emilyruthoswald - Tumblr blog

[emilyruthoswald]

@dalliancekay is brilliant, as always. Aziraphale is clever. He knows how heaven, hell, and humanity work. He knows what he needs to do to save Crowley, we just haven't seen it yet.

Somebody threatens Crowley

What does the angel do?

He thinks fast and saves him.

What did he do this time? What is he hiding? What did he decide to do? What's his plan? He's smart and quick enough that nobody has noticed, we know that. Nobody had any idea he swapped the photo.

They've made him very angry.

And you know

I think Crowley has an inkling on what his angel is capable of.

[emilyruthoswald]

@dalliancekay hits it out of the park again!!

[emilyruthoswald]

in which crowley tries to convince himself that all is not yet lost, because underneath it all, he is an optimist…

[emilyruthoswald]

Momma

[emilyruthoswald]

✨😇 ✨

[emilyruthoswald]

🍁Painted one of my fave things: Napping when it's cold outside so everything feels Extra Cosy™️. Crowley's guardian angel will make sure his tea never gets cold.

Patreon

[emilyruthoswald]

Stars, hide your fires / Let not light see my black and deep desires.

Merlin and Arthur in the style of these incredible posters for a production of Macbeth.

[emilyruthoswald]

Forever obsessed with the legendary Charles “I think I’d miss kissing…. do you miss kissing?” Rowland.

My guy was dying of internal bleeding and hypothermia, probably in shock, scared out of his wits, and—need I repeat—D Y I N G. But he still tried to shoot his shot. His flirting with Crystal is hilarious to watch but his flirting with Edwin is so much more incredible because how did he have the brain power to do that? Not to mention that since he seemingly doesn’t realize he’s into Edwin 30+ years on, this is instinctual flirting. (Insert essay concept here about how he tries very hard to flirt with Crystal, making a show of being attracted to her, while his attraction to Edwin is latent and even when he’s not trying to make it obvious those feelings shine through.)

10/10 would be smitten again, Charles is The Character of all time.

[emilyruthoswald]

Can I offer you a meme in this trying time

[emilyruthoswald]

Words from On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong

[emilyruthoswald]

has anyone else made this connection before bc im crying shitting throwing up banging my head against the wall like im actually not ok the direct parallels kill me i hate everything but i love them oh my god the first pic is arthur making fun of merlin and the second pic is arthur being worried oh my god the way their relationship has developed so much im so

[emilyruthoswald]

my vibe would be bradley james in the merlin behind the scenes photos

[emilyruthoswald]

[emilyruthoswald]

VAVOOM!

good omens season 3 poster idea

no logo ver:

[emilyruthoswald]

"He was suppressing his emotions out of love" 😭❤️

I need everyone to read this post.

Aziraphale does NOT need to suffer MORE

Can't believe I have to say this. TW: grief, mourning, death (sorry) I have, since falling into the fandom 6 months ago to escape real life, seen many takes on how Aziraphale needs to suffer in S3 to match Crowley's suffering. Mainly as the counterpart to the moment Crowley thinks he lost Aziraphale as he's looking for him desperately in the burning bookshop.

Then drinks, we suppose, to dull his pain, waiting for the Armageddon. Also, the way Crowley suffers at the bandstand argument, the 'I Forgive You' moments, which many people find utterly devastating and incredibly heartless from Aziraphale. Not to mention when he doesn't react in the 'right way' to Crowley's confession in the Final 15. And then on top of that, 'abandons' Crowley. Oh and also for, and I quote: "The smug and entitled way Aziraphale went around in S2 assuming Crowley would love and follow him everywhere." And for all this pain that Crowley endured for him, Aziraphale should suffer in S3, to I assume, even out the scores. Some people want to see him lose it, show his emotions, to cry or beg or otherwise show how much he misses Crowley and how very sorry he is for what he's done.

Now for the TW grief content I motioned above. You can skip to the next sentence in bold.

WE ALL SUFFER DIFFERENTLY I was on holiday late September last year, visiting my mum, stepfather and my two younger brothers. We went to a cousin's wedding. It was great. The day after, as I was hanging out reading a book my mum got a call. The kind of call every mother fears. My youngest brother (he was 27) died in an accident. We needed to speak to police and the coroner. She cried and cried. She's still crying. She asks questions. She gets no answers. I did not cry. I talked to the police. I googled a funeral home. I bought my brother his last set of clothes. He lived in a hoodie and torn black jeans. Mum wanted a suit. But he died in the one he bought for the wedding. I texted a lot of people. I bought snacks for the many friends who came to the funeral and wanted to speak to us after. My grief feels like a vice. I am not sad. I do not appear sad. Contrary to what people expect. But I am ANGRY. I am furious. But nobody can see this. I am not fine and I wish no one would ever* ask how I was again. TW/Personal content over. Since I was small (because I am weird like that) I genuinely wondered if, finding myself in danger, I could scream like people in films do. I don't think I could. I cope with hard situations, fear and stress and anxiety by shutting down, sometimes by retreating too, by furiously trying to find a way out. And I think Aziraphale does the same. And that's why I love him so much. And why I feel get him and understand that people sometimes can't tell how much he's actually feeling. I also express love the way Aziraphale does - by organising things for people I love, inviting them places, making plans. When Crowley said you call me for three things (and it's basically any old reason) I felt SO SEEN. This is what I would do with a friend who I know is feeling unmoored, sad, stuck. I'd text them with any old thing. I'd never actually say I love you, how can I help though, I would try to get them to talk, meet me, go somewhere. Aziraphale does not express emotions the same way as Crowley.

