eurahpean - Tumblr blog

[eurahpean]

strange

how in my last post in 2017 I mentioned New York and Seattle. 

IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE NY fucking sucks. And every time I say this to someone, they always think “oh because covid right?” NO. Not because of covid. Because it genuinely fucking sucks. 

You come here thinking ‘I want to be somebody. I want a really cool job and I want really cool friends.” Then you finally get here and all you really want is no fucking job and no fucking friends. 

The second part of this funny phenomenon is that I mentioned Seattle, and that’s where I want to go now. I don’t even know if I knew that back in 2017. 

I want to live in a house with a backyard and a place to have my morning coffee. I want to watch Loki take a fat shit in my beautiful lawn and I want the ability to drive to a steep ass mountains in 20 minutes. I want only a friend or two but they must love camping, skinny dipping, wine, and yoga (optional). I don’t want to be asked what I do for a living and I don’t want random DMs that say “we should hang sometime!” 

I know it’ll be a while until I make my next move but I’m not trippin. I’m fine to stay here in NY with my loud ass radiator and singing neighbor keeping me up all night. 

Do I sound mad? 

I’m not. 

Will I spend the rest of my life getting sick of a new city and moving again every 2 years?

Will I come back to read this post in 20 years and be like, yeah bitch, you are. 

Lol. 

Whatever.

Life is funny. 

[eurahpean]

What am I doing here? 

I find myself doing “yoga” for 5 minutes. 

Then I got lost in old photo albums. Sneaking through my dad’s old documents with his late wife. Getting creeped out for a second that maybe she’s watching me from a parallel. Even if she is, I hope she’s OK. 

This is an apology to her. People are people. I have no hatred towards my father or his wife. They are people, too. They deserve love, too. Just like me and you, and everyone else. 

I really don’t know where things are going. It really is hard when you are in a relationship. IT’s hard to make decisions for yourself anymore. You’re constantly thinking about how it will affect the other person. 

I used to daydream a lot. Plotting on places and possibilities of the world. Now I occasionally think if we can survive together in New York, or Seattle. I really hate to stay in DC any longer. The day will come, I know it. 

[eurahpean]

If I date you,

I see myself marrying you.

I see myself building with you.

I see myself growing with you.

I don’t date just to pass time.

I’m dating you because I see potential in you.

[eurahpean]

Well..

I'm sitting here blank. Whether to write the opening line as "I don't think I'm happy" or "I think I'm happy". I'm not even really sure. I'm slightly doing the most. All these thoughts about nothing. Seriously, nothing. Well, it's all something, for something, something in particular that probably won't happen for the next couple years. But I'm seeing in tunnel vision. Everything I do is for that future position, though I don't even know what that is. I guess I'm just trying to find out. I'm probably working the hardest I've ever worked since the summer before going to China. 

Now that it's winter break, I'm stress-free... from school. But I got a lot of other homework. Lets not talk about that. I'm trying. 

I'm working Eve, Christmas day, and the day after. About 25 hours in 3 days. I'm cool with it. I mean, this is what I wanted, right? 

Although I do have a 4 day weekend, so I could spend that time to go home and fuck all. But, I don't think I'll go. I hate to rely on other people. And when I go back to my sister's house, I'm such a useless piece of shit, I'd rather stay in Richmond and be able to walk around and do whatever the fuck I want. 

I just had one of those gourmet cupcakes. 

I can feel my face getting fatter already. 

Where am I going this summer? 

I should probably work on that. Planning ahead is such a worrisome bitch.

Even though, things go *usually the way you intended on them going. 

Like, if I wanted to go to Warsaw, Poland this summer. I could probably go, I'd just have to start planning now. And being all frantic and maniac Eurah, now. But then, that'd also mean, come June I'd be outchea livin it up in Soviet Union land, happy that I worked so hard to get here. 

That's how it felt going to China. And i really didn't appreciate my time in China, until.. no wait. I enjoyed every moment alone in my room overlooking the smog. What a lonely year. But I enjoyed much other things, rather than the usual drink at The Village with a bunch of hipster nothings. I did, I really really did. 

I wonder if anyone is even going to read this. I never get on Tumblr anymore. I'm just bored at work. And I missed you. So I looked at your blog. I skimmed your texts. Maybe that wasn't the end of us. Maybe we're just waiting. Well, I feel like I kind of am. I mean, we're just taking a hiatus. It wasn't the right time. Let's not fuck with nature and just let each other find whatever it is we're each looking for, them maybe come back and be together. But not together as in together together, but together as in, side by side. Migos y Migas. Hermanos en mano y mano. 

I miss you. 

What the fuck. 

Of course I do. 

[eurahpean]

Fuck a Title, let me live like damn

I dont feel like changing my blog. 

I'm not in Europe anymore.

I'm in China. 

I'm thinking of naming my "new" blog something like "everything is so chinese" cause thats exactly how I feel.

EVERYTHING. IS. SO. DAMN. CHINESE.

I sound slightly condescending, don't I? Do I? Do you?

No, why would you. 

I have no negative feelings toward China.

I'm just going a little crazy cause ME is super fun, you all know I love ME time. But sometimes, ME time can turn into THE REAL ME time, which is super weird, makes crazy noises and ugly faces at nothing, or records the stupid turtle whom I actually pity because he spends all damn day trying to climb out of that stupid chinese box, when in reality, he ain't goin nowhere. I feel super bad for him actually. Then, i thought. He can't go anywhere, but I can. And right now, I'm choosing not too...... 

