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“if you’re sensitive to sounds when sleeping, just use earplugs!” i cannot stress enough that the sensory feeling of having my ears fully blocked AND now being able to hear my own heartbeat and breathing and every other sound that’s happening inside my own body is a million times worse than whatever ambient noise may be keeping me awake

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. . . Cue the bat kids all getting really into Minecraft (the superior video games to all video games) and roping Bruce into it:

—

Bruce: . . . Why is everything square? Why is Jason attacking a... Blocky... What is that?

Jason: Sheep. We'll need beds.

Tim: Dick, can I put my bed next to yours?

Dick, punching a tree: Sure, why?

Tim: I don't want Jason to explode my bed again.

Bruce, just following Damian around: What do I do?

Damian: We need bones, to tame wolves.

Cassandra: No, we need a base, for safety.

Bruce: Safety from what? Are there villains in this game?

Jason: Yeah, skeletons and zombies and creeper.

Batkids collectively: Aw, man.

Tim: Anyways, we're gonna need beds and materials first, as the name hints at, it's mainly mining and crafting.

Bruce: Alright, so, we... Punch things to collect them, kill animals, and survive... Creeper?

Damian: And tame wolves.

Bruce: And... Tame wolves.

Dick: Yup! And don't go out at night.

Tim: Yeah, that's when the monsters come out.

Bruce: . . . This game is confusing.

Cassandra: You'll learn.

—

Damian: WHO STOLE MY AXE?!

Jason: I'm borrowing it!

Damian: GET YOUR OWN!

Jason: You're the only one with iron though! I needed an iron axe, works faster and we need more wood.

Tim: I dyed my bed blue.

Dick: Nice.

Bruce: Damian, I think you have enough wolves, you're making the bat computer lag.

Damian: It is an army, Father. I do not expect you to understand.

Duke: Cass, why is your room purple?

Cassandra: . . . I like purple.

Duke: Stephanie likes purple—

Tim: JASON, GET OUT MY CHEST!

Jason: OUR CHEST!

Dick: Ooo, Bruce, Jason is a communist.

Bruce: So long as he's happy.

Tim: I hope a creeper blows you up and you get PTSD flashbacks.

Jason: I put a silver fish in your bed.

Tim: ??? No, you didn't???

Jason: I meant in real life.

Duke: Ew, dude, did you actually?

Tim, cursing as he abandons his controller to run to his bed:

Tim, distantly yelling: JASON PETER TODD!!!

Cassandra: Why?

Jason: He used my toothbrush when he crashed at my apartment.

Stephanie joining the game: Wassup?

Damian: Brown, we are introducing Father to Minecraft.

Stephanie: Cool, we should take him to the Nether.

Bruce: The what?

Dick: It's basically hell.

—

Tim, shooting Jason with a bow from afar:

Jason, who was at one heart, promptly dying: Alright. Who did it?!

Tim, running as fast as possible from the scene:

Cassandra: Did what?

Jason: Someone shot me! Bruce, avenge me!

Bruce: Was it a... The... Archer monster?

Jason: Nope, I was in broad daylight in the plains, no water nearby, who the f#-#& did it!?

Damian: I would not be so cowardly.

Tim, quickly moving to stand by Dick: I was with Dick.

Dick: Wha?— Oh, yeah, Tim's been with me.

Jason: Stephanie!?

Stephanie: I don't even have a bow yet.

Duke: I don't even know where you were at.

Jason: I'll figure this out, one way or another... Bruce, avenge me.

Bruce: ??? It's a video game, jay lad.

Jason: Oh, so you won't avenge me in any reality? Gotcha.

Bruce: . . . Fine, I'll help avenge you.

Jason: About time!

—

Duke: . . . Ever hear of Herobrine?

Cassandra: No, what is it?

Duke: This weird entity thing that looks like the default Steve skin, but with white eyes. Scared me to death as a kid.

Tim: I had a crush on Herobrine as a kid and tried to summon him into my game to propose.

Dick:

Jason:

Stephanie:

Cassandra:

Damian:

Duke:

Bruce: That's nice, son.

—

Stephanie, building a dick-shaped structure out of four blocks: Haha.

Duke: That is so immature.

Duke, proceeds to do the same thing:

Cassandra: This is what this game was made for.

—

Bruce: What's the main objective of this game?

Dick: To kill a dragon in another dimension—

Jason: IT WAS TIM WHO SHOT ME!!!

Tim: WAS NOT!

Jason: Bruce, kill him.

Bruce: Jason, I can't kill your brother—

Jason: AVENGE ME!

Bruce: Jay.

Jason:

Bruce:

Tim: Bruce wouldn't—

Bruce, killing Tim with his sword:

Jason, instantly bursting into laughter:

Cassandra: Wow.

