epiphanydrling

[epiphanydrling]

Audrey felt like she had been waiting an eternity – the audacity was what raced through her mind, her access revoked? It didn’t allow her to ponder for too long because Melanie was coming out. The woman looked pale – fragile even. Brows furrowed and when Melanie closed the distance her arms automatically went around her, though she may as well have been hugging a robot. Audrey searched the woman’s face and could now see clearly the tears as she attempted to hide her gaze.

When Melanie spoke, the words didn’t make any sense. “What ? What do you mean?” Though Audrey knew she didn’t have to ask who. No. It wasn’t true, it couldn’t be true. Their daughter was here, Melanie had promised everything would be ok. It felt as if Melanie had slid a knife into her stomach. “Sorry? You are sorry?” She hissed, her own tears spilling. “You were supposed to be leaving an hour from now. What have you done? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!”

Audrey lurched forward grabbing onto Melanie’s shoulders and shaking her. “STOP THE TRAIN. STOP THE FUCKING TRAIN RIGHT NOW.” She screamed at her, trying to breach the door to the engine. Ben was not far and he was stepping in-between them, taking the blunt of Audrey’s screams. “Get out of my fucking way Ben. Allie is outside.” Fists flew at him, square in the chest and she was punching him. He stepped forward, pushing her back, overpowering her, taking on her anger. A sob flew from her mouth.

“You promised. You promised she would be ok.” She tried pushing past him again to get at Melanie and he firmly held her in place. “Audrey stop it, we didn’t have a choice.” The anger continued but her strength was waning, energy being used by the terror she was feeling. “Fuck you.” She spat. “If you don’t stop the train, I’m getting off of it.” She threatened, all sense leaving her.

Ben steadied her, holding onto her shoulders so she wouldn’t try to hurt Melanie or herself. “You can’t, the train is sealed, you cannot get off and no-one can get on. Audrey I am sorry. Truly, but Melanie had to make the decision. We ran out of time.” Audrey felt her legs give from beneath her and her body sliding down the wall of the train, sobs wracking from her. “You promised. You promised. You promised.” Their little girl was out there, she was going to die and Melanie didn’t care, Melanie let it happen.

It was clear Ben felt way above his station, but he wasn’t going to let the woman attack Melanie. “I can get someone to take Audrey back to your room. I’ll take over Melanie. You need to sort this out.” He placed his hand on her shoulder. “I really am sorry Mel.”  

If there was something Melanie wasn't good with, it was reacting out of impulsiveness. She was a woman who pondered, analyzed every situation, every pros and cons, from A to Z. It had always been her thing, Audrey's thing, to know how to act when unexpected happened, when Melanie couldn't control the situations they were stuck quickly.

Even though she had been under a lot of pressure, she had regretted her decision almost instantly. Who on Earth could sacrifice so much ? After the train started, motors raged, leaving behind the man who shouldn't live or run any survival train. But Wilford wasn't the only person they had left behind their railways. 99% of the remaining population, and that included Melanie's family. Which wasn't vey big, she'd admit that but also dear to her.

The head engineer wished she would have more time to process the incident. Because even when he mind was with her daughter and parents, she needed to control everything that was happening in parallel. She had semi-answers to everything, seeing how she had thought about it for nights, with Ben mostly, and Jinju. Just hints of a 'what if Wilford didn't board ?'. No real answers had come out of their talks, but Melanie had packed a few tools, a few books, recordings just in case. Nothing too far in the idea. But now that she did it, she needed to think more, she would cry about her own pain later.

It's been an hour now. Nothing was settled, but she was overly exhausted. Bennett had convinced her to remove all accesses before further notice. Before they knew how to handle the current situation. No one could enter the engine by now, and figure out Joseph was nowhere to be seen. No one, not even Javi.

But the truth was... she was pushing back the moment she would have to confront her wife, and explain to her she had taken the worst decision of her life. Tears kept flowing down her face without she could even notice them anymore. She had never experienced that kind of pain in her life. Her heart was broken, literally.

All of a sudden, a button flashed red on the monitors. Someone was trying to get into the engine. Melanie switched to the cameras from the laptop : Audrey. "No... No... I can't do this..." She took her head i her hands, and suffocated a sob. Bennett patted her shoulders, "I can't tell her it's not the right moment if you want," he suggested but Melanie shook her head. She pushed herself upon the desk and frowned, "Thanks".

