etemzone

[etemzone]

Kana udah lahir tanggal 27 Mei kemarin.

Ngelahirin rasanya sakit banget, ga ada yang bilang bakalan sesakit ini... Beres lahiran pas ngabarin temen² yang masih single aku bilang jangan hamil kalau gak pengen-pengen banget hahaha. Mayoritas ibu-ibu bilang bahwa pas lahir tuh kaya wah plong banget gitu, aku sejujurnya ngerasa kosong aja, terus pas Kana dibawa ke dada untuk IMD (Inisiasi Menyusui Dini). To be honest, for me, ga ada that magical moment of WOW ALL OF THESE ARE WORTH IT. The love comes gradually menurutku. Pas aku ganti popok, pas aku nyusuin, pas aku liat ekspresi mukanya yang lucu banget.

Baru kepikiran untuk nulis lagi sekarang, di tempat tidur, pas Kana bobo.

Banyak emosi yang kerasa. Mulai dari lelah, pusing, bahagia, aneh ada satu makhluk yang bergantung sama aku untuk bertahan hidup. Oh gini rasanya punya anak ternyata. Ngurus bayi juga ternyata berat banget terutama pas hari kedua, jahitan belum sembuh, darah masih deras tapi Kana perlu nyusu terus menerus. Waduhhhhh puting ini kaya mau copot. Untung Bayu bapak siaga, sangat banyak perannya, basically everything except nyusuin.

Wanti-wanti lagi ke semuanya kalau mau punya anak pastikan punya support system karena kamu bisa gila ngurus sendiri apalagi di seminggu awal. Alhamdulillah aku punya banyak.

Kemarin udah balik ke apartemen karena butuh waktu untuk adjust sebelum Bayu balik ngantor lagi. Pas juga kemarin Bayu beberapa jam di luar rumah karena ngurus akte lahir Kana. Beberapa jam berdua sama Kana itu rada berat juga, pas gak berhasil nebak Kana nangis karena apa. Seringnya sih karena mau nyusu, tapi kalau udah bingung + Kana nangis jadinya makin stres dan panik. Butuh latihan memang.

Jahitan udah sembuh walau masih ada beberapa otot yang rasanya masih ngilu. Sekarang kalau mau kentut, tulang ekor ngiluuuu banget.

Aku berjanji gakan bilang semua kesakitan ini karena Kana, soalnya aku sendiri yang milih untuk hamil dan melahirkan. Kana gak berhutang apapun sama aku, bahkan bakti juga engga. Justru aku yang punya kewajiban penuh buat besarin dia jadi manusia yang sebaik-baiknya.

Semangat dan selamat untuk semua ibu-ibu di dunia yang carut-marut ini. I have newfound respect for all yang melahirkan karena ternyata (diulang) SAKIT BANGET BRO.

[etemzone]

daniel_ernst

Midnight sun drives in Northern Norway - it’s hard to go to bed when the breathtaking landscape in the Arctic looks the most beautiful! So we ended up sleeping during the day to be up all night - and this was the best decision as we had all these gorgeous places to ourself 🤗

[etemzone]

A CINEMATIC - Norway - Sony a6500 by Edwin Haddadian

[etemzone]

Menganalisis diri berdasarkan bias

Me: Lu bisa jg analize urself dari whos ur bias

Fren: Coba ya exercise

Fren: W suka namjun krna gue suka dia orangnya kayak ngelead tapi ngga bossy, terus kayak deket sama semua orang, kalo dipuji malah malu, terus sungguh produktif wkwk

Fren: Apa ya w suka orang2 yg punya banyak relationship dalam hidupnya sih

Me: W suka namjun soalnya dia jenius dan such a good leader, terus ngomongnya super eloquent, juga pemikirannya tuh dalem gt dalam melihat kehidupan (mirip sama yoongi), di sisi lain, ada sisi kekurangannya juga yg bener bener super ceroboh dan gampang rusakin/ilang barang

Me: W suka yoongi karena dia indifferent with what people say abt him, pede bgt dan hidup in his own world, but at the same time pas dia care sm org, he really care walau tsundere, dia jg punya value yg dia pegang di hidupnya

Me: Wow kita suka org yg sama dari aspek yg lumayan beda

Fren: Hahaahhaa iya bener juga

Me: Keknya w suka org yg deep thinker

Me: Hahahahaha menarik

Fren: Iya makanya itu walau kita suka hal yg sama yg bisa kita tarik dari hal itu memang bisa beda

[etemzone]

Oke jadi

Beberapa hari kebelakang lagi seneng mikir, hal-hal yang ga penting. Terus ya, lahirlah kumpulan tulisan ini 

What’s my purpose in life?

I don’t think I will find it while I’m living. I mean I can guess and feel what feels right/feel my true calling. But then again, human is incredibly dynamic. What I currently feel right, might not be tomorrow.

I think the only way I can have definite answer is later, when we met our Creator and then They could confirm whether I’m right or wrong.

However, not knowing this won’t exactly affect my actions. I would still do what I want to do. I’m just wondering if I really have a specific purpose that only applies to me. Wouldn’t it be cool to have one?

About Songs & Tunes You Connect With

I think, taste is tied to your soul and memories and all what makes you, you. I don’t know why the first time I listened to indie folk, it feels like I’m on a road trip with someone (not anyone in particular), surrounded by pine trees and it’s raining, a little bit foggy, while we silently drive away. When I picture that someone, we don’t really need to talk or look at each other. Our hearts just feel content.

I want that picture in my future. I guess that’s why I want to go to Scandinavia so much.

In Trying Things

I guess I’m just trying to understand myself. Who I am, what values do I hold onto. What kind of things do I like & hate. How do I label myself and does that label still applies?

