endlesslyautumn

[endlesslyautumn]

[endlesslyautumn]

i feel like the fact that all these superheroes know each other but have secret id’s has so much comedy potential 

[endlesslyautumn]

Just wondering but have you read “the big road home” by crumpetz? I’m rereading it now (and taking extreme levels of emotional damage from doing so) and it seems like something you’d really enjoy

"Tim does excitement a little differently than most people, a little quieter and with less movement, but it’s really obvious once you know him. He’s not saying much or screaming or anything, but Tim looks like a human sunbeam. Like he’s glowing under his skin."

[endlesslyautumn]

[endlesslyautumn]

[endlesslyautumn]

Literally anyone meeting bruce and his family for the first time: So how did you get so many kids by 30?

Dick: HE WAS A TEENAGE DELINQUENT

Jason: *shouting over him* HE LEFT MY MOTHER AT THE ALTAR

*tim is sitting, just happy to be included*

Bruce: BE-quiet.  They're ADOPTED!

Jason: *not a beat missed* Because he’s never known the touch of a woman.

[endlesslyautumn]

[endlesslyautumn]

That's right, you tell em Alfred.

[endlesslyautumn]

Your're right Jason, you are the least dramatic person you know. Nobody can beat your brother: Dick "dramatic" Grayson

[endlesslyautumn]

Dick and Jason's responses are the only correct ones

[endlesslyautumn]

canary in a coal mine

[endlesslyautumn]

it’s endearing to me that we think of Peeta as wanting to be a father not because he ever even suggests it (he doesn’t, not before the epilogue) but because Katniss is the narrator and she clearly wants him to be one

[endlesslyautumn]

kinda going through it rn

[endlesslyautumn]

What better way to launch my new art blog than by drawing Talia.

[endlesslyautumn]

Y’ever read something and have understanding that has eluded you interminably suddenly stop, curl up, and snuggle neatly into a fold in your brain because a new way way opened to it?

[endlesslyautumn]

Plot armor but it’s Bruce Wayne’s wealth.

Bruce is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce does not want to be one of the richest men in world.

He starts by implementing high starting salaries and full health care coverages for all levels at Wayne Enterprises. This in vastly improves retention and worker productivity, and WE profits soar. He increases PTO, grants generous parental and family leave, funds diversity initiatives, boosts salaries again. WE is ranked “#1 worker-friendly corporation”, and productively and profits soar again.

Ok, so clearly investing his workers isn’t the profit-destroying doomed strategy his peers claim it is. Bruce is going to keep doing it obviously (his next initiative is to ensure all part-time and contractors get the same benefits and pay as full time employees), but he is going to have to find a different way to dump his money.

But you know what else is supposed to be prohibitively expensive? Green and ethical initiatives. Yes, Bruce can do that. He creates and fund a 10 year plan to covert all Wayne facilities to renewable energy. He overhauls all factories to employ the best environmentally friendly practices and technologies. He cuts contracts with all suppliers that engage in unethical employment practices and pays for other to upgrade their equipment and facilities to meet WE’s new environmental and safety requirements. He spares no expense.

Yeah, Wayne Enterprises is so successful that they spin off an entire new business arm focused on helping other companies convert to environmentally friendly and safe practices like they did in an efficient, cost effective, successful way.

Admittedly, investing in his own company was probably never going to be the best way to get rid of his wealth. He slashes his own salary to a pittance (god knows he has more money than he could possibly know what to do with already) and keeps investing the profits back into the workers, and WE keeps responding with nearly terrifying success.

So WE is a no-go, and Bruce now has numerous angry billionaires on his back because they’ve been claiming all these measures he’s implementing are too expensive to justify for decades and they’re finding it a little hard to keep the wool over everyone’s eyes when Idiot Softheart Bruice Wayne has money spilling out his ears. BUT Bruce can invest in Gotham. That’ll go well, right?

Gotham’s infrastructure is the OSHA anti-Christ and even what little is up to code is constantly getting destroyed by Rogue attacks. Surely THAT will be a money sink.

Except the only non-corrupt employer in Gotham city is….Wayne Enterprises. Or contractors or companies or businesses that somehow, in some way or other, feed back to WE. Paying wholesale for improvement to Gotham’s infrastructure somehow increases WE’s profits.

Bruce funds a full system overhaul of Gotham hospital (it’s not his fault the best administrative system software is WE—he looked), he sets up foundations and trusts for shelters, free clinics, schools, meal plans, day care, literally anything he can think of.

Gotham continues to be a shithole. Bruce Wayne continues to be richer than god against his Batman-ingrained will.

Oh, and Bruice Wayne is no longer viewed as solely a spoiled idiot nepo baby. The public responds by investing in WE and anything else he owns, and stop doing this, please.

