erikhagcn-blog

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different time, same universe

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someone: i love you

my damaged ass: haha, no you don’t

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even sitting Like That

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I am strong but also destructive. I’m restless and harsh and hopeless. Though I have love inside myself. It’s just that I don’t know how to use love.

Clarice Lispector, from Água Viva (via violentwavesofemotion)

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henrik, please.

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hey demons it’s me ya boy my name is rose and this is my problematic son erik. below the cut is some facts about him and why he’s a problem child so read up and if you wanna plot like this and i’ll come to you! 

— * · DID YOU JUST SEE ERIK HAGEN ? YEAH, HE HAS BEEN LIVING IN AMOR COMPLEX FOR 2 YEARS IN A TWO BEDROOM APARTMENT. THEY ARE 23 YEARS OLD AND CURRENTLY WORKING AS A INTERN/WAITER. I HEAR THEY’RE UNPREDICTABLE BUT ALSO INTELLIGENT SO WE’LL SEE HOW THAT GOES. RUMOR HAS IT, THEY’RE GOAL IN LIFE IS TO BECOME AN AERONAUTICAL ENGINEER

- aite so this is my chaotic neutral math boy

- basically he grew up in a lowkey poor home with his mom, dad and little sister. his mom and dad were constantly fighting and his father constantly tried to pit him and his sister against his mom. for a long time it worked and erik hated his mother. his father always came off as though he was the victim and had erik convinced that his mother was crazy.

- he fought a lot with his mom and his sister. his sister from a young age was very clearly on his mom’s side so it was a little bit like the entire family was split? because of his father. they would constantly split up and get back together.

- it wasn’t until erik was 16 and his mother finally kicked his father out for good that erik started to realize he had made a mistake. his mother had gone through years of emotional abuse from his father and eventually found out that his father was cheating on her with multiple women. his father was also the kind of guy who wouldn’t take any responsibility around their house, used up all their money, etc etc.

- erik, his younger sister astrid and their mother had a lot of healing to do to get to the point where they would be okay again. his father was still in the picture, but he was still manipulating erik and his sister, doing things like promising to see them and then not showing up, constantly asking them for money, etc.

- eventually, erik took over taking care of his family and became like, i guess the man of the household but not exactly. growing closer to his mom and his sister after years of being split apart, he kind of took on the role of protector of them both? both him and his mother got jobs (erik serving, and his mother in retail) and they kind of worked together to rebuild their family?

- through this time erik was working really hard to put himself through high school. like, this kid was really smart, and he didn’t really have to work at what he needed to do to get good grades in things like science and maths. he was shit at english but that’s to be expected i guess. he managed to eventually get into university for engineering.

- honestly though like his family was really broken up until he was 16 and even then like, his mother was working a good majority of the time so erik became super independent. his mother was also really scarred from this emotionally abusive relationship she was in for 17 years that she kind of pressed on him that relationships were useless and pointless and because she was really cynical it kind of absorbed into him self-consciously??? she didn’t mean to ruin him but he became so afraid of losing his independence and having his life ruined like his parents were growing up that he just became so detatched from people??? he’s super distant and doesn’t do relationships or really even like deep friendships? on the surface he’s a nice guy and he has like “””friends””” but he’s the kind of person to disappear for 3 months and then just be like “you wanna get coffee??” he self sabotages himself that way like you have to be really fucking determined to stay in his life longer than 1 year bc he dips and disappears like nobody’s business.

- he’s a huge commitment phobe and would probably sleep with someone a handful of times before completely ghosting them. it’s problematic but here we are. and he wouldn’t rly feel guilty about it bc he’s just looking out for #1 uhfdiuhwsfd. flaky.

- this kid is super smart. like really fucking smart. he’s so good at math and remembering random facts like it’s incredibly. he’s done 4 years of university to get his bachelors in aerospace engineering and he has an internship but he’s working towards saving up enough money to get his masters and potentially get a better job ewfodsijd.

- he’s a control freak lowkey and he’s very impulsive and has a tenancy to do things just cause he wants too without considering consequences. he also has difficult controlling his temper  bc as a child he was never taught how too??? his dad would always egg him on especially if it was to get mad at his mom or his sister which he still feels super guilty abt euwhsdfiu.

- um he’s bisexual so there’s that. it’s something he’s kinda always known and accepted??? he never really came out he just kind of did his own thing.

- idk man he’s just a fucking mess honestly. love him. best described by happy by the maine tbh. 

- here’s a pinterest board if anyone is interested in a better idea of what he’s like. 

i have a list of potential plots here if anyone is interested. so yeah hmu with those plots biatches.

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No, I’m not ok. But I haven’t been ok since I was 11, maybe 12. I am still here though. I’m still breathing. For me, sometimes, that will have to be enough.

Clementine von Radics  (via wordsnquotes)

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Henrik Holm in Camilla Pihl vlog

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Henrik Holm at Costume Awards 2018 (x)

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I do love you, you know. In my cold and unfeeling way.

Mary Crawley. (via amarettoandslayin)

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It is so much safer not to feel, not to let the world touch me.

Sylvia Plath (via wordsnquotes)

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things i’m good at:

not answering texts/chats

getting my hopes up 

daydreaming

being awkward

pissing people off

sleeping

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Destruction can be beautiful to some people. Don’t ask me why. It just is. And if they can’t find anything to destroy, they destroy themselves.

John Knowles (via wordsnquotes)

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Colors (Stripped) - Halsey

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why should i resolve things peacefully when i can fucking punch you in the face