eminencegi

[eminencegi]

oh, i’m so proud of you for being brave enough to open up like that. i can’t really do the whole “spill my soul to strangers” bit, but i do journal whenever i can. it’s weirdly comforting seeing my own chaos laid out on paper—even if i’m the only one reading it. anyway, i need sushi like yesterday. fingers crossed the met isn’t serving the usual dainty “is this edible or is it decor?” finger food again this year. private: i don’t think anyone saw it coming, which is probably why it’s gotten so blown out of proportion. but hey, it is what it is, right? honestly, i wish it had just stayed between niall, zayn, and me—less noise, more clarity. but of course, i’ve vented here and there, and some people found out through articles or whispers in the wind. i’m just hoping the met can be one of those rare nights where i shelve the drama and just get lost in the magic of everyone else’s creativity. you’ve been through this rodeo before, yeah? got any advice that doesn’t call for me to be banished to a corner?

i don't know if i would say that i'm hiding? i just knew that i couldn't put my life on hold. plus i am seeing a therapist and that is helping. girl, i had a full on sushi boat delivered the other night. justin had jack so i let myself sink into the couch and wallow. i will do the whole mtv cribs tour, promise! private: niall? that was not something that i saw coming. i get not wanting to talk about it. i know that everyone likes to put in their two cents. people really do live to judge but you need to just forget them. you should just focus on yourself and your daughter. that's all i am going to say since i know what you are going through all to well.

[eminencegi]

private: what is it really telling you, zayn? because to me, it says i like niall—that we’re friends—and that doesn’t mean we’re going to sleep together again. it means that when everything else was falling apart, he was one of the only people i could land with. and if i’m honest, i feel like i’m being dragged through the fire for that—while people who’ve done just as much damage, if not more, are the ones holding the matches. i’m not saying two wrongs cancel each other out, but there is hypocrisy in how this is being handled, and it hurts. about what you said—you do owe me an apology for calling me a cunt. i know you were angry, i get it. but words said in anger don’t just disappear because they came from pain. they still matter. and if we’re going to raise khai in a way that doesn’t model bitterness or resentment, that kind of language has to be a line we both agree never to cross again. i won’t let myself be spoken to like that—not now, not ever. i’ve never once put my love for khai behind my personal decisions. i’m trying to be a good mother and a whole person at the same time—and yeah, it’s messy. but i’m allowed to be more than just her mom. if i cut off everything that brings me peace or strength, even temporarily, then i’m not showing up for her the way she deserves. she doesn’t need me perfect—she needs me real, and present, and not empty. i didn’t bring up your past to throw it at you. i brought it up because we both know what it’s like to mess up and still deserve grace. i’m not playing martyr. i actually would’ve walked away from all of this for the both of you—and i told him that, too. you say you haven’t forgiven me, and i’m not expecting you to. but if i’m honest, it feels like there’s something more under all this anger. the way you fixated on that “safe” comment—it didn’t sound like it was just about co-parenting. it sounded like you still care, in a way you’re trying not to admit. so i’ll ask you this—and then i’ll let it go: is there still a part of you that wants me? because that’s the only way this level of pain makes any sense. i’m not looking for pity, or permission, or a fix. i just want the truth. because if we can’t be honest about where we are—about what’s left—then this hurt will just keep bleeding into everything else. and neither of us want that for khai.

PRIVATE: you apologized, but actions speak louder than words and based on the fact that you're still wanting to stay in touch with him speaks volumes. act like i own you? gigi, i’ve never once thought or pretended that i owned you, just because we have khai, so stop trying to make me out to have. what i do own is my right to be angry when you went behind my back. sleep with whoever the fuck you want, i don't care, even fuck around and get yours. the only reason i care in this case is because of who you decided to jump into bed with had the potential to fuck shit up, yet you still did it... and look here. it fucked shit up. you choosing to heal however you wanted, fucked with our co-parenting dynamic and that's not something i can forgive you for. i'm well within my right to be angry and to direct that anger at you. the fact that i called you a cunt in anger is not something i'll apologize for, when you did what you did. the way i treated your family has come up several times in the past few years and we've gotten past it, but that's in huge part because i owned up to my mistakes as they happened. what i did and what you did can't be compared in any way, so stop trying bring up shit from the past to make yourself feel better in the present. your silence? when the fuck were you silent in all this, other than when you kept shit from me? all i'm expecting of you is to understand that this is more than just us, instead of attacking me for shit from the past. and don't try to play martyr by giving anything up, trying to say you'd do it for me and him. the version of me who would laugh with niall is long gone, so do whatever you want with him since he makes you feel safe, but don't try to bring me into it. all i care about at this point is my daughter and for her i'll be civil with you, i'll even fucking spend time with the two of you if that's what she wants, but i haven't forgiven you.

