natalya? Or even Becky? Flair can make anyone look good. I don’t see why they’d be a problem. Or Hell, have Trish Status face Flair.

By now it’s easy to realize the WWE lacks vision and happily boxes themselves in to end up at the worst possible product for their biggest show. It’s hard to believe an over-bloated roster could make so many mistakes and do right by no one.

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Cam to the Pats

Reclamation projects are always fun. Especially when your team doesn’t have to pay much to take the flier. After years of injuries and disastrous seasons since his MVP campaign in 2015, Cam Newton is getting paid nickels and dimes to play for the best franchise in professional football.

Signed to a measly $1,750,000 contract, Newton is not exempt from a franchise tag that’ll keep him in New England for at least an extra season if the Patriots decide they want to keep him. To make matters even better for New England, if Newton doesn’t work out or he does and leaves them in free agency, the Patriots could get back a compensatory 2022 third-round pick to help them make up for the 2021 third-round pick they’ll lose due to the videotaping controversy.

But don’t let the highlights of Newton’s earlier years fool you. Sadly, years of taking punishment because of an inept offensive line has robbed him of his health and explosiveness that made him an MVP. At least, Cam is like 2006 Shaq. What was a 30 point a game scorer, now is a solid 13 that can occasionally turn the clock back to yesteryear. If healthy, Newton will have a talent wide receiver core and backfield to assist him in reclaiming value.

In Newton’s ten-years he’s been sacked 291 times in 125 games, averaging to 2.3 per game. Ranking 12th amongst active QBs, but all of the eleven that are ahead of him have logged more games and seasons than he did.

Over the last two seasons, the Patriots offensive line coached by the great Dante Scarnecchia 76 times. To put into context how good that is, DeShaun Watson of the Texans was hit 59 times in 2018 alone.

While Scarnecchia has retired seemingly for good, the roster remains strong. Mainstays Marcus Cannon, Isaiah Wynn, Joe Thuney, Shaq Mason, David Andrews and James Ferentz remain. All have big game experience and are in their primes.

For the Patriots, the story of last season was how crucial it is to have multiple wide receivers who can create separation. Only Julian Edelman could and he took a beating to the point where he couldn’t even catch a ball thrown right between the numbers. Hopefully a year of rehab gets him back on track. And a year of training and to get more familiar with the Patriots system help personnel like Mohammad Sanu, Jakobi Meyers and N’Keal Henry.

The offensive scheme New England’s run over the years (with some variations) is low-yardage oriented, focused on establishing the run. In years Brady had deep threats like Randy Moss and Brandin Cooks, the system became more big play oriented to fit the influx of talent.

Only time will tell whether Newton can be rejuvenated in New England. We’ve seen reclamation projects fail in the past. Chad Ochocinco and Albert Haynesworth come to mind. However, this is the least risky proposition where New England couldn’t afford to pass up. It’s sure to be a fun off-season and subsequent training camp. Knowing the Patriots, Belichick cuts Newton after week four of the preseason and Jarrett Stidham leads the Patriots to eleven-wins and the AFC East title.

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Why Bayley is Smackdown’s MVP

The numbers haven’t been crunched since 2012, but the Bleacher Report calculates the average length of a WWE Championship run is 60.83 days. As the stars of the past fade into retirement or are booked into obscurity, the new guys the WWE pushes aren't up to snuff and the ones that are have to work extra hard to gain the attention of suits who are likely rooting against them.

Right now, Drew McIntyre is the champion. A hard worker. A fan favorite. Genuinely charismatic. Despite the unimaginable circumstances brought about by the Covid-19 crisis leading to empty arena shows being run exclusively from the Performance Center in Orlando, Florida, McIntyre is undaunted.

Having no fans is surreal. But in a state where the WWE is in a long term period of their product being staler than year old bread, it’s given talent a chance to work without being drowned out by fans chanting “what” during a promo, or “boring” during a match.

Smackdown Women’s champion Bayley has been champion for 365 of the last 370 days. Her character suffered from poor booking since being called up from NXT hot as a fire cracker. Perhaps in a bit of overexcitement, Vince McMahon gifted the lovable hugger with the title by defeating Charlotte Flair in a tremendous match. The caveat: it was on free TV. Which is fine for me. A cheap ass who watches his WWE pay-per-views at Hooters or at a friends house. (I know I’m a bad person. Judge me all you want).

But the WWE did a major disservice to Bayley in rushing her accession to the top. As quick as she rose was as fast as she fell back down the card. Whatever the reason, WWE enjoys it when their talent is either self-deprecating or portrayed as idiotic. The feud with Alexa Bliss featured a cringeworthy “This is Your Life” segment. A pitiful kendo stick on a pole match that Bayley had won, but was simply too much of a pacifist to attack Bliss - her tormentor for months - and get her title back. Instead, Bliss walks out with the gold. Nia Jax injures Bayley one week on Raw before her rematch at SummerSlam. Vince makes an injured Bayley address the crowd and, surprise surprise, they boo her out of the building.

In May of 2019 at Money in the Bank, after she became an afterthought to many fans and the energy her fans once had for her transferred to a fully realized Becky Lynch, the WWE revived Bayley by having her win the briefcase and cashing in that same night on the aforementioned Flair. While her feuds with Bliss, Nikki Cross, and later Ember Moon didn’t turn any eyebrows the matches were more than competent and Bayley wasn’t booked as a loser. She was pushing and shoving people. Showing an attitude and an edge desperately needed for her character.

