eslem28sila42

[eslem28sila42]

Movie Critique

I bet you have never watched a movie quite like the movie I will write about today “Forrest Gump”. While telling the great life story of a mentally challenged nice man, this movie takes viewers on a journey to the recent American history and the landmarks of the country and does it in a quite hilarious way. Forrest Gump is considered to be one of the greatest movies of all time with its six Oscar awards, “Best Picture”, “Best Director (Robert Zemeckis)”, “Best Visual Effects”, “Best Actor (Tom Hanks)”, “Best Film Editing (Arthur Schmidt)” and “Best Adapted Screenplay (Eric Roth)”. The movie had such a cultural impact that many of its lines and scenes became iconic and memorized by many viewers.

This comedy-drama movie is about a man with an IQ of 75, Forrest is such an unique, carefree and one of a kind character that I don’t think the movie industry will ever have another character like him. Throughout the years 1950 to 1980 he became a part of every historical event that happened in that period.

The movie starts from the childhood of Forrest and takes us on a journey to the pivotal moments in his life. Firstly, we see him in an American Football Team because he finds out he is an excellent runner and as a result, he graduates the college with his football skills, next important thing that happens is him joining the army and going to the Vietnam War as a soldier and he gets wounded in action whilst trying to save soldiers. He becomes a ping pong champion right after the military as he discovers he is an impeccable player while he is in physical rehabilitation. Because of his promise to his fellow soldier friend who died in the warzone, he becomes a shrimp boat captain and becomes the best in that too. While all of this happens, we always see him miss Jenny, his childhood sweetheart, and his only friend as he describes her.

The actors did a great job at playing their parts, the viewers definitely could feel what they were trying to put out. Director of the movie, Robert Zemeckis also the director of the classic iconic movie Back to the Future, he did an amazing job with the movie and its special effects, this is not a supernatural movie and if you watched it without knowing the people on the screen, you wouldn’t notice the special effects, but the special effects was a big part of the movie as they used it to place Forrest to the historical moments with the actual people there and made it so realistic. The clothes and the styles were also a big part of the production and they were really successful.

To conclude, I liked the movie as a cool story of a nice man but I didn’t like that Forrest didn’t have a life goal or a purpose in the movie, if you look deeper into the movie you can see that our main character is also carrying out a message that if you obey to everything and do the things that life told you to do without pondering about the purpose of the life you will have a successful life. This little message the movie seems to send slowly through the whole movie kind of bothered me, but it makes sense because our main character is a person who doesn’t question anything and that’s why he becomes so successful. Except from this one thing, I don’t think I have anything to complain about the movie. Enjoy the movie but don’t forget that this is a work of fiction, and our life is not and we should have a goal in our life.

Written By:Sıla Kök

Feedback From:Eslem Sude Yıldız

You wrote a good critique but there's some grammatical mistakes that you should look.

Final Draft:

Movie Critique

I bet you have never watched a movie quite like the one I will write about today “Forrest Gump”. While telling the great life story of a mentally challenged nice man, this movie takes viewers on a journey through recent American history and the landmarks of the country and does it in a quite hilarious way. Forrest Gump is considered  one of the greatest movies of all time with its six Oscar awards, “Best Picture”, “Best Director (Robert Zemeckis)”, “Best Visual Effects”, “Best Actor (Tom Hanks)”, “Best Film Editing (Arthur Schmidt)” and “Best Adapted Screenplay (Eric Roth)”. The movie had such a cultural impact that many of its lines and scenes became iconic and memorized by many viewers.

This comedy-drama movie is about a man with an IQ of 75, Forrest is such a unique, carefree and one-of-a-kind character that I don’t think the movie industry will ever have another character like him. Throughout the years 1950 to 1980 he became a part of every historical event that happened in that period.

The movie starts with the childhood of Forrest and takes us on a journey to the pivotal moments in his life. Firstly, we see him on an American Football Team because he finds out he is an excellent runner and as a result, he graduates college with his football skills, next important thing that happens is him joining the army and going to the Vietnam War as a soldier and he gets wounded in action whilst trying to save soldiers. He becomes a ping pong champion right after the military as he discovers he is an impeccable player while he is in physical rehabilitation. Because of his promise to his fellow soldier friend who died in the warzone, he becomes a shrimp boat captain and becomes the best at that too. While all of this happens, we always see him miss Jenny, his childhood sweetheart, and his only friend as he describes her.

The actors did a great job at playing their parts, the viewers could feel what they were trying to put out. Director of the movie, Robert Zemeckis also the director of the classic iconic movie Back to the Future, he did an amazing job with the movie and its special effects, this is not a supernatural movie and if you watched it without knowing the people on the screen, you wouldn’t notice the special effects, but the special effects were a big part of the movie as they used it to place Forrest to the historical moments with the actual people there and made it so realistic. The clothes and the styles were also a big part of the production, and they were really successful.

