erinetan-blog

[erinetan-blog]

When you play the guitar…

I’ve been listening to this OPM band’s latest single. I tend to do that to songs where I feel a pain in my chest the first time listening to it, and then I would endlessly play it. I like it when you play the guitar, and I love the moment you would stop when I listen because you think you would disrupt the moment I would go silent. We’ve been in this situation for almost a year now. I honestly hate it when I think of how long we’ve been because we’re just not together. You know when people have monthsaries or anniversaries; we just don’t have that so why count? But I guess I count because of the pain and uncertainty until now. Sometimes it’s too much, that I just want to end everything. I did that once to you, but I failed and came back. To you. I just couldn’t let you go, again. I have accepted that I will be just a friend, someone you can talk with when things go inconvenient for you to reach out to you family, friends, and girlfriend. I am still working on this idea of valuing you more than my feelings towards you. I’ve given enough reasons to myself: the distance, the culture, religion, our personalities, our differences just to validate this idea of keeping you and keeping whatever this thing we have now. Funny how the brain works in order to provide a defense mechanism to fight against the pain. When everything wouldn’t sound logical and gets crazy in my mind, I run to any music platforms to seek healing. But nothing beats the melody you create when you play the guitar.