emilytheslayer

[emilytheslayer]

BABY EURSULON IS SO IMPORTANT

Baby Eursulon has been rolling around in my head since I first heard the episode two months ago 🥹

@worldsbeyondpod

[emilytheslayer]

It's also worth noting that the Twitter account is Siobhan Thompson from CollegeHumor/Dropout, and she's a great follow.

[emilytheslayer]

I SCREAMED

There is a forbidden type of magic out there. It isn’t forbidden because it’s inherently evil, or forces you to lose your humanity, or requires human sacrifices - it’s just forbidden because it’s annoying as heck to fight against.

[emilytheslayer]

This. This is my favorite. I love the fox.

Ame: "You gotta know, I gotta know that you know, that it bothers you even just a little bit!" Fox: "What bothers me?" Ame: "What other people think of you!" Fox: "No. If they can't catch me, they can think whatever they want about me." Ame: "And if they can catch you?" Fox: "Ohohoho, I'm in trouble." Ame: "Yeah.. Imagine that they can always catch you, then how would you live your life? Would you always be doing what you wanted to do?" Fox: "Yeah, because if I stop doing what I wanted to do then they've already caught me." Ame: "Ugh, I hate how much sense you make."

-- Worlds Beyond Number, Episode 9.

[emilytheslayer]

OHOHOHO SUMMER SALE ALL MONTH @ THE JOHNNY WANDER ONLINE SHOP!!! 🏖☀️

A bunch of stuff is up to 25% off! ALSO THE BARBAROUS CHAPTER 5 BUNDLES HAVE ARRIVED!!!

(Also all patrons at Patreon get an extra coupon code PLUS some EXTRA SECRET INFORMATION 👀)

[emilytheslayer]

I just really wanted people to actually read my dumb box giveaway post in the town Facebook group

[emilytheslayer]

Yeah everybody in this post needs to read Space Opera by Cat Valente like right fuckin

Fuckin

Now

You know that whole trope where like, the protagonists get teleported up into the aliens’ spaceship or base or whatever and the alien appears to them only it doesn’t appear as it really looks like but rather, since it doesn’t want to scare the protagonists, it takes the form of something we find familiar and pleasing and is like, “I look like your dad or whatever–is this form okay?” Like I think about that trope a lot and I think like, what if the alien couldn’t pick out a form via telepathy and only had earth media to try and decide what form would scare its human guests least and be accepted almost immediately and honestly the more I think about it the more options for what form that might be are just really fun to me.

“I have chosen the form of your earth playwright and composer Lin-Manuel Miranda–do not be afraid. I come in peace.”

“Greetings. I am Glofnorbo of the cloud you call the ‘Pegasus Nebula.’ I have scanned your earth media from afar and empirically decided that you would find the form of the one known as Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson most pleasing. I have come to confer with your leaders.” 

“Do not be panic. I come in peace. I have assumed the form of your insectoid demigoddess ‘Hatsune Miku’ so that we may communicate peacefully without my true form horrifying you.” 

[emilytheslayer]

100% for real, this lil fash shithead has no idea, but this is such an absolutely perfect encapsulation of how the squalid institution of hetero marriage under capitalism is. Marx could not have phrased it better himself.

This is what they have in mind as the ideal, as the institution that the state is supposed to revolve around. All the means testing, tax shit, etc etc etc All the medieval fuckery that treats people who aren't married as different from people who aren't. This is what it comes down to.

[emilytheslayer]

There’s a special, specific kind of joy watching Worlds Beyond Number listeners call out what they see as the beginnings of Suvi’s disillusionment arc.

It just makes me want to pull them in close and whisper in their ear “Do you think you’re watching Barbie or Oppenheimer?” before giving them a little kiss on the cheek.

[emilytheslayer]

Four year old beekeeper distracted by a roly-poly.

[emilytheslayer]

watching a video on brewing Mesopotamian beer and look at this orange man (his ass cannot guard the barley)

[emilytheslayer]

I mean she is also an only child.

attributing half of suvi’s “if i don’t get my way I’ll burn down this tavern” energy to her instilled military and high-status background and half to her just being 20

[emilytheslayer]

This fucking terrifies me every time it's on my dash. Amazing work OP, fantastic job. I mean that sincerely, I am not being sarcastic. It should terrify me and it does. Yes.

Phillip from A County Affair, but as one of those "Read" celebrity posters that was in every school library. But also make it creepy

[emilytheslayer]

you've been salmonsharked reblog to salmonshark someone else

[emilytheslayer]

ep 9 of the fireside chat hit me upside the head into the astral realm and I saw her say this

[emilytheslayer]

I was raised agnostic and tend to remain ambiguous on theological matters.

-but my house has a porch on the second story that affords me a terrific view of my neighborhood and the Colorado Front Range and I was partaking of some peace before the 4th Of July Finger-Loss Festivities begin, and I have had a

~*Spiritual Experience*~

I just watched my neighbor try to unload an actual wooden pallet that had to have been forklifted into the back of his insecurity pickup worth of fireworks.

Except that he does not have a forklift in his garage.

He does have so much sports memorabilia and cardboard boxes of unsold MLM Merchandise and patriotically themed camping gear and posters of women in bikinis and flags of suspect political organizations in his garage that there is only BARELY enough space for the fireworks and certainly none for his truck.

So he had to unload the individual boxes of recreational explosives from the back of his truck and stack them in the minimal space he had cleared by hand. This is a tedious and time-consuming process as this neighbor has purchased a wide variety of recreational and locally illegal explosives instead of many of just a few types, so the individual boxes are rather small.