To conclude, I liked the movie as a cool story of a nice man but I didn’t like that Forrest didn’t have a life goal or a purpose in the movie, if you look deeper into the movie you can see that our main character is also carrying out a message that if you obey everything and do the things that life told you to do without pondering about the purpose of life you will have a successful life. This little message the movie seems to send slowly through the whole movie kind of bothered me, but it makes sense because our main character is a person who doesn’t question anything and that’s why he becomes so successful. Except for this one thing, I don’t think I have anything to complain about the movie. Enjoy the movie but don’t forget that this is a work of fiction, and our life are not and we should have a goal in our them.

[eslem28sila42]

Movie Critic

Trolls Bands Together

In this movie it starts with a past review to a band singing a song then it moves back to present day and it’s a wedding day of main character’s best friend wedding.Then the wedding intruded by the Branch’s, whom is the male lead, brother sudden appearing.Branch and his brothers used to have a band but later the group disbands.The appearance of his brother shocks him cause his brothers left him alone for years.First Branch didn’t want to talk with him then his brother John Dory says their brother Floyd was being held captive in a diamond case and only way to shatter it was “perfect family harmony” which is happening with the all family sing in a perfect way.Branch changes his mind for saving Floyd and John Dory and Branch goes for a adventure.They gather all the old members of the group which is their brothers.They saw Floyd there in a diamond case he was being captive by Velner and Veneer whom are wants to be famous singers but doesn’t have any talents so they exploit Floyd and takes his singing abilities by eating his soul.In the end they reach the “perfect family harmony”,saves Floyd, Velner and Veneer ends up in prison for being frauds and held captive a troll.

This movie has talented actors and singers such as Justin Timberlake, Camilla Cabello, Brianna Mazzola and Andrew Rannels.Movie has 14 songs in it and each one sang by amazing voices.Producer Gina Shay made the movies all the other Trolls movies,some of the Shrek movies,and the legendary SpoungeBob.She made all these amazing series the most famous one is SpongeBob however my most loved one is Trolls series.I think only bad part about it is that movie feels like kinda rushed,it could have had a spread in a longer time period.The song could be much more cause these amazing voices should have more screentime.Except that I loved this movie and its songs I gave it 7/10 points. Written by:Eslem Sude Yıldız

Feedback from Sıla Kök: There are some grammatical errors that makes reading this work hard and overall it is a little short, otherwise it's good.

Final version:

In this movie,it starts with a past review with a band singing a song then moves back to the present day and it’s the wedding day of the main character’s best friend’s wedding.Then the wedding intruded by the Branch’s, whom is the male lead, brother sudden appearing.Branch and his brothers used to have a band but later the group disbanded.The appearance of his brother shocks him because his brothers left him alone for years.First Branch didn’t want to talk with him then his brother John Dory says their brother Floyd was being held captive in a diamond case and the only way to shatter it was “perfect family harmony” which is happening with the family singing in a perfect way.Branch changes his mind about saving Floyd and John Dory and Branch goes on an adventure.They gather all the old members of the group which are their brothers.They saw Floyd there in a diamond case;he was being held captive by Velner and Veneer who wants to be famous singers but don’t have any talents so they exploit Floyd and take his singing abilities by eating his soul.In the end they reach “perfect family harmony”  and saves Floyd, Velner and Veneer who end up in prison for being fraudsters and held captive a troll.

All the characters in this film are deliberately designed and multidimensional. Velvet and Veneer became my favorite characters. They’re the perfect villain team. Floyd is my favorite character from Brozone which is the band in the movie. I dont like Poppy that much cause she’s sometimes hard to bear with. Some people think that this movie for children however i don’t think so. Animations not only for children. There are also some hidden jokes for adult watchers.

This movie has talented actors and singers such as Justin Timberlake, Camilla Cabello, Brianna Mazzola and Andrew Rannels.Movie has 14 songs in it and each one sang by amazing voices.Producer Gina Shay made the movies all the other Trolls movies,some of the Shrek movies,and the legendary SpoungeBob.She made all these amazing series the most famous one is SpongeBob however my most loved one is Trolls series.I think only bad part about it is that movie feels like kinda rushed,it could have had a spread in a longer time period.The song could be much more cause these amazing voices should have more screentime.Except that I loved this movie and its songs I gave it 7/10 points.

