enemy-archive

[enemy-archive]

I love the depth and detail that you go into when analyzing your obsession. this made me want to also write a bit more on the way this all happened for me, as I realized that I didn't really elaborate much about how this hyperfixation went in my case in the first post.

I read the GO book some time ago in my teens (±10 years ago?), when I read more fantasy, and some other stuff by Neil Gaiman as well. I liked GO and was of course, immediately invested in this love between Crowley and Aziraphale, I was really nice to read this kind of relationship, the closeness in spite of being enemies, and the ways they are with each other in the book overall. didn't go really deep into it though and moved on soon. I did enjoy the book greatly, and was a bit bummed about the cover which in my case looks like this…

Around this time, or a bit earlier, I was a huge sherlock fan, shipped johnlock hard, and was properly obsessed with sherlock holmes in general (from reading conan doyle as a child, to watching every tv and film adaptation and finally fixating on the bbc version). I liked and consumed a lot of cultural products, primarily British, and was into many ships (for example, merthur and destiel), but sherlock was a hyperfixation during my high school time. still I managed to somehow study and finish school and get into uni. over time, I got interested in other things; I needed to study and work, so I left tumblr (I remember cutting myself off of it, deleting my account and history, so there's nowhere to go back to, so it wouldn't interfere with my new life. I actually didn't go back then)

In 2020 during the quarantine, I watched season one of Good Omens — I was like, "alright, here we go: the book I liked + david tennant, + fucking michael sheen (I tell you, masters of sex did a weird thing to me), sounds like nostalgic fun". I watched it, and then went on with my life.

and then this september, I watched it absolutely accidentally. I don't even watch that much television anymore, but I was exhausted from work, had a free evening and my girlfriend was away so I wanted something comforting and escapist and there it was — season 2 of good omens. I was even a bit annoyed at the show at first (in retrospect, this might have been a self-defence reaction so that I don't get sucked in. I still want to respect this annoyance thought). I thought that all these scenes of crowley and aziraphale being so married were audacious queerbating, and then the kiss looked so stupid to me, and I thought that it was made to be ridiculous to maybe get away with queerbating, or as some kind of distasteful joke... I kept thinking how weird it was for this show, clearly made by a bunch of straight British middle-aged men, to have almost exclusively queer characters. This still bums me a bit, but I need to gather my thoughts to speak about this specifically. maybe queerbating is a spectrum.

I went on the comment section of the russian website where you can watch the shows fo free (don't at me, I can't watch it on amazon prime because my area is restricted due to my country launching a whole criminal fucking war on Ukraine). It just sort of popped in front of my eyes, this comment section, so I went there thinking, "maybe people also thought it was a bit ridiculous," and what I fucking saw. the whole 100+ comments hate towards the second season boiled down to the fact that they were "made gay" and to "too much agenda"("agenda" or "povestochka" is how homophobes call lgbt- and queer-related anything, and the connotation is that it's planted maliciously into russia by "the west" where everyone's gay). I just want to talk about it here because, guys, the homophobes. they don't even know. people literally write: it was a cool story of two BROS, just two DUDES hanging around being PALS, and THEN they spoiled it with the kiss. like to many people, this is a completely straight and "normal" tv show (except for annoying lesbians, I guess) that they like, until the last 15 minutes. to which I was like, excuse me?? didn't you see how these two clowns have literally loved each other since forever? even in the 1st season, the romantic bit is not confirmed, but who can deny that it's a love story? not comradery story…. so this got to me, and traumatized, I went looking for someone who feels the same way as I do. and I think that's how I got sucked in. I marveled at all the little gestures and half-expressions, analyzed all the plot and all the tiny hints, and re-read the book; I wanted to go deeper, to some point of total immersion into the thing that is between them. it wasn't annoying to me; I loved it.

I feel like this is getting too long.

@martinsharmony I really loved reading your post, because of course our experiences aren't the same, but there are similarities in them, that make me feel not so alone. I've spent two weeks really not being able to focus my mind on anything else (thank god it let go of me a bit, because I have really big changes in life to get to), feeling constantly drawn to this story and relationship, to the details of it, to metas and fanart, to fanfiction. my work is also flexible atm, so I could sort of afford to do this. it was just like with sherlock when I was in high school — and this feeling of lack was there again. so what is it a lack of?

in the part of your text you address this friendship or relationship that needs to cross over and become bigger — while I personally really don't like to discuss real and famous people's private lives and relationships (i imagine myself being a public person and feel actual terror at the thought of being perceived so hard), It was super interesting to me to read your thoughts about this — I talked with my friend who has similar experiences with reading yaoi manga, and she suggested that what lays under all of this, what attracts us — this big experience of transcending, love that transcends boundaries, rules, orders. love between angel and demon who've known each other for millennia is such a type of love; love between two men who grew up within a hetero-patriarchal order could also be this kind of love because they would need to transcend the limits within their brain and cultural programming.

and queer love in contemporary russia is such love as well because you have to defy the law and hate and totalizing homophobia, but it also comes with a heavy dose of reality: you have to think about coming out to your parents, people around you, and whether your relationships will change or not, you have to constantly hide a huge part of yourself, you have to figure out clever ways to be together or be yourself under pressure and danger, and it's exhausting. but it's so good to fictionalize this experience of transcending love and live through it without having to deal with immediate danger and pain.