Melanie placed her palm over the pad, scanning her DNA, and the door shut open. Audrey was standing there, agitated. Melanie crossed the distance between them, silence overwhelming her as she couldn't hear anything but emptiness. Even when Audrey hugged her, she barely moved. She closed her eyes slowly, tears coming from he puffy red eyes, and once she stepped back, she heard herr again. The engineer bit on her lip, avoiding her gaze until the last moment, "She didn't make it. I'm sorry."

[epiphanydrling]

@voiceofengineering

The jackbooks were pushing everyone down towards the front end of the train, chaos erupting apparently towards the tail end. Audrey felt her stomach flip, as she stood in the quiet confinement of the night car… where was Allie? Was she safely on board yet? Her belongings were waiting in the engineer quarters and later they would all move into their new home in first.

What had Melanie’s parents been thinking? Audrey felt herself seethe with anger towards them, glad in this moment that they hadn’t chosen to come, because she would have flung them out of the train herself. Melanie had it under control – right? Everything was ok. The nerves were just a reminder that life as they knew it was no longer viable, that all those outside of this vessel would perish.

‘Don’t think about it.’ She forcefully scolded herself, trying desperately to concentrate on taking stock of the bottles that were due to go up to first once they had departed. It had taken months of arguing, convincing, anticipatory grief, and still, she knew she hadn’t come to terms with it; but she was better than where she had first started, fighting tooth and nail with Melanie.

Melanie was in the engine room now, preparing for departure along with Wilford. ‘Stop thinking – sixty-two bottles.’  

‘We have chosen to stay here, and we think Alexander will be better off with us.’ The voices echoed in her head. Audrey had looked at Melanie incredulously who also looked as if she was too stunned to speak; she never wanted to see her wife look like that again; and so the last-minute, yet well, thought out plan was to retrieve their daughter from Illinois.

“I can go and get her Mel, I will feel better knowing that I’ve got her.” No, Melanie decided on the plan and Audrey trusted it, but she wasn’t here yet. ‘We have time.’ She whispered to herself, taking a deep breath, while trying to get her breathing under control.

As Audrey placed the bottles on the trolley, the familiar voice pinged an announcement and she briefly felt a comfort in it before the words settled upon her. “All aboard, all ticketed passengers please board. Snowpiercer will depart in precisely 0 hours.” What? Brows furrowed and the anxiety that had been stewing, now began overflowing. “No.” She said, It wasn’t time. “Melanie! It’s not time.” Shouting, she glimpsed at her watch, their daughter wasn’t here. Panic, and as Audrey braced herself as to not faint from the sheer terror, the train jolted, it’s breaks loosening. “Melanie, Melanie. No! No! Allie – Where is Allie?!” Another jolt and the un-secure champagne bottles fell to the ground, smashing as gold liquid poured onto the floor.

Down train, chaos ensued in the tail, while the ticked passengers sat almost silently, an acknowledgement of what was about to come, some of those in first, celebrating. Pushing her wrist to the doors for them to give way, she made her way to the front of the train. Allie was here, she had to be here, she was just in the engine, right? Safe with Melanie. Of course, she had no idea why she was worrying so much.

When she finally made it towards first, she was stopped on going any further towards the engine room. Brows knit together - her access had been revoked? What was going on?

[epiphanydrling]

Rachel Weisz as Marty Pilcher in Going All the Way (1997)

[epiphanydrling]

shit. trying to remember how to use tumblr. need a 'for dummies' guide book.

[epiphanydrling]

𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐋𝐋 (𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆)

The woman felt proud of that hint of sarcasm in her tone of voice and lips lifted at the corners before displaying a set of delicate white teeth. “Ah, yes, I must have been so taken away with your beauty that I forgot myself. Perhaps you could make an exception and forget my identity entirely.” There was a spark in those brown eyes, the only other thing visible behind the mask. “I bet I am not the first one to make such a mistake either.” He spoke quietly with a mischievous lilt; his voice perfectly tenor, perhaps even alto if one really knew their vocal registers.

“I pray, it is all I am wishing to see, I am a gentleman, but I cannot deny, if you do not think it forward of me, that your lips too, are quite beautiful.” It was spoken with genuine observation, and his actions did not take on any sinister leer on the contrary.

“I have a wonderful talent for dancing, but I am afraid that I would much rather talk to you.” With a curved pointer finger he lifted it to his mask briefly to stroke the black feathers, then turned slightly so that she could observe the tailcoat with had an equal amount of feathers going down the back. They were inky black, but cast a pearlescent shine as they caught the light. He wore heeled shoes too, with black buckles and feathers on either side. “I will forgive you for not recognizing such fashion. I am a messenger of Odin, I represent both thought and memory. Here…” Henry took her hand gently and placed it against the side of the mask to allow her to feel the Raven feathers. “Just so you know I am what I say.”

