emherrera

[emherrera]

i can't say this online

And here comes the con of if, at any point, someone I really care about sees this. I can't really say what I want. I can't really share what I feel right now because I have this image that is so entirely made up and, honestly, self-absorbed I just can't let go of - professionally - that would do to me. I haven't felt like I can feel online in a really long time. Mostly because, as a person, I feel so much all at once and, maybe, lack the filter or care to vomit it out in any gorgeous, brilliant way. So - still I can't do that here - I'm not sure if I'll be ever myself, online, with my name anywhere, and be able to feel anything out loud again.

[emherrera]

[emherrera]

[emherrera]

My Love Letter to Journalists

(June 2023)

Dear Journalists,

I used to be a wanabe Journalist. I just wanted to say that out loud before anything. But I genuinely want to imprint that Journalism is the antidote to content and that’s why content creators (especially Twitter creators) call themselves journalists. I dropped out of school with a CS & J major, so I never finished, but I wanted to say that was some of the hardest classes ever. Like go up to strangers and ask them their political views during 2021 kinda hard.

Without making this too soppy, I think you’d be better at my job that I am sometimes. You’ll actually get to the bottom, not ride of any vibes or trends. You’ll at least note them before you do.

The definition of Journalist has become strange, but, for the record, I do believe Journalism is a practice. You don’t always get it right, but it’s the aspiration. It’s a muscle.

I know this was corny. Anyone can make fun of me. I just wanted to sneak this into my blog, especially after I came so aggressively at Twitter Bloggers in that basics article.

[emherrera]

Pedigree and Me

(December 2023)

I’m writing on the 1 train and it’s the 96th station. I just left Columbia University for a 1:1 counseling session. The update for you is that I’m considering going back to school. Not seriously, but it’s something I owe my immigrant parents to just think about before I hit 25-years-old.

Lately, I’ve become absolutely obsessed with this term that startups, especially investors, use: pedigree.

This might be a generally shunned on term - considered old fashioned, definitely. Still, in my first two years in the industry, it was one casually landed in the applied instance. Meaning one wouldn’t bring it up if someone wasn’t pedigreed; but if they had it…

As you know, I left school on my fourth year, out of five. As much as I feel like I could have, I didn’t receive that platinum steel degree to put up in my parents house. It’s something I considered almost cool for almost a year. That changed when I became close with a friend with the same background as mine, who had fallen in love with a man with what one would consider genuine pedigree. We would meet up every few weeks and I’d get the download of exactly what had gone wrong.

She called this the “pebbles” in their relationship. They’d have a great time, enjoying each others company, and then someone would bring up (insert: work, jobs, interests, etc.) and there would be a little shake on the way; either at that moment or the moments alone with this guy after.

Granted, this is a toxic thing to write about. And, I put myself at risk of potentially scaring anyone where looking for hope that “pedigree” is a topic that’s absolutely outdated, useless and stupid.

But, the reality is that it’s not.

[emherrera]

Writing Online

At this point, I've learned to have three different points.

This: not linked to my real online identity, really

A personal blog (really a professional one, but whatever)

An online social presence (my vice of choice is always going to be Twitter)

This, like I said, is a place more for fun. I highly doubt I'm going to ever really have to come back to this and edit it at all. I think if you've found this, and you know me, congrats - you deserve to read this at this point.

At first I thought it was because it would be to protect you from cringe. The closer to me you get, the more cringe it can be. But as time's gone on, I realize that all three of those are just as cringe. At that point I realized I've realized the point of filtration, or even more editing, is less to be entertaining or cool and more just to be right.

Going to note this is also how I feel about journalism as an industry.

[emherrera]

My Tumblr Hope

You might be confused on why, after all of my failed attempts of writing on almost every platform, I'm choosing to write on Tumblr.

In short, I've realized I like a public workbook, a microblog, and an actual blog. I'm not exactly sure what Tumblr provides me, but it's really what I'm looking for - open space.

Potential

Simply put:

It has a simple, long-form writing workspace that works with the length of the post (no X/Twitter-like cutoffs that just feel awkward in your personal "Home" presentation).

It's set for multimedia, too. I can post literally every kind of media here.

