esmarelda

[esmarelda]

And now you're gone

I held you dear

You swallowed my fears

And now I've drunk my last beer with you

Oh you, you have been loved by someone good

Yeah you, you will be loved

Oh will you ever know

That the bitterness and anger left me long ago

Only sadness remains

And it will pass

[esmarelda]

I’m going to turn my notifications on and check them regularly. I am going to respond to my friend’s messages and invites to hang out. I am going to do these things and become worthy of loving and being loved again.

[esmarelda]

I’m sick and I rarely get sick so I’m such a little bitch about it. I’m also severely depressed. Of course I’ve isolated myself again.

I’m giving myself until my birthday (3/3) to feel all better or at least on my way there.

[esmarelda]

IF I GET A LITTLE PRETTIER CAN I BE YOUR BABY?

[esmarelda]

[esmarelda]

Whoever said tmi does not exist is my real Mom. Society wishes it could be her but sadly, nope Siciety needs to get 100 clues about being alive if I am being honest.

[esmarelda]

I randomly whisper “I’m scared” alone or with others and it’s like kind of embarrassing although true but every time I do it I’m like ok but why did I just say that??? Am I ok??? No,

[esmarelda]

[esmarelda]

I am listening to Mariah Carey and christian songs with the police scanner as background noise. I have been sitting and laying here thinking all day under these circumstances since I made February 15 playlist early this morning. It’s like a form of meditation and traveling to be like this on purpose.

[esmarelda]

People may think this or that about me but the reality of the situation is that this is an actual conversation I had with a man I loved in a trap house with a broken toilet:

Me: I need to take a shit but I don’t know how to flush the toilet

Him: who gives a fuck

[esmarelda]

That love language test is accurate in my opinion cuz my results are that my love language is words of affirmation and that is so true for me. I’m really simple and easily satisfied or broken by words alone like I am extremely sensitive to what my loved ones/people who know me say to or about me.

[esmarelda]

Tbh I love Valentine’s Day and I love love and heart shaped things and I love these songs and also myself fortunately and most people I’ve ever met unfortunately.

This holiday was especially made for people like me for reals!

[esmarelda]

I DO NOT SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP‼️ I LISTEN TO MARIAH CAREY’S RAINBOW (INTERLUDE) ON REPEAT AS NEEDED‼️

If there was a way we could all boof the way every Mariah Carey Interlude makes me feel, therapists and doctors everywhere would be jobless. That’s my educated opinion ok

Thank you Mariah Carey’s interludes, we love you Mariah Carey’s interludes, good job being brilliant art that we will never get tired of my angels

[esmarelda]

It is very courageous to believe in love and it is very sexy to try your very best to be love.

I hope all of the lovers out there had a good Valentine’s Day. I ate 7 eleven pizza today so you already know it was a good day for me 🥰

[esmarelda]

I haven’t slept much and I kept forgetting that it’s a new day every day since I made the February 10 playlist but I had the energy to make a perfect playlist today even though I’m really sad and super sensitive right now.

I’m proud of myself when I do things I love for myself even though it’s a little hard to do when I’m in a lot of pain.

[esmarelda]

It’s very nice to be thought of by people I think of. It’s so :,)