Their brief spell was interrupted and quite unlady-like (which appeased Henry even more) she swore. It was perfectly obvious however, that he had no need to pretend, however would exhort his attempts to make it perhaps more obvious to the bystander who looked to be coming over. A small exchange and Henry had placed his hand on the woman’s palm as she spoke, a nod that indicated that the woman had been spoken for (as misogynistic as that sounded to Audrey). “Yes, I do believe that we have promised one another a dance and a walk out into the garden. I will however, be sure to observe you should we finish earlier than anticipated.”

The man glared at Henry from under his mask, and she could almost see his jaw clench in anger. “Well, that’s settled, shall we?”

He offered the woman his arm and brushed the angry gaze aside, before pulling her onto the dancefloor. "I hope you like to dance."

His hands were delicately warm, even through her long sleeved white gloves. It surprised her for a reason she ignored. It could also be because he held them for a longer time than she should have allowed him maybe. Although, she didn't remove them, no one was directly paying attention to Melanie besides a couple of men who had targeted her earlier for a dance - in which she had obliged with a lovely smile.

"Henry..." Melanie frowned, tilted her head, "Gentlemen do not seem to grasp the idea of a mascarade ball apparently..." People weren't supposed to divulge their identity that night, even if some of them of acquaintances had recognised each other. Finally, almost reluctantly she dropped his hands, readjusted the mask upon her nose. "I dare to say my eyes will be the only things you will know about me tonight Sir Henry." Did she sound rude ? Perhaps, even if it weren't her intentions in the first place, but he was already trying to lead her outside, his hands on hers... nothing had frightened her, but... he was right, they had never met and Melanie was sure she had encountered a bunch of gentlemen from the society already - at least the ones who were fairly interested in her.

Finally she took his hand out of a sudden, "Nice to meet you Henry." She didn't let go, stepped one foot closer, and plunged her emerald eyes in his hazel ones. His look was... different. Gentle. Soft. Warm, again. "So, tell me, you do not like a good party ? Or you just do not have talent for dancing ?" She added with a sly smile, took her hand back and stood by his side - he wasn't very tall compared to her. Almost the same height, but she was wearing heels. She was cheating. He wasn't towering her, their eyes met once at the same time.

For the first time, she let her eyes wander up and down his shape and outfit, "So... I cannot find an answer to my question : what is your costume tonight ? or unless you came as simply Henry, then it's remarkably on point." And then a very tall man called Bennet Knox walked over their direction, "Lord, sorry..." she swore, "Please pretend to flirt with me. Please." She turned to Henry, slightly gripped on the handkerchief attached to his vest to play with it with a smile, but she pleaded him with her puppy eyes, "We'll go outside afterwards I promise." The man arrived and looked between the two of them, and cleared his voice. "Lady-" "Mr Knox..." The man swallowed, "May I add my name on the list of your partners this evening ?" He asked politely, then Melanie sighed before turning to him, "I'm afraid I am full my dear friend. And this gentleman offered his company, didn't you? " she turned to the man simply called Henry.

[epiphanydrling]

𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐋𝐋 (𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆)

Deception – it felt delicious to deceive those who were overtly pretentious amongst the swish spring debutantes; though their gossip was usually titillating, Audrey couldn’t help but feel rather bored. It wasn’t too hard to recall last season, the women were of very similar looks and complexions, still obnoxious as ever, and so  she therefore had difficulty finding any who stood out (though of course many were beautiful to anybody’s standards) There was one woman however that had caught her hazel coloured eyes as she had cradled her amber liquid. Magnificently mysterious behind the gold masque, she hadn’t seen her before today and with each breath the woman took, the dress looked to becoming tighter and tighter around her until her breasts seemed fit to bust.

The woman (dressed as Sir Henry Ellis of Essex) a young cousin who travelled from overseas had followed the woman’s movements, she found it amusing, watching the men politely introduce themselves, no doubt for all intents purpose to stare at the cream coloured chest spilling from beneath the bone corset. Henry placed a thumb against his chin, stroking the false stubble before lifting a plump lip. Behind the black mask, hazel eyes never left the woman who had now been dancing with a comrade of Sir Ellis, and he was quite certain the woman could do better. Henry had almost been banking on the woman to fall into him and, as he grabbed her delicate wrists he looked at her with a smile, fingers soothing a line down her forearms to rest at the top of her gloves.

