ever-so-ash

[ever-so-ash]

𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓, 𝑳𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒂𝒄𝒆, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑫𝒚𝒔𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒂🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

So i decided to make this post for personal and community reasons. I want trans/gender noncom forming hoomans to feel safe with in whatever headspace they slip into (cg/little/both). I also want people in both the littlespace community and lgbtq+ to know how to handle/cope with dysphoria or other uncomfy feelings as they come about. So with that being said, let's dive right in!

Dysphoria (What is it??)

As defined by urban dictionary Gender dysphoria is a term that describes a sense of unease/discomfort that a person may have because of a mismatch between their biological sex and their gender identity.

Gender in littlespace

I want to stress this as it is VERY important! LITTLESPACE HAS NO GENDER!!!!!! Now, reread that one more time and let that sink in. Littlespace is supposed to be a safespace and a sanctuary so no matter what you prefer whether it be petnames, what clothes you prefer to wear, what toys you want to play with or activities you want to do. It does not matter. Your littlespace is just that: YOURS!!! Don't let anyone put you in a box. Now that i have prefaced with that. This next part is for the littles/cgs who struggle to remember that littlespace has no gender especially the overthinkers and over analyzers.

Dealing with Dysphoria

Here are some tips to help those who cant reassure themselves

Baggy clothes: As someone who identifies as trans masc i can say from personal experience when i am having body dysphoria wearing something a bit bigger/baggier (especially if you have more chest/whatever makes you uncomfy) For example, i used to have a hoodie/sweatshirt that was soley for when i was feeling uncomfy so that i could feel more comfy.

Binding: Part of me doesn't even want to recommend this because as someone who has binded unhealthily i can tell you it can be very unsafe and that it can be very damaging. IF AND ONLY IF you intend to bind for a short period of time (no more than 8 hours a day and NEVER sleep in your binder) WITH THE RIGHT SIZE BINDER (i cannot stress this enough) if you do all these things and take everything you need to into consideration then binding could very well be a good healthy option for you. I used to bind and i know it definetly made me feel a lot better about my chest.

Compliments: Have someone AND/OR remind yourself that you matter and tell yourself some good things (pretty/handsome/cute) i also have found that affirmations really help me (EXAMPLE-my body does not define me or my gender)

Distractions: Sometimes this is all we can do. Sometimes we don't have the right resources and thats okay. It is all about finding healthy ways to cope that do not involve negativity. Simple things like reading your favorite book, eating your favorite meal, or doing a hobby can really help to take your mind off the discomfort.

What can I do as a cg/little?

Remind your cg/little they are a good (insert title) and that you wouldnt want a (opposite title). I know this really helps me rememver my partner wants me for me despite the way i see myself

Compliments and affirmations are pretty self explanatory and i have already explained them so i wont again :)

Help distract/occupy. Hugs/dates/kisses/games anything that will take their mind off of it is more than helpful

Reassurance is kind of basically the same as compliments and affirmations but kist reminded them you love them with their dysphoria and as the person they are and everything that comes with that

That is all for this post! I hope it helps

[ever-so-ash]

𝑳𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒊𝒍𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒑𝒕.1

So, I decided that as a little/caregiver with mental illness that it may be helpful for other littles/caregivers with mental illness to learn and have some tools and ways to cope. I am not an expert, and I would still like to share my knowledge so that hopefully it will help some of y'all. Also side note this will be a post done in parts for different disorders. Soooo here we go!!!!

Little's/Caregivers with anxiety

Many littles have anxiety in some way shape or form, however don't fret my darlings because there are many tools and tricks you can use to overcome this anxiety.

Self-validation: remember that your feelings and thoughts are valid and matter. No feeling that you have isn't okay and/or your not wrong for feeling that way. Be kind to yourself

Get a good night's sleep: I know, I know, this one sounds kind of dumb but hear me out. When you don't get enough sleep your mind starts to shut down because your body can't keep it working correctly because of how worn out it is. This leads to intense feelings of anxiety and depression. Get a good nights sleep, it WILL make a difference.

Side note: i know some people have insomnia or sleep apnea which can make getting a good nights rest very difficult. I will be doing a post on coping with these soon so just bear with me.

Remember this acronym -> F.A.S.T

(Be) F.AIR: be fair to yourself. Make sure your taking good care of yourself and don't put yourself down

(No) A.polagies: I know sometimes little's and caregivers with anxiety (and mental illness in general) tend to over apolagize or blame themselves for the feelings they are having. Remind yourself that you have nothing to be sorry for. YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID!

S.tick to your values: Don't let your anxiety take over, Stick to your values and morals. What I mean by this is that your anxiety may make you want to do things that you wouldn't normally do . Acknowledge this and remember what you stand for and believe in.

(Be) T.ruthful: Be honest with yourself. A side effect of anxiety is overthinking. Some times the line between what's realistic and what our emotions are leading us to believe gets blurred. When this happens and you notice that something your thinking just doesnt make sense or you cant explain why it is right. Ask yourself: Am i being honest with myself? Is this a realistic thought, and does it make sense?

I know this isnt a lot of ways to help, and i'm sorry if none of these work for you but it doesn't hurt to try and even though there is only a few on this list they are very big ones.