Then she lost to Flair at Hell in a Cell. Five days later, she turns heel and is plugged into a feud with Becky and Shayna Baszler where she is obviously the odd woman out. Then she moves on to a feud with the “Sassy Southern Bell” Lacey Evans and I fully expected Evans to walk out of the Royal Rumble the champion. The heel Bayley character flopped horribly. Evans gaining the upper hand in their feud entering the squared circle that night I believed Bayley was about to relinquish the belt and return to the basement.

But she didn’t. She won. Then Covid hit. Her character was allowed to hit her stride without any cynical fan turning the cold shoulder prematurely.

When the WWE does return to running shows with live crowds they’ll have tons of goodwill that they’ll blow through quicker than you can say “it”.

As their roster dwindles due to the talent (understandably) not wanting to risk catching the virus, the WWE is rewarding those who stuck around and kept working. The cast is centralized and we know who our main players are. Rarely is the skimmed down cast is focusing on obscure figures. Raw is McIntyre, Rollins, Asuka, and a little bit of Zelina Vega. Smackdown is more female driven. The banner for Smackdown on Twitter is none other than Bayley. It’s her, Sasha Banks, Mandy Rose, Sonya Deville, Lacey Evans, A.J Styles, Daniel Bryan and Otis (not Tucker. No I do not know why Heavy Machinery aren’t the tag champs).

No one has benefited from these circumstances than the woman formally known as the “Hugger.”

Now watch how she loses the title to someone not named Sasha.

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I wish it was socially acceptable to hit people with moves from the WWE. I'd just just give people the sweet chin music all the time and just strut away like Shawn Michaels.

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WINO (WrestleMania In Name Only)

The last few weeks have been similar to living a sneak preview to what life during the apocalypse will be for the more privileged folks, like myself. The world will seemingly slow down, not come to the screeching halt it has for the less fortunate. Your usual routine is only tweaked slightly, the only major change is the aesthetic through which you consume entertainment or go to the store.

Watching Raw, Smackdown, and WWE’s landmark PPV WrestleMania since the Coronavirus forced the company to pretape shows at the Performance Center in Orlando, in front of zero spectators was akin to seeing a world that has ended, but our hyper consumption demands for our vehicles of escapism to be loaded and ready.

If you could not crack jokes while watching the shows, the experience of hearing wrestlers play to nonexistent crowds, having their “WrestleMania Moments,” and cutting promos was a mixture of sad and unsettling. Vince McMahon’s “The Show Must Go On” mentality is obviously motivated by greed. Besides the no attendance, this is his wet dream. A captive audience starving for entertainment, all other sports leagues put on indefinite hiatuses meaning they are the only game in town.

Known to fabricate their numbers, WWE came out the night after ‘Mania to announce, according to Nielsen Social, WrestleMania saw 13.8 million total social media interactions on FaceBook, Instagram and Twitter, plus-57 percent better than last year’s PPV. Simply put, Vince got exactly what he wanted from this controversial show, pretending nothing was wrong with the world, not even saying the word “Coronavirus” to acknowledge why they’re holding shows in an empty arena in the first place.

We have new Tag Team Champions in Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross. Sami Zayn retained his Intercontinental Championship versus Daniel Bryan. Braun Strowman replaced Roman Reigns, and defeated Goldberg for the Universal Championship. John Morrison retained his and The Miz’ Tag Team Championship in a ladder match. Otis got his girl in the end. Bayley held on to her Smackdown Women’s Championship. Finally, Drew McIntyre reached the top of the mountain defeating Brock Lesnar in the main event.

Oh, and The Undertaker returned as the “American Badass” to bury A.J Styles alive in a WWE Films Match; and Bray Wyatt got his win back against John Cena - kinda - in a FireFly Funhouse Match.

Just another WrestleMania. Except no. Not at all.

I doubt the virus played a role in shoving ‘Taker into a wrestling match that wasn’t a wrestling match at all, and staging a vignette and calling it a sanctioned match at all. The same people who lauded the Boneyard Match for its “innovative” flavor, allowing the wool to be put over their eyes, are the same people who yell at the top of their lungs Goldberg should retire despite he was the one who actually wrestled that night while ‘Taker got to pretend he was in an action move.

The Boneyard Match was fun. Stupid fun. You could tell the WWE believed they felt they were so clever and gave themselves pats on the back for this. I have little reason to believe McMahon won’t do this for next year’s ‘Mania and continue doing this until life eventually stops him.

The Firefly Funhouse Match essentially is Bray getting to creative for his own good. Would a Wyatt vs Cena match be good? Probably not. But the point is, I came to see a wrestling match, and if I’m a big fan of The Fiend I want him to beat Cena.

Sadly, McMahon never wanted to be in the wrestling business. Since the beginning he’s sought mainstream credibility and believes going the entertainment route is a superior of achieving success than just pretending to be a real sport.

The matches were fun to look at, and not a chore to watch. But I came to watch wrestling. These two matches didn’t qualify as wrestling.

