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evanescent-elysium · 4 years

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evanescent-elysium · 4 years

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"You made my skin your journal and your lips the pen and I fell in love with the poetry you left behind."

I still remember looking into your eyes that day. I don’t remember when it all changed, when one day I woke up and everything was different; like something had shifted, like everything that once was, was no longer.

Someone asked me to describe what falling in love felt like. I wouldn’t know. Perhaps I still wouldn’t know what the grownups do — was I naïve simply because this was new? Was that what I’m now meant to do, to seek out a definition for something so formless?

But slowly, and surely, love started to take shape. At first, it was just a smile. The pure, but nude pink of that full, captivating pout. Perfect white teeth and the melodic chime of passionate, vivacious laughter. The smile that haunted my dreams and now occupied every corner of my mind.

And then the eyes followed, and they opened to see me, through slender, chestnut irises and the graceful curve of thick lashes; so warm, so dangerously inviting, you twisted my soul and held me within your metaphorical grasp before your arms did the same. You held galaxies and supernovas in each lingering gaze, you pulled me in – and I kept spiraling; like they held secrets, like knowledge, like a whole universe beyond that I couldn’t hope to comprehend.

You opened up your heart, and with it, my mind. Intrigued, and entranced, falling victim to the kisses so sweet and words so wise I had no choice but to let you in and surrender. Your body, your sounds, the raw, unadulterated of your God-given beauty, inside and out…

And then I realized: love looked a lot like you.

You are the crackling hearth of the fireplace on a rainy day. You’re the scratches of my pencil in my notebook; the quivering dance of the lyrics I press onto paper. You’re the babbling brook and the tweeting birds and every twinkle of the stars that light the night sky. You held my world in the centre of your palms, and that became my home — my sanctuary from which I could now safely watch the storm.

If my skin was the parchment for your poetry, then your lips were the fire that set them ablaze —scorching, unrelenting, all-consuming. You whispered sweet nothings and I succumbed; drowned so gracefully in the smoke you left behind; craving not the cool salvation of fresh air, but only the burning love that only you could satiate. Because of you, I was powerless. And for the first time in my life, I had relinquished all control, willingly and eagerly at your disposal… at your mercy.

I learned a lot about myself through you. I’ve never known what it felt to be so terrified — that the thought that saying it makes it real, and it’s out there in the open, with no hope of ever retrieving it. I’ve never known that you could feel so deeply for one person. To know that every tear, every scar, every last bit of pain — that person would be worth it, because at the end of the roller coaster ride, they’ll be there. Hand in yours, still holding on. To be reciprocated that love, those feelings, to make someone your all and surrender yourself wholly and completely to them without a single shred of doubt that you’ll never again be the same.

Now the wheel is spun, and you’ve dealt your hands. I’ve played all my cards. The table is full. And I knew what I needed to tell you with every fibre of my being.

I am irrevocably, unfathomably in love with you, Byun Baekhyun.

I know this now. And I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.

You chose me despite my flaws, and I am so far from perfect, but you make me want to be the best version of myself; to be the man you deserve. Our love story isn’t going to be perfect – there will be cracks, and bumps, and pangs of jealousy weaved in so tight that the end of the thread might seem so far away. But I know us. And I know we’ll fight so hard to patch them up together.

But that’s an adventure I still want to go on; the story I want to hear. and again, and again.

I only ask one thing:

You come too.

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evanescent-elysium · 4 years

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