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samuel cirnansck ss 2012

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I'm back!! And I will do my best to not abandon this again... It's good for me to write about my day/feelings and it's good for Dee to have something to backread. Or at least, it makes me happy. I can't believe it's been half a year already since I wrote anything.

I don't think I could summarize it all if I tried. I don't think I want to try. Today, though, was good. Even if it started late. My mattress was delivered, I got the sheets on it and the duvet fixed. I think i bought the wrong mattress though :( and it'll be a lot of hassle to fix it. But definitely worth it, I want to have a room that I really love again.

My mom has made a lot of suggestions for the room, a vanity and adding a full-length mirror. It'll be slow going, but at least it's actually finally starting. Its been almost a year at this point since my parents suggested moving my room upstairs.

Other than that, I got through more FF7! I'm having a lot of fun with it, and I'm hoping it'll actually make Nico want to talk to me again. He seemed to just decide he was done with me one day, but we did call last night and this night! And he played rank with Rain and I. Which went really, really well. I'm excited to keep ranking like this.

I also finally ordered my DM plushie.... super excited for when that will ship. And I made a new twitter. I think thats all I want to talk about, really, because I'm exhausted. Goodnight.

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Lots to say... my birthday was okay, I guess? I took the day off. I got sushi for breakfast. I went to carabbas for dinner and played league when I got home. I didn't talk to the two people I really wanted to see or drink as much as I wanted to, though.

Christmas eve was better though!! Work was dead, there was free food, I spent the whole night playing games :) and I got a gift from my coworkers. I still need to get Anna hers... I also spoke to someone I haven't seen in years. I didn't realize how much I missed him, honestly.

Today was busier at work but not actually busy... just enough to be aggravating while playing league. I got to talk to Dee 🥰 and there were so many fucking desserts. On top of it my dad brought me takeout from one of the only places open on Christmas.

The last couple of days have been good, I've just been kind of miserable. I feel like I'm not close enough with anyone despite spending so much time with my friends. I don't know. Maybe I just need to deep clean my room and get my act together about a routine. Maybe I need to start banging my head against the wall. Things *are* going good it just doesn't *feel* like it.

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Honestly, I dont even feel like saying anything nice about today because I started my period, and the PMS is making me hate everything in my life. But. I looked cute I guess. I put together a nice outfit. I got told happy birthday by a lot of my friends in the very cery early hours of the morning. I played league with jack finally. I showered and put fresh sheets on my bed. And the day will go on...

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Dinnerrrrr

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12/20/2024

I basically didn't do anything today.

Yet again, I stayed in bed until circumstance forced me out of it. Then I showered and got ready to go to dinner... an hour and a half away. I looked wonderful, though. I did my makeup, and I wore one of my favorite dresses. And dinner was.. ok. They can't fry fish. Jonah's just cannot fry fish. That's fine, though. Their grits are so good. I might have to start getting grits, too, so I can have a whole bowl to myself. Tbh grits and a crabcake sound so good....

But after, I got ice cream, and only was able to eat part of it... I shouldn't have tossed it. I should've stuck it out. But in the moment, I felt like I never wanted to eat anything ever again. And then 10 minutes later... regret set in.

I did rank though! I remembered to do rank and it went Okay. Not great, but ok. Good enough I wanted to play more to finish up my dailies. And then league... I ended up playing later than I meant to but league matches are just. So long. I also learned I should stick to playing support against real people. Top lane was miserable. But I did really good with Nami!! I think she might become my main for real, she's so easy to play, and as much as I like playing damage forward supports... I'm better at Nami.

I want to get my nails done and maybe... buy a new dress... some tights and maybe some new shoes. I definitely need to do litter tomorrow. And change my sheets... I definitely need to do that. And go to sleep its Way too late to still be up.

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12/19/2024

My head and neck both hurt, its way past my ideal bedtime, I didn't really eat dinner, but at least I can keep one good habit....?

Im really sick of the rut im in lately of waking up + struggling to Get Started in my day. I woke up at 3 but I didn't actually get up until 5. That's bad, man. I have so much I want to do in a day but little to no drive to do it. Maybe I really do need to go back on meds. Its just so hard to find what works...