Edge vs Randy Orton had the chance to be a legendary encounter. A returning great in Edge, after nine-years away from the ring due to a neck injury facing his long time partner in crime. Orton blindsided Edge, attacked his wife and threatened his family. A hokey way to attain heat, but Orton sold it in this particular like no other. The meat was on the bone. The effort was there and so was the vision. In their Last Man Standing encounter, spanning 36 minutes, the two beat the living Hell out of each other. There’s something to say about the climax of the fight not being some awesome, insanely athletic feat, but a chair shot to the neck, delivered by a tearful Edge.

That all being said, complaints range from “It went on too long (it did) and “the commentary killed it” (yup). Still, this was my favorite match on either of the days.

WrestleMania 36 will go down as a forgetful PPV done under unforgettable circumstances. We our society teeters on the brink of destruction, the rich get richer exploiting the poorer peoples, and this virus claims more lives, our government seeming doesn’t care. We can go to sleep with the comfort that in our fictional universe, things are at least how we want it to be.

I can go to sleep pondering the possibilities of a Bayley vs Sasha Banks feud at SummerSlam, knowing that’s not happening in Boston or at the Performance Center. I can go to bed excited at how Charlotte Flair will do with a new crop of talent when she defends her NXT Championship.

At the end of the day, I have become Vince’s guinea pig.

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Nothing Matters In Wrestling Anymore

A lot of what made wrestling great in the past is sorely lacking today. Usually, this is attributed to the revolving door of personnel, except in the WWE the same person who oversaw the wrestling boom in the 1980s and its roaring renaissance or the late 1990s and early 2000s is still here. Vince McMahon still runs everything. One of the greatest performers in the history of sports entertainment, Triple H, is Chief Operating Officer of WWE and has been since 2011. Bruce Pritchard, a booker during the WWE’s most successful periods, was appointed the Senior Vice President. While the title is vague, it is implied Pritchard is no empty suit.

So why is the product so poor nowadays? Why does it seem McMahon is resting on his laurels even when there is no laurels to rest on?

In my eyes, the issue is too many cooks in the kitchen. The product became over bloated since the fall of WCW. Somewhere along the line, McMahon believed the WWE brand itself is the main selling point and not the wrestlers. You can see this in how the Survivor Series pay-per-view is booked in contrast to before. Monday Night Raw and whichever day Smackdown is airing, have been engaged in a fictitious war since the brands split in 2002. The “war” ended in 2013, then resumed in the summer of 2016.

The Survivor Series are traditionally characterized by having tag-team elimination matches, pitting teams of four or five combatants against one another. Before 2016, the teams were captained and defined by the highest ranking babyfaces and heels of the WWE. For an example, in the 1993 Survivor Series the top babyface was Bret “Hitman” Hart and the Hart Foundation, a stable made up of family members he was the leader of. They formed a five-man team to take on the heel Shawn Michaels and his “Knights”, who were just wrestlers going by “Knights” for reasons I have yet to understand.

Every Survivor Series team is now defined merely by which brand they are on. Team Raw vs Team Smackdown; in the most recent pay-per-view the WWE added NXT to the fold.

It’s curious in an era where the WWE invested so much into Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins, they are given the role of leading their respective Survivor Series teams, but it is always about the brands they are on, not about them.

So why am I complaining about Survivor Series 2019? The PPV aired almost four-months ago, and it is WrestleMania season. Who cares about Survivor Series? But this is a perfect example of WWE not wanting to commit to anything long term, or having any real plans beyond kicking the can down the road and see what happens later on.

In October, Chris Jericho and TNT launched their weekly All Elite Wrestling show “Dynamite.” Quickly making an impression on a wrestling audience in search of anything but the stale product they’ve been subjected too. Despite wrestling in America being synonymous with the WWE, AEW caught on rather fast and NXT was thrust on to television to counter their chief competitors new show every Wednesday.

NXT is simply Triple H’s offspring. A pet project he began when his transitioned away from an every day performer on the road. It is a tighter, scaled back version of Raw and SmackDown. NXT is notorious for creating stars, like Bayley and Sasha Banks, then giving them to WWE who have no idea what to do with them. NXT is a modest boutique in the larger realm of WWE. But the brass of WWE thought it be a good idea to showcase the talent of NXT by staging an invasion storyline in hopes of gaining eyeballs on their Wednesday show.

For those wondering whether this worked, AEW and NXT have gone head-to-head since October 2nd and have won the ratings war just three times out the 26 weeks.

This is after NXT ran rough-shot on the best WWE had to offer. Adam Cole defeated four time champion Daniel Bryan on SmackDown. On the Survivor Series, the NXT women’s team destroyed Team Raw and SmackDown, and on the men’s side Keith Lee made an impression by taking Roman Reigns the distance in a losing effort. Shayna Baszler bested two WWE Women’s champions, Becky Lynch and Bayley to wrap the dominance of NXT up in a nice bow.

Outside of Lee, nobody walked away from Survivor Series with a rub. You could say Baszler earned some respect points, but she pinned Bayley, and the next day the WWE Twitter account downplayed the accomplishment by reminding us Becky, the champion that matters, did not eat the pin. Baszler didn’t even win the Royal Rumble. Charlotte Flair made her look like an idiot and won something she didn’t need to win. You can say challenging NXT champion Rhea Ripley is a continuation of the invasion angle, but you could have gotten her there by not sacrificing Baszler. Having Flair win the rumble only to challenge the smaller brand is like The Undertaker winning the Royal Rumble in 2007 and challenging ECW champion Bobby Lashley at WrestleMania. It doesn’t feel organic, and not thought out.