“No need to be, it was I who was at fault, are you alright madam? You almost lost your footing.” Henry didn’t let go of her arms, even when it was quite clear she could stand on her own two feet again without swaying into the crowd. “I cannot think that we have, I would recognise those beautiful green eyes if I had. My name is Henry.” Audrey hoped that the woman would not have a disappointing and ugly name such as Gertrude; it would be unfortunate for such a beautiful creature. “Would you like to catch some air? It is rather rambunctious in here and I am afraid much more excitement will put me into a stupor.”

@epiphanydrling for a bridgerton verse.

About a month, since Melanie had landed back in London. She had crossed the country for her education, provided by the one and only Mr Joseph Wilford. The man had been childless his whole life, until he met the genius gaze of Melanie Cavill. Her parents died, and then quickly the rich British had taken an interest in the ten years old girl who was staring back at him with both sadness and intelligence.

It was that night of the season, Spring had allowed all new young girls to debut as women in front of the Queen. Melanie was way too old to be considered 'young' or even the diamond of the season. Althought, Lady Whistledown had mentioned her quite a few times she was back in her illicit and gossipy papers about the ton.

Melanie was rocking a feathery golden dress, bosom covered but her shape was lovely shown. A piece of masque over her eyes tied from behind to cover her features. And to finish her signature, a tight bun in the back of her head. Some would recognize her, some wouldn't. But many did.

“This isn’t a night for truth," Melanie retorted to a gentleman she couldn't remember his name from. He was tall, handsome, and they certainly met before, but she wasn't sure she wanted to meet someone tonight for a marriage. Even though, she knew that was where it would lead her eventually if she dared to say it out loud. Kate Bridgerton was there as well, with her husband Anthony, they had become close due to their common ages. Kate had been easy to sympathize with. She wasn't like any duchess.

Another man came to ask for a dance, finally she obliged with a nod. One dance, and she was about to be back to her group of new friends, when she walked into another man she didn't think she had met before. He was handsome to say the least. "I am deeply sorry," his hands came to grab hers as she stumbled. "I... I don't believe we ever met... despite our supposedly mysterious identities," she added with a smile.

[epiphanydrling]

𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐋𝐋 (𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆) A beat and Audrey was staring at a man, similar age to her and for a moment she felt some confusion cast against her brow but a quick surmise of his smart and proficient clothes signalled that he was a worker; an Avox perhaps? For he had not asked for her reason of being at the front door, in-fact he didn’t utter a word, except for giving the woman behind her a knowing nod. A memory briefly flashed through her mind of Salliah, the woman that had silently helped Audrey to mature into a young woman; she often thought about her. Today she was remembering the first time that she had been introduced to her. Audrey had been fearful of the woman’s tongueless mouth and had remembered hiding behind Tigris at first and would refuse to have Salliah in her room. ‘What if her tongue fell out too?’ She would ask Coriolanus, only to be met with a stern gaze and an inclination that wasn’t aimed towards coddling her. “If you misbehave, your tongue may very well fall out.” He had almost hissed, his breath stinking of a metallic smell (now she knew it to be blood) Shutting the memory out as quickly as it came, she gave a curt nod to the man. “Good evening, I was enquiring after – ah.” She was taken gently by the arm and coaxed into the hall, just beyond the door and waited politely for the man to finish writing in his notebook. “Yes, my name is Audrey, I am here to see Mel-.” She stopped talking then when she saw the other woman from across the threshold and a grin settled on her lips. “Hello.” The woman was like a moth to a flame – whatever that really meant (she had learned about it in books as a teenager) and Audrey could feel her mouth going dry. “I’m sorry I turned up un-announced, I was in the area and I wanted to see you.” That was an outright lie – she was nowhere near the neighbourhood, but she didn’t want to look as desperate as she currently felt. “I hope now isn’t too bad of a time. Really, I just came to give you something.” A flush on her cheeks caused her skin to colour a lighter pink than she already was but she remained in her proximity. “Well, truthfully you left something at mine.” There was a little twinkle in her eye now. “And I wanted to return it.” She continued before tipping forward on her toes and wrapping an arm around the woman’s neck, finally placing a deep and sensuous kiss firmly on Melanie’s lips. When she finally pulled back, almost breathless and needing a good dose of air, she hummed through her nose before lifting her eyes up to the woman. “I didn’t want to keep it all to myself you see.” A cheeky grin now and she shook her head. “No need to change, I like it.” And her fingers stroked down the material. “I came with the intention to spend time with you this evening – not everyone oogling us. Perhaps your Avox – apologise I don’t know his name, would be willing to get us something?”