[eslem28sila42]

CINDIRELLA IN THE METROPOL

Today was like any other day for her, she got up, put on her glasses and started to get ready for everything. She has been living with her father and stepmother for years now, and she has gotten used to it. Her father was a silent man who worked at a supermarket as a cashier and didn’t get paid enough. While her biggest dream was to get a job at the biggest fashion company, she stopped dreaming about that after her dad married that woman who treated her like dirt with his daughters. Even tough se didn’t get her hopes high, she always kept drawing her designs in her sketchbook.

She started doing the house chores as usual while her step sisters went to university while throwing hateful glances to her. She finished all her chores and finished preparing the dinner while the sun was starting to set. She remembered to pack a full plate of all the dishes to sneak to upstairs neighbor. The old woman that lived there was her favorite person on the whole world, she always looked after her while her father didn’t. The old woman said she loves the girl so much because she reminds her of her own daughter that she lost a few years ago.

 After she gave her the food the old woman started to talk about her day and little details about her monotone life. She knew the girl better than her so-called parents and she also knew her dreams and talent. She talked about how that big company in her dreams was having a try out auditions tomorrow at noon and she should try to apply for the job because that company was known to prioritize the talent rather than her life standards and back story. Even though she was really hesitant about the idea at first she really wanted to try her chance and go there. She agreed to her but she didn’t have anything to wear to the auditions, after she talked about that the old woman said she had some of her daughters clothes and makeup that she could have. Then she got really happy and emotional and accepted her offer.

The next day was really exiting and nervous for her, she sneaked out of her house by telling her stepmom that she was going to her neighbor and to the marketplace right after but instead she went to her neighbor to get dressed and then went to the auditions with all her designs in her hand. The company was doing a different type of audition because of their principal of prioritizing the talent first. They didn’t asked for anyone’s names or background but rather they checked all their portfolio first and eliminated them one by one. But all this progress was taking too long and her phone started to get bombarded with phone calls and messages from her step mom so she panicked and leaved the place without getting a chance to talk to the employees.

She hurried back home but realized  that she dropped almost ten pieces of her designs back there at the company, but she didn’t care about it and ran to her house after changing her clothes. After that day she was really upset but the old lady comforted her by saying at least she tried and she should stay strong. The next week she suddenly saw her designs in the news with the title “We are searching for the owner of these designs to work at our company.” She was in shock but she was also really happy, her dreams were coming true.

Then she found out that these news was going on for a week and there were thousands of people trying to apply for the job but couldn’t get it because the company somehow found out. She then tried to contact the company but it was really hard because her stepmom didn’t give her permission to go outside incase she tried to apply for the job too, because her step sisters was applying for the job too. One day she found a way to escape while her stepmom wasn’t at home and ran to the company and said it was her designs. They apparently didn’t give all the designs to the news and kept one to find the owner. After she explained the one design with all it details they gave her a designer job and a amount of money she couldn’t even dreamed of before all this. After all the hard times she finally got free and independent. She lived in peace, made good friends and lived a happy ever life in her own house.

Writer:Sıla Kök

Editor:Eslem Sude Yıldız

It's a great story however you need to check your grammer.

CINDIRELLA IN THE METROPOL

Today was like any other day for her, she got up, put on her glasses, and started to get ready for everything. She has been living with her father and stepmother for years now, and she has gotten used to it. Her father was a silent man who worked at a supermarket as a cashier and didn’t get paid enough. While her biggest dream was to get a job at the biggest fashion company, she stopped dreaming about that after her dad married that woman who treated her like dirt with his daughters. Even though she didn’t get her hopes high, she always kept drawing her designs in her sketchbook.

She started doing the house chores as usual while her stepsisters went to university, throwing hateful glances at her. She finished all her chores and finished preparing dinner while the sun was starting to set. She remembered to pack a full plate of all the dishes to sneak to the upstairs neighbor. The old woman who lived there was her favorite person on the whole world, she always looked after her while her father didn’t. The old woman said she loves the girl so much because she reminds her of her own daughter whom she lost a few years ago.

 After she gave her food the old woman started to talk about her day and little details about her monotonous life. She knew the girl better than her so-called parents and she also knew her dreams and talent. She talked about how that big company in her dreams was having tryout auditions tomorrow at noon and she should try to apply for the job because that company was known to prioritize the talent rather than her life standards and back story. Even though she was hesitant about the idea at first, she really wanted to try her chance and go there. She agreed to her, but she didn’t have anything to wear to the auditions, after she talked about that the old woman said she had some of her daughters clothes and makeup that she could have. Then she got happy and emotional and accepted her offer.

