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Prof: Reading can be sexy.

Tia: Maybe naked.

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Prof: Reading can be sexy.

Tia: Maybe naked.

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Waiter: Hello, welcome to Applebee's! What would you like to order? Abraham: I'll take the apple. Waiter: We don't actually sell apples Abraham, visibly frightened: Ok then. *gulps* I'll have the bees

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Mizzy: Well, remember when Exel made a romantic dinner for me? Roy: Mizzy, he microwaved you a pizza.

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Megan: People treat me like a god. Tia: What? How? Megan: They ignore my existence until they need something from me

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Val: Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time? Prof: AS ENEMIES?! Val: ....

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Prof: Not trying to brag or anything, but I can wake up without an alarm clock now simply due to my crippling and overwhelming anxiety, so...

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Megan: Yum, thanks! Kidnapper: *puts more tape over their mouth* I said stop eating it.

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David: I'm having a moral quandary, and I could really use your help.

Cody: Oh, moral quandaries. I hate those! Shoot.

David: You're the least moral person I know. How do you live with yourself?

Cody: I'm about to shut this door in your face.

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Tia, watching Prof conquer Ildithia: Well, at least he’s using his powers for…something.

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Prof: By trying to help, I actually accelerated your demise... Let's never be parents.

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David: You're a marmotita. David: Mmm, titas in mouth....

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David, narrating: I can’t be expected to pump out metaphors and similes, like some…simile-making thing.

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During Calamity

Cody, filming himself: Hi, I’m Cody, chronically single, I’m a Gemini, and I like long duels on the beach.

David, walking in: Cody?!

Cody: *drops his mobile*: Wha- sorry- what are we doing again?

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Prof, holding out a cookie for Tia: Look! This one's a heart, that’s how I feel about you! Tia: *Ugly crying* Prof, holding out another cookie for Exel: This one's like Michigan, that’s how I feel about you! Exel, throwing their hands in the air: What does that mean?!

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David: My dad died when I was little so whenever someone jokes about fucking my mom I’ll pretend to be really sincere and say some shit like “Glad to see she’s moving on, my dad’s death hit her pretty hard.” Then watch them absolutely fumble trying to figure out a response to that statement. David: Update, she got a new partner I can no longer make the joke.