emztory-blog

[emztory-blog]

Everytime i browse our pictures i always say "i still want you in my life" When i still long for you eventhough its been 2 years and 8months, i cant say that i haven't move on yet but i eventually misses you, the hell you is uncomparable to those crushes i met and yet i haven't settled to anyone. When ive been looking for someone who can do more than you've done to during our relationship but i ended up still longing for you. I thought that if ill try chatting with you, looking at our pictures ill be immuned and will learn to forget you and i wont be using someone to do it but time will say if im really over you. But until when? I tried to divert my attention, ive been to gym to do workouts but unfortunately i ended up being inspired because if one day we will meet again, atleast im still good looking (i hope?) and healthy physically that you wont regret leaving me because i can prove that i can go on with my life and still have plans. Next thing is, i tried travelling with friends, strangers but ended up "i wish you were here" or "ill be back with my love one" those things that i wanted us to be doing #relationship goals when can i use that hashtag? Its been a long journey for me, my work was affected due to i dont have any outlet of my sadness, frustrations etc. Unlike when we still have that #LDR that we are able to complain with each other about our workloads, bad experiences, during breaks we are able to have time together chatting or talking over the phone, those kulitan, lambingan and suyuan moments that i miss the most. Those things has a really big impact on how i handle my stress but i was left alone trying to cope up with my own problems but i also think of you all the time, how are you? do you still love your job? Do you still do OT? Who are you with?are you married? So much questions in my head that eventually adding an extremely sadness and the outcome is #throwbackphotos #emoquotes etc. Those entire years.months, days ive been longing for you. I dont know if im that stupid but icant force myself to love other people if im not sure of my feelings and because i also have unresolve trust issues. our happy moments are still fresh and i love reminiscing those hoping i can still have you. Been waiting for a sign if when can i let go of those memories that ive been holding on. Btw, ive been to good this past years that in case that we will be back together, i have proven that you will be the last person i want to be with. ( which i mentioned to her before that she will be my last gf ) And i think, im still on that self curse of mine. Haist anyway, in short i really really miss you that much mahal ko. ☹

[emztory-blog]

ME nowadays

*When i realize my worth that i shouldnt be permitting people treating me just an option or just a choice. So i end up: *eliminating people who are not close to me or who doesnt even know a bit of who Iam aside of what they are seeing now *letting them set a bonding moment and let them be the first one to say their own excuses until it wont happen anymore so i end up having my own ME time bonding *i also decided not to give too much advise to a friend who are hesitant to show his/her true self and/or doesnt understand the risk he/she is taking and tried to warn him/her and yet continued to do it so i let them feel and face the consequence of what they choose to do for they will be learning on their own mistakes anyway *entertaining people who are there to let me feel i have them and to let them feel also that i am always around *involving yourself to those people who are important to you not those who pretended to be *give and take attitude if you have given or showed a good behavior towards me then ill do he same *travel vs. Saving where in money cant give happiness but using it to go on a travel will make a sense and appreaciate how precious life can be. You can still earn money but the experience is more precious since no one can take away those memories you had. *what bothers me: what if one of my family member got sick, where can i be getting a back up financially - saving issue arises 🤣

[emztory-blog]

1st meeting

I had known her thru facebook group, we started as virtual friends since shes from QC and i am from the city of Baguio. We had tackled different issue wherein ive fallen for her unexpectedly because despite of different opinion that we had, we didnt had a fight though there is a dicsussion about it and we were able to understand each others side. Only few people knows the word respect and who understands each others side of story, because believe it or not we view everything in our own different level of understanding. And yes, i found it with her, we drastically decided to be as partner eventhough i wanted to court her for a year since i believed that we dont need to rush everything since we are already settled (i guess). Due to jealousy and she wanted to be secured, 2 days from now, supposedly its our 3rd year anniversary but we only last for more than 3months. Yes its just 3months but the experience is like weve been together for how many years. First meeting: when i accopanied my sister in Clark airport and since its just an hour and a half going to cubao, we decided to have our first meeting and to decide if we could continue on the relationship that we started by seeing each other. I was texting her and trying to call her that morning and i havent received any reply and her phone is turned off and i was bothered that she might changed her mind in meeting me. After an hour, i received a reply tht she just woke up and the sweetness nd excitement still there. Thats the time i went to the bus terminal. Honestly, during my travel, i was so nervous and trying to think how to approach her, shouldni be serious or will just be normal and joke around. Judgement time, i was sitting and waiting for her, tadan! A morena girl went to the where i am seated,yes she was my virtual girlfriend before but when i met her, just wow, i love her eyes and the way she smile, she sat beside me and had a normal conversation that pretended we knew each other for a long time. We didnt know where to go, since im not familiar in QC and that i only few hours to be with her. Smwe decided to eat for the meantime while thinking what to do next, thats my first time in Gateway foodcourt, while waiting for our order, im doing stolen shots from her since shes not talking and to break the awkward silence. Shes so silent while eating and i was teasing her that moment we were able to establish a bonding and she decided to watch a movie, i wasnt aware that in cinema it woyld be that cold, we felt that coldness and i offered her to use the small blanket that i have because she was just wearing shorts and shirt, in the middle of the movie, that act that you are hesitate to do and your shy to do it, yes i was thinking of holding her hand, finally, i was able to hold it nd that feeling thatbyou dont understand, its the kilig moment for me, because we had an agreement before that she wants to know if she will be feeling some sparks between us once i hold her hand. That.moment when i hold her hand tight, she did the same so we were more closer as lovers, we finished the movie and she asked me if i want to meet her friends/coworker, of course im hesistant and shy to meet them because i want to spend more time with her instead, but she insisted. So we went to Marikina wherein it was my first time again, its an acoustic bar, they are discussing work related and while holding her hands shes trying to grip my hand just to get my attention and ask if im ok, i said yes and her friends started asking my background and ill just answer, i didnt drink that much since i was thinking im still going to have a long trip. we finished late at night, she was a little tipsy and she mentioned she cant go home anymore once it is already late and she decided to just go to a hotel and just check in for how many hours, i thought ill just send her off to the hotel but she asked me to stay with her instead. So since i want still to be with her, i stayed. We sleep having a space between us, i was able to sleep right aways since i was so tired of that very long trip, and in the middle of the night, we have no longer space between us but rather she is already in my arms and i am hugging her and continued sleeping until the phone rang and telling her that we already consumed the time being set and yet she asked for another hour extension. After we already prepared going out. She accompanied me in the bus station, when we got there , sad emotions since it wilk be back to LDR again. She said goodbye and kissed me on my lips snd headed home. - end story of our first meeting