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Haiku about my latest attempt at self improvement
This time I mean it
I will stick to the program
I know I'm lying
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3 word haiku..
Multisyllabic
Compartmentalisation
Infatuation
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Sunday night check in
Slumping again a bit. I'm falling back into wanting to remain totally silent and do nothing for a while. The old nothing feeling is creeping back again too. This is a struggle to bother with, the get and go got up and went again. I watched back to the future, and although it's a favourite childhood film, I didn't have an option on it at all. I didn't enjoy it, but I didn't not enjoy it. When it finished I didn't feel satisfied with it. I'm rambling. I've just deleted a bit because I didn't like it. That'd about it for today. I am enjoying the haiku shite. Counting syllables is fun, something to control. Tomorrow this might pick up. I've not read back at all, it's just good to type for a bit I think.
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Sunday haiku
Today was his day,
He leaped from his bed eager,
And stood on a plug
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Haiku written with one eye shut while I fall asleep and I am aware at how bad the title is
There isn't a point,
There's beauty in knowing,
That there is no point
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Skipped yesterday due to being drunk, want to skip today from feeling drained. I will bail now and make it up tomorrow I think
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Today's haiku
Silent winters dawn,
Snow crunching beneath my feet,
This moment is mine
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Still back
Back again just before sleep and with nothing to say. I'm already leaning back on "all is well at this moment, so we can stop all of this and just eat bread", which is a big part of the huge dips and peaks of my mood I think. Enjoying haiku for now, and might have a stab at writing more. Last year I almost had a try at writing a book for my kids, something with rhyme, but did a classic me and put it on an unlit back burner. Erm.. That's it really. Work Xmas party tomorrow so who knows what will be typed.
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Let's live for today! A cliché without feeling, written while reclined
Me, hammering out a haiku before going to sleep
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Day two of the return
Time for a pat on my own back for bothering for a day two. I can't be arsed and this is being typed for the sake of it, but here I am.
Today was a good day, I had a bit of parental pride. Kinder number 1 had a nativity and played the role of Mary, primary parent to the baby known as j dawg. I've suddenly became very self conscious about writing and feel embarrassed about it again. It was nice to feel proud essentially.
That came to a sudden end really didn't it. It's going to take a while to not feel like a nob for writing feelings and stuff. The traditional manner is bottle it up and move on.
Even with the infinite amount of porn on the Internet, I watched a 30 min video of an old man whittling a dog from a bit of wood. Who am I?
Fin
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Daily haiku
I inhaled deeply,
Held my breath for a second,
And pushed back the tears
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Aaaaand we're back
Decided to crack on with this bundle of warm rubbish after a long break. I’ve had many a brain malfunction which peaked with thinking a bit too long and hard about jumping from a bridge I was crossing, at one point struggling not to start climbing. I’m grand now again I think, but it’s hard to tell.
I have journalled in the past and keep ripping it up to get rid. I feel shame and really embarrassed each time I do, but no one knows of this and it feels private. Gonna haiku each day too. Also consider meditation, healthy eating, exercise and talking about feelings.
Obviously I won’t do these things
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What has she been up to in her spare time?
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Aah deja vu, you massive wanker
So it's been at least 10 weeks since the last one, all has been well, and even though nothing has changed for the worse, the small niggles of depression are creeping in. I've spent a huge part of the night crying and drinking, and wanted to write a meaningful post, but I feel empty... That hollow, sort of sad, but not sad feeling Is back. The yearning to never speak again and just sit still until the atoms cease to stay together is growing. Its shit
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A journey involving a terrible sense of direction, a niggling feeling that I didn't turn off the oven, and a poorly selected pair of socks that keep sliding off a bit around the toes. #inspired #hatedmetphors
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Teenage moodswings and other fun things
So it's been a while and Im still citalopram free, and all seems mostly good still. The last couple of days the nail biting and skipping into mental abyss have been on the increase, but I'm putting that down to 3 days of heavy drinking and snacks (organised nights out, not just household based alcoholism) I've also noticed myself telling lies too, like really pointless lies for no reason... Bet keep an eye on that one. I've not much to say to be honest, but felt I should get back on this again. #citalopram #depression #poobrain
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