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Alain Fleischer, Auto portrait.

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©Philomena Famulok

Rabbit afternoon

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theres a lot of things i say to myself about things i see / read / people i recognize which in retrospect are cruel, like “but its almost like nobody likes what you actually do” that was said aloud, followed by looking up at the ceiling silently for a solid minute with a “• ____ • “ expression. these are arguably the most insulting things i can ever say, because they don’t come from a place of malice but genuine observation & are also usually slip ups more than anything. i’ve been trying to learn how to both control tone & what i say but there are some observations that are albeit sincere very crass

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White-breasted Nuthatch (Sitta carolinensis). Family Sittidae, order Passeriformes.

Oklahoma, USA. November 2021.

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Following rambling discusses baphomet & gabriel dynamics

The thing is How can you apply these morals. Human Morals. How can you? I don’t think all demons are as cunning as they seem to be. At least in my little weird World. Some have been sheltered & taken care of like a lost fawn who doesn’t actually need help but a civilian takes anyway & dooms them. Some havent, of course, but i think it can definitely be possible. In my Mind which can never be everyones, they’re just really sad . Not just that. My head hurts (observation of real life, not about this topic.) I mean like, they’re doomed. Not even doomed yaoi just doomed. There never was yaoi just weird ebbs and flows of the tide. Thats what i think. Demons are adults in an age sense (1000+ whatever we’re going for realistically] but i don’t believe baphomet is An adult Emotional/Mentally. He doesn’t know. He shows up to earth butt ass naked. Birthed into the world umbilical cord from the earths magma style or something IDK. I think i dont really state how much they are unaware enough at the (unknown) start. They are still a shithead Sometimes but i am just saying its like the born sexy yesterday trope [take with grain of salt.] You teach someone ways of being cognizant and real but that person has the mentally capacity of maybe a 12 year old 15 on a good day & because you teach everything they look up to you & adore you. And theyre emotional. And thats a fucking demon. Not a human boy a Demon. And of course everyone in your (Baphomet) familial growing up circle wishes to kill. Thats the thing. Lets Kill That Person. What if you dont. What if you just want to be happy. What if you want to change but God keeps testing you

& sure you could argue “well they could be together its just a complicated dynamic” I am Not. Respectfully & joyously. I use my characters as stand ins to understand real life / cope -> pull traits from real people including self sometimes -> stretched reality and i dont want to do that with real people even of it is Only known by me + tweaked to not just be ripoffs but full amalgamations of character. Its an interesting dynamic to write but not like this & not with the obvious influence . NotLikeThis twitch emote. Even if its just like 20% real person i’d rather not & I think i am entitled to That since im Not telling anyone to die or anything but just personal preference.

Oww why did i write this right now . I wanted people to understand their dynamic and i couldnt stop. Whatever. I am not copyright overlord please Just be Nice to Me Do What You Want With Your Characters OK Be Safe Be Nice Be Careful When You Cross the Street

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OK theyre not actual knights but for those that were hooked ill make a design. i djd have a royal purple midnight violent knight in my dream once that i can recall so it is not exactly a lie. Likely inspired by the knight pokemon & elden ring dlc saint trina. I always remmeber. OK goodnight i gamed too hard and didnt drink enough water so i dont feel good

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hate how much resurgence of certain words in the cultural zeitgeist absolutely ruin them. i loved the word aura. not really, like… ‘giving off an aura,’ just the spelling & its contexts. now it makes me want to rip my skin off. it is sad

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i know better than to make personal emotion induced artwork before bed because i always have the subject in my dream after. always. i know i said i detest the idea of losing memory because oral history & history in general can keep others alive but Damn sometimes i am a Hypocrite

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so much hatred in one body you pull out the 1800s physical traits from Collin de Plancy's Dictionnaire Infernal illustrated by louis le breton

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i understand where you’re coming from… i think it depends on how said pet is really in regards to environment + preexisting health + logistics + quality of life. for example i will take my cat rosita, where domestic cats are invasive & hurt large portions of bird populations. letting her out into the woods is unethical because it both condemns her to disease & to harm other animals & compete with native hunters. Also although she came back once after escaping logistically most outdoor cats die via means like being hunted or car crashes, which isnt a good quality of life. granted, she also likes me. if she did not like me & was determined to hate me it doesn’t make sense to take care of her if she doesn’t like those who help her. it would make more sense to surrender her or find a better home that she can love instead of launching her out into the woods because of like you said sickness & murder.

other examples i can see making sense are… well, im not a great pet knower. knowledge holder. i know wild animals more. lets take the saltmarsh sparrow & say you’re in arizona. they rely on saltmarshes. if you had it as a pet (it is illegal in the united states, but seeing how environmental laws are being overturned it may succumb to the worst) & released it in arizona it’d just fucking Die. dead. maybe not immediately, but its a huge difference between native range & ultimately is low quality of life. however, lets say you do release it IDK coast of maine & its native & it fits, it does still have the capacity for sickness & being killed yes but it does have a higher chance of survival. granted a lot of pets in question are not exactly native to the area one lives in so its difficult. i do not think many tarantulas in the pet business are native to the areas they are sold.

I think it also depends on what animal & its extent. if its one fish, it does have the capacity to reproduce, but it’s low. it is not a great quality of life to throw fish in pond (looking at inaturalist observations of goldfish in my state, which are not native) but also better than glass bowl? its like a scale. pun not intended.

starting to wonder if it's ethical to keep pets at all... ahhhh but it's not ethical to leave them out in the wild either where they could get sick or murdered . maybe it's best to exterminate every animal on earth ?

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my way of living life like it belongs to me is to be an amalgamation of both sincerity & introspective posts along with game i like or movie i enjoy. i must constantly oscillate between weirdly emotional & serious & a bit silly. it would be a lie to say i should solely be one of these traits, because it feels like i am constricting myself to either being only a court jester or a cold office worker-- neither i want to be forever. why not have the humanity to be anything, or to be nothing if i so choose?

here is a screenshot from five dollar game on steam called nubby's number factory i quite enjoy

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2007

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i'm excited to live the rest of my life like it belongs to me

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i'm excited to live the rest of my life like it belongs to me

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i can't get over this stupid fucking animation. i love how comically high the framerate is compared to all of his other animations. blud looks like he's boutta roundhouse kick silver the hedgehog