Stephanie: Pfft—

Dick: This is what will tear this family apart, somehow I know it, this is what'll do it—

Damian: I hear Timothy screaming profanities from his room. Should we be concerned?

Tim, distantly: FAVORITE WANNABE GOLDEN CHILD! I WAS THE ONE WHO BECAME ROBIN TO SAVE HIS B-##-A#& LIFE AND THIS IS HOW HE REPAYS ME?! ROBIN IS THE REASON MY DAD DIED AND THIS IS WHAT I GET!? I SHOULD'VE LEFT HIM STUCK IN TIME AND BEEN ADOPTED BY CLARK!

Stephanie: Ooo, he's maaad.

Jason: Oh, god, wait, is this what makes him come after my new name? Is he the next Red Hood? Oh no...

Bruce: . . . Tim. . ?

Tim, distant screaming and crashing:

Dick: Is it safe to recommend therapy or are people gonna accuse me of locking Tim in Arkham again?

Cassandra: Wasn't that Jason you put in Arkham?

Damian: Drake is now crying from his bedroom. Audibly. Father, fix it.

Bruce: . . . Alfred!?

Jason: Pfft—

Dick: Bruce, you can't make Alfred solve all your problems with your children.

Bruce: . . . Will you come over then?

Dick: Seriously, B?

Duke: Y'all to much drama. TIM, SHUT THE F3&$ UP AND CALL YOUR BOYFRIEND!

Tim: . . . Okay. Thank you.

Duke: Any time, brother.

Duke: Now.

Duke proceeds to kill Bruce:

Duke: That's for not letting me play music in the Batmobile anymore.

Stephanie: Nice.

[equinurmae]

The boys are fighting

Tim: AT LEAST I DONT STAB PEOPLE FOR HAVING A DIFFERENT FAVOURITE CEREAL

Damian: YEAH WELL FATHER SHOULD HAVE ABORTED YOU AND YOUR WRONG OPINIONS

*silence*

Dick:… Dami… did you forget that Tim’s adopted

Jason: this is the best day of my life

Duke: right of passage I fear

Bruce: *is on concussion number five of the week and it’s only Wednesday trying to remember if he gave birth to Tim or not* what?

Just the Batkids forgetting that most of them are adopted when fighting

Bruce birthed those kids r u kidding me they all look like freaky ass clones of him

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being doomed by the narrative is cool and all but i like when a character is doomed just by being a fucking idiot. sorry that happened to you but it is entirely your own fault and you could have just chosen to not do all that

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Au where Batman doesn't want to tell the Justice League his secret identity but it's because he's really embarrassed about the things he's done as Bruce Wayne.

The thing is; Batman has spent years crafting and perfecting his public persona.

'Brucie Wayne' is supposed to be a dumber than life himbo, with daddy's credit card and the maturity of a seventeen year old. He's supposed to be someone so outlandishly ridiculous no one would ever even dare to mention him in the same sentence as Batman... And Batman has been acting that part perfectly.

It's a genius plan.

But then the league begins talking about maybe all sharing their secret identities, to become closer as a group and work better together. And the only thing in Batman's mind is 'Oh. My. God. Please don't'

Superman is saying something about trust and how he has come to value all of them as friends. Batman is thinking about last year Christmas' Gala, where he took off his clothes in an improvised strip-tease, and started swimming in the fountain.

Wonder woman is talking about how she wishes to strengthen their bonds so they become greater warriors. Bruce just remembered there's videos of him fucking twerking and pole dancing to Ariana Grande all over the internet.

Flash starts smiling and telling them he already trust them with his life– Bruce once said chocolate milk came from brown cows.

'Oh. My. God'.

There's just no way he's telling any of them.

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PERSONA !! (I draw Heroes of Amphoreus but in Persona 5 Cut-in style 👀)

[equinurmae]

alhaitham and his army of aranabubus

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May triumph always be yours, Mydeimos.

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WARNING do NOT start reading books and comics or watching movies or looking at art!!! you will start wanting to create art yourself. or god forbid. writing.

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The Cave at midnight. Cut to Tim, dry-scooping espresso powder straight out of the bottle without looking away from his laptop.

—

Kon, holding the phone closer to his ear and ducking into a closet: so you’re saying Bruce doesn’t do this?

Clark, on the other end of the line: not really. I mean, he drinks coffee sometimes. I’ve actually never counted how many cups he—

Kon: so I just give him more water, right? to dilute it?

Clark: …that sounds right?

[equinurmae]

Good boys in the rainforest 🐯

happy birthday sethos ♡

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C'mere, you little rascal! 🍃

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the most beautiful man in amphoreus

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whirling waltz my beloved

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