It smells like the song show me how it tastes like vomit in the back of my throat it sounds like cold winter days with blue lighting all around and it hurts. It hurts so much
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my eyes won鈥檛 close for real
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i am so fucking tired
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everyone leaves me. i don鈥檛 have any idea what i am doing wrong. it鈥檚 always happened. Even when i was a little kid people just left. it must be me. my mom left. i don鈥檛 talk to anyone in my extended family. They didnt even try it feels like to remember i exist. They forgot about me for several holidays. I must be the problem. i don鈥檛 even talk to my siblings. none of them talk to me. My nieces barely see me, they could easily forget i was ever here. i know they鈥檇 just move on. i don鈥檛 even think they鈥檇 miss me. nobody would ever miss me. they all forgot about me and left me behind. i want to leave me behind and forget. i want to leave. it鈥檚 like i am not even staring right at them.
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every tinge of sadness i get always loops back to one thing.
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i think i was destined to get pregnant. it should happen
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i can never remember the love i feel after it鈥檚 gone. i didnt cry
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im going to take his shrooms and fuck him on them
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I slept for a full day and i am still so exhausted
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i want to get pregnant and not tell him
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i dont even want kids
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i cant stand living like this
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i have been in a depressive state for months and nobody has noticed. i want so bad for someone to notice
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i am surrounded by filth and i can鈥檛 even do anything about it
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everything is so much
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the hurt in my heart is so much and i can not bare it
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