[eminencegi]

[eminencegi]

private: shame my name doesn’t start with a b, because if we shortened yours to just the first initial like they do in the show, we’d be full-on s & b territory. do you? just means you’re a total tornado—gorgeous, destructive, impossible to ignore. so wait—you can’t be seen with pedro in public because the public thinks you’re with someone else? is this a contract thing? can you get out of it? because honestly, no shade to them, but i can’t imagine your team throwing a fit over you being seen with pedro. the man’s a walking headline. if anything, they should be thanking you for the upgrade.

private: i am actually in the big apple! we can so have our own serena-and-blair moment! i apparently need to learn to warn people about when i decide to show up in new york. oh! you did? i mean, kind of relieved. mhm...it's official...been official for a while, actually. we are or were? making out with him at coachella, kind of...stopped that. you really are coming up with so many questions! i made a big mess...i got into a real relationship after agreeing to a pr thing. it's a tangled web and still feeling like i lost my mind but i'm really happy. am i crazy?

[eminencegi]

ah, so you’re one of those—burying heartbreak under color-coded calendars and overflowing inboxes. deeply relatable. just promise me you’re secretly queuing up uber eats during lunch so you can slip into a full romcom spiral behind closed doors. i’m lowkey excited for it. waltz me through your place, give me the mtv cribs grand tour, and i’ll pretend i’m not quietly cataloguing the emotional trauma disguised as throw pillows. private: niall and i slept together. i haven’t wanted to talk about it with many people—and honestly, i still don’t—but i’m frustrated. because yeah, it was colossal, but now it feels like everyone else is dissecting it like it’s some kind of group project i didn’t sign up for. i just want my choices to be mine, not some open-invite dissection session. like, can i get five uninterrupted minutes of peace? not because i regret it—i don’t—but because i’d love to revisit the version of me that wasn’t carrying everyone else’s opinions like extra baggage. it’s wild how fast people judge my decisions when theirs are literally splattered across gossip blogs.

anything but binging reality tv and eating take out right from the containers? i feel like i am doing this all wrong since i've been back to work and attempting to be social. suspiciously good? i might be good at that, not gonna lie. i just feel like i have to keep busy. no one is and i know it! i promise you a tour, considering a house warming thing but what have i missed? you can't leave me curious like this!

[eminencegi]

yungblud (yes, i was a fake fan a second ago—couldn't even spell his name right) leans hard into the rock-punk aesthetic, inked up like a walking canvas. for promo, he bartended at a pub and even threw his own festival last year—tickets were cheap. also, borderline obsessed with skins. kaya scodelario in that? second only to her role in spinning out. private: if this is a veiled niall reference, let’s cut to it—don’t you think he’d tell me directly to do that if he wanted that? i know you’re trying to play peacemaker, but neither you, zayn, nor anyone else gets to dictate who i spend time with. peace talks don’t come with ultimatums.

Sounds like you've put a lot of thought into that one. Half the time I don't even know what you're talking about. Not going to lie there. But nope - never heard of him. Is he a singer? Or a rapper? The name is giving rapper vibes. Could say that about a lot of shows - The Office, Skins - only good if it's the UK version. private: glad to hear. Maybe just stay away from Zayns mates, yeah?

[eminencegi]

oh, shush. i’m about to head over to shein and snag you some budget sparkles so you can properly blend in with the rest of the glitter-drenched fashion moguls. though honestly, i respect the merch tee grind. when i was dating zayn, the paps snapped me wearing a “lol ur not zayn malik” shirt. coachella as a team-building exercise? call me a genius. chaotic, but genius. who knows if they’d vibe or end up in some backstage silent standoff, but hey, the brands would call it "an innovative crossover moment." i’ll take it one step further: launching a hashtag, dropping a few well-timed traitor memes—because nothing says calling you out like internet humiliation wrapped in a jpeg.

is a feather boa and cowboy boot enough to classify as fashion content now? interesting. i've always been more of a grab a shirt from the merch stand kinda guy. i'll have to up my fashion game i suppose. invest in a nice colorful boa. see, i didn't notice that. but being fashionable is your thing, so i can see how that would exhaust you. is it cliche to say that i don't think it matters as long as said people were having a good time? splitting it half and half sounds like an idea for some funky reality show, to be fair. officially roped in, for sure. if you see me running around claiming to really love a music festival, you're welcome to call me a sell out.