NXT began their invasion targeting former champions The Miz and the aforementioned Bryan, Baszler ambushed Bayley after her match against Nikki Cross. The next week, Triple H boasts the accomplishments of Baszler, Tommaso Ciampa, and Adam Cole, telling us he is the leader of this invading force.

There’s a couple of problems with the sacrifice lambs being Miz and Bryan. Since 2011, Miz has been a joke. There was a time when Miz managed to get himself over as WWE’s top heel, but ever since main eventing WrestleMania 27 he’s been ridiculed and minimized. Now on to Bryan, Triple H hates him. Never takes him seriously as a top guy and holds legit naked contempt for him and his most ardent fans. In this age of wrestling, the fans are as wise to the behind the scenes machinations and sausage making we can easily see through Triple H’s words even if it is meant to be viewed through the lens of keyfabe.

It makes the NXT guys look like losers they ignored Brock Lesnar and Bray Wyatt, who recently won the championships of their respective brands.

WWE never pooled their resources together to try and defeat the invaders. They just went about like business as usual. In the tag elimination matches, Raw wrestlers eliminated SmackDown wrestlers, and vice versa. It served as counterproductive, in the women’s 5-on-5-on-5 triple threat elimination match, the only NXT star to score a pin was Rhea Ripley at the end. The men’s side fared better. Ciampa eliminated Kevin Owens and Baron Corbin. Matt Riddle pinned Randy Orton. Lee pinned Seth Rollins.

But neither Ciampa, Riddle or Lee have done anything significant to capitalize. Ripley is the only one from either division to have a match at ‘Mania.

When Baszler failed to take the belt off of Becky, it perfectly signified the half-assed nature of WWE. A constant string of start-stop pushes, then wondering why the talent isn’t over. Nobody likes “always the bridesmaid.” Nobody likes a loser. Nobody likes wrestlers who express vulnerability. We like bad asses. We like killers. WWE isn’t cinema where you have to adhere to the Hayes Code.

If WWE booked Baszler to break Becky’s arm at Survivor Series and win the Rumble she is likely in a better position to be a main event player.

WWE had no plans for NXT beyond Survivor Series. The NXT roster will remain where they are until they are individually called up. The invasion meant nothing. Triple H didn’t try to stage a coup. Rollins didn’t defect, join NXT, and resurrect The Authority (I know they’re dead). None of the champions were challenged.

All of this meant nothing. None of it mattered. And if nothing matters, then there’s no point to getting invested in anything.

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It Isn’t ALL Kevin Nash’s Fault

In 1995, the WWE was in the beginning stages of a down period once Hulk Hogan left the company in June of 1993. The New Generation lead by Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels, while talented, couldn’t continue the successes “Hulkamania” reached like Vince McMahon hoped.

The New Generation rose to prominence in the fall of 1992. Off the heels of a mildly successful WrestleMania VIII, the company knew their love affair with Hulk was nearing its end. Although they gifted the Hulkster the coveted main event match on the card - a non title bout against Sid Justice; which ended in a disqualification. The climax of the match was the surprise appearance of former champion The Ultimate Warrior running in to save Hogan from the beat down he was receiving from Justice.

The choice to book this particular match in the main event raised a lot of eyebrows. Hogan wasn’t going over Justice, on the contrary, this was his foe’s coming out party as an unstoppable killing machine. Justice wouldn’t last long after WrestleMania. His final match for the company was during its tour of the United Kingdom where he scored a victory over The Undertaker, his third loss PPV since joining the company in 1990.

Hogan spent the majority of the match beaten up and overpowered. The sight of Hogan dominated physically shocked those in attendance. They waited with baited breath for his famed Babyface comebacks. When it came, Hogan missed the leg drop and Justice proceeded to beat him some more. Warrior making the save in the end communicated to the fans that he was back in the fold after a abruptly leaving the WWE after SummerSlam in 1991. Hogan was almost an afterthought. This match was his send off. Hogan was leaving wrestling to film movies.

Vince nearly broke down in tears when Hogan informed him this was likely his last WrestleMania. The timing couldn’t have been better on Hogan’s end. Hulkamania was running out of steam, a new fresh Babyface in Bret was making a run for his spot. Fast forward a year later, Hogan is not only back at WrestleMania, but leaves the champion. McMahon showed little confidence in his new guys and came running into the arms of his old flame.

If WrestleMania IX was defined by the complete injustice of Bret Hart, the ‘Mania after was defined by his redemption. Like the year prior, Hart main events the pay-per-view, against Yokozuna and wins! Prior to that, HBK and Razor Ramon brought Madison Square Garden off their feet during their iconic ladder match for the Intercontinental strap. This was the height of the New Generation.

Bret held the strap for 248 days, participating in two high profile feuds. One involving his brother Owen, who scored a victory over his older brother in the greatest ‘Mania opening match in history. The two outdid themselves at SummerSlam, Bret going over this time in a steel cage match. The second feud was returning legend and former champion Bob Backlund.

