evan-will-always-find-em-blog

[evan-will-always-find-em-blog]

Evan was careful to hold her, unsure as to whether or not she wanted him to do this. . . He felt strange he hadn't been. . . Like this with anyone in a long time just platonic. . . In all honesty it was a nice relief and when she settled into his side some more he immediately could tell she was okay with what he'd done.

"I like Morgana, she could kick some ass." He nodded his head seriously as he spoke this then. "I like women who can kick ass, they make life more interesting. . ." He mused as he looked up at the sky in all its vastness. He nodded his head as she said about the Snakes. "Looks like they are, maybe they represent something? Or maybe someone?" He glanced at her as she nudged his side and he smiled. "That one over there. . . Looks like a Hippogriff. .  .See the wings?"

Not Drunk Enough || Evan and Emma

His arm settled around her waist and even though she was trying to get him to do that- she was still surprised that he did. She settled in a bit closer- a bit less scared of him leaving her tonight.

“Morgana is my absolute favorite. I wish she was held more honorably. Merlin seems to be the most remembered Slytherin besides Salazar himself.” She sighed letting her leg hook onto his lightly as they sat. She looked up again. “That right there is a snake! You can see it right? No- It’s two snakes, entwined. Because Slytherin’s have the strongest friendships- the hardest bonds to break.” She said grinning as she slightly nudged him. Her hand made it’s way into her pocket again, fiddling with his gift.

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He wasn't particularly careful in doing it but he just wanted her to be as physically close to him as he could manage to get her. She was pressed against his side and he was watching her quietly out of the corner of his eye not saying anything just sitting as the wind whistled around their bodies.

He watched her tilt her head back and after a few minutes he followed suit just looking up to the skies above their heads. She pointed to the sky and he found himself smiling as she did so - Merlin it was nice to smile.

He chuckled quietly as she started describing the stars above their heads. "Oh right, so all of that is Mars. . ." He nodded his head a little with this she seemed serious but then she laughed and he found himself chuckling. "My turn? Merlin. . ." He felt her body lean into his side and he glanced at her for a second seeming a little surprised before his arm settled around her waist lightly.

"Well that one there must be Morgana with a potion book. . . See how they form a cauldron infront of her. . ." He paused and moved his finger across a little. "That's Merlin and he's . . . reading because all cool Wizards do that." He grinned as he made that comment.

Not Drunk Enough || Evan and Emma

He dragged her and pulled her down with him so they were sitting next to each other. She sat so close to him that their legs were pressing together and her hand laid behind him, itching to put it around his waist.

She tilted her head back and looked at the skies with him and used her other hand, the one that wasn’t holding her up, to point at a patch of stars.

“That one is after the god of war. It’s a Hammer. And uh- You see the bright star over there? That’s actually Mars. Because of war and everything.” And she nodded her head as if that sounded convincing. She then laughed because she knew it didn’t. “Okay, I tried. Your turn!” She said, letting her body lean into him, letting her left side completely touch him.

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She was dragging him along like he had her earlier that evening and just being with her caued his heart to speed a little but he felt telling himself it was just because they were moving so fast. A lie he knew but he couldn't admit the truth. As they moved into the opening and the wind moved around them he smiled a little feeling refreshed he usually came up here when he needed to think which was more often than not and Talkalot couldn't find him up here.

She queried about his knowledge of constellations, he could name most of them and locate a few but instead of answering she gave a suggestion anyway. "I think we can make some up for ourselves." He grinned a little and moved to sit down pulling her next to him as his head tilted back towards the skies.

Not Drunk Enough || Evan and Emma

The reached the Astronomy Tower and Emma dragged Evan to the large opening, the wind flowing around her and him creating a gentle cradle around the both of them. She held his hand but pretend she wasn’t as she looked up at the stars, which could be seen against the crisp dark sky.