Bruce sets up a foundation to pay the college tuition of every Gotham citizen who applies. It’s so successful that within 10 years, donations from previous recipients more than cover incoming need, and Bruce can’t even donate to his own charity.

But by this time, Bruce has children. If he can’t get rid of his wealth, he can at least distribute it, right?

Except Dick Grayson absolutely refuses to receive any of his money, won’t touch his trust fund, and in fact has never been so successful and creative with his hacking skills as he is in dumping the money BACK on Bruce. Jason died and won’t legally resurrect to take his trust fund. Tim has his own inherited wealth, refuses to inherit more, and in fact happily joins forces with Dick to hack accounts and return whatever money he tries to give them. Cass has no concept of monetary wealth and gives him panicked, overwhelmed eyes whenever he so much as implies offering more than $100 at once. Damian is showing worrying signs of following in his precious Richard’s footsteps, and Babs barely allows him to fund tech for the Clocktower. At least Steph lets him pay for her tuition and uses his credit card to buy unholy amounts of Batburger. But that is hardly a drop in the ocean of Bruce’s wealth. And she won’t even accept a trust fund of only one million.

Jason wins for best-worst child though because he currently runs a very lucrative crime empire. And although he pours the vast, vast majority of his profits back into Crime Alley, whenever he gets a little too rich for his tastes, he dumps the money on Bruce. At this point, Bruce almost wishes he was being used for money laundering because then he’s at least not have the money.

So children—generous, kindhearted, stubborn till the day they die the little shits, children—are also out.

Bruce was funding the Justice League. But then finances were leaked, and the public had an outcry over one man holding so much sway over the world’s superheroes (nevermind Bruce is one of those superheroes—but the public can’t know that). So Bruce had to do some fancy PR trickery, concede to a policy of not receiving a majority of funds from one individual, and significantly decrease his contributions because no one could match his donations.

At his wits end, Bruce hires a team of accounts to search through every crinkle and crevice of tax law to find what loopholes or shortcuts can be avoided in order to pay his damn taxes to the MAX.

The results are horrifying. According to the strictest definition of the law, the government owes him money.

Bruce burns the report, buries any evidence as deeply as he can, and organizes a foundation to lobby for FAR higher taxation of the upper class.

All this, and Wayne Enterprises is happily chugging along, churning profit, expanding into new markets, growing in the stock market, and trying to force the credit and proportionate compensation on their increasingly horrified CEO.

Bruce Wayne is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce Wayne will never not be one of the richest men in the world.

But by GOD is he trying.

[endlesslyautumn]

I keep picturing this scenario where Batman has never told the Justice League his secret identity or anything about his kids. And then one day, for whatever reason, the Red Hood crosses paths with the JL, and it becomes clear that he knows all their identities. Cue mass panic: they all gather in the watchtower to figure out what to do about this huge security breach. Everyone is freaking out, shouting, wondering how the hell the Red Goddamn Hood of heads in duffel bag fame knows that mild mannered journalist for the Daily Planet Clark Kent is actually Superman.

Batman is being suspiciously silent.

Eventually someone turns to Batman and is like what the hell, you’re more paranoid about secret identities than all of us put together, why aren’t you freaking out? And Batman tries to deflect the question somehow, like I don’t believe Hood intends to use this knowledge against us, which just gets alarm bells ringing for everyone in the room because did Batman?? Just say he doesn’t think someone might use sensitive information against him??? BATMAN???!!!

So everyone’s freaking out even harder now, but then someone, maybe Clark, starts connecting some dots about Batman’s strange behavior and asks, “…Batman. Did you…already know? That the Red Hood knows our identities?”

And Batman rumbles and grumbles but it becomes clear that yeah, actually, he’s known this for a while.

So now everyone’s not just stressed about the identity breach, they’re also pissed because what the hell, Batman??? This known criminal knows our deepest, most guarded secrets, and you didn’t think that maybe we should know that????? That maybe that was important information for us to have????? How did you even find this out?!? Why didn’t you do anything bc about it?? How did- … How… Batman? …How did the Red Hood? Learn. Our identities?

And then finally someone, maybe Barry, is like, “Uhhhhhhhaha Batman? You didn’t. You didn’t tell Hood our identities, right? You didn’t…Batman?”

Batman doesn’t respond.

The table goes dead silent.

Because like. How is Bruce supposed to explain to this table of people that don’t know who he or Hood are that yes, he told Hood their identities literally years ago, without explaining that Hood was Robin. How is he going to explain to a Hal that’s trying to strangle him with his constructs and a Diana that’s staring at him like she’s never seen him before and a Clark that’s giving him the biggest kicked-puppy eyes you’ve ever seen that yeah Hood knows but it’s alright! He’s not going to do anything about it they don’t need to stress. That’s his son that’s his baby boy