emchovy - Tumblr blog

[emchovy]

last year i was eating in a fancy, large restaurant when i began to hear a rumble and the distant sound of people chanting ‘potassium, potassium’ and suddenly hundreds of people dressed as bananas flood this restaurant chanting potassium over and over and we were trapped there for a very long time because the bananas would not leave and they were everywhere

i wasn’t joking

[emchovy]

when did we as a society start allowing a sandwich to cost sixteen dollars? eighteen? I know I've paid twenty-one dollars for a sandwich at this point. is this just the world now? sandwich prices don't come down like gas prices. they go up & up & up. good luck to us all

[emchovy]

I think marzipan would ask homestar what his pronouns are, and he wouldn't get it right away, but then he'd go "ohhh! homestaw, And. wunnuw :)" and she'd say uh no sweetie, that's your name :) I mean your pronouns. and he'd be like yea I know, my pwofessional nouns! I'm a tewwific althete

[emchovy]

[emchovy]

I FUCKING KILL YOU STIMBOARD 🔥🔥🔥💥💥💥💥💥💥🔥🔥🔥🔥💥🔥💥🔥💥🔥💥🔥💥🔥💥🔥💥🔥💥🔥💥🔥💥🔥💥💥🔥💥🔥🔥💥🔥💥💥🔥

[emchovy]

✨ Please reblog the polls to make them reach out to as many people as possible, but KEEP IT SPOILER-FREE to make people listen to the music with an open mind 💖 Artists and titles will be revealed after the poll's conclusion, check the original post for an update! ✨

[emchovy]

hired a galapagos finch at my burger joint and after 2 generations it evolved to take peoples orders

[emchovy]

I've had bdsm scenes with less psychosexual Dominance/submission undertones than whatever is going on with those guys in fast and/or big trucks on the highway.

Like, I'm sorry I'm in front of you and I'm not doing 20 over the speed limit. I promise this is solely because I'm trying to get to work in relative safety. It wasn't intended as a slight on the size or quality of your reproductive organs, as you have clearly interpreted it.

[emchovy]

me: :(

spring birdies: peep peep

me: :)

[emchovy]

Made the worst brownies ever created just now

[emchovy]

Happy April 25th Everyone. Remember your light jacket.

[emchovy]

not including “directly into ao3 text editor” because i think you need help and i refuse to enable your sick and twisted lifestyle

[emchovy]

im starting to think you guys dont like it when stories make you feel things

[emchovy]

guy who listens to tool: hey man you ever listened to tool?

guy who lives near a construction site:

[emchovy]

i know that rk800 and rk900 are p much identical in-game in every way except for rk900 having a different jacket and demon-tier blue eyes, BUT. i like the idea of them having slightly different builds just based on their intended use

like, rk800 being a prototype designed primarily for investigative work, and also to test the memory upload ability = fast, lightweight materials that are sturdy but inexpensive to replace, hardware-mobility features designed to parkour around obstacles, high dexterity but at the cost of raw strength, tons of delicate sensory hardware optimized for maximum data-collection and analysis, with combat capabilities added in as an afterthought

rk900 being intended for military combat use and NOT for recon = heavy-duty materials capable of exerting and withstanding tons of force, durability prioritized to last even in the worst conditions, dexterity traded in for sheer power, and physical/cognitive flexibility dialed back in favor of efficient mission completion

i want rk800 doing the MOST to flip over a wall, and i want rk900 to walk through the wall koolaid man style

[emchovy]

i know that "unalive" is part of larger worrying trend of self censorship but if you really are in a situtation where you have to avoid the words "die" or "kill" the english language already has centuries worth of much better euphemisms. the iconic and perennial "six feet under"? the lovely imagery of "pushing up daisies"? "shuffle off this mortal coil"????? literally anything from the monty python dead parrot bit???? you have so many options. please try to be more creative at least