“Do you know any constellations? I know their names but I wouldn’t be able to point them out.” She didn’t look at him to hear an answer- she was to captivated by the night.  “Maybe we can make them up?” She proposed.

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He smiled a little bit as she spoke and nodded her head, she didn't pull her hand away for which he was rather grateful and he seemed to be quiet for a little moment. He was half expecting her to just. . . Take advantage of their situation give him some sort of sign but she didn't and that hopelessness returned to him once again as he moved beside her.

Emma started walking and Evan quickly found himself falling into step beside her, the steps were rather easy to ascend at the leaisurely pace they took them. He didn't notice her hand fiddling with the apple blossom but soon enough they emerged out onto the Astronomy Tower. He didn't let go of her hand as they reached their destination merely waited to be directed.

Not Drunk Enough || Evan and Emma

“A lot? That’s good.” Emma said, nodding not really sure this was a good idea at all. All she had to do was pull him in closer, just tug on his hand and he’d be so very close. He would follow suit, he’d kiss her - and then what. Nothing. Talkalot. Everything. No- she can’t.

Emma had to stop thinking like this. They slowly started making their way to the tower. With her free hand she fiddled with the apple blossom in her pocket. She just wanted him. Even just as friends. She would take anything right now. Anything at all from him.

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He wanted to tilt her head up but that action could've ruined everything ad he didn't want to destroy what he was trying to start fixing. She pulled away and slid apart from him and he already felt a slight and rather unfamiliar and unwelcome ache in his chest. Of course it wasn't unfamiliar and in all honesty he'd felt this way before.

He seemed to tense under her touch but nodded his head as her hand settled in his own his fingers entwineing around her own tightly. He found himself nodding his head a little with this then.

"Astronomy tower and stars sounds good." He murmured his eyes lighting a little at the idea, Gods how much he wanted to kiss her. Just pull her in and how easy it would be . . . He sighed but nodded his head. "I'd like that. . . A lot really." He murmured looking at her.

Not Drunk Enough || Evan and Emma

Merlin why didn’t he tilt her head up.

“It’s never better enough is it.” She let the the sentence hang in the air for a second and finally pulled away, unwillingly. She slide her body off him slowly, knowing this could be the last hug for a while - forever even. And she couldn’t help but start to miss him even while she was still holding on.

She let her hand trail down his arm and finally into his hand. Her heart was beating fast.

“How about we go to the astronomy tower and go look at stars.”

Merlin, let her run. Let her run fast and far away. Please- but no, she asked him to go look at the stars with her. Her head was pounding.

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Evan just wanted to hold her right now and just never let her go, if he could just. . . Find a way to prove to her that maybe. . . Just maybe he could feel for her. . . But he had no idea how and his head began to hurt.

"No not better enough to let go." He grumbled letting her pull his body closer her eyes closed and he was close enough to feel the warmth of her breath on his skin. He carefully tilted her head down and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Not Drunk Enough || Evan and Emma

He ran his hands carefully up and down her back. She didn’t want him to let go. Ever.

“I feel better…” He murmured with this his arms draped gently around her waist and his forehead resting against her own.

“Better enough to let go…?” She challenged lightly and quietly, pulling him even closer to her, letting herself close her eyes. Telling him as best as she could she didn’t want him to let go.

[evan-will-always-find-em-blog]

Evan was paranoid, what if someone saw them? What if Talkalot saw her and tried to get some kind of revenge on her he couldn't stop his fretting not matter what he tried to do but he hugged her tightly and lifted her from the ground. He held her body weight easily in his arms not that it took much effort to hold her lighter mass. However she hugged him in response and he felt her bury her head into the crook of his neck her kisses caused him to shiver something that no one other than her could manage.

He placed her down gently but didn't release his hold on her body, he was savoring the scent of her perfume and everything about her. He missed her like there was no tomorrow and he didn't want to lose her. He couldn't lose her. He ran his hands carefully up and down her back before he hugged her closer. He didn't ever want to let her go and in all honesty wanted her to just stay there with him to be sure nothing happened.

