endlcssdesiire

[endlcssdesiire]

i fixed the scan. now kirby no longer has her head split! i do not own this image; it's a mag scan. don't come after me.

[endlcssdesiire]

[endlcssdesiire]

man.sand s2 bts part 2: electric boogaloo

[endlcssdesiire]

From Mason's Instagram- I'm not ready.

[endlcssdesiire]

PSA: Send me things unabashedly

I came back to RPing on tumblr after a two years break and I've had multiple new mutuals ask me if they can send me an IM or an ask and it breaks my little charcoal heart. What happened to the gleeful sending of random shit at 3am to the mutual you've barely interacted with before? I wouldn't even require that from a random non-mutual I've never seen before, yet we are mutuals.

Yes. Send me things. Asks and IMs. No. I don't care our muses haven't interacted before, or it barely makes sense. Worst that can happen is I'll have a giggle and delete the ask. There's also a reason crack verses exist.

[endlcssdesiire]

𝐎𝐎𝐂-

For the last few months I've been dealing with things in an irl capacity that may or may not have affected how I communicated online (aka, remarkably poorly in some measure).

Be it trying too hard to solve an issue I would think I saw, presuming 'the faster you solve it the better it could be' and thus making someone I once adored as a friend feel exceedingly uncomfortable (I assume, they never actually told me)-

or becoming so overstimulated by ooc posts of a different mutual, that I opted to unfollow for a night intending on explaining in the morning when I had spoons only to realise they'd... removed themselves elsewhere. Putting aside I don't demand mutuals... I can see how that may look. Even on this buggy ass website.

Losing writing partners and dealing with stress had begun to kill my desire (harr) to be here. Losing plots and things I'd been excited for, or watching others just naturally go as this absolutely is a hobby one can (and should) walk from at any time if they choose... it started to block me up here. So I went to my OCs and the blog I have those on. And then...

Many of you may know this already from an ooc post on my (now mostly quiet) Constantine blog- (under the break for discussions of health & loss)

Back in April my gran (in law, but effectively my own gran) had a stroke scare, fell from her chair as she tried to stand, fractured her neck, and had since been in a recovery center. The list of issues she had that they discovered was a mile long. Mid 80s, what can one reasonably expect. The evaporating RBC was terrifying, but they had plans.

All of them became obsolete yesterday at 4:30ish pm. We'd seen her literally just that afternoon. Dazed but cognisant enough to communicate. I think she wanted to wait until we were gone to go herself. She's always been ever "considerate-minded" like that, I'm told. She'd been 'ready to go' for years.

We got the call when it happened. We went back, and... it was too quiet. She was too small. Too small for such a large presence that I once knew. Too thin, she'd stopped taking in... much of anything.

I have no idea what this is. It's not an apology. No one should apologise for grief. Grief can be cyclical or it can be clipped. It all generally depends on the person. I'm... floating between 'weirdly calm' and 'constantly on the edge of tears' so far. My wife is my main priority, and she's... she's said it will hit her likely in a few days.

I want to distract myself but I don't know how. Before yesterday what had clotted up my Endless brain was an obsession with OCs and another fandom. My AuDHD makes me bounce a whole lotta places.

I... will likely flit from being far too quiet, to perhaps being far too present. July may bring a renewed super surge of inspiration, given the second season coming out and my piracy skills. I'm gonna be wiped out at the end of June from a trip to NY to see Mason themself at their show.

It's all a mess of good and bad and neutral tangled all together. And I deeply appreciate all of you who remain, who understand, who endure my weird bouts of 'oop where'd he go'.

[endlcssdesiire]

It’s rare someone (mortal or immortal) tries to see past what Desire is to try and understand who They are.

As such, Desire isn’t used to being around people who want Their company rather than being invested in Them because of what They can do for them.

Learn to acknowledge Them, not simply Their Concept, and it's possible (albeit dead center of a minefield) to make a reliable ally out of Them in time.

Maybe even a friend.

[endlcssdesiire]

Gone mad is what they say, and sometimes Run mad, as if mad is a direction, like west; as if mad is a different house you could step into, or a separate country entirely. But when you go mad you don’t go any other place, you stay where you are. And somebody else comes in.

Margaret Atwood - 'Alias Grace'

[endlcssdesiire]

DESIRE IS ENDLESS AND UNAPPEASABLE- most intense where most forbidden, and is never far from despair.

❝ I am often cruel, yes. It will happen again, I'm sure~. ❞ and curses upon desire are an ever familiar thing- born also of desire, though a rarer kind. There is no offence upon his admission - if only because of WHO he is - nor is there when he pulls them from their affections. Perhaps because his gentle touch speaks not of lust, but ETERNITY, and they are - ever briefly - stunned.

❝ ...me? ❞ They do not insult him by asking for repetition. They simply... do not quite know initially what to do with such authentic devotion. Most in the past had implored for desires to be met, only to then depart once such had been granted. They are far more used to being used, or disdained. Maligned by those who correlated longing with sin.

Desire can feel his heart- and smiles at the genuine warmth of it. Curls their fingers within his own, and idly notes how stark the difference between the shades of them: a golden tan around the pale shade of smoke.