Backlund returned to the WWE after a ten-year hiatus. Before Hulk Hogan, Backlund was the standard bearer of the WWE. Holding the championship belt for over 2,000 days before losing to the Iron Sheik so he could lose it to the aforementioned Hogan three weeks later.

Born in Minnesota, Backlund was the perfect white meat, midwestern Babyface for the era of the late 1970’s to early 1980’s. His appearance screamed humble and “aw, shucks.”

Bret was the same style of Babyface. Absolutely no edge to his character, he was a hero. Plain and simple.

When the two clashed on a late July tapping of WWF Superstars, Backlund have “The Hitman” all he can handle, coming up short via roll-up pin after Backlund believed he secured the victory. Bret extends his hand to the aggrieved Backlund who lost his last wit, snapping and attacking the champion. Backlund placed his infamous “Chicken Wing” submission maneuver on Hart and tortured him for what felt like ages. When referees finally pried the mad man off the champion, he stared at his hands like he committed a murder. The all-American boy, born and raised in the Midwest, turned heel.

Backlund won the title from Hart at Survivor Series, ending his run as champion at 248 days. But it wouldn’t last long. On a House Show in Madison Square Garden three days after Survivor Series, Backlund was massacred by Shawn Michaels bodyguard Diesel and lost the title in ten seconds. On the next episode of Raw, Diesel was the champion and even though he originated and became famous as a heel, was being portrayed as a Babyface in the mold of Hogan. Sort of like the precursor to Roman Reigns.

Diesel (a.k.a Kevin Nash) took a strange journey to becoming world champion. At 35-years old, the WWE placed all their hopes on Diesel carrying them out of these dark times.

Nash began his wrestling career in 1990 for World Championship Wrestling as an orange-mohawked man named “Steel,” acting as one half of the tag team known as The Master Blasters. They began their WCW run on a undefeated streak, before running into the Steiner Brothers and losing in 52 seconds. Nash was repacked as “Oz” a clear ripoff of a character from the Wizard of Oz from the 1900 children’s book, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Nash was managed by The Great Wizard (Kevin Sullivan). Ultimately, this gimmick fizzled out as well. All plans for Nash was scrapped when he refused to sign a $300 a night guarantee as the company was cutting costs. Nash remained in the company, repackaging him as “Vinnie Vegas.” A streetwise, Italian-American straight out of the movies.

Nash found himself in the WWE soon after, at the request of Michaels to act as his bodyguard. He took the name “Diesel” and made his debut at a House Show helping HBK defeat his former friend, now nemesis Marty Jannetty for the Intercontinental Title acting as the enforcer for the heel Michaels.

The relationship went both ways, Michaels would help Diesel win the Intercontinental Championship over fellow Kliqmate Razor Ramon after HBK took a hiatus following WrestleMania X to rehab an injured ankle.

In 1994, the WWE was in quite the bind. WCW plucked their talent from them (Hogan, Savage, Flair) and their homegrown talent was just as good (Sting, Barry Windham, Big Van Vader). Vince signed Lex Luger to a hefty sum of capital in ‘93. The former WCW failed to duplicate his success in the WWE, likely through no fault of his own. Since once he returned to WCW Luger proved to be more, if not more popular than in his first run.

McMahon wasn’t sure if Bret was the guy to turn the ship around. So after having him drop the belt to Bob Backlund at Survivor Series, Diesel would crush the champion at a House Show three days later. This coming after Diesel and Michaels ended their keyfabe friendship, with Big Sexy turning Babyface in the process.

Diesel would hold the belt for 358 days and his reign is wildly panned by just about every metric. His reign coinciding with WWE’s worst run of House Show and PPV revenue.

I’m no fan of Kevin Nash. I think we can blame him for a ton of stuff. However, i’m doubtful anyone could have righted the ship for WWE in this time. The business model of the company was far too ancient to generate a profit. WCW changed the game by having 10 PPVs are year, to the WWE’s five. Monday Night Raw was only an hour, Nitro was two.

Bret, Diesel, HBK, two of them were the greatest wrestlers of their era, perhaps ever. Diesel was intimidating as fuck and the closest WWE got to home growing their replacement Hulk Hogan. All considered flops as champions due to an antiquated business model.

Diesel and HBK’s respective title reigns saw them defanged once the belt was fitted around their waists. All the edge in their characters was drained in favor of a more family friendly persona. Everything that got Diesel over to the audience as a bad-ass suddenly vanished. Michaels suddenly was being accompanied to the ring by his real-life mentor Jose Lothario during every match.

When Michaels lost the belt to Sycho Sid at Survivor Series, held at Madison Square Garden that year, the heel did everything to generate a negative reaction from the New York crowd. He even attacked old man Lothario and received only palpable cheers for his assault. HBK in the ring certainly deserved praise. But the dirty secret about him is he’s always been a superior heel, versus him as a white meat Babyface. The good guy image never fit for the guy who does a stripping routine before every match and fancies himself a ladies man. It didn’t fit Diesel either.

The company acknowledged their past mistakes on the Raw after ‘Mania XIV. Teasing the audience they were going to make the same mistake with their new champion, Stone Cold Steve Austin. Even putting him in a suit and taking pictures with Vince McMahon in the ring. The corporatizing of the champion isn’t unheard of. But Austin proving to be the company’s most profitable champions, whilst going against the traditional grain makes me scratch my head as to why Vince desperately wants champions in the mold of Hogan, Cena and Reigns, when the model clearly is outdated and detrimental to the overall product.