The next day was really exiting and nervous for her, she sneaked out of her house by telling her stepmom that she was going to her neighbor and to the marketplace right after but instead she went to her neighbor to get dressed and then went to the auditions with all her designs in her hand. The company was doing a different type of audition because of their principle of prioritizing the talent first. They didn’t ask for anyone’s names or background but rather they checked all their portfolios first and eliminated them one by one. But all this progress was taking too long, and her phone started to get bombarded with phone calls and messages from her step mom so she panicked and left the place without getting a chance to talk to the employees.

She hurried back home but realized that she dropped almost ten pieces of her designs back there at the company, but she didn’t care about it and ran to her house after changing her clothes. After that day she was really upset but the old lady comforted her by saying at least she tried and she should stay strong. The next week she suddenly saw her designs in the news with the title “We are searching for the owner of these designs to work at our company.” She was in shock but she was also really happy, her dreams were coming true.

Then she found out that this news was going on for a week and there were thousands of people trying to apply for the job but couldn’t get it because the company somehow found out. She then tried to contact the company, but it was really hard because her stepmom didn’t give her permission to go outside incase, she tried to apply for the job too, because her step sisters was applying for the job too. One day she found a way to escape while her stepmom wasn’t at home and ran to the company and said it was her designs. They apparently didn’t give all the designs to the news and kept one to find the owner. After she explained the one design with all its details they gave her a designer job and a amount of money she couldn’t even dreamed of before all this. After all the hard times she finally became free and independent. She lived in peace, made good friends, and lived a happy life in her own house.

[eslem28sila42]

THE BEACH DAY

It’s a hot summer day.Everyone enjoying the day at the beach while Cinderella is at home being force to clean all the house by her step mom on this hot day.Her mother was dead while she was 4 then her dad married with another women.Cinderella’s dad passed away 2 years ago and since her step mom and step sisters has been torturing Cinderella.She just wants to go beach like everyone.Then a aunty see her on the balcony and asks “Hey sweetie why are you cleaning on this hot day instead of going to beach”.Cinderella responds “My step mom doesn’t allow me to go there between I don’t have any swimsuit”.Aunty tells her “Come down here dear”Cinderella listens her and comes down to her side.Aunty pulled her arm and bring her to her store and says “ choose what you want”.Cinderella looks at her in shock and smiles.She choses a blue swimsuit and fancy flip flops with heels.

She went to the beach and took all the attention to her.She was the most beautiful girl at the beach.Then Cinderella saw the lifeguard.He has black hair and brown eyes and wore a white swimsuit. Cinderella had the most fun day of her life. Then she saw her stepmother and step sisters leave the beach. She run and run and while she was running she left her flip flops at the beach. Then lifeguard noticed the flip flops and looked at them and his hearth start to beating fast.

The next day lifeguard searched for the owner of flip flops everywhere.He couldn’t find her at the beach then he started to run across the streets.He saw a old lady and she told her to look for that house.Lifeguard went to that house and saw 3 girls .He made all of them try the flip flops.The girl who has blond hair tried the flip flops and it fit it.She was the one Cinderella was the one.Then Cinderella and lifeguard had their happily summer ever.

Writer:Eslem Sude Yıldız

Editor:Sıla Kök

Few grammer mistakes that should be fixed and you should make your conclusion part a little longer

THE BEACH DAY

It’s a hot summer day.Everyone is enjoying the day at the beach while Cinderella is at home being force to clean all the house by her step mom on this hot day.Her mother was dead while she was 4 and then her dad married with another women.Cinderella’s dad passed away 2 years ago and since then her step mom and step sisters have been torturing Cinderella.She just wants to go beach like everyone.Then an aunty sees her on the balcony and asks “Hey sweetie why are you cleaning on this hot day instead of going to beach”.Cinderella responds “My step mom doesn’t allow me to go there. Plus I don’t have any swimsuit”.Aunty tells her “Come down here dear”Cinderella listens to her and comes down to her side.Aunty pulled her arm and bring her to her store and says “ choose what you want”.Cinderella looks at her in shock and smiles.She choses a blue swimsuit and fancy flip flops with heels.

She went to the beach and got all the attention to her.She was the most beautiful girl at the beach.Then Cinderella saw the lifeguard.He has black hair and brown eyes and wore a white swimsuit. Cinderella had the most fun day of her life. Then she saw her stepmother and step sisters leave the beach. She ran and ran and while she was running she left her flip flops at the beach. Then lifeguard noticed the flip flops and looked at them and his hearth start to beating fast.

The next day lifeguard searched for the owner of flip flops everywhere.He couldn’t find her at the beach then he started to run across the streets.He saw a old lady and she told her to look for that house.Lifeguard went to that house and saw 3 girls .He made all of them try the flip flops. First the one one with black hair tried her feet was too long. Then the girl with red hair tries her feet was too small. Lastly the girl who has blond hair tried the flip flops and it fit it.She was the one Cinderella was the one.Then Cinderella and lifeguard had their happily ever summer.

