etherealbenevolence - Tumblr blog

[etherealbenevolence]

tfw u have to remind urself not everythings about u when someones talking hypothetically

[etherealbenevolence]

oh god, i hope you think of me when i’m not around

[etherealbenevolence]

can i PLEASE stop crying ITS NOT A FUCKING BIG DEAL

[etherealbenevolence]

Please don’t be mad at me, please don’t abandon me, please never say you won’t stay.

[etherealbenevolence]

Someone: why are you always so clingy?? 

Me: 

[etherealbenevolence]

things no one tells you about bpd

the multiples panic attacks you get when it feels like someone is abandoning you and you feel like you’re going to die exactly in that moment

feeling like every day is the same and the agony of having the idea in your mind that nothing is real due to dissociation

when you’re bored and it’s not like you’re just bored, it’s like there is something crushing your mind and sometimes you even get headaches because it’s literally void void void void

trying so hard to be a good person but still feeling like you’re a monster

invalidating yourself whenever you feel bad but get hit by a mood swing a few minutes later, so you’re probably faking the illness because you just felt bad for a moment, it doesn’t matter the intensity of the feeling, you’re healthy

triggering yourself on purpose when you feel invalid

being triggered when someone is talking about their problems with you and your hyper empathy acts up

also not being able to help a lot when you don’t feel very empathic and feeling like you’re worthless

no one knows how sad it is when someone you like tells you they will be offline to sleep/eat/whatever

[etherealbenevolence]

tbpdfw

bpd: They’re getting closer to that new person which means they’re getting further from you.

me: what? that’s not how relationships work?? People have multiple friends and relationships and-

bpd: REPLACED REPLACED !!!

[etherealbenevolence]

My friend: *does something they usually do with me with someone else* Bpd:… Me: dont Bpd: *screeching* REPLACEMENT!!! REPLACEMENT!1! REPLA

[etherealbenevolence]

When a person I’m close to gets mad at me, I feel like all their love and care for me has instantly been revoked forever and will never come back. I blame it all on myself because I made them mad. I DESERVE to no longer be loved and cared for because I made them mad. I DESERVE TO BE ABANDONED BECAUSE ALL I EVER DO IS MAKE THE PEOPLE THAT CARE ABOUT ME ANGRY.

[etherealbenevolence]

there i go again ruining everything

[etherealbenevolence]

i hate having to ask or beg for interaction because everyone has others they’d rather talk to than me

[etherealbenevolence]

Am I less angry and more sad? What am I feeling? Why am I so upset? What did I do?

[etherealbenevolence]

[etherealbenevolence]

[etherealbenevolence]

Smoke and Mirrors

[etherealbenevolence]

[etherealbenevolence]

it’s all falling apart