@voiceofengineering​

𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐋𝐋 (𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆)

A hum of contentment buzzed past her lips as Melanie said her goodbye, though it left a tingle that didn’t dissipate and likely wouldn’t dissipate until the next time she saw her. Audrey liked to believe that she was brave; that there weren’t many things that she couldn’t do but…knocking on this woman’s door was seemingly not one of them.

‘I want to see you again.’ She reminded herself of what Melanie had said several nights ago, but the contemplation that had frozen her at the door of it being to soon kept creeping into her mind. What if she was just being nice? She was sure though that she had given the woman enough ammunition to end any kind of relationship should she have wished, especially with her past. The intention wasn’t to scare her off, in fact, there wasn’t much of an intention in the first place, telling her about her life; but there was a conscious realisation that this woman’s life had been plastered up for all to see, the relationship was already unbalanced and so eventually her intention was to try and move onto equal footing – at least in the way of information about oneself went. Today would be a good indicator – if she could just cross the threshold and knock on the door, if there was a chance that there was something there between them…no pressure.

Biting on her lower lip she swayed on either foot, eyes looking either side of the corridor – ‘come on Audrey! Just knock!’ Truthfully, she felt embarrassed about herself, that she was very much a part of the problem that had caused the woman to suffer as a child; she wasn’t sure how she could get past that and so, was she being selfish by being here? Putting it upon herself to drag up a relationship she wasn’t sure the other actually wanted? ‘you think far too much, and I dislike you.’ She said to herself, brows fixing into a frown.

Audrey stood like this for several moments in silence, until an older woman approached her. “Everything alright dear? Are you looking for Melanie ? She lives here – here, she sometimes doesn’t hear the door, let me.” Audrey open and closed her mouth to push out a form of protest, but it didn’t come and she felt her heart fall into her throat; she hoped then that Melanie wasn’t going to be in, because this looked embarrassing.

[epiphanydrling]

@voiceofengineering​

𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐋𝐋 (𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆)

A hum of contentment buzzed past her lips as Melanie said her goodbye, though it left a tingle that didn’t dissipate and likely wouldn’t dissipate until the next time she saw her. Audrey liked to believe that she was brave; that there weren’t many things that she couldn’t do but…knocking on this woman’s door was seemingly not one of them.

‘I want to see you again.’ She reminded herself of what Melanie had said several nights ago, but the contemplation that had frozen her at the door of it being to soon kept creeping into her mind. What if she was just being nice? She was sure though that she had given the woman enough ammunition to end any kind of relationship should she have wished, especially with her past. The intention wasn’t to scare her off, in fact, there wasn’t much of an intention in the first place, telling her about her life; but there was a conscious realisation that this woman’s life had been plastered up for all to see, the relationship was already unbalanced and so eventually her intention was to try and move onto equal footing – at least in the way of information about oneself went. Today would be a good indicator – if she could just cross the threshold and knock on the door, if there was a chance that there was something there between them…no pressure.

Biting on her lower lip she swayed on either foot, eyes looking either side of the corridor – ‘come on Audrey! Just knock!’ Truthfully, she felt embarrassed about herself, that she was very much a part of the problem that had caused the woman to suffer as a child; she wasn’t sure how she could get past that and so, was she being selfish by being here? Putting it upon herself to drag up a relationship she wasn’t sure the other actually wanted? ‘you think far too much, and I dislike you.’ She said to herself, brows fixing into a frown.

Audrey stood like this for several moments in silence, until an older woman approached her. “Everything alright dear? Are you looking for Melanie ? She lives here – here, she sometimes doesn’t hear the door, let me.” Audrey open and closed her mouth to push out a form of protest, but it didn’t come and she felt her heart fall into her throat; she hoped then that Melanie wasn’t going to be in, because this looked embarrassing.

𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐋𝐋 - 𝚅𝙾𝙸𝙲𝙴 𝙾𝙵 𝙴𝙽𝙶𝙸𝙽𝙴𝙴𝚁𝙸𝙽𝙶

{𝙲𝙾𝙽𝚃.} @voiceofengineering​

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐀 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐏𝐈𝐃 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍, Audrey thought to herself as her cheek moved to rest against her knee. The woman was jumpy, despite what had occurred between them less than five hours ago. 

  Melanie had fallen asleep first, and as Audrey had watched her for a short while, she must have dozed off too, because the next thing that was happening was a rustling of bedsheets and a scream piercing the quiet din of the room. Audrey had bolted upright, her heart in overdrive as she tried to locate the source of the sound, though when she realised it was coming from the woman beside her she had gently placed a hand against her shoulder to jostle her awake. The woman looked horrified afterwards, such a vulnerable situation to be in she understood, though Audrey hadn’t minded in the slightest and had tried to reassure her. 