"I feel better. . ." He murmured with this his arms draped gently around her waist and his forehead resting against her own.

Not Drunk Enough || Evan and Emma

She thought maybe he was declining the hug but soon, right after he glanced around to make sure they were alone he wrapped her into a tight hug, lifting her of the ground. She gave a laugh, but her heart sank. He had to make sure they were alone. He couldn’t just hug her. He didn’t want anyone to see.

She frowned but held him tightly and pushed head into the croak of his neck, letting herself slightly kiss his exposed skin before returning to a more neutral position, but she didn’t let go of the hug just yet. Merlin, she’s missed him. A bit too much. She could smell the forest, the linger smell of alcohol that seemed to drench his clothes and the smell of cedar wood- she smiled into his shoulder, her hair was all over him but he didn’t seem to mind. She was only going to let go when he was ready. And promised not to go trying to kill himself- at least tonight. Because, Emma would do this every night if she had to… Even if she didn’t.

“Are you alright now?” She murmured.

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He couldn't show that he needed her, he couldn't bring himself to be the one to make that step and just kiss her. The amount of times he'd just wanted to pull her in and kiss her were countless but he couldn't help the fact that he was too prideful to be the one to admit his feelings first. If she only said something to him. Something to give him a hint at just how she might feel.

He stepped back though atter a little while and moved to carefully tie the necklace about his neck. Letting the locket tuck behind his shirt he seemed more than content to keep it on rather than taking it off. He wasn't going to do anything that would mean he'd lose the locket not that he knew that it was cursed either.

"I suppose both of ours has been." He was quiet and nodded his head. "Got to do our duty I suppose. As for no killing myself okay. . . I can manage that. . ." He said slowly she said about a hug and he paused glanced around briefly to make sure they were alone before he wrapped her in a tight hug lifting her briefly off the floor.

Not Drunk Enough || Evan and Emma

“Maybe you could.  . .” He smiled a little at the suggestion and lightly used his fingers to tilt her head up to a slightly tilted position.“A Pureblood should never hang her head.” He nodded his head and looked at her with a broadening smile.

She couldn’t help but feel the hope build up inside her. He had done this before- the gentle lift of her head, the closeness of it all. And yet, he never kissed her. Sure he’d kiss her after Quidditch games but nothing - separate from that. Nothing that proved he wanted her. All he had to do was cup his hands on her cheeks and pull her forward.

She was surprised to see him put it on him instead of in his pocket. She thought about telling him what it did but then decided against it. He tucked it into his shirt and she smiled. Her heart was going to be in good hands.

“My future has been set since I was born.” Emma said smiling, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

She tucked the carved flower away and looked at him and sighed. “No killing yourself then or do you need another hug?” Merlin how she wanted to hug him again.

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‘Thanks.” She said, looking at the Apple Blossom once more in her hand. Smiling softly, admiring the details.

“Maybe you could.  . .” He smiled a little at the suggestion and lightly used his fingers to tilt her head up to a slightly tilted position. “A Pureblood should never hang her head.” He nodded his head and looked at her with a broadening smile.

He was quick to damage and sculpt the wall into what he wanted Evan never enjoyed taking too long with things unless they were worthwhile and generally the only thing he could think of were the apples back home in his gardens and the flowers that bloomed whenever he did venture off into them. He also knew they were the nearest representation to himself that he could give to her.  She grinned and he felt relieved. He closed her hand around the stone and gently kissed her hand.

She took off her locket and he carefully took it from her, he clasped it around his neck and tucked it below his shirt. “I won’t let it out of my sight.” He nodded a little as he said this then to the fact of being carted off he sighed. “Well we’re both set in our futures I suppose.” She spoke about Talkalot and he frowned. “I try to avoid it. . .” He nodded a little when she said about speaking soon. “Alright we will.”

