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[emy3morrison-blog]

One year ago today I came out as gay. I did it in a very different way. I put a status out that I was with another girl, Because I was. I thought that, was going to be okay. But people took it as a shock and a surprise, They did not see this coming, There was no alert. There was no caution light. Just a stop. And it was out there, Everyone I knew, Now knows. About a week later I remember the feeling Of regret setting in. It stayed there up until this moment. The feeling that I didn't make it a big deal, Like I didn't celebrate it enough, Like people didn't take me seriously enough, One moment I was seen as this, The next I say in this. Yet those same people don't know what I've been through. They don't know what goes on in my brain. For years on end I've been struggling with this. My first kiss was when I was eight. It was an experiment, I was the lab rat, but I guess the poison stayed. This is not something to be ashamed of, Why do I hide it everyday? In conversation it's so easily brought up, One moment you're talking about politics, the next you're discussing who you kiss. Standing there at work as a coworker says how many girls his been with, And another coworker say's how many guys she's been with. I just wanted to say I've been with girls. But the words didn't formulate in my brain fast enough and the conversation switched, And I frozed up. That same day at work, A short haired girl walked by, The same guy coworker mothers under his breath, Lesbians am I right? As if she did something wrong by just walking by! I got so mad I remember feeling my face turn red, Yet again I said nothing for I was too scared of his reaction if I blur out, HEY IM GAY WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? Why is it that the LGBT community feels so safe? Yet straight people can be so insensitive, It's a shame. It terrifies me how it impacts me everyday. I try not to think about it anymore, For I'm so consumed by it, It's now normalized for the way it works. Being called dyke shouldn't bother me Anymore, For I'm just my sexuality am I right? WORRY! I said sorry too much this year, That I'm not sorry anymore. In fact I do not apologize, For my sexuality is not meant to be an inconvenience for all the straight guys. I am more than my sexuality, This is not meant to drew attention. My identity is not a mistake, I'm not confused, In fact I'm confident. I'm a human being, I breath in and out. Just. Like. You. But why does it feel like I'm a little off key, Living in a world surrounded by straight people ever second, I just want there to be a moment, When I'm surrounded by the same level headed people as me. Where I can feel equil. Yet I still feel off key, I'm a broken piano piece, Playing the same song on repeat. Some people have distance themselves from me, For I talk about being gay too much, I'm sorry that my sexuality is old news to you, And that I'm a broken record, But I'm going to keep talking about it for it matters. I'm not in the closet anymore, This is not a game, It's not a phase, It's not going to go away, I've been this way, For this way is me. Feeling the pressure that I'm not gay enough, I don't fit into the stereotype, I'm not sorry that I like to look feminine. I'm not you're stereotypical lesbian, Yet I am still a lesbian. The question rosed in my brain, The fear and the pain of a year living with this label attached to my name, That I put out there, That I welling put out there, And for that I'm not ashamed. And in this moment I finally feel like I came out the right way. So I'm fucking gay, If you got a problem with that, Unfollow me.

[emy3morrison-blog]

[emy3morrison-blog]

It’s just isn’t enough. To be waiting. And nothing to come out of it. It never was enough. You see someone can like me.I can be with them. Hold hands.Fall madly in love with them.Get butterflies. Freak out about the little moments I spend with them. But I’m not the same person any more. They can tell me as much as they want how much they love me. But that won’t compare to when and if they say I chose you. I won’t take things fast anymore. In fact for now on it will probably start much slower. I won’t show others publicly that I’m with someone until it’s for sure. I’m not going to wait around either, either your here with me or your not. I’m tired of fighting for girls. It’s time a girl fights for me. For her to look at me and say that I’m worth it. I’m turning off, when that girl gives me that look, I won’t jump to conclusions, because she’s probably straight and there’s no way to change that, for I’ve tried before. I won’t use dating apps, for the simple fact, that I want the next girl to come to me, I shouldn’t have to be playing hide and seek. I still haven’t found her and it’s time I take a pee break. I’m not giving up on love. I could never. It’s the base of all my writing, it helps me look further, into the future, love gives me hope. I’m the biggest believer in love and that’s really my biggest problem, I’m a daydreamer, countlessly waiting for my dream girl. So what if I do this instead, I change the love story a bit, like how I already did, by taking away the prince and adding a princess. My new little twist goes a little like this, I’m going to breath, experience, laugh, met new friends, and spend time with family. I’m done with waiting around for any girl, and settling for the one that does come, it’s time I get picky. Especially when I don’t feel the same way, I’m not going to be so passive and play along, no I’m going to say the truth, even if the truth hurts. I’m not waiting for the girl already taken anymore. I’ve got one chance at life it’s time I really live it, and I do this with the ones who are in it, it feels so great how I’m doing this for me and that's all to it , forgiving myself for all the time I wasted. And moving forward. Moving on. I’m so done with thinking about, someday I’ll be with her,maybe someday there is a chance, but someday isn’t today and I realize this now. This just isn’t enough anymore, really it never was.