How funny. They once thought themself beyond new experiences.

❝ Even when all I give you is a yawning need, ❞ They return with a gentle murmur, ❝ you... accept all of me. ❞ Every fractal he's so far seen, and across millennia such surely was a number beyond sensible measure. ❝ It gives me reason to manifest upon this spinning marble, you know. You give me comfort- sanctuary... ❞

From their tone - soft, affectionate in infinite shade - it is a feeling they want to give back to him in full. ❝ ...perhaps... I will show you my Threshold someday. ❞ the most sacred center of themself. Their true realm, their body. Their heart.

@endlcssdesiire— cont. from here

Fingers carding through grayed locks, such mundane form of intimacy. Its effect runs deep all the same. Soothing and at the same time setting nerve endings on edge with an unnamed restlessness. The Endless' promise doesn't reap a shred of doubt, even if the mention of God causes Cain's face to twitch; contempt as old as humanity. " I know... ", he mutters so quietly it's barely audible. Soon to turn his head just enough to create eye contact, that pair of gold never failing to make him forget to breathe. For a second, or two.

" You can be cruel. I've cursed you more times than I can count. " Cain's admission accompanies a reluctant, crooked smile ere he reaches for the Endless' wrist to peel their touch from his head. And, if permitted, hold their hand in his own. He gleans those claws, remembers what it feels like when, albeit invisibly, they cut into his twisted soul. " Those times have passed. You've become my motivation to not exist ", he trails off, then locks gazes with the Endless anew. " But to live. " He wouldn't know what to do without them anymore.

[endlcssdesiire]

“I was looked at, but I wasn’t seen.”

-Albert Camus, “The Misunderstanding.”

[endlcssdesiire]

[endlcssdesiire]

One'a these days I'll be back in a reliable capacity. Life's been wildin', but I've not abandoned anything I promise!

Currently at FanExpo Dallas, so I'm gonna be sparse still for the next bit of time, but I do aim to throw out several drafts through the week that are currently mostly done!

Munface jumpscare-

[endlcssdesiire]

                                  I don’t

                                                  like             people

                                                                                 seeing me

                                        vulnerable

[endlcssdesiire]

❝ No darling, not... her either. ❞ it was the briefest pause, but perhaps enough for the youngling to catch upon. that despite their own fondness for unity kincaid, they did not refuse daisy's current parentage. for adoption was a manifestation of a heart's truest longing- the mother and father daisy knows are as true as the endless himself was.

him. he. Desire finds themself shifting a bit more to suit the time and place it stands within. their daughter's home, and them, the father. it's enthralling.

❝ A fitting name, for such delicate petals~. I am... ❞ what to say? human children believed far more of the world than adults ever did, did they not? lost their reverence of magic only when it was beaten out of them by 'common sense' and 'reality'.

they smile, decision made. ❝ I'm your father, sweet one. You're a child of the cosmos, and I am Desire. ❞

delicate fingers softly played with the lace upon her dress , wrapped delicately around her waist in a bow. "oh... mama then?" Her head tilted to the side , gentle chocolate curls falling into her face. yet not unity... not the true mother that yearned for her daughter back in her arms in the dreamlike slumber. ( taken by her grandparents and adopted by wealthy friends of the family. )

"I believe she's in the garden. " she twirled to whisk off to the garden but as the endless asked her name , it was like glue on the bottom of her baby blue slippers. She paused , turning to look at them. "daisy." unknowingly symbolic to the young girl ... as she was cradled in a bed of daisies in unity's dream before taken from the paradise upon the waking world. "and might I inquire of yours?"

[endlcssdesiire]

Smash or pass~? | look i know they already got a mouthful but also :eyes emoji: i'm curious~.

( chaotic memes )

[ ϟ ]—– Firstly a low hum escapes him, something akin to a laugh yet holding all the specifics of a suppressed groan. Response leaves him in thoughtful, almost reverent manner.

' That one is temptation wrapped in silk and sin, the kind of flame that does not ask to be touched. They dare you, dare you to burn and dare you to like it.'

Shifting momentarily the gleam in thunderer's eyes is not wholly decent.

' There is danger there, in their eyes and in their whole being. And it is not the kind that slays you fast. It is the kind that draws you in, inch by inch, whispering secrets to your skin until you forget why you ever wanted to leave.'

The grin that blooms is almost charming, yet entirely appreciative.

' I have faced dragons, fought with Valkyries, survived the end of realms. I would still walk into that fire willingly, and smash myself into oblivion.'

[endlcssdesiire]

forced eye contact.... chin held between fingers and being told in a calm, but firm voice "dont look away" and "i want to watch your face as you fall apart for me".... oh my gosh....

[endlcssdesiire]

Okie-dokie~! We apologise for the sudden spell of quiet; dealt with governmental bs over my SSI before getting happily distracted by cute gentlethems, and then these last few days had been prepping for the renfaire I went to yesterday!

So I'm sore and delightfully refreshed after seeing my people out there. Got myself a beautiful curved blade (pic under the cut). So I'm gonna slowly be gettin' back to stuff here as I have the braincells!

Thank you all for being my friends~. I hope your days are good and u stay classy~.