Not Drunk Enough || Evan and Emma

“Maybe I can read to you.” Emma said, smiling and looking at her feet.

Emma blinked a few times at the damage to the wall, surprised and startled but said nothing and watched him work.  Soon he arose to his feet and in his hands was a carved apple blossom.She couldn’t help but grin, the first real grin she had in a while that wasn’t twisted or sick. She was- happy. She felt her let go of a breath she didn’t know she was holding and she took the carving. An apple blossom. Emma was obsessed with flowers, her mother was the proud owner of the biggest garden in Germany and proudly taught Emma everything she knew about flowers constantly. Apples- which are Evan’s favorite- well apple blossoms have always - well she always thought about Evan. It was his flower in her mind. He placed in her hand and she bit her lip from crying. She hadn’t had any kind acts that made her feel- Merlin she felt weak.

“I know things keep screwing our friendship up… But I want you to have… This just remember that you’ll always be my best friend no matter what happens.” He carefully closed her fingers around the piece of stone clasping her hand between both of his own raising this briefly to his lips he chastely kissed her hand. Her stomach fluttered again at the supposed chaste kiss and- she couldn’t say anything.

She took off the golden locket that she wore at all times and handed to him. ‘As you know my mother gave that to me when I became captain. I cherish it. It’s-” she considered it her heart it way. A cruel image of the fact she felt she had nothing inside her and she must wear it on a necklace as curse. “I will never be in a relationship. I’m going to be carted off to the best buyer soon anyway so… you can have this. As my best friend. As a promise that we will speak… soon.” She gave him a smile. “And if Talkalot even breathes on it, I’ll kill you.”

She let it fall into his hands- he’ll never get it open so there was no problems with it. She had curse that things so many times, sometimes she thought she could actually feel magic run through it.

‘Thanks.” She said, looking at the Apple Blossom once more in her hand. Smiling softly, admiring the details.

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He looked hopeful for a moment as she spoke. "I just want something that makes me. . . Happy because I feel miserable as fuck right now." He sighed a little, Merlin she was just so close he could. . . He knew he couldn't though, it'd screw up whatever they'd just managed to fix and he couldn't fuck up any further surely. "Maybe there is. . ." He murmured.

She looked down and turned away. "I just want how I was. . . Before all the shit. Before things were just. . . Miserable. I want my books and. . ." He sighed a little all he really cared about was getting her back. "I want things to change. . . I can't stand her." He murmured quietly with this. "Can I help make her pay for making my life hell?" He paused on the topic of Talkalot.

Seeming to draw out his wand and glance around her cast a quick Bombarda and blew a huge chunk of the wall out of place. Moving over to a large piece of stone and casting some carving charms he set about making something. A little while later he rose to his feet and walked back to her opening his hand a carved apple blossom settled in his palm. He took her hand and carefully placed it into her hand. "I know things keep screwing our friendship up. . . But I want you to have. . . This just remember that you'll always be my best friend no matter what happens." He carefully closed her fingers around the piece of stone clasping her hand between both of his own raising this briefly to his lips he chastely kissed her hand.

Not Drunk Enough || Evan and Emma

“Do you want to feel something?” Emma said, closing in on him, her heart racing. She could do it- she knows she can. Just reach out and kiss him- they were already so close and-

No. She couldn’t. “I’m sure there is something that makes you feel.”

She looked down and turned away. “I want mine too.” She had lost everything of course she wanted it back. But mostly she just wanted Evan. “Thinks change. But don’t worry- Talkalot shall pay.”

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He didn't know what he was trying to say, he felt heavy in every sense of the word when he thought about how his life had turned out.

"I just. . . She. . . I just want to be able to feel something I don't feel anything when I'm with her. . . I just. . ." She suggested being with him and he found himself nodding his head. "If I'm alone she just. . . She finds me and. . ." He shivered again. "Stop it, just make it all stop." He looked at her a little helplessly. "I want my old life back." I want you back. He added silently.