The booking of WrestleMania XII was a testament to how desperate the WWE was in recapturing it’s glory. Even copying the steps it took to set up the original WrestleMania. The company was short on talent and sought big name celebrities to compensate. Pamela Anderson and Jenny McCarthy accompany both the champion and the challenger, respectively, to the ring for their title match. Hall of Fame linebacker Lawrence Taylor squares off versus Bam Bam Bigelow in the Main Event of ‘Mania. Not dissimilar from the first WrestleMania. Singer Cyndi Lauper played a role in the penultimate match. Muhammad Ali was the guest referee in the main event, and Mr. T wrestled in said main event.

Getting celebrities involved in wrestling to draw casual eyeballs is fine. WrestleMania XII would’ve been a bigger flop without them. But the booking of the card bugged me. Even though I wasn’t even born when it took place.

First off, Diesel rose up the ranks too soon. He was green on the stick, coming off as disingenuous when cutting a Babyface promo on the Raw after winning the title from Backlund. Maybe Nash was never meant to be the top guy in the first place, his title reign shouldn’t have been so disastrous regardless.

WWE blamed Bret for the bad numbers and assumed a new champion was needed. So the Hart-Backlund conflict took a backseat to Diesel vs Shawn. WWE wanted to groom HBK as the next top Babyface, so he became a tweener and won the Royal Rumble despite being the first entrant. The ‘95 Rumble was the shortest in the history of the PPV not even eclipsing forty-minutes. Perhaps more importantly, the only notable names HBK interacted with during the rumble was The British Bulldog and Lex Luger. The latter is gone too soon, the former hangs around for too long. Bulldog survives until the very end and he came in at number two. Receiving nothing for coming up short despite him and Michaels lasting the exact same length of time.

Owen Hart and Backlund were both ambushed by Bret before entering the ring, thus killing any interest fans could have had in this match.

In my opinion, the WWE should have done one of the following versus what actually happened.

1. Diesel wins the Royal Rumble

Diesel could smash Backlund at ‘Mania, turn Babyface at some point before or after the rumble devote crucial time to his push and perhaps avoid the issues WWE faced.

2. Buildup a Bret - HBK program

I mean why not? HBK isn’t even the champion so it’s not like you’re asking him to drop anything. Who is HBK to turn his nose up at a chance to main event WrestleMania?

3. Slot the blowoff match of the Bret-Backlund feud for the title

It does suck the blowoff to a surprisingly quality feud ended in a farce of a match. Slotted in the middle of the card, with Roddy Piper sticking a microphone in the face of either Bob or Bret every few seconds to snag a little bit of the already dimming spotlight. It was ugly and a damn shame. At least there was a story being told that made sense. Bret was the company’s face (or at least he’s supposed to be) why not main event this year’s ‘Mania?

4. Put the pieces in place for a Diesel vs HBK vs Bam Bam vs L.T main event title match

Ah, now we get crazy. Crazy with a capital K. Bam Bam vs L.T was surprisingly good, and the feud proceeding the match was excellently built.

People could debate who’d win in a lock up, Diesel or L.T? Will HBK super kick L.T? (I know HBK’s finisher at this time was the fisherman’s suplex) Will L.T win the championship? Is it jumping the shark? Yes. Would it have been good for business? Also, yes.

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Happy Valentines day everyone! I decided to make a comic about something I’ve wanted to talk about for a long time, which was my relationship with romance while being on the Aromantic spectrum. Sorry for the length, enjoy!

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Flair Wins The Rumble, We All Lose

Sometimes the WWE leaves you not totally ashamed to be a wrestling fan. The product, when presented with dignity, leaves you euphoric or curious where we’ll go next. I entered my viewing of the 2020 Royal Rumble with expectations lower than dinosaur bones. I knew Raw’s champion Becky Lynch and challenger Asuka would have the best match of the night. I assumed the Women’s Royal Rumble would be a shit show.

I wrongfully assumed the WWE Champion Brock Lesnar, entering the rumble in the number one spot would walk away victorious, or be thrown out by three-time champion Roman Reigns.

Well, Asuka and Becky did me proud. Making me yearn for the days where I briefly thought Asuka would become an indispensable part of the women’s division and not another clown in the circus as she’s sadly become since Charlotte Flair abruptly ended her title run on the eve of WrestleMania. As for Becky, as frustrating as her booking since storming the scene in the Summer of 2018 is, I appreciate she’s mostly been paired up with fantastic in-ring workers. In my mind, Asuka vs Lynch III should be a match for ‘Mania. The history is there between the two characters and the product will exceed expectations every time.

Then came the women’s rumble. Besides Bianca Belair there wasn’t any positive standout performances. Bliss and Cross did alright together as the early entrants (Bliss at #1, Cross at #4). Belair drew number two and eliminated eight contestants before meeting her end versus the almighty Charlotte Flair. What came after Belair’s departure was blast from the past Kelly Kelly who wasn’t good during her initial stint in the WWE a decade ago and hasn’t improved to say the least. And of course, Santino Marella dressed in drag. Poor Santino. Go watch his old matches, he’s quite talented. His only sin is he made Vince McMahon laugh one time.

