enchantmeforever

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via weheartit

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Looking at his ex girlfriend and wondering why the fuck he’s with me

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If you want to leave, I understand. I understand more than anyone could ever think.

Everyone leaves, everyone goes, leaves me behind and doesn’t look back to even think of me.

But I remember, I remember every hand that’s touched my face, every hand that cupped my thigh, every tear that I’ve ever shed.

And for what? Why?

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Late at night when all I want is attention and my other is fast asleep all I can think about is how many time I’ve allowed myself to slip somewhere dark. How many times I’ve allowed my mind to go numb, begging for a way out, just anyway out that won’t hurt those I love, that will give them peace. And then sometimes I wonder if I really am living at all… if all these dark pieces are an ending or whether it is truly a beginning.

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"You made a promise to me, okay? You said, 'for better or worse.' You said that. You said it. It was a promise... Now this is my worst, okay? This is my worst. But I'm gonna get better. You just gotta give me a chance to get better."

— Dean (Ryan Gosling), Blue Valentine (2010)

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Euripides, tr. by Anne Carson, Grief Lessons: Four Plays by Euripides

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Remember that you deserve to be held by gentle hands too.

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I feel like I can never be enough for the one person I am trying to be everything for.

If I speak my mind- I feel like I’m annoying or I’m continuously repeating things because I get so caught up in my feelings that sometimes they’re all I can think about even after I’ve spoken about them.

If I be quiet because I don’t want to be annoying- it upsets those around me and those I care about the most. I become less talkative, less interested and interesting.

And then it’s a full fucking circle, I feel like I’m in trouble- get caught in my mind- speak my mind- overthink- get caught in emotions- become quiet- hurts those around me because I’m less attentive.

I’m just very sick of my mind dude

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I wish I was enough, like truly I wish I was craved.

I wish someone was to sit there and be like ‘god damn, I miss her so much’ and when they finally see me they’re so happy they can’t contain themselves.

Damn bro, maybe I just miss my dog

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How do people just say their thoughts?

If I was to speak my mind without double checking my thoughts I would be in a whole lot of trouble.

Was about to tell my other that I feel unloved because I’ve gone days without sex, yet we live seperate from each other?

Like what the actual fuck is wrong with these fucking thoughts.

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I can literally in bed with the man of my dreams and listen to him tell me why he loves me and still continuously not feel like I’m ever going to be enough for him

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My mind is becoming such a dark place to be again

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This is the first time in 4yrs that I feel like relapsing

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I’m so sorry mum

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After being treated like absolute garbage for 3fucking years even making friends makes me so anxious

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I just want love

But I can’t break out of my fking head to allow it

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I’ve been giving the guy I love and adore relationship advice because I just want him to truly be happy, even if that doesn’t involve me…

That shit fucking hurts