[eminencegi]

yeah but let’s be real—you’d totally get drunk halfway through and forget i exist to finish the trail… unless your tipsy brain decides to hyperfixate on me, in which case, i’m flattered and slightly concerned. not into riots, huh? fair, but sometimes the best kind of trouble is the kind that breaks a few rules. though if we’re following your beer-crumb trail logic, i agree—probably best not to have flying bottles aimed at us just because i’m perched on your shoulders. so you were a grey’s guy? let me guess—did you lean more mcsteamy or mcdreamy, or were you just pigeonholing yourself into emotionally unavailable doctor territory for fun? i’ve been meaning to get back into it, but you keeps stealing my attention. oh, and adelaide kane? love her. she was one of the new interns, right?

I feel like alcohol would be a better option than chocolate frogs. Just a little bit of a suggestion there for you. Just pop a bottle of beer down and I'd follow that trail. I like to think that I'm somewhat smart. I think you would still be looking at the back of my head, love. But that's alright. I think everyone would boot us out if I did that - two tall people like that would cause a riot. Oh. I stopped watching that a few seasons ago. When the new group of interns came along.

[eminencegi]

have you? yeah, she’s gorgeous—and i’m glad it still shows that she’s happy, even when we’re tucking her behind a heart emoji or some sneaky privacy magic. even with all the chaos i’m navigating, i want her to stay just like that. and hey, let’s be real—you don’t need a guy, strictly speaking. sperm? sure, but that’s a delivery service at this point. there’s a whole list of baby-making options nowadays.

you just learn as you go, you know? but you seem to be doing a great job. i've seen some of the pictures you've posted and she just seems like a very happy girl. that's a nice way to put it. don't think i could ever do what you do. having a successful career and then juggle being a mum too. it's impressive. you're right about that. we have more of a say in things and are able to take some time off to make sure that we experience all the best moments. still think it might take a while for me to actually go for it. then again, i also need a guy for that.

[eminencegi]

gi: an 80-year-old sailor? 😂 i can already see captain jack face down in a puddle of rum, slurring sea shanties and calling it a noble death by alcohol rather than scurvy. honestly, with that kind of self description, i think god’s somewhere sulking in a corner, pissed he didn’t get first dibs on fucking you. if mary could pull off a supernatural pregnancy, i’d say the odds are still decent for a holy ghost hookup. miracles come in many forms, baby. gi: yeah, you’re right, i should probably ship myself out to cali. i mean, bells threw a hell of a party for me in new york, i’ll give her that, but at some point, even with that, her across-the-room stares started feeling less “happy birthday” and more “where the hell is z?” so yeah, keeping myself out of his postcode feels like a public service move. gi: careful, you’re sounding like a cosmo mag right now, though that does sound like a good idea… being able to fuck someone who won’t land me in a pile of trouble.

kendall: i feel my age, which is a solid 29 with the body of an 18 year old and the tolerance for alcohol of an 80 year old sailor. i'm going to pull a joey on my birthday this fall, whether you want me to or not. maybe he'll listen to me rather than matt leblanc. maybe god's into sassy brunettes with a knack for getting into trouble and takes pity on me. kendall: horses are a miracle cure for everything, sweets. i'm glad you're taking care of yourself in company of people who love you, but i think you need to get out of the house. we can do a sleepover there if you really want to, or you could come out to cali again, away from the baby daddy and family. kendall: we can go on a ride you can tell me about everything, without anyone eavesdropping. and maybe we can get you to ride something else while you're here too. a solid orgasm always helps.

[eminencegi]

gi: it’s half “taylor inserts herself into every reference” and half “she’s my friend and i’m a massive swiftie, what did you expect??” queue the rep tour vids of me literally worshipping her. good talk, glad we cleared that up. gi: oh, you want me to do that, huh? picture your face while i’m reading normal people? what if i start doubting the casting and mentally swap you for some random dude? lowkey joking... but you know how booktok spirals. gi: 😂 mean me is hot though, but hey—your call.

paul: you always seem to manage to put some kind of taylor referrence into things. hitting with dumbbells seems a bit drastic. ok i can try and motivate you to read a little more. paul: that's true. and you also get some more information and more details. and then you can of course picture mine and daisy's faces when you read it. paul: no thank you. i like the nice side more. don't need the mean side to come out.

