epythymyknismesis

[epythymyknismesis]

I hate myself.

I hate my face.

I hate my eyes.

I hate my ears.

I hate my nose.

I hate my mouth.

I hate my lips.

I hate my hair.

I hate my neck.

I hate my shoulders.

I hate my chest.

I hate my back.

I hate my belly.

I hate my hips.

I hate my arms.

I hate my hands.

I hate my fingers.

I hate my skin.

I hate my crotch.

I hate my thighs.

I hate my knees.

I hate my legs.

I hate my feet.

I hate my ankles.

I hate my toes.

I hate my smile.

I hate my laugh.

I hate my scars.

I hate my stretch marks.

I hate my bones.

I hate my body hair.

I hate my voice.

I hate my mind.

I hate my thoughts.

I hate my dysphoria.

I hate my depression.

I hate my anxiety.

I hate my eating disorders.

I hate my trauma.

I hate my nightmares.

I hate my past.

I hate my memories.

I hate my childhood.

I hate my adolescence.

I hate my adulthood.

I hate my existence.

I hate my life.

I just hate every single thing about myself so fucking much...

[epythymyknismesis]

I fucking hate looking in the mirror. Why the fuck do I look like that and why the fuck can’t I be different and how the fuck can anyone even tolerate being near me.

[epythymyknismesis]

I feel so disgusting and uncomfortable in my own skin I don’t wanna be here

[epythymyknismesis]

[epythymyknismesis]

I’m scared to get hurt again.

[epythymyknismesis]

[epythymyknismesis]

We’re All Going to the World’s Fair (Jane Schoenbrun, 2021)

[epythymyknismesis]

[epythymyknismesis]

I think I’m ready to go, I just cause misery all the time, I blow things up with my emotions, I’m so sorry, Goodnight I love you

[epythymyknismesis]

[epythymyknismesis]

[epythymyknismesis]

Do we ever really get better?

All of a sudden I’m 16 and in the bathroom with a razor, except I’m not 16, I’m 24 and life is the heaviest it’s ever been.

Do we ever truly heal from the things we’ve seen?

Does everyone leave eventually?

[epythymyknismesis]

[epythymyknismesis]

My brain is so fucking loud.

I need it all to stop.

Everything.

I can't keep living this life anymore.

[epythymyknismesis]

Dear diary...

I wish I had the words to express the amount of pain I'm currently in.

[epythymyknismesis]

I’m sorry.

I can’t live like this anymore, my thoughts are killing me from the inside. I can’t let things go and I keep bringing up the same things and ruining my relationship. I just want to feel wanted. I feel so disgusting and annoying.

I think the world would be better off without me right now. I just cause more problems than it’s worth.

Goodnight I love you

[epythymyknismesis]