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Emma Gaba for Playboy's Book of Lingerie, August 1999
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The thing about doing a good cnc scene with somebody is. It always feels real in a way. It feels like a hunt, the way I like to do it.
I don't like to just launch into it so I usually have a prenegotiated "starting window" sort of thing. Like, "we will lie here and chill and watch this movie like normal and at some point during the movie I will initiate the scene". Right?
And then you're just there, trying to act normal, with that constant tension there. This is going to happen to you. You can't talk about it. Every move I make, you'll tense up, only to find I'm just reaching for water.
I'll pause the movie to go pee. You stay there. You have to stay there alone, in the dark. Am I going to do it when I come back? Is this starting the scene? Am I going to come back with something, something to hurt you or restrain you? Am I going to keep acting normal, pulling the thread of tension tighter? What will I do to you? When will I do it? How will I do it? Don't talk about it. You can't stop it.
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I got fucked by 3 guys in a weekend. Maybe next time I’ll double it. Maybe I’ll want 6. Nothing’s impossible when you stop pretending and start owning what you crave. It’s a whole different point of view when your cravings don’t scare you, they fuel you. When you stop shrinking yourself to fit others comfort and start expanding to fit your own desire. Desire doesn’t need permission, it needs honesty. Desire isn’t dirty. Denial is.
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keep your hands to yourself, darling. i want to tease you until you’re begging and whimpering.
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