[eminencegi]

gi: are you having some resistance to it? gi: i think that’s a stand-up, angelic halo glowing around you sibling mindset, honestly. but for me—even if it’s just the girls or me and anwar—i always wanna be in the mix, you know? it shows that the relationship’s valued. and if they don’t consider you, it kind of feels like a lowkey betrayal. like… you’ve been there since day one, pre-partner, pre-everything. or maybe i’m just deep in my feelings and need to start a tiktok debate about it.

glen: i'll have to get myself into that mindset too then. glen: i was one of the groomsmen. but that's about it, even if i wasn't chosen for anything like that and just attended as her brother, i would have been okay with that. but I think it's different when you're the sister, right?

[eminencegi]

private: amazing—if you're in the big apple and ready to fully commit to my serena-and-blair cocktail takeover, we can absolutely pencil in bemelmans bar. oh, i just saw the word “committed” and ran with it… so maybe i skimmed. a little. oops. so—it is official? but you’re keeping it hush-hush? and why are you keeping it a secret?? i’m coming out with questions faster than i can string words together over here.

private: i am so that friend! we can sneak off and just enjoy some amazing cocktails. staging a heist for an espresso martini? say less, queen! i would love to have that moment. i mean....i'm feeling relief that you didn't? my...boyfriend...that no one is supposed to know is my boyfriend...is pedro, yes. you're welcome. thank you! i think that really is a small but accurate scale about how we are all feeling. but that's life!

[eminencegi]

i mean, no wonder you haven’t had the time—you’re either cranking out brilliance or casually obliterating your last personal best. fair. though sometimes i’ve got the nanny or bells on speed dial so i can make a mad dash to the ‘shops’ or wherever. i adore khai with everything i’ve got, but it’s not all cheek-pinching and hair-plaiting bliss. when would you like that to be? i’d rather fold into your schedule than have you twist yourself into mine.

Really? I've never really thought about having kids - maybe cause the cats are my kids but also... haven't had the time. How can I not be soft and gooey when it comes to kids? They're all so adorable at any age. Even the teenagers, as sassy as they get. As long as you know that Khai is the top royalty in the family then you're more than welcome to wear yours. Aw, that sounds amazing. I'm glad that you had such a good birthday. And that soon I'll get you all to myself so we can have our own celebration.

[eminencegi]

you’re fine, lovely. trust me, i’m not expecting anything from you right now except binging trashy reality shows and eating takeout straight from the bag — it’s the official divorce recovery plan. and honestly, if you’re doing anything more productive than that, then you’re suspiciously good at hiding emotional pain… which, let’s be real, no one’s handing out medals for. you’ve missed a whole lot, but what i really need is a grand tour of your new humble abode. come on, humor me.

first things first, girlie! i am so sorry for being missing in action. i was dealing with a whole mess with the divorce and everything. things have finally settled down. i am all settled in my new bachelorette pad and got jack's room set up. so tell me....what have i missed? @eminencegi

[eminencegi]

gi: i know, and you really don’t have to remind me of that fact — trust me, i’m highly aware that zayn and i have khai. i see him every time i look at her, so yeah, i get just how messy this whole situation is. gi: but i want you to be better with him too, you know? you knew him long before me, and just because people drift in and out of each other’s lives doesn’t make it any less real. it’s actually why i offered to step back from us — figured if i left it behind, maybe you two could find your way back again. gi: i mean, i am the reigning queen of saying “i’m fine.” too good at it, honestly. so yeah, i’m going to worry about you, ni — someone’s got to. gi: but hey, if it means i finally get a nap out of it… well, that’s sounding more and more tempting. easiest sleep i’ve had in ages. instead of counting sheep, i’ll just picture golf balls floating past. maybe with you there too — narrating the whole thing in that irish lilt. could knock me out in seconds.

ni: yeah no, i get it. especially when everyone keeps asking about it. it'd be nice to just be able to work through it all in peace and the actual people involved. i hope you and zayn can work it out. you two still share a daughter so i'm sure after some time, once the talk about it is done, you'll get the chance to patch things up. ni: i'm fine, no need to worry about me. i'm just dealing with the consequences as best as i can. ni: you'd listen to me talk about golf all day long? i'm sure that will put you to sleep but thanks for the offer.