euphemisticsecret

[euphemisticsecret]

i want to be alone

i want to be all by myself,

you spill your heart in lowercase,

i want you to just pick it up and 

drop it somewhere far away.

i care not for the rosy contents,

only that you get a mop,

and clean away the pinkish mess til

i can’t see a single spot. 

i want you to stop talking,

because your intent is crystal clear, 

because your voice sounds real now,

but at least i can truly hear. 

i care not what you say to her,

about how i’m acting cold and blue, 

i’m sure the two of you relate

now that i’ve hurt the both of you.

i want to leave it all behind,

her friends, her love, the school, the hurt

i know this isn’t healthy but it makes the

memory invert. 

i care not for the life i had,

i want a name anew, and face, 

so maybe myself, so afraid,

will finally match this happy place. 

i want to forget everything,

wake up as someone easier

who thinks not of what is in the past,

who doesn’t see the mirror as “her”.

i care not for the girl i am,

but not because of self-hatred,

because all futures i can see 

are by this memory so tainted. 

i want to be all by myself,

i want you to stop talking.

i want to leave it all behind,

i want to forget everything.

most of all, i want to live a day

without the fear that every word 

i speak edges closer to a future

just as bad as memories blurred. 

“do you want to call tonight?”

to be honest, i really don’t, 

the girl you loved was between worlds- 

and now i’m at point b, i hope.