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The student union at my school needed this reminder

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@smiling-like-a-snake and I have been going back and forth with the softest and most angsty headcanons and fic ideas like NONSTOP for….. Idek a whole week now???? God these two have absolutely taken over everything.

Some things we have covered:

Crowley being a dumbass and not realizing Noah was collecting two of each animal so they could mate and not go extinct. And then it Dawn’s on him later when they’re drinking that’s what it was for and Aziraphale is just like “… Yeah??? Duh???”

Which then lead to Aziraphale being the one more knowledgeable in sex in general and Crowley forgetting people have to bang to reproduce. Cue Crowley in a drunken stupor 6000 years later, suddenly blurting out “SO THATS WHAT YOU MEANT WHEN YOU SAID SHE WAS EXPECTING” because when he said it originally the xfiles music was playing in his head as he tried to figure out what, exactly, she was expecting.

Aziraphale taking utter delight in the fact human sex makes perfectionist Crowley squeamish because it’s messy.

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Crowley sees the world like a snake does. By smell and heat primarily, movement and shapes secondary.

He’s never actually seen aziraphales face in a normal way, so with a small miracle, aziraphale allows him to have normal vision as well. And Crowley can’t stop staring at him.

Also, he hates the sun. Too bright.

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Crowley has scars from falling from heaven into a pit of boiling sulfur.

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Crowley sheds like a snake, but every time he does something about him changes a little. His style, hair, mannerisms, ect.

Sheds are basically a very extended PMS for him. His emotions are all over the place. He’s sore and itchy and can’t get comfortable. Everything is tender and too sensitive.

His century long nap was actually him hiding away because he got stuck in a shed, as snakes sometimes do. It was extremely stressful and painful. His head office checked in on why he wasn’t reporting any activity, and when he explained they sent hastur and ligur to force him out of the shed to get back to work. It was basically like being flayed alive. Not even the boiling pits of sulfur were as bad or traumatic. He has scars all over from it.

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Aziraphale has suffered corporal punishment at the hands of Gabriel for his failures in Eden. It’s why he fears him so much. He was first publically shamed before all of the choirs before receiving lashings. And not with just any whip, one that would leave celestial and physical scars so they can never be completely hidden. All in the name of good and righteousness, according to the archangels. That’s the price for letting evil slip out of your grasp. He has long, puffy scars along his back to a normal human. To other angels and demons, those are accompanied by long streaks of gold.

He never blamed Crowley for it.

Crowley uses a great deal of his powers to heal some of them.

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Crowley was a throne or Dominion when he was an angel, making him amongst some of the most powerful of angels and a serious force to be reckoned with as a demon. This is a large reason why beezelbub (who was only one or two ranks above as cherubim)lets him get away with so much.

Aziraphale is peanuts compared to Crowley’s power. When he gets curious and asks one day, poor Az nearly kills himself choking on his tea to learn this.

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Both of them are extremely touch starved. Neither are used to loving touches.

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Inspired by the script, Uriel shoves him against the wall so hard he spits up blood (maybe Gabriel takes a gut punch too)

He goes to meet Crowley shortly after, having cleaned himself up. Bit the smell of blood to a snake is still very fresh. Before he can even tell him hello Crowley is up in his personal space, gently taking his chin to turn his head side to side and inspect him. Az gets super flustered and asks what he’s doing and Crowley hisses out “who hurt you?”

Aziraphale being the worst liar in the history of lying bumbles around with excuses and pulls away from him until Crowley calls him out on it “don’t lie. Not to me.” And very reluctantly tells him the truth, obviously terrified. Crowley rests his head on his shoulder until he relaxes.

During the final battle, Gabriel strikes aziraphale and Crowley goes fucking feral. It shouldn’t be possible, but Crowley is more powerful than Gabriel and is about to destroy him when aziraphale talks him out of it. “You’re better than that, my dear. Better than them. Let him go.”

He does. Crowley isn’t a killer. And seeing the very real fear in Gabriel’s eyes was prize enough.

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They both enjoy baths and showers because hot water is just amazing.

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They both also enjoy soft and silky things. Crowley has silk bedsheets. Aziraphale loves to cuddle him wrapped up in those.

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Crowley talking a big game about seducing all these people but never has actually seduced a single person ever.

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Aziraphale loves petting and cuddling giant snek Crowley.

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And those are just some of them aldhdkaldjd God I love them SO MUCH

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Giethoorn in Netherlands has no roads or any modern transportation at all, only canals. Well, and 176 bridges too. Tourists have to leave their cars outside of the village and travel here by foot or boat by. So you can probably imagine how peaceful it is here.

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Wicked Hearts. Day 5 of drawtober

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the rain: makes that soft rain sound

me immediately:

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im petty in the most discreet ways u may talk slick to me but if ya spoons go missing n u only got 1 left or ya toilet roll on the other side of the roll or ya microwave on its lowest setting jus kno it was me u bitch

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Y'all ever want to sit on a boy’s lap and just make out??? Smash that mf like button

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good types of alone time:

“decadence”

rewatch pride & prejudice (2005 or 1995, your pick)

take a long shower & shave legs

stare at face in mirror for a long time, reflect on changes that have occured in past year

sara bareilles cd on repeat

“deep mystery”

lying on the floor listening to music you liked fifteen years ago

watch dust motes travel across the room in the late afternoon haze

what would be different about my life if i had been a cheerleader in high school?

what was the title of that book you read in the fourth grade?  you only remember the main character’s name and nothing about the plot.  you spend the next three hours googling and then you drop $60 for a first edition on ebay

cup of tea, then another

are you there god?

“efficiency”

take out five boxes of paperwork from the closet and spend the next three hours making small piles around your body on the floor

write first chapter of novel

cover wall in post it notes

lists lists lists

highlight everything

now’s a good time to start that bullet journal

must empty email inbox

plan out next five years of life down to the month, week, day

“shake it up”

blast nsync while scrubbing out microwave

rearrange living room four different ways

today’s a good day to repaint your bedroom

let’s research and plan a trip to san francisco

develop new fashion style, must throw away all items of clothes that don’t work with it

“rain day”

light candle, open windows, put on sweater

reread old favorite book

pet a cat

listen to jewel cd

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over-explaining everything because you’re scared of not making sense or people thinking you’re stupid

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