emtionlessboi

[emtionlessboi]

I audibly hear ticking of a clock

I feel in my bones that there’s a change coming

I’m watching people in life and interactions that happen

What is missed and unseen is now about to be ignored

May the odds be ever in your favor

May the real ones stay and the unneeded leave after their time is done.

Let 2025 come with new beginnings, patience, love, and those that will remain in my life to the end

[emtionlessboi]

You know… why can’t you make the phone calls or set shit up

Why am I always the one

You’re good at contacting everyone else

I am tired of being the phone call guy or calling

That’s probably selfish but I wish you would do that

[emtionlessboi]

Out of all the things to happen… is work related again

I try my best to do what I’ve been told

To learn

To ask question

To ask for help

For no one to verbalize or physically talk to me

Just over webex

Or

My favorite

Thee most talkative, emotionally volitle person to I have ever had the unfortunate bearings of working with Marie

“I come to you on behalf of other in our department”

Yet everyone hand the chance to come talk to me

To come find me and ask me what I was doing

“We over communicate to a fault”

Where?

To each other, to your own group

You keep me at an miles distance and only come to me to harass me if you’re bored

Never to correct me

Unless it’s in Webex

I own my mistakes, even the ones I don’t know about that no one converses with me about

I try to fix it

To work on it

Be better

But I seem to can’t get away from prying eyes or have my name whispered under people’s breath without malice

I know which group you hold tight and congratulations on the power of women

But shame on you for being the absolute transphobic pieces of work I had the eyes to land on

You all go to parties and have conversations

Eyes follow me when I just simply want to take a piss, get a drink, eat

Shout out to Marie who has the balls to complain about everyone’s fucking issues and faults but cannot accept her own

And the others who hold themselves in high regard and think they have absolute power over everything

That think they’re perfect

But shame the ones trying to step up and own it

You sold me lies and false hope that I was going somewhere better

To learn that I am working in the same place I was at main campus but on a condensed, smaller scale that I can feel

Every

Single

Thing

“Everyone is a dove”

Take the test again and hook all those mother fuckers to a lie detector

Fuck off

No one cares

I’m always the new guy

Always the blame

[emtionlessboi]

You know…

At least, I don’t have to fucking love bomb our coworkers with snacks and gifts into false admiration… or kiss someone’s mother fucking ass every day

Or the fact that I am trying my best, oh and *checks my tracking device* that I was in the dock grabbing totes and coolers for Marie to use and emptying them

But you can’t get yourself to do hazardous tablets or help in the Iv room to label

Or do other tasks that are pretty hard to do because you suddenly have back pain…

I don’t have friends like you do here because I’m new and I may make mistakes or have hard days were allowed too but you messaging me like that on a company system is pretty much harassment and you can fucking talk to me like a normal person

I sign at you, i understand what you say

Also clean your fucking attitude and shit talk with your little work bestie because I know you you talk shit about everyone and no one wanted to do the robot syringes because she is miraculous behind

Every

Single

Time

She compounds anything and has to do the syringes

WHAT NEW TASK WAS I NOT TRAINED TO DO BUT ARE REQUIRED ANYWAY

[emtionlessboi]

Some passive aggressive shit

Love that I said good morning

Nothing

Told you about the badge readers

Nothing

Then hear you ask about the badge readers as you get on…

Alright, I get it

I’m at your bottom of the barrel

Sick

Grow up

[emtionlessboi]

Damn bitch

First you try to start something because I crossed my name off for not having money to help

Secondly you defend that being a mother is hard, we agreed to disagree that mother and child relationship is a two way street

Then you say the I fumble all the time… in front of my team and the pharmacist… and make a fool of yourself…

Fuck off

[emtionlessboi]

You just could be happy huh?