He begins, and this is crucial to what happens next, by cutting apart the industrial-grade saran wrap his explosives dealer had so carefully wrapped his merchandise in, and discarded it unsecured on his lawn.

Where Outdoor Conditions sometimes happen.

His process for unloading the fireworks is to 1. Climb up through the gate into the bed of his pickup truck (a feat made unusually difficult due to the slope of his driveway, and this man's fascinating decision to wear the world's Siffest and least Flexible Denim Overalls. 2. Once in the pickup bed, he selects ONE (1) box from the pile He is apparently from a niche religious institution that doesn't believe in stacking things. 3. Carries it awkwardly around the palette that barely fits in the truck bed 4. His wife yells "Be careful!" when he nearly falls out of the pickup. 5. He Yells "SHADDUP!" back at her. 6. The Large German Shepherd barks from inside the house. 7. He yells "SHADDUP!" back at her too. 8. He sets the (1) box down on the gate 9. Slowly and awkwardly climbs out of the pickup bed 10. picks the box back up, and carries it into the garage.

Question: Aren't you going to help this poor man? Answer: Absolutely Not.

There's four military veterans, MANY dogs, and several people with dementia in this neighborhood, all of whom are terrified by this chicanery every year and many neighbors have repeatedly asked him to maybe do the fireworks somewhere else. (This is the Eighth Year Running he's held a major demolition event in his driveway, and for those of you who can do math, you may be able to guess the precipitating incident to this little ritual) Additionally, I live in Colorado, a state marginally less prone to spontaneous and catastrophic conflagrations than a rotting grain silo, but only marginally. Our recreational explosives laws are written accordingly.

I am in fact calling the Non Emergency line to report Fireworks violations, and reading off the brand labels to someone named Dorothy, who is gleefully totaling up a SPECTACULAR fine for my oblivious neighbor.

However, while I'm on the phone with Dorothy, I notice the wind begin to pick up. and by "Notice" I mean "The Industrial Saran Wrap he left on his Lawn earlier is suddenly swept up about 100 feet into the air by an updraft intense enough to make my ears pop" And by "Pick Up" I mean "I look up to see the sky has turned a fun and exciting shade of glass green, and the bottoms of the clouds are bumpy and rounded, and the overall effect is not unlike looking up through the bottom of the cup at God's Matcha Boba Tea."

For those of you who do not live in places with Inclement Weather, these conditions mean "You have about 30 seconds before a Major Meteorological Event Occurs."

I move under the eaves. "Hang on Dorothy." I say, nose filling with Petrichor. "The show is about to be cancelled." "Oh, that doesn't matter!" Dorothy cheerfully informs me. "It's illegal for him just to possess those, no matter if he actually gets to set them off or not." "Terrific, because he's gotten maybe five boxes out of a hundred inside."

Sometimes, the weather gods are Merciful and give you a verbal warning, typically in the kind of thunderclap that makes your ears ring.

The Gods were not merciful today.

It's not often that I am in the time, place, correct angle or in a properly observational frame of mind to see this, But I got to see it today. Huh. I thought. I've never seen a cloud just DIVE for the ground before. Oh. I realized as it got closer. That's RAIN.

Sometimes, a thunderstorm will form in such a way that the rain that would normally be distributed over an area of say, five to tent square miles, is instead concentrated into an area of say, my neighborhood exactly.

So today, I was granted the rare privilege of being able to actually see the literal wall of water descend from On High and DIRECTLY onto my porch, my street, and my neighbor's truck, and his pile of unwrapped fireworks.

The sheer impact force of the downpour immediately scatters the teetering pile of fireworks boxes in the back of the truck, like the wrath of God striking down the tower of Babel. Boxes tumble, then are washed out of the bed of the truck by the deluge. Smaller Boxes are carried down the road in a little line by the stream forming in the gutter, like little impotent explosive ducklings.

My neighbor was definitely yelling something, but I could not hear what over the DEAFENING noise several million gallons of water makes upon high-speed contact with the earth's surface, but there was a lot of arm-waving and faces turning red as he went looking for the saran wrap that had probably blown to Nebraska by now, while his wife started disassembling the complex three-dimensional puzzle of interlocking material goods in search of a tarp. They do not have a tarp. They have one of those wretched Thin Blue Line flags though, and my neighbor jogs out in a futile effort to cover what's left in the truck.

Which is when the hail begins.

"HELLO?" Yelled Dorothy. "HI!" I shouted. "WE'RE HAVING SOME WEATHER!" "OH GOOD!" she shouts back. "WE NEED THE MOISTURE!"

I watch for a minute longer, but the loss was immediate and catastrophic- the hail is the size of marbles and dense and cares not for your pitiful cardboard and cellophane, ripping the boxes asunder and punching holes in the few things covered in plastic. The colors on the Thin Blue Line Flag are seeping all over the remains of that it was supposed to protect in a particularly apt visual metaphor. Not even the few boxes that made it into the garage are spared, as the German Shepherd escapes from indoors, and in an attempt to assist her humans, jumps directly into the small stack of not-yet-ruined boxes, scattering them into the driveway and deluge. She even picks one up so her humans will chase her around the yard, before dropping it in the gutter to be swept away.

So. I was raised Agnostic -but even I can recognize when God slaps someone upside the head and shouts "NO!" at them.

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[emilytheslayer]