I never really think about that stuff anymore. I guess the last time was... When I was a teenager?

Why do I want to be a good person? What is exactly a good person?

I don’t know what I want. What I know is I like what I have now, and I am truly grateful for it.

At what age will we can really focus on ourselves and stop comparing us to others? At what age will we can be confident to keep moving forward?

Try things, even if it’s scary

Try things, even if it will make you look stupid

Try things, even if it’s hard

At least then I can say, I’ve tried, and it didn’t work, but now I know it won’t work. Then let’s move on and try the next thing.

[etemzone]

Penggerak massa #2020VISION

[etemzone]

norway knighted a penguin?????

Yes his name is Nils Olav

Here he is inspecting the norwegian royal guard. Good job Nils Olav.

Here’s his wikipedia page if you want to know more about him

[etemzone]

hari ni 3 taunan sm tempat kerja. kadang bingung ini beneran udah kerja apa masi kuliahan sih? orang-orangnya aneh bener.

belum pernah kerja di tempat lain sih, tapi selalu setiap kepikiran mau pindah, hal pertama yang dipikirin pasti: emang bakalan nemu manusia kaya gini lagi ya entar?

pengen muji muji walau aneh tp pinter dan ownership sm hasil kerja tuh tiada banding tapi yaudah harusnya udah pada taulah ya.

makase 3 taun!

[etemzone]

Lari Ku Berlari

Lelah, lelah kubilang

Riak air menatap, ada apa

Tak dapat terungkap

Akupun bingung, sungguh

Mau kemana, berlari kencang?

Memangnya apa yang kau lihat

Memangnya apa yang kau tuju

Sebaiknya bernafas sejenak, pikir

Sebelum kembali bicara

Dan lari ku berlari

[etemzone]

Lovemotion

Love is just one of all the emotions

And yet we thrown ourselves

We crown it and feed it flames

Yet it's not as special

As we made it to be

- 27 Feb/20

[etemzone]

Ini sangat random tapi

kadang lg banyak pikiran dan ngelamun terus mikir hm keknya gampangan mati gausah mikirin besok hrs gimana atau mau jadi apa atau banyak hal yg perlu dikerjain tapi ga pengen dikerjain. Gak perlu banyak ngeluh atau mikirin orang bakalan berpendapat apa, atau ga perlu lagi ngobrol sm orang yang ga disuka tapi butuh. Gak perlu pusing sm kesalahan yang dilakukan atau gimana caranya minta maaf atau gausah minta maaf anggep gada apa apa. Gak perlu berusaha cari aktivitas yang bisa produktif atau minimal gak bikin bosen, gak perlu juga mikir mau makan apa atau gmn caranya supaya bisa dapet berat badan ideal.

terus selalu diakhiri dengan: emang yakin gakan ada apa apa kalo beres mati? emang berani nyakitin diri sendiri/ngambil nyawa sendiri? tentu tidak.

yaudah gitu aja pengen ngeluh doang muntahan kata-kata, gak depresi juga sih.

kayanya normal orang-orang mikir kaya gini juga kan? cuma gak dibilangin aja.

[etemzone]

It'a very easy

To lost yourself

Buried in the endless lists

Of checkbox and goals

It's very easy

To stay in your lone space

Spiralling down

And suddenly it's the dawn

It's very easy

To feel your emotions

Rushes down

Blinds you from the actions

It's very easy.

[etemzone]

Mastering a new life skill: crying non stop while still being able to function perfectly

Because life goes on and on and on

I give up trying to control my tears, I'll just control my thoughts and let the tears flow

[etemzone]

Single

Part of being single for a very long time is you become very independent. On other hand, the thought of inconveniencing someone is now feels soooooo uncomfortable. Also, when you need to compromise even in the slightest you will think "I can do it more efficiently by myself, actually."

Part of being single for a very long time is being self-centered and worrying about other peoples actions that affects you. Looking at the clock so frikin often just to make sure other people don't screw it for you.

Or maybe it'a just my personality since the beginning of time

[etemzone]

List of Questions I’d Hope Will Be Answered in The End of 2020

1/ What’s Islam?

2/ What kind of person I would like to be?

3/ What are my priorities in life?

4/ What kind of life principles that I will hold on to?

5/ What are the things I really care about?

[etemzone]

Banyak Jangan

Hidup jangan korupsi

Korupsi waktu, datang telat

Haduh bosan ingin pulang cepat

Rencana sejenak tapi jadi banyak rehat

Hidup jangan merepotkan

Pinjam uang akhir bulan

Sampai ditagih sama si fulan

Yasudah anggap saja ongkos pertemanan

Hidup jangan banyak menyesal

Ini itu terlalu banyak kalau

Ingin mengucap tapi banyak galau

Sampai tidur terbawa mengigau

Hidup jangan pelit pelit

Sedekah tak mungkin bikin pailit

Pada diri sendiri tentu boleh irit

Ok now what rhymes with frikin it

[etemzone]

Spare My Time

This very week I've been pretty active towards trying to meet old friends. Maybe because there's nothing exciting in my life and I need something to look forward to (?). Anyway, with this endeavour I just realized that it's pretty hard to match your schedule with other adults. Especially people who are in the same life era as me (single and consumed with careers).

I'm trying now to spend more time chatting up people at least online. Maybe also because in the end I'm always an extrovert, I try to charge myself with people I'm comfortable with. It also excites me, how similar and different other people's life are. Sometimes I just can't help but to compare. In the end, the positive side is, I have other perspective on living life and it opened my mind better.

And I think one of the most important thing in life is to keep an open mind, always.