Of course, Melanie had wanted to take of straight after, she wouldn’t hold it against her, but of course, Audrey would insist on taking it slow - she didn’t have to rush off. “Why don’t you have a coffee first, it’s early. I make a really strong one.” Audrey shoved the covers from her naked body, not bothering much to cover herself up and stretched slightly, a small yawn escaping her mouth - Melanie had seen enough of her last night and she felt incredibly 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃. “I didn’t mean to pry - I guess I’m just ...” Curious wasn’t the right word, she didn’t want to be curious about someone’s pain, but perhaps she sought to understand this woman more than she liked to admit. Audrey didn’t finish her sentence and finally placed a short emerald coloured robe around herself. “I’ll be right back.” 

     In the short space it took to make two cups of coffee and relieve herself she had a bet that Melanie had either bolted already or was mid-way getting dressed. “Coffee - “ she said without giving her a chance to leave and she swung it under the woman’s nose to tease her with it’s scent. Now without her glitter and feathers she looked very different, if not, more natural. 

[epiphanydrling]

i don't know how to use tnglr anymore. i am old.

[epiphanydrling]

She was ‘good’ what did that mean? It assumed that she had some other agenda here besides from whatever interaction they previously had and this troubled her a little. It may have been clear on her face that her words confused her, mostly because she felt as if she was wearing her feelings on her sleeve, which left her feeling vulnerable. “I – no, I’m not offended. I understand I just – I hope you realise that I had no expectations from you Mel.” Audrey was picking at the crusts now, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. “I think it is important to be wary, it’s survival right? That’s how you survived all those years ago – but I do want to assure you that I expect nothing from you.” She said honestly before meeting the woman’s gaze. Audrey had a whole speech planned, but Melanie saved her from this and her statement hit her in her lower stomach. Clearing her throat she swallowed down the mixture of desire and what felt like embarrassment and felt her eyes lower briefly. Audrey felt like she wanted to cry as her eyes began to burn.  

Everything was wrong with this world and yes, Melanie was right, it was the people who made it so and she was complicit to that too. Audrey was so lost in her own thoughts that she startled a little when she felt the chase kiss against the corner of her lips and her dark lashes fluttered before looking back up at her, her hazel orbs were watery but she managed a smile; it was genuine however. “Thank-you. This is the first time that I have heard such honestly. People are so quick to cover up the truth and their feelings that don’t fit Panem’s agenda for the sake of fear or pride.” Audrey was no longer hungry, so she wrapped the piece of toast up for later; she hated wasting food when she knew how many mouths went hungry.

“Okay.” She nodded, prepared to allow the woman to leave. “I hope I will see you again sooner, rather than later – but there is no pressure either.”

epiphanydrling​

Audrey should have realised the impact of hearing her own words, and had she been reflecting privately, she would have also realised how cowardly she felt in both herself and within the role that was complicit in plucking children from their homes and murdering them. 

There had been many sleepless nights and as the games drew closer, she would wake up retching in anticipation, wishing that there had been a different fate, that her mother hadn’t been so ‘fortunate’ in her bid to survive; what kind of freedom did she have now whilst her mother knew nothing in her rose covered grave? 

“I wouldn’t say my intervention is significant in their fate, I think their fate had already been decided for them before they were even an idea to their parents. Audrey needed to watch herself, she felt the morbidity creeping up her throat and spilling from her mouth. “Yes, though it was by punishment that my family was taken here to the capitol and lavished upon. My mother grew up wild and free in District 12, though before that they were able to move between districts; I have limited knowledge but this I do know.” 

A small huff and her lips turned upwards, bashful. “Yes, it’s the only thing that keeps me sane for 364 days of the year. It’s a good place to forget, to pretend that the world outside isn’t terrifying.” 

But she wondered when the but was coming in, and she felt her smile drop, a small flush of embarrassment. “Oh. Yes, of course I guess it is a little early and - right now i’m going to pretend not to be offended by your comment.” She folded her arms and looked at the woman with perplexity - sure, she knew what kind of vibe she gave to people, but she wasn’t one to let it go as quickly as she had done with Melanie. 

No one could blame Melanie for being so wary - it took her fourteen years of her life until now, to perceive people’s full intentions since she had been a victor. Capitol pulled strings from victors, and it had been the exact same for Melanie, especially in her younger years. Melanie remained careful with everyone, besides maybe Joseph Wilford, that guy who had pretended to adopt her, take care of her and give her a purpose out of the District for Capitol ressources.

