eviebits

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I GONNA KILL MYSELF

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Boop away I like this game

Oooh all of you are collectively fucked when you get me as a booper-- Im gonna be bombshelling you all with 100+ boops like you never seen before /pos

THAT INCLUDES the popular blogs (ya'll ain't safe either--)

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hi everyone i hope you dont mind if i

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New game yay!

REBLOG THIS FOR A BOOP

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All my life, I've been sold on this idea that, when you're at your limit and need it most, someone will be there to help, to pick you up and carry you when you can't go on. That tomorrow will get better, just hold on one more day.

It's all a lie. 40 years of tomorrows and it never got better. It got worse, in fact.

No one was there. I became the thing I needed most when no one was there - because no one was. Only me, to scrape myself off the floor and go at it again.

I'm beginning to think I'm too dumb to know when to lay down and die.

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I have to be willing to give myself the kind of latitude and forgiveness I would a friend. And that just because I have a plan or an idea for a plan to get better doesn't mean I'm ready to jump right in. Taking a few days to sort myself out. Then we get on with the business of self improvement.

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Last post 4 days ago (keeping track for myself to make sure I'm doing the thing I said I'd do)

So I keep getting this feeling like I'm falling behind. Like as long as I keep myself down in the details I'm cool but the second I step back and see everything I've got going on, I realize how very overextended I am and I feel the weight of everything all at once. Battling that today. Trying to find a way to keep track of the thoughts in my stupid head and see where I can cut back or at least compartmentalize to keep things simpler. Also the ten other things I want to do rather than the ten things I should be doing.

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Hi. I'm back. Actually using this account again. Needed a corner of the internet not yet invaded by my teenage kids. They know it's here - but it's also where .. ugh .. Mom hangs out.

This year especially, I've kind of felt like resolutions are bullshit and you don't need to wait for a day to make a change in your life. But I can also see the draw of making a promise or prediction to oneself and seeing how it plays out through the year. No matter how shitty things have gotten this year, there's still that tiny feeling of .. hope.

So I'm going to make myself some promises and see how I do bearing them out this year. I'm going to keep it small and simple. Just a couple of things then maybe a couple of "nice to have but I'm not holding my breath" things.

So listing them like my kids used to have their assignments listed in elementary school, we gonna have the must do's and the may do's.

Must do:

- I'm going to be a finisher this year. I'm going to set a side goal for finishing at least half of my current projects and only starting one new project for every two finished. I built an online project notebook and am going to put it to good use.

- look out for my own well being. I'm going to make sure I take a day for myself once a month. Set it up so I can have a day with little to no responsibility and I don't have to be the one in charge or the one doing all the things.

- engage with the outside world. I'm really tempted to go "gonna write every day eeeeeEEEEEee" but given I've been a social hermit for two friggin years, I'm going to settle for twice a week. I want to make it a little challenging but not so much it adds to my overall stress and becomes another thing I don't have time to do.

- one day a week to get (I know how everyone hates this word but go fuck yourself) adulting things done. Bills, doctors appointments, that sort of thing. Take a 2 hour lunch break every Monday. Do the things.

May do's:

- I would like to be more organized. Get my calendar in better order, better way to handle mail and bills as they come in.

- I would like to get rid of extra things I've been hanging on to or at least do the things I've been planning on doing with them instead of just sitting in a box.

- I would like to start my own therapy this year. This really should be a must do but I'm putting it down here because I know how bad I am with therapists, that I have a really hard time reaching out for help in the first place, and I don't want to put the extra stress on myself. We already know I can't break. I'm not gonna snap. If this year didn't totally fucking destroy me, nothing can. I am nigh unsquishable. Raaar.

Ok kiddos, time to go have an actual day off for once.

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This gives me strange hope. Newly 40 and just learning.

Women over 30 just getting real fuckin weird because we’ve realized that the lie we’ve been told about how we have to be in our 20s our whole lives is fucked up and fuckers can’t stop us we’re too powerful

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This just made my morning all better.

“Snap Wilson” was nothing but a tired stereotype the Red Skull concocted to discredit me. To take away the honor I spent a lifetime earning. I’m not perfect, but I was never that person.

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39 and in my second year of fic writing. I encourage the kids to love what they love and everyone else can eat it. I'm a boring grownup 40+ hours a week - at home, I am a god among nerds and it's beautiful.

Look i dont wanna sound like a Fandom Mom or whatever but what do you think women over 25 or so are supposed to do? Do u really think theyre supposed to drop all their interests and just talk about taxes and marriage or whatever? It seems like 25+ year old fanboys do not receive this kind of “ooh cringe” reaction either. There are guys in their 40s with comic book collections and shit and people might think theyre a nerd at worst, not a freak who shouldnt be trusted

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This is a perfect representative of "hold still and let me love you."

For those who never heard the story, when my daughter (the middle one) was 4, she believed very strongly in the power of hugs. Hugs fixed everything in her world. My son (6 at the time) was feeling less than awesome (don't remember why) and sitting on the couch. She slides up next to him, wraps her arms around and squeezes. He's a bit surprised & tries to wriggle free then she just pats him on the head & says "hold still and let me love you". They just sit there like that for a couple minutes & then she gets up looks at him says "all better?" He nods & smiles, she goes off to whatever she was doing before.

Mama Hens And Their Babies

Via Bored Panda

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Why do I feel like my world is fucking disintegrating? Like the best it's ever going to get is a couple days of almost good, then it's back to the pit? And it's not even just internal stuff, it's external stuff too? I don't even have a chance to recover before we're on to the next catastrophe.

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Things that have been said in my house

"Can we find a documentary about Satanism that's not just an hour of kinkshaming and talking to clueless priests?"

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It's only funny *because* it's true. Convince me otherwise.

in infinity war i need thor to have no idea who peter is but he doesn’t ask, he just sees him using his tech and talking about designing something and interacting with tony, and at some point during the movie thor says to tony, “you should be proud of your son”

and tony’s like, “my what now”

”your son. peter?”

”…he’s not- you thought he was my sON?”

and thor gets like awkwardly defensive and goes “well…you know he has the…the electronics…”

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Parenting done oh so very right.

I don't give you what you want, my boy, I give you what you need.

While I'm at it - mom, thank you for the crock pot and rice cooker. Both used twice this week alone.

John Boyega’s Parents Gave Him a Paper Shredder for His Birthday