I feel like I have so much more to say and I'm shit at formulating quickly. I loved reading your entry and am thankful that you've started this dialogue, I will continue later, and maybe in the meantime you'll want to write something too..

dear GO fandom,

I'm back to tumblr after literally ten years away. One evening, almost by accident, I stumbled upon season 2 of Good Omens. I watched it, and it launched a hyperfixation of the kind I haven't had in years.

I've just been noticing people here and there on this website mentioning that they're also back to tumblr after many years, and I'm curious what's up, like, how big is this phenomenon, and could it be something to do particularly with Good Omens, or is it something else?

personally, I'm taking pleasure in experiencing something I did as a teen, this obsession, and this fandom as a huge community of wonderfully creative, brilliant, and observant people worldwide who are going through the same thing. (It's low-key ruining my life and ability to focus on work and my responsibilities, but I manage).

It's also hugely about escaping from the homophobic reality that surrounds me, so I get to go drown myself in the love story of two unearthly beings, which is fiction, and fiction has its rules, so eventually, everything will be okay...

I also have a feeling of a drop going deep somewhere near, like this dramatic and fundamental lack of something in life that I can feel more clearly when I drown myself in thinking about this relationship.

that all and also the trap constellation of

*book I've read as a teen**loving neil gaiman writing* *LOVING john finnemore**having been huge doctor who fan in the past and obv being fond of david tennant**being mysteriously pulled in by michael sheen in masters of sex**just being obsessed with British things as a baby**heaps of queer representation to feel safe* etc... so the whole thing just feels like home to me.

These are really unformed thoughts, and what I was really interested in is whether anyone else feels something like that in regard to GO or not, and what are your thoughts about your experiences? Maybe there's already been a discussion on that, and I just haven't found it yet. Anyway, I just find this all really really fascinating.

[enemy-archive]

dear GO fandom,

I'm back to tumblr after literally ten years away. One evening, almost by accident, I stumbled upon season 2 of Good Omens. I watched it, and it launched a hyperfixation of the kind I haven't had in years.

I've just been noticing people here and there on this website mentioning that they're also back to tumblr after many years, and I'm curious what's up, like, how big is this phenomenon, and could it be something to do particularly with Good Omens, or is it something else?

personally, I'm taking pleasure in experiencing something I did as a teen, this obsession, and this fandom as a huge community of wonderfully creative, brilliant, and observant people worldwide who are going through the same thing. (It's low-key ruining my life and ability to focus on work and my responsibilities, but I manage).

It's also hugely about escaping from the homophobic reality that surrounds me, so I get to go drown myself in the love story of two unearthly beings, which is fiction, and fiction has its rules, so eventually, everything will be okay...

I also have a feeling of a drop going deep somewhere near, like this dramatic and fundamental lack of something in life that I can feel more clearly when I drown myself in thinking about this relationship.

that all and also the trap constellation of

*book I've read as a teen**loving neil gaiman writing* *LOVING john finnemore**having been huge doctor who fan in the past and obv being fond of david tennant**being mysteriously pulled in by michael sheen in masters of sex**just being obsessed with British things as a baby**heaps of queer representation to feel safe* etc... so the whole thing just feels like home to me.

These are really unformed thoughts, and what I was really interested in is whether anyone else feels something like that in regard to GO or not, and what are your thoughts about your experiences? Maybe there's already been a discussion on that, and I just haven't found it yet. Anyway, I just find this all really really fascinating.

[enemy-archive]

— ...no need to worry about that now, my dear boy.

Crowley slowly raises his head to take a lengthy look at Aziraphael. He begins to speak deeply, almost growling.

— I've designed the stars themselves. I made Eve take a bite of that apple. I am a demon; I seduce, I corrupt, I destroy. I'm an architect of frustration, neurosis, and breakdown... And what you've chosen to call me is "my. dear. boy."

Aziraphale listens to the tirade while sorting out his paperwork. Buzy tidying up, he doesn't look back at Crowley until a couple of moments after the demon is finished with his little speech of intimidation.

— I suppose I have. Would you rather I'd not?

He grins at Crowley gently, half-playing out concern, perfectly knowing the answer to his question. Crowley averts his stare and almost mumbles, voice traveling higher, speech — faster

— Well ughh... egheyeah no, that works fine, If you insist...

[enemy-archive]

what if the kiss was the way of the information transfer?

Crowley and Aziraphale never talk, and Azi doesn't know how Crowley fell and what it made him feel. when you haven't communicated properly for over 6000 years, the skill won't come to you in an instant just because someone pointed out the lack of it. so Crowley tried to talk, and then he couldn't, so he used the kiss to share the knowledge and the feelings he couldn't verbalize because, at that moment, he needed Aziraphale to understand what he already knows and understands about heaven, quickly.

then the "I forgive you" could be Azi forgiving Crowley for whatever he did before falling, or, perhaps, for not sharing earlier? of course, they are different entities, so even knowing now, Azi can think that going to heaven is a good or a necessary idea.

after all it's one thing to have the knowledge and another — to reflect on it, so he might need some time. but what if Aziraphale goes to heaven already with this knowledge and perspective Crowley shared? But whatever he knows now made him go to heaven and made him ask about the plans, and that is why he reacted the way he did?