She had felt manipulated, spied, adored, that Audrey’s confession wasn’t the first one she had heard. Melanie was a freak, people liked freaks. Almost an animal from a district that people liked to play with. Deep down, the woman’s words resounded truly genuine to her ears - unless it was actually something she wanted to hear ? Was she blinded by her own needs ? Having a real attention from Audrey… Melanie would be willing to sacrifice a lot.

Melanie had never heard anything about… what Audrey described from District 12. Whatever happened before the war, it didn’t seem to matter anymore. Should she care ? Perhaps.

“You’re good…” Melanie’s lips formed a smile, a bratty one. “You’re very good, but I don’t trust you. I mean, I can’t trust you, at least not right now.” Even though Audrey’s lips felt genuine, it would be against everything Melanie’s beliefs to give her trust away to a one nightstand, as perfect as it had been. “No need to be offended…” Her eyes trailed on Audrey’s features, whom was looking back at her with intensity, “You’re very desirable, Audrey. I want to believe you, so I will give you a second date.” She bit the inside of her own jaw, knowing that it was sounding how so arrogant, but Melanie just wanted to protect herself. “And for the record, the world outside is not terrifying. It’s the people who are terrible.”

Plate of toasts empty now, Melanie looked back at Audrey, gave it a thought before leaning to set a chaste kiss on the corner of her lips. Quick, but enough to long for more. Barely stepping back, “I need to go now, thanks for breakfast,” she told her, then proceeded to change into her clothes from last night. It would be hard to leave, because all of Melanie’s senses were awake and ready to jump on the woman.

[epiphanydrling]

voiceofengineering​:

epiphanydrling​. )          𝙼𝙸𝚂𝚂 𝙰𝚄𝙳𝚁𝙴𝚈

          An ask that should have been harmless. What do you do for a living ? Oh I just work in a bar. That was how she had thought it would go. Instead, it went into further Hunger Games material. Melanie’s moves turned slower, mulling on her words as they came out. Not just a bartender or a musician. But literally someone working for the Capitol. 

She could blame her, resent her for her actions. Being paid for such a dirty job, but also… everyone living in the Capitol was made of shades of grey. Melanie was judgemental but she rarely expressed her own opinions out loud. This life and world sucked, and she had gone through it trying to just survive. Who was she criticize ? Besides, it seemed that Audrey was really genuine, especially towards her attraction and the way she had grown to like Melanie so quickly. Unexpected to say the least. 

She finished silently her toasts, her eyes fluttering back at Audrey and observed her for a time before she took the floor.  She had explained it wasn’t a choice of job. More like a dirty job that Snow wanted her to take part in. Why ? She had no idea why specifically her had to do this, because when Melanie won the games decades ago… no one really made sure she was alright or able to live out the Games. They just pushed her out like the victor she was. Perhaps back then she hadn’t realized she had been analysed either. She was young. 

“So you decide on the fate of the victors,”    she began,    “ You don’t have to explain to me how it works. I find it quite funny we never met before.”    Melanie paused waiting for Audrey to look back at her,     “Obviously, I’m a mentor for District 3,”     along with Wiress and Beetee, but everyone thought Melanie was a much better mentor - mentally speaking - than any of the two weirdos. Another long sigh from the victor.    “So let me get it. You’re attached to Snow somehow, like family strings I guess… you work in a bar 364 days a year, because let’s face it, that other job only takes you a day a year, which you’ll admit is very limited… sometimes there are no victor. And… you… you like me huh? ”      Her thick brows looked back at Audrey with curiosity. Audrey looked almost desperate for Melanie.      “It was a nice night. I enjoyed it but…”     She shook her head, looking down with a small smile,     “ Isn’t it a bit too soon ? I really thought you were the type to… fuck around.”

𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐋𝐋 (𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆) 

Audrey should have realised the impact of hearing her own words, and had she been reflecting privately, she would have also realised how cowardly she felt in both herself and within the role that was complicit in plucking children from their homes and murdering them. 

There had been many sleepless nights and as the games drew closer, she would wake up retching in anticipation, wishing that there had been a different fate, that her mother hadn’t been so ‘fortunate’ in her bid to survive; what kind of freedom did she have now whilst her mother knew nothing in her rose covered grave? 

“I wouldn’t say my intervention is significant in their fate, I think their fate had already been decided for them before they were even an idea to their parents. Audrey needed to watch herself, she felt the morbidity creeping up her throat and spilling from her mouth. “Yes, though it was by punishment that my family was taken here to the capitol and lavished upon. My mother grew up wild and free in District 12, though before that they were able to move between districts; I have limited knowledge but this I do know.” 