NXT’s Shayna Baszler drew number 30 and proceeded to make up for missing most of the match. Elimination eight combatants in under five-minutes before, ultimately, meeting her end at the hands of Flair. Yes. Flair is your women’s royal rumble winner and will go on to WrestleMania to challenge for the Raw, Smackdown or even the NXT title.

Oh, boy.

First off, how can WWE expect us to give a shit about Baszler now that Flair’s made her look like a complete dope? Almost more importantly, it is rumored Flair will challenge not long time rivals Becky Lynch or Bayley for their respective titles, but chase NXT champion Rhea Ripley. Why? Because fuck you.

If that is indeed the endgame for Flair then you didn’t have to pencil her in as the rumble winner to make it happen. Baszler needed this win, she needed the steam to kick off her heel run and chase Becky’s title. Instead, she’ll merely be handed a title shot and we’ll be expected to fear her. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Like always, the WWE knows what must be done and blatantly doesn’t do it to screw their fans because simply, they can. They can fuck up Raw after Raw after Raw for the next thirty-years and still be in the black.

Why do I do this to myself?

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Rebooking WrestleMania XXV

‘Mania XXV

Prelude:

Chris Jericho-Shawn Michaels Feud:

Chris Jericho is embroiled in a feud with “the Heartbreak Kid” Shawn Michaels. Jericho nearly robbed Michaels of his sight at the previous years’ Summerslam and looks ready to put the final nail in the coffin of the “Showstoppa.” In an unsanctioned match at Unforgiven, Jericho manages to knock HBK out cold, pile-driving his rival through a foldout table. Later that same night, Jericho wiggles his way into a mad scramble for the World Heavyweight Championship after Randy Orton attacked champion C.M Punk. Jericho won the match and became champion once again solidifying his status as a heel to be reckon with.

Michaels is granted his title shot against Jericho after winning a number one contenders’ match, facing the champion Jericho in a ladder match at the No Mercy PPV. HBK captures the strap and is the new World Heavyweight Champion getting the last laugh over the dastardly Y2J.

But Jericho would remain persistent, chasing Michaels incessantly for the title he feels was stolen from him. Jericho defeated Batista at Cyber Sunday for his number one contender status. However, the finish was put into question as to whether Jericho kicked out of the Batista Bomb at 2. Instant replay shows he did not and Batista was awarded the number one contenders’ status for Survivor Series. Michaels was able to retain and hold the belt heading into ‘Mania.

John Cena vs Shawn Michaels

Edge vs Triple H

John Cena won the Royal Rumble and chose to face Michaels over the WWE Champion Triple H. Michaels and Hunter reform D-Generation X and merge their team with the McMahon family. Their run at the top ended when Edge beat Triple H at No Way Out, in the Elimination Chamber. Triple H demands a rematch at WrestleMania. If Edge wins, Triple H cannot contest for the WWE Championship for a year. If Triple H is victorious, Edge could not compete on either Smackdown or Raw.

The Undertaker vs John Bradshaw Layfield:

John Bradshaw Layfield sets his sights on ending The Undertakers’ WrestleMania win steak. But he also wants the rights to Undertaker and his likeness for commercial purposes. If Undertaker wins, he’ll get the rights to JBL and his likeness.

The events:

C.M Punk would win the Money in the Bank ladder match to kick off WrestleMania. He is coy whether or not we’ll see him cash-in tonight, but does say he’ll take on anyone. Be it Edge, Triple H, John Cena or Shawn Michaels when the moment is opportune.

A 23-year-old Natalya Niedhart, daughter of Jim Niedhart wins the “Miss WrestleMania Battle Royal”, last eliminating Santino Marella, who dressed up in drag to make a mockery of the event and receives a beat down for his troubles.

(I love Santino, but this is the only reason to have him humiliate himself doing something like this.)

Chris Jericho vs Ricky Steamboat

Y2J made it known he has little regard for the stars who came before him and seeks to dismantle the legacies of the WWE’s greatest. He challenges the legend Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat to a match at WrestleMania. Steamboat manages to hold his own, showcasing his still prevalent athleticism that hasn’t deterred much with age. Ultimately, Jericho nails Steamboat with a Code Breaker for the pinfall.

Rey Mysterio vs Kofi Kingston

For the Intercontinental Championship, this showdown is a Babyface vs Babyface match. Kofi manages to avoid the 619 and pulls off the upset against Rey for the title. They shake hands in the ring and so mutually respect for one another.

The Undertaker vs JBL

The Undertaker shows little remorse for JBL, beating him to a bloody pulp for the majority of their 15-minute scuffle. JBL submits to the Hell’s Gate and the rich Texans likeness is now property of the Deadman.

Edge vs Triple H

Triple H utilizes his brute strength to outmuscle Edge and neutralize his lightning speed. Three times Edge misses the spear ramming his right shoulder into the post each time. Hunter is unable to land the pedigree, Edge managing to escape and hook his legs into the sharpshooter. Neither man budges until a brief window of opportunity presents itself for Edge. Triple H has Edge wrapped in a sleeper hold, which lasts a while. Edge is able to counter and break Hunter’s jaw. Like a rat Edge scurries to the corner of the ring and sets himself up for his fourth spear attempt of the night and nails him with it. One. Two. Three. Edge is still the champion, and The Game is unable to contend for the grandest prize in wrestling for a whole year.