[eslem28sila42]

Written by:Sıla Kök

Feedback: Eslem Sude yıldız

Minor grammar mistakes apart from that its really good.

Finalized version:

EXHIBITION

This was just like any other day for David, he applied for another job that he didn’t even truly want or enjoy, he was just applying to all the jobs possible nearby so he would finally knuckle down and catch up on his life. He wanted to feel like he was no longer useless. He again couldn’t wake up on time and was about to miss the job interview, he got ready and took his way. He knew he was late but he didn’t find the strength in himself to care about it as his life was already hell.

​Just like he predicted he missed the interview, he was about to leave the big building when a banner with tons of color caught his eyes. He read the banner and realized there was an art exhibition and it was about to end. He hesitated for a second before entering the exhibition, it was in a big hall and there were really few people inside looking at the paintings on the walls. He started to wander around in the hall and looked at the paintings. The paintings were well made but they were too colorful for him, he was already unsettled ad bothered by his life, all the job interviews, all the nights he couldn’t sleep and all the people that didn’t like him because of his “dark aura” as they liked to call it.

​One painting caught his eye and he stood in front of it for nearly five minutes trying to understand the meaning. He was so immersed in the painting that he didn’t even notice that there was someone beside him looking at the same painting. He was about to forget the painting and

walk away when he heard a high pitched voice say something towards him. “So what do you think?” he stopped and turned back there was a beautiful woman standing, looking at the painting. “Not bad” he said in a nonchalant tone, the woman looked surprised as he had not expected to hear that. “Just that? You looked like you found it interesting.” “It is an interesting painting, the painting felt like it was trying to make me feel at ease and happy when the last thing I could feel right now are those two.” The woman laughed at that and turned to David finally. “Well maybe that’s the purpose of the painting, you know? To make people happy?” she said with a big smile at her face. David started to get annoyed by her positivity as he replied “I think art should be realistic, and let’s be real not everybody’s life is all happy, all flowers and hearts.”. She had a sad smile on her face when she replied with “You got me all wrong, I didn’t mean all that. I just think we should let art and nature make us happy. Life is as hard as it is, maybe you should try to find some little things in your life that makes you happy.” He watched silently and as he was about to reply to her, someone behind them yelled “Debra we need to go now. Come on!”. She waved to David before leaving the hall. David decided to leave the exhibition after taking a last look at the painting, he got out of the hall and as he was going to the elevator he glanced at the banner and saw the exhibitors name in big, bold letters. “DEBRA GUMP”.

THE EXHIBITION

This was just like any other day for David, he applied for another job that he didn’t even truly want or enjoy, he was just applying to all the jobs possible nearby so he would finally knuckle down and catch up on his life. He wanted to feel like he was no longer useless. He again couldn’t wake up at time and was about to miss the job interview, he got ready and took his way. He knew he was late but he didn’t find the strength in himself to care about it as his life was a hell already.

​Just like he predicted he missed the interview, he was about to leave the big building when a banner with tons of color caught his eyes. He read the banner and realized there was an art exhibition and it was about to end. He hesitated for a second before entering the exhibition, it was in a big hall and there were really few people inside looking to the paintings on the walls. He started to wander around in the hall and looked at the paintings. The paintings were well made but they were too colorful for him, he was already unsettled ad bothered by his life, all the job interviews, all the nights he couldn’t sleep and all the people that didn’t like him because of his “dark aura” as they liked to call it.

​One painting caught his eye and he stood in front of it for nearly five minutes trying to understand the meaning of it. He was so immersed in the painting that he didn’t even notice that there was someone beside him looking at the same painting. He was about to forget the painting and walk away when he heard a high pitched voice say something towards him. “So what do you think?” he stopped and turned back there was a beautiful woman standing, looking at the painting. “Not bad” he said in a nonchalant tone, the woman looked surprised as he didn’t expected to hear that “Just that? You looked like you found it interesting.” “It is an interesting painting, the painting felt like it was trying to make me feel at ease and happy when the last thing I could feel right now are those two.” The woman laughed at that and turned to David finally. “Well maybe that’s the purpose of the painting, you know? To make people happy?” she said with a big smile at her face. David started to get annoyed by her positivity as he replied “I think art should be realistic, and lets be real not everybody’s life is all happy, all flowers and hearts.”. She had a sad smile on her face when she replied with “You got me all wrong, I didn’t implied all that. I just think we should let art and nature make us happy. Life is as hard as it is, maybe you should try to find some little things in your life that makes you happy.” He watched silently and as he was about to reply to her, someone behind them yelled “Debra we need to go now. Come on!”. She waved to David before leaving the hall. David decided to leave the exhibition after taking a last look at the painting, he got out of the hall, as he was going to the elevator he glanced at the banner and saw the exhibitors name in big bold letters. “DEBRA GUMP”.