[emy3morrison-blog]

Okay so I feel like I need to say this, for I know someone needs to hear this. I realize I'm opening up a conversation that has alot of different opinions and views and either you can agree with me or not and that is OK. I am talking to the people who are scared, who are confused af and I'm here to hopefully reinsure them, I'm talking about sexuality, labels and coming out, on day one everyone has two expeditions for you, one that you are the gender you are given, and tow that you like the opposite gender that you are. Not all family's are like this but alot are. I once had someone ask me why I felt like I had to label myself and it hit me hard, for so long in my life I was confused and scared for I always sorta knew I like girls, being a little kid and hearing my friends talking about the boys they liked it was hard for I know I was different. I've always been the type of person who likes to fit into the crowd, and knowing that this one thing made me stick out so much, made me so scared and uncomfortable. I feel like labels can be good once you find the right one for you, now some people don't find them important or necessary this is also fine. I find that over year's and a majority of your life being so confused it just makes sense to want to know, for we are humans and knowing things makes us feel save, it's so scary not knowing for it can feel like you don't know yourself at all and sure we are all finding who we are a little more everyday, but sexuality is such a big part of are self's or for most people, it's everywhere we look on social media, when hanging out with friends it seems like every other sentence has to be about who your with, who you like, what you like, being a teenager it's this time when this topic really gets talked about, for were beginning to date. Now coming out, if you are thinking of doing this make sure your confident and sure about what your coming out as, or if your not ready yet but still want to give others that knowledge you aren't 100% straight than there's nothing wrong with coming out as bi curious, you can be that for as long as you wish to be maybe even forever, majority of us will question are self's at least once in are life time, so don't feel crazy for doing so, for some it's just a quick thought and for others it's year's and years of a big ball of confusion, I use to think I envied the people who just always knew but now I'm so happy I went through that time of confusion for I had to, to be able to get to where I am today by being so confidently myself, now labels can be scary, for I felt unhappy being seen as straight and when I come out, I said I was bi and that also didn't feel right, as hard as it can be sometimes don't read into so much about labels find out what makes you feel comfortable and happy and just go along with it, it will definitely take a while to be open and honest with yourself about it, but once you are ready even ready for hate from others than come out you can do this as quietly or as loudly as you wish there is no rules with coming out or gender, sexuality or labels, once you expect yourself, it feels as though you have all the power and confidence in the world, just remember that even though right now you might be going throw a dark scary time with questioning yourself and coming out, someday you'll look back and they'll be no doubts or questions, someday you'll just know, and others opinions and thoughts won't matter as much, I can't say they won't hurt for it well it does, but it's learning to see past it, to realize your happiness is more important than pleasing others, I would rather have people know who I am than have people think they know who I am. If you've read to this point thank you I hope this helped!!! Plz share this and let others who need to read this, see it.

[emy3morrison-blog]

I'm gay and that's okay  It doesn't take much for me to admit Cuz you see  I'm gay  And that's okay I like a girls chest And the swing to her hip The whiff of her hair, as she pulls it away from her face You see I'm gay And I'm okay What makes me different from you ? It's just me being me Was it a choice I was given? Was it something I picked? Or was it something I was born with ? It's not the flu It doesn't just disappear Cuz I'm okay And hey I'm gay I like a girls personality And the caring to ones touch The way one girl looks is different from the rest Cuz I'm gay And that's more than okay I'm no alien You have no right To put me down When I try and sleep at night It's not a game to mess with my emotions But go ahead cuz so far you're golden You'll tell me it's wrong And that I'm gross That I only just "think I'm gay" And that this "well go away" Because it's "just a phase" But what would you say? If I told you, I was always this way Don't think your special For now you know The secret that so many have already spoke I'm okay And yes I'm gay I don't need therapy I haven't gone mad Stop messing with my identity And start living in reality For now it's more excepted And the world is more diverse We are given opportunities Freedom of speech I can be who I wish Without any questions So yes if you can't already get I'm okay And yes I'm gay ~Emily Morrison