i should probably actually use this but i don’t
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dudes will be like yeah that's a fantastic episode of the show one of my favorites in fact. i can't watch it straight all the way through because the mental distress it causes me is too acute
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one of my favorite things about my job that i can say to people that sounds utterly ridiculous but is technically 100% true is that one of our sea turtles keeps trying to get me to commit a felony on her behalf and gets SUPER cranky when i won’t do it
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“that sounds like a you problem” is literally one of the funniest ways to respond to criticism
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EVERY SINGLE DAY there are MILLIONS of characters in their late 20s who get falsely accused of being father figures to teenagers when in reality the description of "weird older cousin" or "step-sibling that moved out before you were born" is 1000000x more apt a description
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every morning i wake up girltired and girlsleepy and i girlvow to go to bed early that night and every night i girlbetray myself
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If Oliver Putnam had a nickle for every time he got his producer's son arrested for manslaughter committed via pushing someone from a high place, he'd have two nickles, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.
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“no matter how badly you think you’re doing it, someone else has done it a lot worse and been fine” is applicable to a wide, wide range of things and i say it to myself all the time
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