equillibriumsblog-blog

[equillibriumsblog-blog]

En el ágora una fuente construimos redactamos pergaminos para los aun no nacidos que en el tiempo se han pervertido.

- Parodias del Alma

[equillibriumsblog-blog]

An Ode to Self-Indulgence

Hello darkness, my old friend.

So it has been years since I last tumbled (tee hee) down the Black Hole of the blogosphere.

Tbh, it was past the point of *healthy*...

I mean, it felt pretty self-indulgent to constantly write about my experiences as if they actually made a difference to society.

Yes, my feelings and thoughts make a difference to me, 

but I had to accept that not everyone even cares.

Lately, I find myself increasingly alone, or, with myself.

This is mostly by choice as the people that I had around me were stupid, bloodsucking, narcissistic fools. 

So much so that it made me stop to ponder as WHY I attract these kinds of people.

What was it about me that made them feel so welcome?

Therapy, books, meditation, finding care for my mother, uprooting my life and moving 1500 miles for two years, moving back, and severing several toxic alliances, have left me here. Alone. But at peace (?)

Is peace what it even is?

It’s certainly a lot less hectic and dramatic than it used to be...

Alas, I find myself alone.

Often. 

I do like it here.

But, I noticed the other day, that I am a Depression-Sleeping a lot more than I used to.

I am having full out discussions with myself in the car...

My thoughts get mashed together in my lonely mind when I have less to do (teacher on Summer-break)

So, I whip out the old tumblog and search within once again.

I write for myself.

I indulge in my inner world.

And so I dig deep. So that I can begin to make sense of my life.