You couldn’t just keep your negativity to yourself

You had to make it about you

It’s always about you…

Me getting into theatre

Made it about you and how you weren’t supported

Me going to college and doing photography

Made it about you and how you were forced into something more “profitable”

Me going to the hospital

About you and why you weren’t allowed in

My first engagement

You weren’t told in person and wasn’t asked about it

Gave me money to help with security deposit

Paid you back, it was late but I paid you back

Was about you and how you “begged” to be paid back even though it was your own fault for having not great funds because you took a pay cut, bought a new house, went back to school

My second engagement

Once again wasn’t asked about it or told

I don’t have to go down the line of family

I don’t have to always look for you and have support

[emtionlessboi]

[emtionlessboi]

Damn

I just get thrown out as soon as she comes back…

Nice

I’m just a replacement when convenient

Someone to put their life on hold while everyone else gets to make memories and create new beginning’s

We’re going to do some manifesting for new job opportunities

New and positive starts

Job opportunities

A fulfilling career with those that value me, my work, my passion

No more help for convince, no more diminishing my worth, no more only being someone that can be thrown around

Enough is enough

I’m worth more then a replacement, a convince, I am no fucking object

[emtionlessboi]

9/18

Holy shit when did everyone become so fucking slow… honestly

[emtionlessboi]

9/5 Captain’s Log

For the love of god, thank you for the time I have been given to realize that my worth is for more valuable somewhere else.

I’ve jumped through hoops, I’ve done what I needed to and beyond but that wasn’t enough. Will it ever be enough??

Probably not, and that’s okay. I can happily move on from this, find an opportunity to transfer out of central and away from bluemound. I’ve learned really valuable things that I probably would not have in central. It was fun it was a good break.

Knowing that I was here to simply cover while everyone’s life gets to change and move on, while my skills are stuck in the same spot and I am seen as needing to continue to improve and prove that I can be a tech IV. I’ve been doing this for a year past I talked. Your favoritism is seen and heard.

I’m not going to cover for the second or third maturity leave. That’s not my job. That’s not going to continue to be my job.

There will be other opportunities else where that is worthy of my time and effort, to show case what I can do.

[emtionlessboi]

Finding out an additional piece of information about a relationship back in 2016 fucking hurt

Knowing you fucking were talking to people behind my back wasn’t new but knowing FULLY that you were planning and meeting up with people at a convention we were planning different things at for OUR anniversary is a slap in the face.

But wherever, I’m gong to do everything in my power now to love on from you fully. No emotions, no fondness.

Over.

[emtionlessboi]

I’m going to fucking kill myself

[emtionlessboi]

When you waited for the shoe to drop from your mom and it finally happened

“Ok. I think that’s the least you could especially given what he did for you with your car…and other things he has done for you”

It’s been four fucking years and he OFFERED to take my car to help sure… fixed it up, yes thank you, he took $100 for what he used to pay for parts

But did I. Ask. Him.

No

And what other shit??? What other shit has he done for me… honestly, I should just… not be hopeful

But okay Jodie. I’m not coming to holidays this year, don’t even TRY to use “it’s the least you can do for what we did for you”

Mhmmm… so… you once again used something nice to gain something again for the *looks at watch* last 4 years and some change considering when I moved in to go to school you did the same thing.

[emtionlessboi]

When he says “okay the patient list is updated”

And it’s 1:44pm and you leave at 3pm and you see four patients coming that no one talked to you about because he likes to keep shit to himself

And the patients he did add he didn’t consider what meds we should change because big stupid boss man said to order whatever because there is a $3million budget and we do not have the space for the shit he wants to add unless he is going to manage it…

[emtionlessboi]

Welcome to the beginning of either a nice long 3 month break from central or something else….

The list of names on this share point is insane and I don’t understand why the fuck this guy can’t get it around his head that we can’t order and hold everything that the list of names need when they may not come over?

Get it together. Please.

I don’t care our fucking boss said we have $3.5million or wherever for budget, I don’t care I’m not ordering everything under the sun for our little 50 bed unit

The fact you ordered A NARC without asking, without talking at all about if it was ACTUALLY going to be used. Is insane… it’s a waste of money, space we could use for actual constantly used meds that won’t expire out.

We also can’t fucking split packaging, fuck off.

It’s been a year since this shit opened up and you’re nice but where the fuck is your brain.