But beyond that. Today was ok. I looked nice. I felt happy with myself. Its the end of the work week and my birthday is soon... I played league today and tried out a new champion and lane :) I had a good day. It was boring and unremarkable... but it was good. I wasn't late to work despite stopping for groceries beforehand.

There's probably more I can say but I really just want to sleep. I want to make the most of my weekend... I want a new dress for my birthday and I want to get my nails done and my ears pierced and my laptop serviced... I want so much lol. So I need to sleep

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Breakfast was. Barbeque. I woke up at like 2 pm and craved barbeque and I got it lmao

Snack was a veggie plate from work! Carrots broccoli cucumbers and ofc ranch

Lunch was. Whatever the fuck was in the break room. More barbeque, ham and cheese slider, mac n cheese, some kind of corn casserole?? And dessert. Cookies and fudgy peppermint brownies

Dinner was butter chicken ! A frozen dinner but still good

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12/15/2024 - 12/16/2024

I FUCKING FORGOT!!

The last two days have been good though!! Ive stayed up way too late. But theyve been good. Yesterday I stayed up until 5 am talking to nico bcs it was his birthday. Or, the start of it. Today was his birthday for REAL. I can't believe we're only a week apart. I cant believe my birthday is a week away... exciting and scary all at once.

Mostly my highlights have been hanging out with friends on call. I love be on call. I love play game and watch game. And I've been doing it a lot lately. Really glad I've been able to.

The guild is growing even more... and we opened the form for COA and we've been getting responses ^^ I'm super excited. So much content coming up... DS skins and a new surv (who nico really likes... im neutral towards her) and a new jose skin !!

Idk what else I want to talk about... I renewed my CD for a really good interest rate (4.08%) and kept all the interest in it. I guess I'll keep snowballing that account...? I didn't put any more money in bcs I want to have spending money in chattanooga in january, but i earned like 80 dollars in interest anyways. Maybe I could've bumped it to an even 3k, but I just didn't think about it in the moment. Cest la vie... I'll be renewing my license and getting a credit card after my birthday, too. So much happening.

There was also a potluck thing going on in the break room... You bet your ass I raided that instead of breaking into my frozen meals in the fridge. And it was sooo good I took some dessert home with me lmao.

Not much else to report I don't think... I need to sleep though.

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12/13/2024

The guild grows... added a couple more people today, and we're in the top 1000 guilds in the server 🥳

But as for my day as a whole went... it was good. I went to the library of all things and picked up a couple books to hopefully get me away from the computer so much. Maybe I'll take to reading on the front porch in the morning again. Actually get some sunlight.

I wanted to finally get my nails done, and that didn't even end up happening... I'd say I'll do it tomorrow, but I low key have a bunch of household chores I've been ignoring (and washing my hair.... I very badly need to wash my hair and refresh the dye). So saturday will likely be a chore day....

My aunt was also here practically all day, because the internet was out where she's staying, and she drove my parents fucking bonkers. The hour or two that I spent with them today was so viscerally unpleasant because they were both in the worlds worst mood. My mom was so out of it that she tried to put her leftovers in the plate upside down. I had to do it for her before she dropped something. My aunt was the oblivious bitch she always is and negged my mom into oblivion, I almost cussed her out myself.

But I didn't! I went home and watched Rain and Nico play ants, and then I played toys with Rain. I didn't have to deal with my parents' foul moods any longer 💗. I just had to put myself to bed when the time came... which, clearly, I'm a bit late. But I did the right thing and did the dishes and washed my face and brushed my teeth before getting in bed, and I'm writing this now. Clinging desperately to halfway decent habits.

And maybe now I'll actually sleep... goodnight.

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Breakfast!! I have been craving nigiri for so long just Passively and today I finally made it a reality. Along with some clear soup to round it out

Snack #1 was popcorn and like. A third of a kitchen sink cookie. Theyre all so big

Lunch was half of a quesadilla... and as many fajita mushrooms as I could steal off my moms plate

Snack #2 was another third of the kitchen sink cookie

Dinner was just the leftovers of the garlic noodles my mom had made, topped with cheese

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12/12/2024

"I need to..." and then I don't do that.