[ever-so-ash]

𝑵𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆𝒔...

So first i'm going to start with the masculine little and cg petnames/titles

~Masculine~

Caregivers

Daddy

Dada

Bubba

Papa

Bubs

King

ANYTHING YOU FEEL COMFY WITH

Littles

Prince/princey

Bubba/bubs/bubby

Baby boy

Little man

Buddy/bud

Little boy

ANYTHING YOU FEEL COMFY WITH

~Feminine~

Caregivers

Mommy/momma/mummy

Queen

Sissy

Miss

Ma'am

Mama bear

ANYTHING YOU FEEL COMFY WITH

Littles

Princess

Babygirl

Little girl

Little lady

Girly

ANYTHING YOU FEEL COMFY WITH

~Gender nuetral~

Caregivers

Caga

Bub

Dama

Bear/Teddy

Carer

Zaxa

Moddy (mommy and daddy)

ANYTHING YOU FEEL COMFY WITH

Littles

Baby

Bub

Buggy

Little one

Pumpkin

Love/lovely

Honey

Sweetheart

Sweetie

Sweets

ANYTHING YOU FEEL COMFY WITH

NOTE: I made this post to help those struggling to come up with nicknames/petnames, however I am actually not very fond with this post for one reason and one reason only. Gender stereotypes..... I feel in my personal opinion that littlespace is a safehaven and somewhere where you should feel safe and free of judgement so honestly whatever you feel comfortable being called GO WITH THAT!!!! The absolute most important part of littlespace is feeling safe and secure and if your not comfortable you wont feel safe.

Stay safe and remember I love you and you are valid!!!!

[ever-so-ash]

𝑾𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒂𝒄𝒆......

Without a caregiver:

Disney/kiddo/comfort music and Tv

Oversized clothes/clothes that make you feel smol

Small cutlery (plates, silverware, bowls)

Sippy cups/using two hands when drinking

Blankies/stuffies/comfort pillows

Play dress up

Do your makeup/hair

Pacis

Comfort food

Go to the park/zoo

Coloring

With a caregiver:

Littlespace dates (coloring together, park dates)

Coloring/making your cg things

Watching movies

Cg doing things for you (brushing your hair, cutting your food, tying your shoes

Cuddling!!!!!

Letting them dress you up or pick out your clothes

Playing games

Cooking together

[ever-so-ash]

𝑽𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈

Vetting- Vetting means getting to know someone and making sure they are who they say they are and that they are a safe person to be around and interact with.

Tips for vetting someone online

Check their online profile (IN DETAIL you want to know who your talking to)

Pay attention to actions, behaviors and patterns (words are very important but you can tell a lot about someone based on their behaviors and mannerisms)

Meet in public first if your going to meet KEEP YOURSELF SAFE. If you dont feel comfy bring someone along

Make sure you read the signals/red flags. (Ex: lying about age, doesnt want to video chat/call)

ASK QUESTIONS!!!!!

Go at your own pace. (Don't let anyone tell you how long or short the vetting process should be. Keep your need's catered to you)

Stay within your comfort zone. If someone feels triggering/not right/ or just uncomfy, please acknowledge those feelings and act accordingly

MAKE SURE THEY AREN'T A FAKE CG!!! Look for the signs, fake cgs will do many things such as (sexualize your regression, lie, ignore you as punishment, take away comfort items, and push you way out of your comfort zone.

(If in person) go on dates.

[ever-so-ash]

𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒂 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒊𝒇...

You have tattoos/piercings

You have mental illness/eating disorders

You have a chronic illness

You are disabled

You don't like pink/pastels

You don't wear thigh highs and oversized hoodies

You don't like or want little gear

You don't have any little gear

You prefer not to have a cg

You don't baby talk or are nonverbal

You are goth or prefer a more edgy style

You are trans or gender nonconforming

You are plus sized

You have a petspace too

You are a minor

You don't broadcast your little life

You regress by yourself

MOST IMPORTANTLY......You are you and your headspace is just that...YOURS!!!

[ever-so-ash]

Little language:

Uppies/Up/Grabby hands: Pick me uppppp

Chu/yous/wou: you

Pweaseeeeee: be prepared to use your stern voice and fight not to give into to those adorable puppy eyes

Nu: no

Hmph: your little is either pouting or feeling bratty

Paci/sippy/baba: pacifier/sippy cup/ bottle

Stomps/crossed arms: be prepared to deal with a tantrum or a BRAT!!

Nonverbal: probably either very regressed/little or just their nature

Words but not sentences: younger but not baby (toddlerish)

Full sentences: either a bigger headspace or your little prefers not to use little launguage and/or a little voice AND THAT IS OKAY!!!!

NOT EVERY LITTLE IS THE SAME!!! I can not stress enough that what may mean one thing for one little may mean something completely different for the other. Learn about your little so you can best understand and provide what they want/need

NOT EVERY LITTLE HAS A LITTLE AGE!!! Some little's may not fit into any set age range or stereotype and guess what? THAT IS VALID!!!! I can not stress enough that not👏 every👏little👏is👏the👏same👏