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it is taking a lot in me to not talk to old persecutors for some kind of acknowledgement
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I'm sorry if I'm difficult to deal with. I don't know how to deal with myself either.
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i want to talk to them but i think id rather explode myself than deal with people thinking im gross or bad
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i feel bad for him :(
#i too would be in my villain era if i felt like this every day of my life#and i do even worse but its my job to help him so its not as big of a deal
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i want to hang out with people and i want to be cared about and i want to be liked but i dont even think i can do any of that because ill make people uncomfortable lol
even the people that im connected to in some way i know will think less of me because im just all the guilt and shame of the guy i split off personified. intrusive thoughts included. and i think i would feel better if i got beat to death or something
#i tried to make another blog to talk about intrusive thoughts and immediately flaked out because i cant help but think badly of myself#have you ever felt like your blood is full of sin and shame and need to scratch it out... no... just me...
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i have nothing to even vent about anymore because its just me being a broken record but i guess keep in mind everything ive ever said at the same time always
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am i allowed to miss my dad or will i get shot
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