Simple & complex templates. I started programming for Tumblr templates when I was fourteen. You can google "Tumblr template" and you can lock in a good-enough, multi-media-set template within a few minutes. (Are.na is always going to be the most gorgeous modern RSS for me, but obviously isn't set to be a social network at all)

Better community. There's a weirdo-void feeling to whoever is left on Tumblr. Similar to Reddit, but not as aggressive. I can post almost anything here and I know almost not a soul will read it unless you 1) are looking at my site 2) are a weirdo who still uses Tumblr 3) might have read some niche smut in your life - like me.

[emherrera]

Depression and Learning: The First Time I Dropped School. P1

One of my most embarrassing memories was ripping tape with my teeth - having never wrapped and packed for a move ever - to tape together absolutely anything I found in my dorm room.

One of my most spiritual moments was having a dream one night where I went into the admin office and put in my papers to leave school. I simply then - woke up - and did exactly what happened in the dream.

So fast forward a few hours later, I'm ripping tape with my teeth. I had just called my parents and told them. On the phone, I just said, "Dad - I don't think I can be here right now. I don't feel well."

It was a short convo. Couldn't find the energy to care about truly answering any questions, so it was a quick convo. Can't really progress if someone just doesn't respond on the other line.

I continued to not talk for the next eight hours. When my dad arrived to my dorm in Boston from New York, he didn't say too much. He had just gotten some bad personal news, so we were both in our feelings at the same moment.

It was raining and nobody was awake at 8AM, so we didn't have much small talking to do. Just stare at the shitty blue Target desk lamp get rained on in an opened cardboard box and just decide to throw everything into the trunk without caring about any item at all.

We got soup at a seafood restaurant after. Here's how the convo went:

How long is this for?

I don't know...

..Where's mom?

She's home. Has to take care of some things.

Okay.

We proceeded to drink our shrimp soup and talk about his life. At the end I decided before we got up, I'd tell him about how I feel.

Opening up to your parent about depression is so strange because you feel really guilty but you're also trying to feel honest. I'm a person who really believes in radical honesty, but every once in a while, I still think I could have came up with some lie that could have saved them some feelings.

[emherrera]

[emherrera]

Who I am and why I invest in the internet. Pt. 1

hi - my name is em and i'm 23 years old. I live in ny and i've been on the internet since 2006, probably before but I don't remember.

As an adult, I invest in parts of the internet since my full time job is investing in startups. I've been able to grow a community of great people on twitter who are in a similar industry on my personal account - making it, honestly, more professional than I would have thought.

This means that even though it's a personal account - I can't use it like a real personal account just yet.

I plan on keeping the vibe going, but it's really important for me to reintroduce myself in the way that feels most genuine to me: to internet people.

Also - if for some reason you know me, let me explain my content roadmap to help you follow along:

Twitter - my rough thoughts. reactions to tech/tech culture.

Newsletter/email chain - I'm going to test out professional/personal content there. That's the one thing I'm not sure if I can keep up with fully considering that it's connected to all of my professional accounts. Even though I'll probably end up sharing this publicly anyways.

--

I grew up with strict parents (very common for online kids... and kids of immigrants, lol) and didn't really go out much with friends until I was around 13 or 14 years old. I was also was pretty boy crazy. This is a VERY important theme going forward online was my relationship with boys considering that, as a teen, I was really uncomfortable with the pace to which I was growing up physically.

Early 2000s - One of my favorite places had to be the library because, of course, I could go on WeeWorld or some PG-13 place and have pretend boyfriends and my mom would never see the URL.

When I was in fourth grade - I got mono. (I hadn't kissed anyone yet, but I got it from a birthday party.) Famously, I stood home for two months and couldn't see anyone my age in those two months. Granted, looking back, two months doesn't sound like a lot - but for a relatively social 4th grader, it was significant. It solidified my ability to make online friends. I was around 2 or 3 grades ahead of the other kids in my classes, so my mom would let me just take the quizzes for like an hour a day and let me stay in the computer for the rest of it. I did the works: club penguin (that spy game was fire), HABBO, Webkinz, WeHeartIt, Tumblr, to then Twitter.

I, thankfully, never got into chat rooms really - since I would make friends through fandoms - not "randos" online.

[emherrera]

TESTING