Yesterday I went on mission: Korean supermarket.

Billie told me there was a Korea Town in Shanghai, so I looked it up and initiated the mission. I took Line 10 all the way to Hongqaio, which is about.. a 45 min subway ride? I wan't really paying attention, do I ever? Only to the odd things. So I get to Korea Town, stop in some random Korean restaurant for some Bibimbap (mixed rice), and I was dissapointed. I ate like a 1/4 of it, paid, and left. Then I went back to the metro to get out of some other exit, (where the supermarket was supposed to be), mind you, my mom had made me believe that this was some huge E-Mart (Korea's Kroger) type place. So I get out of Exit 3, I don't really remember which exit, and LET ME TELL YOU. This part of Shanghai is not like the part where I live. Where I live, theres tons of families, students, young adults, yada yada. THIS PART of Shanghai, was like CC - YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS? CREEP CENTRAL. I am a creep myself, yes, but I am a YC - YOUNG CREEP - we creep on social networks and play staring games in moving vehicles. OG CREEPS, especially the Chinese ones, are worse than mouth-foaming pan handlers. ....and that had no connection. So I'm kind of scared, but I get a rush when I travel alone so it was still kind of fun. This is bad. I truly do live for the thrill and one day the thrill is gonna be like fuck you t h, we're picking up k and it's gonna be kill. 

Anyways, no big supermarket in sight. Except one..

I go underground to this fancy high-class grocery store.

I see no Korean words. I grab a cart, shop around. THIS SHIT WAS IN ALL CHINESE AND THERE WAS NO KIMCHEE. 

I walk out, ready to take the metro back.

Then I'm like.. wait I came all the way out here, let me just walk 1 block. So I cross the street, and what do I see? A Korean Supermarket the size of a 7-11. I grab my shit, pack my backpack, and head back to my neck of the woods. (I don't really like that phrase, but I do, only because I don't use it much and it sounds over and underhand) 

I made 1 1/4 friends at registration this week. 

Tons of foreigners. People think I'm really outgoing, but when I'm alone, I put on this front like I'm super cool and no one can touch me. Sooooo.. no one does. BUT, I did meet this one chick Mariana, who's getting her Masters in Chinese Society and she's from Brazil. She's a Japanese Brazilian. So she's Brazilian, family's been in Brazil for a berry long tahm, but they're japs. She's one of those really sweet girls who laugh at everything you say, she's not that shy, but super nice. I like her cause she laughs at my jokes and I could tell she doesn't judge me by my self-centered humor and stupid jokes. 

Then, I met some other chick, Sarah. But, in my head I named her Martha cause she's super lame. Actually, she's really really really really nice. She's from New York, she's like one of those super nice chicks that wear no make-up and wear kaki shorts and plain white tees, hair pulled back and Old Navy flip flops. She was also one of those people who are super smiley and like tries to add like adult white people humor to any and every kind of situation and jolts one hard laugh, JUST ONE, and smiles super big and keeps her eyes chinky for like 10 seconds afterwards. Do you get it. I put her under the 1/4 friend category cause she's not really my type of friend, I can't imagine myself having fun with her. Though, I can imagine myself eating with her on the first day of lunch. I'm shallow. But aren't we all? And really, if you look at my past, I'm really not that shallow. I'm more shallow when it comes to friends over flings. HA, wow. (That's how Martha/Sarah would sound "HA, wow *smiles really really hard*"

Tomorrow I take my e-campus card picture. I hope my face doesn't look huge LIKE EVERY OTHER FUCKING SCHOOL PICTURE. I'm trying to accept the fact that I have a fat face. It's taken me at least 2-3 years to try and accept it, still working on that. 

Sunday is open ceremony. Yes, Sunday. These people never take a break. Except for lunch, their lunch breaks are from 11am-2pm. Just my type. 

There was a beetle crawling on my leg early and I screamed and flicked it off and now I'm all scared that theyre crawling all over me. 

I start classes Monday. 

And oh yeah, I am a victim of fraud. Yes, someone has been stealing my scholarship money. FUCKERS. I got them, though. Things are working out.

Like they always do,

EJ

This ones for the homes

[eurahpean]

[eurahpean]

[eurahpean]

[eurahpean]

I FOUND A WHOLE ROOM FULL OF PILLOWS I AM ABOUT TO HAVE THE MOST FUN I WILL PROBABLY EVER HAVE

[eurahpean]

[eurahpean]

[eurahpean]

Boss status.

[eurahpean]

[eurahpean]

[eurahpean]

THINGS THAT SEOUL TOOK

1) My iPhone

2) My Longboard

3) My ability to drink tequila 

4) 15 pounds 

[eurahpean]

SINCE WHEN DO THEY NOT LET LONGBOARDS ON AIRPLANES. LAST TIME I CHECKED IT FIT PERFECTLY SNUG IN THE OVERHEAD COMPARTMENT. BITCHES. ALL OF YOU ARE FAT BITCHES. CRYING OVER THE LONGBOARD I HAD TO LEAVE IN THE BATHROOM STALL. I FELT LIKE A HELPLESS MOTHER LEAVING HER BABY IN FRONT OF A DOORSTEP. TELL ME WHY I RAN OUT OF THAT BATHROOM TOO. 

;''''''''(