Not Drunk Enough || Evan and Emma

What was he trying to say?

“Don’t be alone then. Do you need me to… make sure of it? I mean whenever Talkalot isn’t with you- I can be.” Emma felt her pride taking a punch as the words left her lips and she just let it hang in the air.

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He couldn't admit what he felt, it was a weakness. . . Love was weakness? But whatever he had right now made him miserable and surely being unhappy was a weakness too. He was so confused he just didn't know what he wanted to do anymore and in all fairness he just wanted it all to end and maybe he'd just start a new.

"But what if I can't find you. . . I keep . . . Trying and then. . . She just. . ." He shivered a little. "I don't like being separated from you Em. . ." He paused as she said about it being her duty to keep him alive. "I can't be left alone. . . Something always happens when I'm alone. I. . . I don't want to be alone Em."

Not Drunk Enough || Evan and Emma

She smiled. They were still best friends. He still trusted her. She wished he would just made the first move so long ago- but now it was too late. He was tainted.

She wish he’d stop drinking. Probably the thing she wanted most now but she couldn’t tell him that. Especially since she won’t stop herself.

She nodded, trying to show she understood. “Try and find me then. As your best friend, I’ll take it as my duty to keep you alive.”

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He shook his head a little but didn't verbally disagree with her, Evan had become a little passive when it came to comments about himself. He didn't believe anything that was positive and said towards him. Everyone had some slight their wanted to pick at.

She nodded. “I miss you too. You- I still consider you my best friend. Like I trust any of these other losers.”

He found a little suggestion of a smile end up on his lips probably the first one that year. "I. . . " What happened to us? He queried mentally. "I trust you too. . . You know you'll always be my best friend." He murmured he didn't want her to be his best friend though, he wanted more than that - he always had.

She looked stern and his dejected attitude seemed to return just as fast as it had vanished. "I can't promise that. . ." He said with a frown. "I feel like it all the time. . . It's why I. . ." He raised the bottle a little with this. "Makes me stop." He paused and looked at her with a slight sigh the alcohol helped in its ways but just caused more problems.

Not Drunk Enough || Evan and Emma

“Don’t talk like that. You’re wonderful.” She said. Merlin, she hadn’t said anything like that to him in such a long time.

She nodded. “I miss you too. You- I still consider you my best friend. Like I trust any of these other losers.”

Her eyes might have almost have been brimming with tears but she quickly replaced it with the stern look she had mastered oh so well. “And stop trying to kill yourself. The next time you want to- find me right away.” Merlin, if he only wanted to kill himself all the time then he’ll always be trying to find Emma and she’ll be there- he can usually find her.

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He was frowning deeply as she told him to hush but he did so just inhaling and exhaling slowly against her shoulder. "I. . ." He started he wasn't sure what he was supposed to say to this. "Why? I've messed up so much I'm no use to anyone." He had a similar incident although usually he skipped classes on the day they were supposed to be doing Boggarts, he swore someone should've noticed by now. He'd found out his during one of his trial spell sessions and he hadn't found the result being something he wished to share.

She gripped him harder and he didn't care he held her as close as he could before she broke away. He also sighed and looked at her a little dejectedly. "I . . . I miss you." He admitted looking away after he spoke.

Not Drunk Enough || Evan and Emma

“Hush.” She said, she can’t answer him. “No matter what you do, I don’t want you dead.” She hated when they did boggarts in class. She always had to ask if she can be excused and do it in private. It was horrible. 

She gripped him harder, making sure he was calm enough before she had to release him. She sighed, quietly.

[evan-will-always-find-em-blog]

Merlin this was. . . He clutched her tighter and rested his head on her shoulder just enjoying having her here with him. She started rubbing his back like he used to do with her and he felt himself beginning to crumble. For the first time in a year he felt. . . Relief, happiness maybe? Merlin he felt. . . He couldn't explain it.

