estradog

[estradog]

What's a tgirl gotta do to get raped around here?

[estradog]

the things i would do

PET

[estradog]

its funny bc i remember reading the story behind monarch of monsters that vylet pony wrote and i remember her talking about deconstructing her psyche over weeks and realising every little thing she's done and how she is a bad person that has perpetuated the cycle of violence and its like, oh thats what im doing. im forcing myself to relive every mistake and loss and fuckup and cry because i know i deserve the loss, i know i hurt people, i know i was stupid and wrong and shouldve kept my mouth closed.

there's that one sewerslvt EP called "if you're out there i miss you". i know you're out there, and after months - years per person i miss you, i probably always will, you deserved better, i am sorry

music is such a cope id kms without it idk how i could live without working through emotions with music and repressing emotions with music

some nights lately i lay awake and think about the way some things have improved in my life, how lucky i am to have the people i do, how lucky i am to be here.

more recently ive been laying awake dreading everyone ive lost, the family ive lost, the close friends ive lost, the partners ive lost, and it hurts so much that i dont know how im ever going to even grieve it. i think part of my brain just convinces me that somehow, even if we went no contact months ago and they probably hate me and i fucked up so bad and will never get to apologise, things will get to be ok with them someday, somehow things will fall into place and we can be friends again or something.

its not true though, it never was and it never will be, these people are gone from my life probably forever, these people probably dont even think about me anymore but i still feel like im blocked from even beginning the grieving process and just push the thought of them back in my head daily, only letting the mistakes i made be something i think about, fueling my own self-hatred and self-destructive behaviours more and more.

i wish i could have people back, i wish i could rewind time and change things to not lose people i loved, and frankly still do love in some way, instead of having to try and work out some grieving process for someone who i know is still very much alive. i feel like im screaming in my mind for another chance but i know the 4 or 5 people im thinking of will probably never talk to me again, and i guess i cant blame them, i feel so pathetic for these emotions, i cant sleep, im a terrible terrible human

[estradog]

some nights lately i lay awake and think about the way some things have improved in my life, how lucky i am to have the people i do, how lucky i am to be here.

more recently ive been laying awake dreading everyone ive lost, the family ive lost, the close friends ive lost, the partners ive lost, and it hurts so much that i dont know how im ever going to even grieve it. i think part of my brain just convinces me that somehow, even if we went no contact months ago and they probably hate me and i fucked up so bad and will never get to apologise, things will get to be ok with them someday, somehow things will fall into place and we can be friends again or something.

its not true though, it never was and it never will be, these people are gone from my life probably forever, these people probably dont even think about me anymore but i still feel like im blocked from even beginning the grieving process and just push the thought of them back in my head daily, only letting the mistakes i made be something i think about, fueling my own self-hatred and self-destructive behaviours more and more.

i wish i could have people back, i wish i could rewind time and change things to not lose people i loved, and frankly still do love in some way, instead of having to try and work out some grieving process for someone who i know is still very much alive. i feel like im screaming in my mind for another chance but i know the 4 or 5 people im thinking of will probably never talk to me again, and i guess i cant blame them, i feel so pathetic for these emotions, i cant sleep, im a terrible terrible human

[estradog]

we justifiably give Biden a lot of shit but I think "at least 3" is the funniest possible response to some right wing dipshit asking you how many genders there are

[estradog]

i aint gonna lie gang, it's not looking good

[estradog]

that boy who was constantly afraid of being impolite is now a tgirl who can’t stop saying thank you as you fuck her.

[estradog]

letting the seatbelt choke me a bit cause I'm touch starved

[estradog]

yes, it feels so fucking good

52% Have you ever come solely from penetration (anal or vaginal)?

Yes several times ;3

[estradog]

im waiting patiently but puppy is definitely in heat

where are the cute tgirls that'll top me? asking for a friend

[estradog]

like look at me :3

where are the cute tgirls that'll top me? asking for a friend

[estradog]

where are the cute tgirls that'll top me? asking for a friend

[estradog]

does blocking people stop them from being able to rb me

[estradog]

rb if you like girls (i will be taking notes)

[estradog]

hand reveal guys

car belly photobombed by gf hand

[estradog]

the more i think about this question, the more i realised how ambiguous and uncharitable the framing is, there's no set definition of what constitutes a public space, (i.e. theres a big difference between fucking on a back road out of town at 4am vs midday on a main street) and "upset on a personal level" is such an intentional framing and mischaracterisation of what could just be heavy discomfort or weirded out feelings. the more i think about how to answer this the more i realise the question is framed in a way to make you answer no

[estradog]

the argument "do homeless people not deserve a sex life?" is wild to me. yes homeless people deserve a sex life, i had a sex life when i was homeless both times, it doesn't change the reality that fucking in a place where some people might see you is likely to make people uncomfortable, when i engaged in anything sexual while homeless i would make a point of making sure i went somewhere no one would ever be, esp not potentially a lot of people, idk man. maybe my own sexual trauma and societal negative associations that have been drilled into me all my life are affecting the way i view this, but i cant imagine myself ever being comfortable seeing other people fuck, i dont know why