Shawn Michaels vs John Cena

In a rematch of their WrestleMania 23 showdown this is also the main event. Michaels and Cena duplicate their previous ‘Mania match, culminating in Michaels reversing Cena’s F U and into an attempt of a super kick, which the challenger ducks and tries again for the F U this time succeeding for the pin. John Cena is the World Heavyweight champion.

However, his celebration is cut short when C.M Punk cashes-in on Cena and hits him with the Go To Sleep for the quick pin.

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Rebooking: My Personal Choices for World Heavyweight Champion

Triple H, 76 days

Given the title by Raw G.M Eric Bischoff. Only point of divergence from our reality is HHH is not involved in a racist feud with Booker T.

Shawn Michaels, 286 days

HBK returns to the promise land in just his second match since returning from a four-year hiatus due to a critical back injury. His win is at the Survivor Series PPV in the inaugural Elimination Chamber, lasting pinning HHH. Only point of divergence is HBK a doesn’t immediately give the belt back to HHH a month later. Rather, he keeps it as his feud with his former best friend continues until Summerslam 2003

Goldberg, 204 days

Goldberg makes quick waste of his opponents in the second Elimination Chamber match in WWE history. Pinning every participant (Kevin Nash, Chris Jericho, Shawn Michaels, and Lastly Triple H) to win the World Championship. POD is Goldberg doesn’t drop the belt 84 days later and holds the belt for the rest of the calendar year and heading into ‘Mania

Chris Benoit, 267 days

Benoit pulls off the upset of the century, ending Goldberg’s reign as champion in a Babyface vs Babyface feud. Benoit manages to get Goldberg to submit to the crippler cross-face. Benoit doesn’t relinquish the belt at Summerslam to Randy Orton months later. His reign ends at New Years’ Revolution in an Elimination Chamber match featuring HHH, Edge, Jericho, Booker T. Orton, having turned Babyface against Triple H, wins the title

Randy Orton, 84 days

After turning Babyface, Orton manages to fend off a deranged Triple H and retain his title. Batista kicks Triple H out of Evolution and at WrestleMania 21, becomes the third heel in WWE history to escape the mystical PPV the champion (HHH in 2000, Steve Austin at ‘Mania 17)

Batista, 282 days

With Ric Flair as his ace in the hole, Batista plows through the roster. If sheer power wouldn’t do the trick, Flair would always be ringside to “even” the odds for the champion. Only his title reign isn’t given a proper send off as Batista tears his bicep and has to relinquish the belt without a match.

Kurt Angle, 82 days

Wins the strap on Smackdown in a 20-man Battle Royal last eliminating Mark Henry. Nothing is different. Angle still drops the belt to Rey Mysterio at ‘Mania 22. Only Orton isn’t involved as he’s a good guy.

Rey Mysterio, 238 days

Rey’s inspirational title run after the untimely death of his best friend Eddie Guerrero is personified defeating the biggest and baddest wrestlers the WWE have to offer. The POD is we never get to see Booker T as the champion. His “King Booker” schtick was nice and gave him a deserving run at the title that should’ve happened in 2003. However, it came at the expense at a unique champion all to set up Batista. In this reality, Rey simply loses to Batista whose still a heel

Batista, 126 days (2nd title reign)

Batista defeats Mysterio in a ladder match. Nothing changes, he still loses to Undertaker at ‘Mania 23

The Undertaker, 37 days

No changes. Everything remains the same.

Edge, 70 days

No changes. Again.

Mark Henry, 61 days

The Worlds’ Strongest man last eliminates The Great Khali in a 20-man battle royal for the vacant World Heavyweight Championship after Edge suffered a pectoral injury.

Rey Mysterio, 91 days (2nd reign)

Rey regains the title and avenges his loss to Batista in the same night at Unforgiven in a Triple-threat featuring the champion Mark Henry.

Edge, 106 days (2nd reign)

No change, besides Edge pins Rey at Armageddon in a triple-threat match, not Batista

The Undertaker, 33 days (2nd reign)

No changes.

Edge, 29 days (3rd reign)

No changes.

C.M Punk, 69 days

No changes.

Chris Jericho, 29 days

C.M Punk is keyfabe injured and unable to defend his title, starting a sudden mad scramble at the end of the Unforgiven PPV. Jericho had just won his grueling unsanctioned match against HBK and capped off a perfect night as champion

Shawn Michaels, 202 days (2nd reign)

HBK would get the last laugh, however. Defeating Jericho in a ladder match for his second title reign since coming back to the WWE in 2002.

John Cena, 21 days

Cena and HBK main event WrestleMania 25 and like their match two years prior they electrify the crowd. Cena once again is victorious, ending Shawn’s last title reign.

After this, the World Heavyweight Championship gets devalued. Jeff Hardy and C.M Punk have an excellent feud for the title, but the strap is passed around far too often after this and loses meaning. Perhaps if WWE gave Dolph Ziggler a real shot they could have resurrected the belts importance? Or if Alberto Del Rio didn’t lose to Edge in his final match before retiring for the belt? Tough to say. But the star power wasn’t there anymore to make us take the Big Gold any more seriously than we take the Intercontinental Championship today. Which is, not at all.