It's fine, though. I'm off for the weekend! So I have 2 days to bug my mom. But right now I'm soooo tired and I burnt my tongue a little bit with the stuffed mushroom my dad made me so I just want to sleep...

This morning (evening, really) the sunset was so pretty... I actually left early enough to see most of it when I went to grab breakfast. My food got brought out wayyy early and i actually had to wait to be able to leave since they walked it to my car instead of receiving it at the window. Its fucked. I guess bcs im ordering something simple for one person...? There were at least 6 cars ahead of me when I got my food.

Today was exceptionally lazy at work, but I did some work for my guild, got my orb (no S tier yet...) and watched one (1) singular league game. Im very, very slowly learning how the game works, but it still looks like ants fighting a little bit. I also caught up on dandadan with Nico.

I can't say I like jiji. Even a little bit. He's so annoying 💔

My mittens came in, but they weren't what I expected. At all. Thinner, and there was no button to hold back the finger covers. I'm going to be returning them. It sucks though because it's legitimately getting freezing at night. It was 37 when i left work today 😞 I park as close as I can to the door, but it's still a 2-3 minute walk. I'll just have to tough it out for a little longer, I guess.

Not much else to say about my day I don't think. Other than I'm exhausted. I really am. Goodnight

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Worlds ugliest stuffed mushroom but its FINE because my dad made it for me and it was soooo tasty. It was my dinner along with leftover salmon, rice pilaf, and asparagus

Breakfast was chicken nuggets... and fries. Snack #1 was a chocolate chip cookie and snack #2 was apples and oranges

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Need to do this regularly too....

Breakfast was dinner, and tbh filling enough it lasted me almost all day... I had a quesadilla with chicken, rice, spinach, and mushrooms. And ofc chips + salsa and sweet tea

Snack #1 was sweet tea and a red velevet muffin (minus the cream cheese core....)

Snack #2 was the rest of both the tea and the muffin, plus avocado "toast" (whole wheat crackers)

Dinner was just ramen bcs i was lazy 💔

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Its FREEZING!!

I got caught by the train again tonight, and the moon is coincidentally also high in the sky. Three quarters full. I really am about to freeze my fingers off, even inside my truck. It takes too long to heat up 😞 I ordered mittens but they havent arrived yet, so I'm just suffering for now.

Today is a new IDV season! Which means I started my guild. It's still small, but I'm excited to grow it. I already had two new people interested.

Make that THREE. I'm back two hours later to write more. Three whole people! And hopefully more in the morning and the coming days. I didn't expect to feel nostalgic or anything, leaving MTX, but I surprisingly do feel kind of... guilty? My fellow mods were so fucking clueless. I told the owner's girlfriend 2 months ago that I was leaving, and bringing several people with me, but a majority (of the seven other mods!) found out. Today. I kid you not. I made an announcement to the guild at large and thats how they found out I was leaving, and a dozen people left the guild the day of and thats how they found out I was poaching their members. Poor oblivious idiots.

But as for how my day went... it was good 🥰. I got to have the quesadilla I was craving yesterday, and I looked really cute. My bangs have been cooperating a lot lately. Work was relatively light (even though i complained the entire time) and I had fun playing idv with my friends! I didn't work on any of my fics, but that happens.

Connor finally actually started playing idv for himself, which is good. Hopefully, he learns quickly.

I need to talk to my mom Badly about when we're leaving for Chattanooga. I have to take time off and we have to book a hotel... all that stuff. And to do that I need sleep. So goodnight

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12/10/2024

I frankly don't even want to write this, but I'm clinging onto whatever scraps of good habits that I can. Today was good. It wasn't great, but it was good, i spent time with friends I dont always see. Vinnie is getting over her kidney failure AND pneumonia. I showered. I worked on my guild. I got 100 dice for the next season even though I wasn't sure if I'd make it. I spoke to DM a little, and Jack has his final in the morning, and I'm cheering him on. Today was good, and tomorrow will be better. I just have to get there (go to sleep).

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I MISS HIM i miss him i miss him i miss him its been nearly 3 weeks and ive spoken to him twice its not enough i fucking miss him I wish he were here I wish it wasn't like this. I want to hear him tell me he loves me i want him to hold my hand I want him to touch me I want I want I want I want