end-the-pain-please-26 - Tumblr blog

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Does anyone else have zero social contact except their family and almost never leaves the house because there is literally nothing to do in the area where they live???

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When people find out I have no social life, no friends, no relationship, nothing, and they go: "Oh wow, I could never live like that!"

Like ... Yeah buddy, me neither.... Me neither. But no one asked me if I want to life like that...

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My mind is numb

Ignorant to the world around me

My body encased in a duvet

Curled upon an air mattress with an unpatched hole

The irony

My eyes glued to a screen

A distraction

A different world than the one I’m ignoring

Commitments and promises and stress piling around me burying me under this refuge of comfort and 4 walls

Why return to reality

What good will it do me

I lie here

And I can’t get up

Even if I wanted to.

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The last time I had a genuine, meaningful conversation with someone was so long ago I don't even remember what it feels like.

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I have so much hurt inside of me and I don’t know where to put it. How do I put it down. It’s so heavy.

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I just wanna get better!

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I’m dying to be loved. Why can’t I be loved the way I give out love? I’ve been feeling unworthy.

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It's stupid that people say things like "reach out to someone if you need help". If I'm feeling sad or depressed the last thing I want to do is reach out to someone. Why is it my responsibility to reach out to someone? If I'm feeling sad or depressed it's unlikely that I'm going to reach out to anyone, or that I even have the energy to.

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I never felt like I belong anywhere. People were always so different from me. There was no one who was like me.

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Everything feels the same

Numb. Worthless, useless, dull. Etc

Idk what to do with myself anymore

Nothing feels real, I dont feel real

I just want to d!e

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Relationships require effort on both parts but most times it feels like I am the only one trying to make an effort and it gets incredibly tiring. I'm tired of having to initiate every conversation. I'm tired of going out of my way only for it to not be reciprocated. I'm praying that I meet some friends that will actually stay in my life. Friends who are actually intentional about being my friend. Friends who I can actually vibe with and feel comfortable around. I have stopped trying to make things happen by my own efforts. I'm laying this matter at the feet of God.

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So sad and angry that I have to spend my entire youth in my room all alone, and waste my youth because there are just no opportunities for me.