erumbleeds - Tumblr blog

[erumbleeds]

They say, life will give you exactly what you asked for and then serve you with a distraction to see what you do. Tantalising was the first time i met this guy and it took me years to understand what he meant to me. I had always known he was into me but like every other popular girl, i opted for the best solution; to act oblivious. He kept on being the nicest it me and some way or the other, i managed to rain on his parade. Few months later, i started feeling for a guy, tall, dark, handsome. He was desired by many around me and it had a nice ring to it. After he made all the gestures of interest, i made the first move. And trust me, I worked my ass off for that relationship. I was convinced I’d make this work because everything else just seemed to fit. I even stopped talking to the friend. When we talked, i always used to just excuse myself from the conversation because i just couldn’t confront how he looked at me. His eyes were as if they’d pierce through mine. But as soon as i was around my boyfriend, I’d forget everyone. Months later, I even moved in with the guy. Everything was good. The happiness, the intimacy, the proximity, the fun, everything was there. But then, slowly it started to wear off. My love turned into angst and his, into infidelity. And to be honest, after a while, i too stooped down to his level. Further on, for a period of time, we went through waves of normalcy within tides of chaos and melancholy. And yes, one day, we fell apart. I was exasperated with how it all turned out. Harmed myself, did a whole lot of drugs, sleep and diet went out the window but never did my friend. Throughout my relationship, there was a different look in eyes, like he looking at me through a veil of

[erumbleeds]

in matters of existence, out of us two,

i’d want you to have life, i’d want you to continue,

for only one of us can stand and prevail in the run but just when one deflects and murders the other one.

your existence still remains a mysterious trick. fulfilment is a ruse that switches so quick

the hustle always stands at acting questionable wrongs from rights err at being indentifiable

Everyone gets to keep something when they reach the final moments

would i care for the comforts or would I align with the ailments?

do i keep the zeal as it was, that was felt at your inception?

or call you an unabridged task, a steadily fading recollection?

i wish i’d met you as someone somewhere else or sooner really or maybe something else; honest to god, you’ve put me through hells; except who you were, i’d take you as anything else;

anything that doesn’t remind me of the conniving evil scheme

anything other than the lowly disparaging image of a dream.

so remeber as you obliterate my heart, remember as you plunge into gore;

this way we’re entangled forever; this way we’re doomed evermore.

[erumbleeds]

erum samajh mei.n aatā hai ab rāz-e-parvarish

kaise sab suljhāne wāle saqīl se ho jaate hai.n

[erumbleeds]

iimaan kaa aisaa me’yaar kyaa kiyaa jaaye

hai zindagii bhii na-gavaar kyaa kiyaa jaaye

gar chaahte ho ab nayi uunchaaii par udnaa

kar jaao phir toh dar-kinaar kya kiyaa jaaye

[erumbleeds]

Gaahe-ba-gaahe chehraa dikhaati rahaa karo

Mujhe aaj kal mai.n bohot yaad aata huu.n

Haq rakhne kaa haq milne kii bhii haisiyat nahi

Ki mai.n toh faqat duniyaa ke baad aata huu.n

Teri mehfil mei.n dekh kar shakhs aziim-o-faa.iz

Nazar ab mujhe bhi mai.n barbaad aataa huu.n

[erumbleeds]

fursat-e-shor-o-gul mei.n woh badii mushkil se miltaa tha mujhsey

woh bhii mohabbat mei.n pa.D gayaa jo shakhs tha aainey mei.n

[erumbleeds]

Kamaaiiyan kar-kar khushi kyuu.n nahi milti mujhe

Erum mujhe mera bachpanaa yaad aata hai

کَمائياں کر کر خوشی کیوں نہیں مِلتی مُجھے

اِرَم مُجھے میرا بَچپَنا یاد آتا ہے

[erumbleeds]

Woh ek lambe arsay ke baad milne aayaa hai

Pasandiida phuulo.n ka guldastaa bhii laayaa hai

Nam aa.nkho se kehta hai, tum aawaz nahi dete

Kaise kahuu.n ussey ki murdey jawaab nahi dete

[erumbleeds]

Mainey badi shiddat se nibhaayi thi

Imaarat badi mehnat se banaayi thi

Woh bazaar mein aaj saste mein bik gayi

Jo daulat muddatein laga kar kamaayi thi

[erumbleeds]

Gaahe-ba-gaahe chehraa dikhaati raha karo

Mujhe main aaj kal bohot yaad aata hoon

Haqq rakhne ka haqq milne ki haisiyat nahi

Ki main toh duniyaa kay baad aata hoon

Teri mehfil mein dekh kar shakhs aziim-o-faa’iz

Nazar mujhe bhi ab main barbaad aata hoon

[erumbleeds]

Yeh shokh ash’aar lekar hum shauhrat say qatraa rahe hain

Hum aaino.n kay mahal mein tumhin say takraa rahe hain

Tum aanay ko bhi ho kay humnay khwaab koii dekhaa

Bataao, hum toh khwa-ma-khaa ghabraa rahe hain

[erumbleeds]

Safar mein abhi bhi bohot si mushkilaat hai

Na jaao ho kay ruswaa, kay dekho raat hai

Khudko mere paas rakho mujhko khud se duur

Aag jalay paani mein, yeh kyaa bisaat hai

[erumbleeds]

Bhuul kar bhi main kabhi uski gali ko nahi jaata

Baatein banaane waale baatein bana lete hain

Main toh wajuud-e-raabta se bhi inkaar kar doon magar

Log meri nazmon se uski aankhein mila lete hain

[erumbleeds]

Rishta aage badh gaya yaa rishta khaaq kar diya hai

Tum nay jab se mujhay tum sey aap kar diya hai

[erumbleeds]

Mushaairon par aitraaz hai toh tohmatein laga dijiye

Tumhe andaaza bhi nahi viiraane insaan khaa jaate hain

Martey waqt ruuh saath chhod jaaye toh behtar hai

Tumhe kaisi khabar ke zinda murdey kahan jaate hain

[erumbleeds]

Tajdiid-e-raabtaa par main kitna khush huaa

Tajdiid-e-raabtaa par mujhe kitna gham hai

Main tujhe aaj mil raha hoon, yeh toh karam hai

Main tujhe kal na mil sakunga yeh aur sitam hai

[erumbleeds]

kuch aisay tere baad teri izzat rakhi hai mainay

Haal sunna haal tujhe main sunaata hoon

Mujhe fikr tere dar tak khinch laati hai

Main haal puche bina hi chala jaata hoon