[eslem28sila42]

THE EXHIBITION

This was just like any other day for David, he applied for another job that he didn’t even truly want or enjoy, he was just applying to all the jobs possible nearby so he would finally knuckle down and catch up on his life. He wanted to feel like he was no longer useless. He again couldn’t wake up at time and was about to miss the job interview, he got ready and took his way. He knew he was late but he didn’t find the strength in himself to care about it as his life was a hell already.

​Just like he predicted he missed the interview, he was about to leave the big building when a banner with tons of color caught his eyes. He read the banner and realized there was an art exhibition and it was about to end. He hesitated for a second before entering the exhibition, it was in a big hall and there were really few people inside looking to the paintings on the walls. He started to wander around in the hall and looked at the paintings. The paintings were well made but they were too colorful for him, he was already unsettled ad bothered by his life, all the job interviews, all the nights he couldn’t sleep and all the people that didn’t like him because of his “dark aura” as they liked to call it.

​One painting caught his eye and he stood in front of it for nearly five minutes trying to understand the meaning of it. He was so immersed in the painting that he didn’t even notice that there was someone beside him looking at the same painting. He was about to forget the painting and walk away when he heard a high pitched voice say something towards him. “So what do you think?” he stopped and turned back there was a beautiful woman standing, looking at the painting. “Not bad” he said in a nonchalant tone, the woman looked surprised as he didn’t expected to hear that “Just that? You looked like you found it interesting.” “It is an interesting painting, the painting felt like it was trying to make me feel at ease and happy when the last thing I could feel right now are those two.” The woman laughed at that and turned to David finally. “Well maybe that’s the purpose of the painting, you know? To make people happy?” she said with a big smile at her face. David started to get annoyed by her positivity as he replied “I think art should be realistic, and lets be real not everybody’s life is all happy, all flowers and hearts.”. She had a sad smile on her face when she replied with “You got me all wrong, I didn’t implied all that. I just think we should let art and nature make us happy. Life is as hard as it is, maybe you should try to find some little things in your life that makes you happy.” He watched silently and as he was about to reply to her, someone behind them yelled “Debra we need to go now. Come on!”. She waved to David before leaving the hall. David decided to leave the exhibition after taking a last look at the painting, he got out of the hall, as he was going to the elevator he glanced at the banner and saw the exhibitors name in big bold letters. “DEBRA GUMP”.

[eslem28sila42]

Written by: Eslem Sude Yıldız

Feedback from Sıla Kök: There is some sentences that are hard to understand, and overall its very short it would be great if you extended the story.

Finalized version:

It was a sunny day Debra was walking with her dog at central park. Waving and helping other dog owners cause she was a dog trainer and loved her job.

David woke up to his messy room and took a deep breath then made a coffee.he really needed to be more tidier.He took his coffee and rushed to the work.David decided to took a shortcut and walked into Central Park.He was walking fast and looking his emails.Then suddenly he crash into something.All of his coffee spilled on him he looked angrily onwards.He saw a lady looking at him with worried face Meanwhile his dog licking the coffee on David.She gave him a hand and apologized multiple times.She gave him her phone number in order to pay for his dry cleaning.

One night before sleeping David received a message from Debra it was a picture of her dog after the photo there was a apology text she said she sent it to wrong person however David found it hilarious.He asked Debra to send more pictures of her dog.They started texting everyday and eventually became friends.

A New Friendship

One of a sunny day Debra was at Central Park walking with her dog Cotton Candy.She was seeing other dog owners talked with them and if they have problem with their dog tried to help, find a solution cause she was a dog trainer.She trains dogs and loves her job.

David woke up to his messy room and took a deep breath then made a coffee.he really needs to be more tidier.He took his coffee and rush to the work.David decided to took a shortcut and walked into Central Park.He was walking fast and looking his emails.Then suddenly he crash into something.All of his coffee spilled on him he looked angrily onwards.He saw a lady looking at him with worried face Meanwhile his dog licking the coffee on David.She gave him a hand and apologized multiple times.She gave him her phone number in order to pay for his dry cleaning.

One night before sleeping David received a message from Debra it was a picture of her dog after the photo there was a apology text she said she sent it to wrong person however David found it hilarious.He asked Debra to send more pictures of her dog.They started texting everyday and eventually became friends.