A small huff and her lips turned upwards, bashful. “Yes, it’s the only thing that keeps me sane for 364 days of the year. It’s a good place to forget, to pretend that the world outside isn’t terrifying.” 

But she wondered when the but was coming in, and she felt her smile drop, a small flush of embarrassment. “Oh. Yes, of course I guess it is a little early and - right now i’m going to pretend not to be offended by your comment.” She folded her arms and looked at the woman with perplexity - sure, she knew what kind of vibe she gave to people, but she wasn’t one to let it go as quickly as she had done with Melanie. 

[epiphanydrling]

Rachel Weisz for Porter Magazine (2023) 

[epiphanydrling]

[epiphanydrling]

[ 𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐂𝐇 ] My muse gently touches a bruise on your muse’s body

"ouch! ouch! fuck!" she moaned, realising she was being a baby about this as she held a bag of pea's to the swollen area. Slightly pink with a graze to her skin, she could see the dark surrounding area begin to form. "stupid fucking chair." she glared at it laying on the floor on it's side; she had been trying to reach the baking ingredients and had slipped off.

"what idiot puts the baking stuff on the top shelf?" She felt Melanie huff a gentle laugh against her skin as she bent to inspect the 'wound.' Melanie clearly was trying to keep a straight face before she replied in slight jest.

"That idiot would be you, and look, it isn't too bad." She gently moved her hand across the skin, watching it pucker with goosebumps. "It will bruise, but don't worry, you'll look sexy."

Audrey couldn't help but roll her eyes, but the smile on her face gave away what she really thought of that comment. "You idiot. Come and kiss it better please?"

Within moments she felt the warmth of Melanie's lips against her skin, and the small sting in reaction to the heat of her mouth - though it was a good kind of sting and she reached for her, wrapping her arms around her and burying her face into her midsection, giving her a muffled "Thanks."

[epiphanydrling]

crédits : murdock

[epiphanydrling]

voiceofengineering​:

epiphanydrling​

Sitting Indian style, Melanie tried to relax with the best company she could have asked. Her love. Despite everything that happened, she was still her wife, ex-wife, whatever… they cared for each other the same way they used to. Only this time, the ride was different.

Reunited for an event that should have been celebrated with way more than a tiny bow of sushis and… Allie’s presence. It hurt. It will always hurt, Melanie thought. The guilt would always eat her guts, her soul, her mind, her heart. 

Melanie and Audrey were different, always had been. Tonight, the difference was strong. Melanie had no smile to show, she felt defeated and not in the mood to celebrate her dead daughter’s birthday. She sighed after Audrey’s laugh. It wasn’t funny. She knew what she was trying to do, bring back good memories but the thing was… she couldn’t pretend nothing happened. She lied and pretended all day long, nights too. It was beyond difficult to pretend about Alexandra now. 

She remembered the phone, it was a very basic one, and one she had put a tracker on back then. They had that talk many times, Melanie and Audrey, but she still did it. She gave her a weak smile, then sighed ; she had no desire to revive it, wondering on what if. But she respected Audrey’s wishes. A nod by way of agreement only, then she reluctantly grabbed the mug of alcohol, rose it, “Happy Birthday Allie.” Brows furrowed, she inhaled deeply, took a significant sip of the whisky then winced. Was strong. She considered the box, feeling her stomach grumble and decided to open it. There wasn’t much but it was still something. 

“So… what about the Night Car’s troubles because of my rules now ?” Her tone had turned different, eager to change subject, intrigued by the last news. She blinked, glanced at Audrey for her answer. 

Melanie had always been aloof, but she was never cold, though Audrey wondered sometimes how much her impersonation of Joseph Wilford was really her; it was something she didn’t really want to comprehend because the idea made her feel sick to her very core. It was very clear Melanie didn’t want to be discussing their daughter tonight when she changed the subject. 

The whiskey burned her throat, feeling thankful for the small uncomfortable distraction. The taste lingered on her tongue and she tilted the cup, watching the brown liquid pool to one side. Melanie was deflecting and, Audrey needed to be okay with that. Eyes lifted from the drink to Melanie and she looked at her under a careful gaze. 

“People are getting restless, the drink tokens are only lasting half-way through the week, meanwhile third are becoming discontented with the way things are run up train. There is discourse for those living in first and their arrogance. I have caught several third class passengers trying to pull pages from the books in the library...people won’t keep in line for very long and I fear that we will have issues if things carry on the way are. You are keeping people in the dark - I know about the bee’s.” 

A pause to let her knowledge sink in and she took another swig of her drink. “What do you think by not telling them is going to achieve?”