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emweii-blog · 7 months ago

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The reason why i love…

Disclaimer !!

I wrote this on July 28, 2023 on Google Docs, now I'm posting it on Dec 05, 2024 meaning whatever were my intentions and emotions as I was writing this means nothing anymore as I have gone through in my life with him continuously after, and this is just proof that my relationship with my partner isn't always butterflies and rainbows. Posting this as well is a reminder for me of how strong I am to be able to show honesty in this vast online world, considering that I've always been too careful not to be revealing of any cracks in our relationship. So, if you're reading this, thank you and please don't judge us too much ^^ we are definitely okay now and life always goes on!

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I love my family and friends. It is a natural occurrence in every individual being to feel this certain way to people they are surrounded with. I am lucky enough to be given a chance to feel and share this to them. The love becomes different however when it comes to a certain ‘someone’. This person whom we would pick above everything else. Someone who we want to be with for the rest of our lives, no doubt. We badly want to take care of this person and solve all their problems, because we love them enough not to see them hurting. To be able to laugh and also cry with them, to be with their ups and downs, through thick and thin, till death do us part? Yes, all of those are what makes them special when it comes to love.

I have loved a lot in my 18 years of living. Some I even thought it was, but silly me, it was just puppy love or temporary butterflies in the stomach. I wasn’t even planning to love. BUT in the summer of 2020, midst pandemic. I met my ‘someone’.

He was not what I expected. First, he was a year younger than me. Second, we met through a game and i think it’s honestly embarrassing. Third, he’s not my type. Fourth, we didn’t click at all at first. We were so different, and I only expected friendship. Not even for long.

This guy, as of writing this, I have written him so many letters. I did powerpoints, I edited and finished his pile of homeworks during his junior to senior high school years. I have met his parents(i was his first) I have also given him a lot of gifts(mix of bought and my stuff) We went on lots and lots of dates. Achieved so many ‘firsts’ together. But what eally was surprising to me the most, is the consistent love I have for him.

That love..

Is what fuels me to talk to him everyday, to wake up happy because Yes! Another day of existing with him. I give him all my time and attention, it makes me so happy. I give this boy every cell and soul left of me. My heart, I no longer call it mine but his. He owns me in every way and we deserve each other.

Never was a day that I was happy without him. Never was a week that we didn’t play or watch a game. Never was a month passed that we did not meet. We were getting closer, it was what we wanted the very beginning.

We were not perfect. The negatives overpowered in our relationship. We lacked in so much ways, we did not meet both ways for most of it. We got angry, we cried, we get hurt, we stop, we talk, we beg, we fix, we make amends. One thing that both of us couldn’t do, was that one of us never got better.

I believe that this was something serious, my future is on him and everything of me. I gave my all and everything. I was with him at his worst, I have begged for years to be with his best. But somehow, I seemingly don’t deserve it yet.

Where did I lack?

Why was I not enough?

Was I no better?

Did I not deserve it?

Overthinking, Trust issues, anger management issues, and insecurity. All of those corrupted my mind as he continued to hurt me and betray my love. He never got better. I am still wounded and never healed. I blame myself and changed myself. But it was never my fault.

Is he still my ‘someone’?

Today, this marks my process of healing alone.

I vow to only answer that question when I am okay and ready to love again. I define my ‘someone’ to be the following:

He has shared the strongest love with me

Has shared his deepest secrets with me

Has taught/shown me how to comfort him

Let me knows every issue/s he has

Let me be his anchor and home

Fully trusts me

These are what I believe I am for. To be someone’s everything. I only need my ‘someone’ and I’ll be his everything. That’s my love.

I am lost, but when I am ready once again I will love him unconditionally. I will choose the right one this time when I’m ready again, whoever he may be.

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emweii-blog · 7 months ago

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A list of why I am super duper lucky to be his girlfriend ♡:

(Much better if u listen to this song while reading !!)

1. He’s a date-to-marry type of guy, never messes around and is 100% committed. He never ever wanted to break up with me. Always chases me back whenever we get into serious fights and arguments and doesn’t let me go even if i’m being stubborn (There are times that I block him but he still manages to call me on all socmeds, even on gmail TvT this man istg)

2. He is very consistent. Writing this on the year we reached 4th year of our relationship and I can definitely attest that he’s very consistent with his efforts and unwavering love for me. He talks all caps and in tone that he’s always excited and happy to talk to me. He always asks me what I want to watch, play, and do with our time. He always wants me to pick because he’s happy when i’m happy. He religiously loves saying “Happy Wife Happy Life” HAHSHHAHA

3. He’s not afraid to learn and take accountability for his mistakes. He’s not perfect especially during the first and second year of our relationship. We definitely went through a lot of bumpy roads and because of it, we learned alot along the way. He always makes sure that his words and actions match. He wants to prove me countless of times that he’d never want to hurt me again and wouldn’t make me feel worthless. He’d always talk to me calmly even when at some point i’d get furious and my anger issues spill out, he’d still manage to calm me down and make me feel loved. He never even cursed at me let alone shout at me.