[eslem28sila42]

A New Friendship

One of a sunny day Debra was at Central Park walking with her dog Cotton Candy.She was seeing other dog owners talked with them and if they have problem with their dog tried to help, find a solution cause she was a dog trainer.She trains dogs and loves her job.

David woke up to his messy room and took a deep breath then made a coffee.he really needs to be more tidier.He took his coffee and rush to the work.David decided to took a shortcut and walked into Central Park.He was walking fast and looking his emails.Then suddenly he crash into something.All of his coffee spilled on him he looked angrily onwards.He saw a lady looking at him with worried face Meanwhile his dog licking the coffee on David.She gave him a hand and apologized multiple times.She gave him her phone number in order to pay for his dry cleaning.

One night before sleeping David received a message from Debra it was a picture of her dog after the photo there was a apology text she said she sent it to wrong person however David found it hilarious.He asked Debra to send more pictures of her dog.They started texting everyday and eventually became friends.

[eslem28sila42]

Written by:Eslem Sude Yıldız

Feedback from Sıla Kök: The story was very creative and also a little different from the poem but i liked it, however there are some grammatical mistakes that you should fix. Also introduction part could be a little more intriguing.

Corrected version:

DUMMY

In a long, long-away village, there was a man who had a lonely life. He always talked about how lonely he was, and no one wanted to be his friend. That made him very sad and sick. One day, a girl appeared, and all the villagers called her a dummy. She was discriminated against by the village and was very lonely. She had no one like the old man.

One day in the woods, an old man was sitting alone again, and suddenly he heard a voice. A laughing voice from a woman She was running and laughing at the gliding leaf. An old man watched her with a confused expression. Then a woman noticed him and started running towards him. They sat together for a while, and the man told her about how he had no one and had very bad luck. They started to sit and talk with each other every day. A man started to talk with his only friend for hours and hours. He told her how unlucky he was in his love life, that no one truly loved him, that he had a divorce with his old wife, how she took away his only son, and how alone he was now. He told her that life was a living hell for him.

Dummy girl, listen, the old man every day held his hand and gave him comfort. She filled all the loneliness in the old man's life. As time passed, the old man lost his power and fell ill more and more. He couldn’t even sit properly in the woods with her. The dummy girl ran around while her friend sat and watched her. One day they were sitting together and holding hands, and suddenly both of their hands turned cold as ice. In the woods, they met and went to a better life together as well.

DUMMY

In a long long away village there was a man whom has a lonely life.He always talked about how lonely he was and no one wanted to be his friend.That made him very sad and sick.One day a girl appeared whom all the villagers called her a dummy.She was discriminated from the village and was very lonely.

One day in the woods old man was sitting alone again and suddenly he heard a voice.A laughing voice from a women.She was running and laughing at gliding leaf.Old man watched her with a confused expression.Then woman noticed him and started running towards him.They sat together for a while man told her about how he had no one and had a very bad luck.They started to sit and talk with each other every day.Man started to talk with his only friend for hours and hours.He told her how unlucky he was in love life that no one truly loved him and he had a divorce with his old wife how she took away his only son and how alone was him now.He told her that life was a living hell for him.

Dummy girl listen old man every day held his hand and gave him comfort.She filled all the loneliness in old mans life.As time passed old man lose his power and fell ill more and more.He couldn’t even sit properly in the woods with her.Dummy girl runned around while her friend sit and watched her.One day they were sitting together and holding hands and suddenly both of them hands turned into cold as ice.At the woods they met they went to better life together as well.

[eslem28sila42]

Written by:Sıla Kök

Feedback from Eslem Sude Yıldız: some grammar mistakes. Final part need to be more organized.

Organized version:

DUMMY

Once upon a time, an old wrinkly man lived all alone in a house that was long forgotten by the rest of the world. He didn’t have anyone by his side and was incredibly lonely as he longed for a friend. He found some wood and threads and got an idea to make a friend for himself so he could have someone like the others. He tried and tried for hours and finally, with some struggle, he made a decent human-sized dummy for himself as a friend.

He liked this dummy so much as he was a controlling person by nature and he liked to be appreciated and luckily, the dummy friend was the most easygoing person on earth, as he nodded to everything the man told and agreed to everything he said.

He sat with the dummy friend for hours and spoke to him as if he was a real friend and he felt like this time healed him. He told the dummy that he had such bad luck that he had never had good opportunities in his life and how he didn’t even have a life partner because everyone found him guilty all this time and after his long battle with life he concluded that life is a living hell and everyone is controlled by their own greed. The dummy sat all along and nodded to everything the man said. It gave great comfort to the lonely man as he had never had anyone to talk about all this.

