enulaz - Tumblr blog

[enulaz]

The post is much longer on Reddit. But I counted through the Until Dawn script (twice) just to see which characters have the most interactions with each other. The character-by-character breakdown looks like this (based on how I personally tackled the scoring system). I did a ranking of all 28 pairs on Reddit.

[enulaz]

#bathing bird and Other Things That Ruined My Life: An Autobiography by lionheart-giddings

[enulaz]

Rewatching Nana and just finished the episode when Hachi and Nobu get together. Think I might just stop here and pretend that this is the ending.

[enulaz]

song i associate with The Character comes on and i make the most unwell expression known to man

[enulaz]

I need fanfic recommendations for a slice of life where Denji, Power, Aki, and Angel all live together. I need their shenanigans!!!

[enulaz]

No no you don't understand! I want to watch this show/movie, read this book, listen to this podcast, etc.! But I must be in the right mindset and the exact head space to begin, or I just can't!

[enulaz]

I forgot that writing is very fun and that you're playing pretend. like all this shit and pressure about craftsmanship and art! NO!!!! you are a grown up playing with dolls! it is silly and you should have sooooo much fun pushing their heads together to make them smooch!!! or torturing them, which is what I did to my toys as a child, to the point where my mom thought I was going to grow up evil

[enulaz]

[enulaz]

Trying to figure out if you’re ace or aro can be so goddamn hard because it’s like, trying to find the absence of something. Imagine you’re at a pond and you want to know if there are any turtles, or fish. Say you find a turtle and you’re like “great! Now I know there are turtles.” Or a fish, now you know for sure there are fish. Or you find both, and now you know for a fact there are both turtles and fish in the pond.

But like, if you don’t find any turtles it might be that there are no turtles or maybe you’re just really shitty at looking for turtles and maybe you THINK you saw a turtle over there or maybe it was just a stick. Maybe there are only a few turtles. Maybe you need to do something special to find the turtles. Maybe a bunch of these rocks are actually turtles but you couldn’t tell them apart. Maybe there are no turtles. You have no idea. Meanwhile some people are saying “Oh there have to be turtles! You’ll find them eventually ;)” or “How many turtles have you found in your pond?” or “Try planting some vegetables at the shore to attract the turtles.” Or “Oh no! What disaster happened to your pond that there are no turtles?” And you’re just standing there wet with an empty net and a tired expression.

But whatever because whether there are turtles or fish or not your pond’s ecology works just fine without them because that’s what eco-communities do they form a system around what they have. You aren’t missing anything if you don’t have turtles you just have a pond system without turtles. If someone tried to change you by pouring a bunch of turtles into your pond it would probably fuck something up.

So you don’t have to be entirely sure. You don’t have to search every inch of the damn pond before you can decide there are probably no turtles. If you want to take the aro or ace label because you think it fits go for it. And if you do find your turtles you can rename the pond. That’s fine.

[enulaz]

Five stages of aromanticism

Denial: I'm just a late bloomer. Oh I just haven't met the right person. I'm not ready for a romantic relationship.

Anger: why is everyone obsessed with romance and why am I not in love yet

Bargaining: I'm going to pick someone to have a crush on. You know, like a normal person

Depression: oh god oh fuck i'm gonna die alone I'm fundamentally broken

Acceptance: WOAH being aro actually rocks #loveloses my favorite color is green now

[enulaz]

Man I've been a lot less insecure about my looks since realising I'm aroace and I think it makes sense cause why exactly should I worry about whether I'm attractive or not if I'm not trying to attract anyone?

[enulaz]

lithromantic problems

[enulaz]

so this post may be really confusing because it’s pretty late and i’ve just got it on my mind, but…

do any other aros “experience” attraction through others? i do not experience romantic attraction to people. to anyone. but when i see romance portrayed in media, in music, it resonates with me. i feel like i understand it, i just can’t feel it for myself, for people i know. i can’t even imagine it *in real life* if that makes sense, like i can’t imagine anyone i know feeling that way. i just feel it through music, i sense that romance and that attraction but i can’t share it. it’s similar for like sensuality through media as well (not sexuality) , although i do have some sensual attraction. it’s really confusing and i don’t really know how to explain it any better. i just feel through the music.

idk if anybody else feels that, or even understands it, but i felt like i needed to share my thoughts. goodnight

[enulaz]

I do not lack love. I will not wait for the right person. I am the right person. My friends are the right person. I am whole.

[enulaz]

the hardest part about understanding my lithromanticism was fighting myself to maintain other people’s happiness and mental health. i could fall in love and be in love and want to be loved in return, or i thought i could, but in the back of my mind i knew “each time you do this, the same thing happens”, but i wanted so badly for it not to be true that i dove head in and convinced myself for months that i’d grow into it or the feelings from before the relationship would come back (they never did). i made him a promise that i’d take care of his feelings and never hurt him, but i knew from the beginning that wasn’t true. the killer thing about lithromanticism that’s different from every other branch of aromanticism is the presence of real, tender and raw feelings. when i love, i love hard and i love with infatuation. i love so much that i can fool myself every time into thinking “this time it’s different. this time i love you. this time i will break the cycle” and each time i end up apathetic, with a broken hearted partner and the cold reminder that i knew the outcome before the action — lithromanticism is hot blood in cold veins, it’s denying yourself the one thing you desire in order to save someone else’s feelings love and trust and it’s not beautiful or noble or kind, it hurts

[enulaz]

as an aromantic, unlearning the idea that falling in love and getting married is the one path to fulfillment in life is much easier said than done. so i’m trying to make a list of positive things about being forever single, to look at when i’m feeling down

- being able to decide where to live, how many cats to get, even little things like what to make for dinner without anybody else having veto power

- sleeping diagonally across the bed

- can stim loudly, late at night, without anybody complaining (does not apply in apartments)

- only paying for food, electricity, and gas for one

- nobody eats the leftovers i was planning to eat

feel free to add your own

[enulaz]

I hate it when I tell people I’m aromantic and they respond with pity, telling me how sad it is that I never fall in love

Never fall in love? Screw that, I fall in love everyday. I fall in love with the colour yellow and the scent on primroses. I fall in love with my best friend’s handwriting on a birthday card and the smile of my baby sister. I fall in love with perfumed hugs and sunsets and kindness and love itself. Maybe I don’t love like you do but don’t look upon my heart as cold when it is overflowing with love for my friends, love for my family, love for life