4. I believe he’s my ‘red string theory’. Our relationship started in Sep. 20, 2020. But we met a month before that in a game called Roblox, specifically Survivor(the game’s gone bc it got banned as it was against violation and was also copyrighted) We were 13 and 14 that time and it was the hit of the pandemic. We were both struggling with a lot of mental health problems so we were each other’s comfort and only support. A year later, we had our first date with a couple of our friends and then it multiplied from then on. Tbh the second date was also memorable as it was with his family na hehe. Imagine just because of two people, being awake at the same time, playing this game, on the same server, and suddenly they talk to each other(the fact that I never talked to anyone on the game and so did he, but we talked to each other?!?!?) and then boom, a healthy rs going strong for four years and counting. Now tell me that’s not destiny >:[

5. His WHOLE family loves me!! He comes from a very religious family while I grew up being an atheist, so right off the bat I had this strong feeling that I may probably be hated alot by them. But I was so wrong. They were very nice to me, very welcoming whenever i’m at their house. They even bring me to family gatherings (let me just add that he has a big family so when I say fam gathering, it’s really huge) and I’ve met almost everyone and they even brought me to his mother’s hometown!!! Aaaaa I also bought him to my mother’s hometown aswell mehehehebdjsnd His only sibling which is his little sister is also sweet and nice to me, and most of his closest girl cousins always hearts my stories !! so we’re like really supported in both sides

6. Nothing’s impossible for him when it comes to me. He becomes very selfless whenever it’s about me. There were weeks where I struggled financially because I can’t freaking budget my monthly allowance ($85) so whenever it’s the last week of the month, whenever I stretch out my leftover money and limit myself to no eating, he’d literally contribute to my wallet and wouldn’t take a NO from me. He’d limit himself from eating and would walk from his campus to the other side of the road to get home(which is very far btw) just so he could save up a lot and give me 66% of his allowance per day TvT Honestly even if I try to decline it he’d be so persistent. Which is why I make sure to give it twice back whenever I have the chance to. Might I add, his allowance compared to mine is so low and we’re both students but he’d really do all of this just to prove that nothing’s impossible for him and that he’d do anything for me hejsndk Also, other than money. He’d save up as well if he can and commute to my house which is (2-3 hours depending if there’s high traffic) and that would be doubled once he goes home. He’s so resilient with commuting that he got used to it and would always say “Kapitbahay ko lang ‘yang Parañaque eh” also there were nights aswell that we’d stay up and i’d tell him i’m too afraid to sleep because I might not wake up from my alarms, so he’d stay up and wake me up through calls or sometimes he’d choose to sleep and then alarms himself earlier than mine to wake me up huhu

7. He’d choose me out of anyone else in this world. His family would obviously be excluded here. But we’ve encountered many problems regarding our social circles and both sides have had this huge damage in our relationship. To his side, he really proved it well that he’d choose me over his 3(?) years trio friendship while I did the same with mine as well. We just opened each other’s eyes of how mentally exhausting and shitty those people were to our lives and that we both didn’t deserve that. But ofcourse, we forgive them and we never held grudges. We sometimes include them in our prayers that they’d have a good life ahead of them ^^

8. He always says I am his first girlfriend, first love, true love, greatest love, and last. Even though I know he’s had a relationship before me, he doesn’t count it because from his own words: “Peer pressured lang naman ako noon at hindi ko naman talaga siya gusto. Hindi ako yung lumapit, inenjoy ko lang atensyon niya.” Tbh if I was her(ex niya) and I hear him say that it’s prob gonna hurt real bad ahhshahshs but tbh, I never had a problem with his past rs he just probably thinks I do? HAHAHSHS so he always consider me as his FIRST girlfriend heheheh so I guess it’s a win anyway. Also, if anyone asks him what’s his type, his answer literally matches me. So i’m vv flattered hehe

9. He’s very loyal. His social media accounts are full of my face, from his posts to highlights to profile pictures to username—it’s all me!! He never ever hearts or reacts to any girl’s photos. His instagram is full of cat feeds or anything adhd meme related, his tiktok fyp is clear and even if you scroll hundreds of times there wont be any sign of girls, his tiktok reposts are also wholesome vids most of the time, his fb too is clear. He never adds or follow any girls, if a girl sends a request to him he doesn’t even respond and most of the time he deletes it HAHSHHAHA He also talks cold to most girls especially when it’s about school. He updates often if he’s out, sends pictures and videos and only hangs out with his boys. He doesn’t even play on his own TvT he only plays with me. He’d literally wait for the whole day until I wake up just to play. He also gave me his account right when we just hit three months of our relationship. So now I have like all access to everything and he doesn’t even mind. He doesn’t even have a girl bestfriend TvT He used to but damn he regrets it alot HAHHAHAHAHAH he always says that i’m the only gbf he needs and that’s so true so proud of him for saying that

10. He respects me alot and lets me wear whatever I want. He just always says he can fight. Plus he supports me with anything I wear. Hehe I even told him I might probably not want any kids in the future and he’s okay with it hejsndksnd he loves me and that’s all that matters. He also respects my choices, values, my body, and my time.

That’s all for now ^^ tbh there are many more to the list but I am very sleepy na HAHHSHAHD will post another one in the future :>

—emweii 12/02/2024. ‪♡

#Spotify

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