But his emotions are valid nonetheless. He is worried for Crowley from around 3 minutes into their acquaintanceship. And he NEVER stops worrying.

And are we quite sure he has never lost Crowley?

How many times did Aziraphale's heart freeze in horror when he realised Hell has taken Crowley and he had no idea if he'll ever come back and what is happening to him?

How did Aziraphale spent the night after vanquishing the demons and starting a war? He had no idea where Crowley was. He was probably sick with worry that Hell just took him away. We didn't see him drink, but surely, the worry must have been overwhelming. The wait for what will happen.

ALL his worries over the Arrangement. Was he worried for himself? Do we really think that?

Crowley thought he lost Aziraphale in S1, yes, we saw that. And what happened to the angel then?

He got blown into atoms which I bet wasn't pleasant and when he arrives in Heaven he limps. Why is he hurt? Why is he quickly pretending he isn't? Why is he always hiding how he feels? Also, he immediately deserts, wants no part in the Holy War and quickly finds an extremely unconventional way to get back. It's not a grand gesture, he doesn't deliberate, doesn't worry that he will Fall (although surely that must have been what he thought), there's no pomp around it, he thinks it and then does it. No hesitation.

Is this coming from an angel who just can't leave Heaven behind and longs to be a part of it? Who loves to follow rules? And let's not forget in those moments Aziraphale thought Crowley was most likely gone. That he probably left for Alpha Centauri. Last he heard from him he was told he was talking to an old friend and had no time for him. Why we NEVER talk about how that might have felt for Aziraphale?

Things are not as simple as Aziraphale has been supressing his emotions and lying to himself about how he feels and he should get over it and become free. That's not how this works. He was suppressing his emotions OUT OF LOVE. His main goal was always to keep Crowley safe. They simply couldn't run away or hoodwink Heaven and Hell. They had nowhere to go. They had no hope and yet they kept loving each other. That's courage. I know we all grew up with Romeo and Juliet and Heathcliff and Cathy and we FORGOT that those were CAUTIONARY tales. And this is not what Aziraphale wants for them. He would never allow himself to go so fast he would hurt Crowley. He feels guilty enough for agreeing to the Arrangement and for meeting Crowley at all when he knows they can be discovered and punished at any point. And Crowley knows it and RESPECTS it. He does not tolerate Aziraphale's decision to not go on a date and to hell with circumstances. He understands Aziraphale's reasoning and he respects Aziraphale's decision. Don't forget, they have NO POWER. They can't change Heaven and Hell. They can't stop believing in God and work on their religious trauma. Their Heaven and Hell are real places with real power and they BELONG to them. Aziraphale's trauma and his personality are deeply intertwined and he'd probably never be the kind of person who is open in showing their grief or stress. He will learn to be more open, I' sure. With his love especially, we see him reaching for and touching his demon in S2. Openly being with him, looking at him without guarding himself. They got a little bit of freedom for themselves despite ALL odds. So. Just because Aziraphale is not crying and screaming and I dunno, tearing his hair out or whatever some people would have him do, does not mean he isn't overflowing with pain, fear, uncertainty, doubts, worries, and so much anxiety that if he let it all out, half of the solar system would turn to ashes.

Aziraphale does not need to suffer in S3 to level out Crowley's suffering. They are, unfortunately, equal in their pain as they are in love. If there is one thing Crowley would never abide, it'd be this take from the fandom. * One more note on grief: (obviously from my personal experience) As initiated by @anthony-crowleys-left-nut in a comment

It's not that I mind to know people care and worry etc, but asking how I am can only end in me lying (fine, thank you) and both of us knowing it's not really true and feeling awkward or not lying (I feel like shit, mostly cos I can't sleep and think the world is a stupid unfair place) and both of us feeling awkward anyway. Does that make sense? I wish I could tell friends/colleagues to ask what I've been up to or something similar instead. What I've been reading (um, AO3, but I'll make something up), watching, do I want to go see some spring flowers bloom (I do).

[emilyruthoswald]

that "bag of tricks" conversation really is outright flirting, huh? they've had that affectionate banter a dozen times. look at charles's face when edwin starts in

[emilyruthoswald]

The Demon who created the Stars