“Shh, Ev. Shh. No one wants you dead. I want you to stay alive. Stay alive for me, please?” She asked, her heart racing.

He pulled himself back just enough to look at her. "Why don't you? You of all people should want me dead." He murmured with this he looked lost for a little while as he studied her trying to understand what she was trying to say. "Why shouldn't I die? You hate me."

Not Drunk Enough || Evan and Emma

Wow. He smelled wonderful. She held him tighter, telling herself she was trying to help him, but she felt selfish. 

She rubbed his back, trying to calm him down and began humming softly.

“Shh, Ev. Shh. No one wants you dead. I want you to stay alive. Stay alive for me, please?” She asked, her heart racing.

[evan-will-always-find-em-blog]

"WHO CARES, IT'S NOT AS IF WE'RE DOING DECENTLY WITH THE TEAM WE HAVE AS IT IS THINGS ARE TERRIBLE. THE TEAM IS TERRIBLE." He found himself yelling as he went down the hall. What a bloody mess Talkalot had made of the team. In all fairness he deliberately missed most of his passes just in the hope she'd kick him off the team thus far it hadn't worked.

She ran to him but his pace sped for a little while until they were nearly at the top of the tower due to his fast actions. She got ahead of him and turned and he nearly walked into her she hugged him and immediately he tensed what was she doing? He frowned completely confused as she pressed herself into a hug and he drew her in tightly his fingers grasping her frame as close as he could physically manage. He rested his head on her shoulder and just breathed in deeply. Merlin she smelt amazing, she was amazing his mind briefly wondered what it would be like to kiss her but he mentally kicked himself for that.

He was silent as he held her just breathing in the familiar scent that was Emma the thing that always relaxed him. No one else could calm his nights par her and he'd been sleepless for most of the year. He put the lapse down to being drunk be he knew that deep down this was all he wanted and all he'd every want. Although he was still angry and contemplating the idea of the Astronomy Tower he wasn't sure whether or not he'd still go up there.

Not Drunk Enough || Evan and Emma

She didn’t comment about Talkalot. Didn’t matter if he cared for her not- he was still doing those things with her.

“I CAN’T FIND A NEW CHASER. I’M NOT FUCKING CAPTAIN.” She screamed. Fucking Talkalot.

She ran to him as fast as she could and got ahead of him for a brief moment in which she turned around and hugged him tightly, not letting go unless he physically ripped him off her. She was hoping that touching him would calm him down- like how she use to do for his nightmares. She closed her eyes and she hadn’t hugged him in such a long time. She closed her eyes and pressed herself into a hug. Hoping he wouldn’t purposely hurt her. 

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He made his way down the stairs. "I DON'T WANT TO LIVE FOR FUCKING TALKALOT. I DON'T EVEN WANT TO LIVE FOR MYSELF. MERLIN SHE DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING." Emma's points about Talkalot infuriated him more and he just turned and started leaving if she wanted him to die then fine.

"Well we'll find out won't we?" He was more than willing to test this theory and set off out of the common room towards the staircase that began to ascend up to the Astronomy Tower. "Screw Quidditch, find a new Chaser who isn't a fuck up. I doubt Quidditch will be on because of heights." He mumbled as he moved up the staircase taking a drink from the bottle. It wasn't working and he wasn't slowing down.

Not Drunk Enough || Evan and Emma

All she heard was the “Why do you even think I like her.” And she stopped screamed and just felt horrible. So he did like her.

“Argh. Don’t die Evan. You might as well live for fucking Talkalot. Who else would she bother me about then?” He began to actually leave and she panicked. He was going to do it.

“You can’t kill yourself here, magic prevents it!” She said.

Still she ran after him, “What about our Quidditch game tomorrow?” Not that she gave a damn about Quidditch anymore. She was just grasping at something to keep him grounded.