As long days, months and years passed by they became best friends, their only friends. At the same time the man started to get tired to even move the dummy to make him nod and that’s how he realized he had wasted his last years with a wooden doll, all by himself, and realized he was the dummy for doing so. He had a desperate life because he didn’t even try to blame himself for once for his mistakes, he blamed his luck, all the people he crossed paths with and he even blamed god but not himself, never himself. That’s why he couldn’t get a friend, because they all blamed him as he was at fault. But his dummy friend was always there for him, even when he was in the wrong he believed him and agreed with him. One day all this pain got so hard to carry in his shoulders, he couldn’t take it anymore and he didn’t even want to talk to his dummy friend, he was found in his house dead and got buried with his dummy friend as he had not let go his hand as it was his one and only friend.

DUMMY

Once upon a time an old wrinkly man lived all alone in a house that is long forgotten by the rest of the world. He didn’t have anyone by his side and was incredibly lonely as he longed for a friend. He found some wood and threads and got an idea to make a friend for himself so he could have someone like the others. He tried and tried for hours and finally with some struggle he made a decent human sized dummy for himself as a friend.

He liked this dummy so much as he was a controlling person by nature and he liked to be appreciated and luckily the dummy friend was the most easygoing person on earth as he nodded to everything the man told and agreed to everything he said.

He sat with the dummy friend for hours and spoke to him as he was a real friend and he felt like this time healed him. He told the dummy that he had such a bad luck he never had good opportunities in his life and how he didn’t even had a life partner because everyone found him guilty all this time and after his long battle with life he concluded that life is a living hell and everyone is controlled by their own greed. The dummy sat all along and nodded to everything the man said, it gave a great comfort to the lonely man as he had never had anyone to talk about all this.

As long days, months and years passed by they became best friends, their only friends. At the same time the man started to get tired to even move the dummy to make him nod and that’s how he realized he wasted his last years with a wooden doll, all by himself, and realized he was the dummy for doing so. One day all this pain got so hard to carry in his shoulders, he couldn’t take it anymore, he was found in his house dead and got buried with his dummy friend as he didn’t let go his hand.

[eslem28sila42]

DUMMY

Once upon a time an old wrinkly man lived all alone in a house that is long forgotten by the rest of the world. He didn’t have anyone by his side and was incredibly lonely as he longed for a friend. He found some wood and threads and got an idea to make a friend for himself so he could have someone like the others. He tried and tried for hours and finally with some struggle he made a decent human sized dummy for himself as a friend.

He liked this dummy so much as he was a controlling person by nature and he liked to be appreciated and luckily the dummy friend was the most easygoing person on earth as he nodded to everything the man told and agreed to everything he said.

He sat with the dummy friend for hours and spoke to him as he was a real friend and he felt like this time healed him. He told the dummy that he had such a bad luck he never had good opportunities in his life and how he didn’t even had a life partner because everyone found him guilty all this time and after his long battle with life he concluded that life is a living hell and everyone is controlled by their own greed. The dummy sat all along and nodded to everything the man said, it gave a great comfort to the lonely man as he had never had anyone to talk about all this.

As long days, months and years passed by they became best friends, their only friends. At the same time the man started to get tired to even move the dummy to make him nod and that’s how he realized he wasted his last years with a wooden doll, all by himself, and realized he was the dummy for doing so. One day all this pain got so hard to carry in his shoulders, he couldn’t take it anymore, he was found in his house dead and got buried with his dummy friend as he didn’t let go his hand.

[eslem28sila42]

DUMMY

In a long long away village there was a man whom has a lonely life.He always talked about how lonely he was and no one wanted to be his friend.That made him very sad and sick.One day a girl appeared whom all the villagers called her a dummy.She was discriminated from the village and was very lonely.

One day in the woods old man was sitting alone again and suddenly he heard a voice.A laughing voice from a women.She was running and laughing at gliding leaf.Old man watched her with a confused expression.Then woman noticed him and started running towards him.They sat together for a while man told her about how he had no one and had a very bad luck.They started to sit and talk with each other every day.Man started to talk with his only friend for hours and hours.He told her how unlucky he was in love life that no one truly loved him and he had a divorce with his old wife how she took away his only son and how alone was him now.He told her that life was a living hell for him.

Dummy girl listen old man every day held his hand and gave him comfort.She filled all the loneliness in old mans life.As time passed old man lose his power and fell ill more and more.He couldn’t even sit properly in the woods with her.Dummy girl runned around while her friend sit and watched her.One day they were sitting together and holding hands and suddenly both of them hands turned into cold as ice.At the woods they met they went to better life together as well.