erikaknight

[erikaknight]

JNB

I don't know anything except for one thing, i have to let you go. I have to, i owe myself that much. The memories will never be able to escape from my mind, from the day i met you, to what you were wearing the last time we talked in person, to the last time i hugged you. I tell him everyday how much hes destroyed, but the hardest part is that you allowed it to happen. I cant imagine what you were thinking that made 'Jerk & Erk' worth shattering. i always thought of you as mature but i guess you were just as naive as everyone said. I just keep telling myself, I should have known. But how could i have known?

The day i met you, you were wearing that My Chemical Romance shirt im sure you still have, thats how it all started, a shirt. We shared the same interest in a band, turns out we were at the same concert and didnt even know it, from then we realized how much more we had in common, our favorite colors, yellow and brown. And no one believed us that we magically had the same favorite colors, but we knew. We spent everyday together, and as many nights as your parents would allow cause they just couldnt get rid of me. So many inside jokes and so many laughs. you knew everything about me and i knew everything about you. down to the last detail. we stayed up all night just to walk to jack in the box and get extreme sausage croissants, if Mom would let us go that is, after enough begging it usually did the trick. i had never spent so much time with one person so often before. it was a fact, that you were indeed the best friend id ever had. we spent nights swimming and watching movies, waiting till Dad got home from work in hopes that he might bring us Del Taco. we were always trying to get away from Justin, he was always tryin to ruin our plans. If you ever got in trouble nothing could stop us from talking, like when you gave me Justins phone just so we could text each other. 

Then my parents got divorced and so much changed. everything i ever knew was swept from underneath my feet, i had to move away from my home and i had to go live with my mom and she lived so far away. our daily routine changed, but nothing could stop us from seeing each other, we got through it. when i moved in with my dad he was so preoccupied with his new life that i was alone all the time, and i never slept at night, cause i just couldn't  my own mind was tearing me apart, every chance you could you were there with me. we spent so many nights alone in the house just talking about Dan and Phil. We cried, and laughed, every emotion there is, we felt it together, there was no shame, i could tell you anything, and you knew everything. you knew me better then anyone and you knew that all i ever needed was someone to love, and for someone to love me. eventually i met corey and id never felt so safe in my entire life, i knew that i loved him from the second i kissed him that first time. i left my two bestfriends, my dad, and drew, just to be with him. you knew how much he meant to me. i had found my soulmate, you knew before i went to get his name tattooed in my skin, you just knew Jess. You knew everything about me and him.

What you did will always hurt me, i will never be able to get rid of the hurt that you have put me through. I will never understand. I know that people make mistakes, especially at your age. but it was Jerk & Erk, there was no room for lies or betrayal there. I would have NEVER hurt you like this. I can never forget what you did, i look at the person i'm engaged to and i just cant comprehend how any of it happened. And i will always appreciate you for being my rock for so many years, and i will always love you. I wanted to meet your children when we got older, i had so many dreams of what our lives would be like. and i never expected myself to have to cut you out of my life. but i have to, i will never forgive you, i promise myself that i will never let you back in. I hope more then anything that this taught you right from wrong, so that next time you will be the better person, in any case. If theres anything you can do for me just please do good for yourself, and for Mom and Dad, Nana, Papa, Tete, the babies, June, Justin, Uncle Jeff, make us all proud. We all know that you have it in you to make something amazing of yourself. I still Believe in you, i just cant be there next to you through it all. I love you Jessica. 

[erikaknight]

Ha, isn't that the truth

[erikaknight]

8/1/2011

The past couple years have been far from easy, and things seem so far from what i want. But one day i will get what i deserve, one day i'll get repaid for the kindness in my heart. I know that if i can get through this now, things will get better. They have to. And once i figure my shit out, i promise you Phil, that if you still need help i'm coming to find you. Theres no one i want more in my life then you.

[erikaknight]

"So baby, what if i can't forget you?"

Whats so good about pickin up the pieces, what if we don't even want to..

[erikaknight]

.

I still miss you everyday of my fuckin life :/ Because of you, i'm a stronger person.

[erikaknight]

;)

"I'm nasty like a scorpio,

but i'm a lucky Libra."

Weezy knows whats up ;) Haha

[erikaknight]

...

They say no one is perfect, thats because every person has a different view of whats perfect. If theres a soul mate out there for you i believe that it should be the one who sees you as perfect. Just a thought, haha. 

* Lifted. :D

[erikaknight]

Eight;

A picture of my favorite band or artist.

This is my favorite band to listen to at the moment. Hella sick :)

[erikaknight]

Six;

A picture of something i hate.

BITCHES. i hate bitches. & you know what?

Bitches aren't even worth a picture. 

Hahaha.

[erikaknight]

Four;

A picture that makes me laugh.

These two are irreplaceable. Love em ;)

[erikaknight]

Three;

A picture of my most treasured item.

  My thumb ring is by far my most treasured item, it hasn't left my thumb since 7th grade. I have my reasons :D <3

[erikaknight]

One;

The person iv'e been closest with for the longest. 

Justin Andrew Cantrall & Trevor Mathew Cantrall.

My bestfriends of twelve years. I love these boys so much <3

[erikaknight]

.

I'm gonna take a chance on this..

I'm probably just getting myself up for the let down, but its better to have tried then to have not tried at all right? Right. I'm going for it. <3

[erikaknight]

Its funny,

how everyone wears moccasins now. I've had mine since like seventh grade. lol. 

[erikaknight]

.

"I'd ratha be ya N-I-G-G-A  so we can get drunk and smoke weed all day  it don't matta if you lonely baby  you need a thug in ya life  cuz bustas ain't lovin ya right"

Fuckkkkk yeahhhhhh ;)

[erikaknight]

.

Been at my Mom's since Sunday, i want to go home! Ahhhhhhh, I'm losing my mind. I wanna go home and clean my room for some reason. Haha.